POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => I Just Tested Poz => Topic started by: wdslrr91 on October 04, 2012, 08:22:14 pm
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today i found out i was hiv positive....20yo old and turning 21 in a fw weeks....happy bday to me.
Now my question is how do i tell my bf of 3 years?
He was my first everything...kiss, sex, relationship
Now i have to tell him that i tested positive
We got tested after i fucked up a few years ago and everything ws good except i got indeterminate results for 22 weeks...From everything i was told that ruled out infection
I was soo happy to move on with him and get engaged...then I got a letter from my doctor to follow up the indeterminate results and i did...Now I'm Hiv positive...
What kills me is not that I have it...its the fear that he may have it and how i will tell him....i live with him and his family and they treat me like their own...its going to kill me telling him tonite, but he deserves that and nothing else...Im terrified that he will leave me but i do deserve that and i can't blame him for doing so...i was going to sit him down with his mom and tell them both but i am terrified of doing so only bc i love him so much and can't stand my broken heart...please any advice will be appreciated
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There's not much advice to give, except that you don't have much of a choice. You're just going to have to sit him down and be ready for an emotional, uncomfortable discussion. The degree of how heightened the emotion and discomfort will be can vary widely.
IMO, the more you procrastinate doing it the more anxious it will make you and so for me I'd just dive into the pool and get it over with.
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no i know i don't have a choice and I'm fully aware that i need to tell him
i want to tell him when he gets home I'm just scared sick...i hate myself for this...he doesn't deserve this
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It seems like the kind of thing you should tell him one on one and "sit him down with his mom".
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This sounds really difficult. I would call him and tell him that you need to talk to him and his mother in person and it's very serious. At least for me I've found that when I give people time to prepare for something it goes better.
Speak with honesty, with your heart, and put everything that he (and they) need to know out there.
My heart goes out to you -- this is a tough road in the beginning. But it really does get better. Hang in there and life will be good again. Pulling for you.
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You didn't deserve HIV either so stop beating yourself up, there are 7 billion people on this planet and we all got here through unprotected sex. You may be surprised how caring he will be when you tell him and then angry for you thinking otherwise!
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Probable it will all work out ok.
I personally would want an "out" before telling him, if you are living together. Meaning before I broke the news, I would line up a friend or family member to host me right away, that evening, in case the situation at disclosure is not good. I wouldn't want to be around any sort of rejection or overblown hostility. Just a place to go to in case.... Once that was in place, I would bite the bullet and spill the beans.
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Unless you're really set on telling his mom at the same time, I would tell him first, and then the both of you decide whether or not to tell his mom. I mean, this is about you and him primarily. He may not even want his mom to know, at least not yet. If he is poz as well, then that would be kinda like disclosing his status as well.
It sounds like you were going to do this that night, so this is probably already done. I hope he took it as well as can be expected. Keep in touch and let us know how it went, if you don't mind.
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Welcome to the forum.
Listen if he was your first in everything including sex, i dont think he will be surprised, unless he doesnt know about is status,or, unless you´ve been with other people while in that relationship, that will make things harder but he still needs to know and to get tested
good luck