Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits > Mental Health & HIV

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)


Recently I have been involved in the early stages (read, exploratory with no funding) of forming a community-wide initiative on LGBTQ Intimate Partner Violence in the Washington, D.C., area.  Among the populations we want to reach are HIVers, particularly as too many of us get into abusive relationships and "settle" for it because we're not certain that we deserve something better in our lives.  As a survivor of partner violence over 20 years ago, I personally know how falling into that trap can be.

We have opened a blog for LGBTQ survivors of IPV to share their stories at , to create a visible testament to the existence and impacts of partner violence among us, and to give hope to others who may live in the midst of it.

Please share the link about widely; and, if you have survived partner violence, please share your story.



If I can make one suggestion - you may want to rethink the name of both the initiative and the blog as I think it almost backfires in what you want to do within the gay community.

The reason I suggest is that one of the biggest and persistant forms of partner abuse that I have witnessed in the community is the mental and verbal kind which many do not equate with "violence." 

Many who have issues with the partners being mentally or emotionally abusive stop themselves from seeking help primarily because as gay men they are also dealing with the internalized homophobia of what they believe it means to be a real man...and for some to "only" be verbally abused by their partner doesn't equate the "violence" that they perceive being equal to that of a battered woman who is physically beaten by her boyfriend or husband and thus requiring help.

In other words, the term "violence" for many is that of a physical act and such a weighted image may preclude many from seeking assistance or being part of the initiative if they feel they are not in a "violent" situation.

Just my thoughts.

I agree with Iggy's suggestion about the name...maybe just add vocal/physical do the trick...I fully understand the need as I have witnessed friends who stayed with a abusive partner for one stupid reason or another.  This of course was not just people who were hiv positive.  Hopefully, you will be able to get it going in your area as we have that sort of thing for heterosexual women and men in my area.


What you're doing is very important, and I wish you the greatest success.

I do agree with Iggy's comment that emotional abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse. If you rename the website, how about "No excuse for abuse."



Thank you for bringing this topic to everyone's attention.  I have to agree with the others regarding verbal and mental abuse. 
Usually that is how abuse starts, verbally and emotionally.  As a time goes by, the verbal insults and mental torment escalate and eventually physical abuse can take place.  I also think think that we must emphasize metal abuse "violence" which can be just as damaging if not more damaging than verbal abuse.
Another point I would like to make is that many people in those situations don't realize how bad things are until they move on (if they are lucky).
I left an abuse relationship after 3 years of mental anguish.  I "escaped" in the middle of the night, leaving everything behind but my personal documents and some clothes. :-[

(who still cannot understand how he let himself get involved in an abusive relationship)


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