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Sry for my late reply ( working and studies) well I'm not really asking for myself if you get what I'm saying....trying to understand somethings on my side with her but its gonna be hard when there no trust...i already know what your answer was going to be but I hoped you said yes for atleast one of them

Jim Allen:

Oh boy.

So I am gathering you have been asking how she acquired HIV and, that was her answer? Somehow you think her past has something to do with trust now?

Let me ask you this if she had cancer would you ask how she got it?  Lung cancer perhaps if she ever smoked or cervical cancer about sex?  Or if she had been diabetic about what sugar products she did or did not eat?

I presume not.

Now the answer to your question is a fairly simple one; "At some point, she found herself in a situation whereby all the biological & environmental conditions required for acquiring HIV were met and, transmission took place"

The details of that situation are not your concern, neither does not telling you reflect trust concerns.

Now if she said she acquired HIV from the Loch Ness Monster or the next-door neighbour's cat, it's totally up to her,  it's also very much possible she does not know or like many is simply dismissing real-world risks as no risks and incorrectly linking the infections to past events that are unrelated.

Stop asking or expecting an answer it's got nothing to do with you. She is your GF in the here and now and is living with HIV a manageable condition. That's all you need to know.

Try to appreciate that next to all the other worries that come with managing any manageable condition, HIV diagnosis can be a time of struggling with deep emotions and fear regarding things like, HIV stigma, social judgment & self-stigma, feelings of regret but also concern of the future like fear of rejection, own sexuality, religion, family etc can this can all weigh heavy on the mind. 

 ;) Hope you understand.

Jim Allen:

Moved your thread here as this has little to nothing to do with HIV prevention or your own risks and far more related to your relationship with your HIV positive partner.

I understand where you coming from but I don't come out of nowhere and ask her where did you did it from as far as my concern it's none of my business and if I accept her for her that's me. Also she just brought it up casually via facetime.What I'm getting at is when she tells me her "stories" about how she think she got it. I'm like so your gonna just give me bs about how you got it.....i would just prefer you tell me you don't know how you got it plus her mom is a retired RN. Another thing to add somehow I rounded having unprotected with her again so I told how uncomfortable im starting to get around her. Asked her are you just going on the fact your undetectable instead of talking to you team just to make sure it's ok and she like I'll call my CS , I'm just mind blown at this point.Really by the end of this year Jim I don't really know how this will fan out between me and her. I know she has feeling for me and I have feeling for her but im debating on calling quits

Jim Allen:

I hear you on the other hand as I said before if she said she acquired HIV from the Loch Ness Monster or the next-door neighbour's cat, it's not about you, does not take away from you or effect you (I am missing how it would). It's her story and totally up to her, accept it and move on would be my advice. Truth is she might truly believe it, might not know or might need time and this story to cope & digest whatever happened, this could take years.

On the sex part, I can preach and tell you the U=U message again but i don't think that is what this is about.

End of the day, if you are uncomfortable sexually with her and ultimately unable to trust her as I get the sense it's partly a trust issue that it's a problem for the relationship and if you want to use condoms or PrEP to reach a comfort level you are happy with to accept that is your choice, but you need to talk to her about it as she is your partner if you can't reach an acceptable understanding between you it's going to hard to fix the relationship 

That's my two cents on this


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