POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Positive Women => Topic started by: MissC1976 on September 08, 2009, 02:54:11 pm
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Hello Ladies,
I have been POZ with both HIV and gentle herpes since 2000. My ex failed to tell me his ex-wife was infected. He left me at the end of 2003. Since then I have been single.
I have learned a lot during that time. The main issue or concern that woman have is when to disclose our health issues. To be honest this is what happened to me:
After my break up - I went down hill into a deep depression. In 2006 I finally got back on my feet and became ready to date. I started off slow. Get to know a guy, feel them out and find out what they felt about me before telling. Granted, I am a bold and upfront person. More so than most.
After telling them my health issues:
Over 90% of the men said no. 5% either physically or verbally abused me - accusing me of trying to infected them on purpose. The last 5% have been the men I have been in relationships with. Both POZ and negitive.
I waited until after the first kiss to disclose. I have told it on the first date. I have told it during phone conversations. The main thing I have learned over the years is this:
It is your choice on when to tell and who. I know I will be rejected, hurt, and turned away a lot, but I will never give up because I know there are men out there who have experienced this through close friends and family or who have educated themselves to understand.
What we must do as women is stick together. There are not too many of us, and the numbers are growing. Education, support, and communtion will help us all become stronger. I now live by my quote:
"Your world is what you make of it. Never what it is given to you."
I may have been given my health issue, but I won't let that get me down. Even in dating and relationships.
If you like, please post your answers or comments.
Thanks
MissC1976 ;D
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Hi ! I've said it before and I'll say it again, men are a waste of space ! most of them anyway. I've given up trying to find a half decent one. I suppose I've just been unlucky so I've learned to live with it.People are still ignorant when it comes to h.i.v.I was until I became infected and then I did my homework on it. People must take you for the person you are and if they can't then they are not worth knowing . Good luck xx
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Hey MissC,
I admire your courage about disclosing to men. Not many are capable of that and that actually shows you are a strong person.
After my diagnosis too I thought I will never date....but I did... and I have had a taste too of dating neg and pos. It was easy to disclose to my ex (he was neg) because we were friends prior to that...he accepted me and things went well for a while until he decided he had to move on with someone else. Currently I am on my second experience post-diagnosis this time with a pos partner...and believe me I still face the ups-and downs of relationships....
So what I am trying to say is that I do believe its possible to date and have a relationship as a pos woman...of course it could prove more challenging but it is possible..
K.
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Hi Miss C-
I like your attitude! I think it is possible, the problem is finding someone who isn't just out for the booty or thinks that you are damaged good therefore ,abuseable, if that is a word. ???
I met the guy I am with, back in 99, on one of the poz websites. We were off and on for a few years and moved into together in 04, I had in my head that I would never want to be with a negative man because I didn't want to have to worry about infecting him. I think it is all in what you feel comfortable with. I had disclosed to a male friend at work, that was married with kids. I thought of him like the brother I never had, after I told him, he got all lovey dovey with me. EEEWWWW!
To be honest, I am kind of with Jay, if this relationship doesn't last, I am going to fly solo. My plan is after my kids have graduated. I am going to sell my house, buy an RV, hopefully by then I will have a gay BFF, that likes to travel and hike, and we can travel cross country at our leisure. Hey, a girl can dream ;)
I know it can be very disheartening, especially if you go the internet route.I seem to remember getting a lot of "package" or "sausage" pictures, there is nothing worse than knowing what a guy named his small head before you know anything about the actual guy, but there is someone out there for you.
Good Luck!
Snow
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hi there are support groups where you can meet positive men, be honest up front good luck
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John,
Please read the Welcome Threads that appear at the top of many of the individual forums. Men are not permitted to post in the Women's forum and that is stated in this forums Welcome.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Ann
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I am 30 years old. I have been looking for a good man for a long time, befor and after my HIV. I feel the man who infected me took my life away. I was 23 at my diagnosis. Disclosure is not a problem for me it is who to tell and when. I have been abandoned, told on, lost my job, and beaten. Now I feel I do not deserve love. I wish I could share my life with someone.
Hopeless Suga
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what exactly is gentle herpes ?
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Jay- I think MissC meant "genital herpes"
Suga- You definately deserve love, what you don't deserve is to be beaten or abandoned. I know it isn't easy but you will find someone someday. Talking to a therapist might help you to see that you are a good person that just happens to have a disease. They can also help you deal with any future situations or confrontations you might have.
Good Luck and Stay Strong!
Snow
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Before we were diagnosed, my husband worked with a HIV + woman who got engaged to a HIV negative partner a couple of years after she tested positive. I think when people fall in love, they are more willing to find ways to make things work. I don't know whether she disclosed her status right away. It seems that most people disclose right away.
I think I would feel more comfortable just being friends with a guy first with no expectations of a relationship. That way I could feel him out and get a gauge on what kind of person he is. I'd really be afraid of disclosing to random guys because of the violence and for fear they'd reveal my status to someone I know.
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Hello Ladies,
I have been POZ with both HIV and gentle herpes since 2000. My ex failed to tell me his ex-wife was infected. He left me at the end of 2003. Since then I have been single.
I have learned a lot during that time. The main issue or concern that woman have is when to disclose our health issues. To be honest this is what happened to me:
After my break up - I went down hill into a deep depression. In 2006 I finally got back on my feet and became ready to date. I started off slow. Get to know a guy, feel them out and find out what they felt about me before telling. Granted, I am a bold and upfront person. More so than most.
After telling them my health issues:
Over 90% of the men said no. 5% either physically or verbally abused me - accusing me of trying to infected them on purpose. The last 5% have been the men I have been in relationships with. Both POZ and negitive.
I waited until after the first kiss to disclose. I have told it on the first date. I have told it during phone conversations. The main thing I have learned over the years is this:
It is your choice on when to tell and who. I know I will be rejected, hurt, and turned away a lot, but I will never give up because I know there are men out there who have experienced this through close friends and family or who have educated themselves to understand.
What we must do as women is stick together. There are not too many of us, and the numbers are growing. Education, support, and communtion will help us all become stronger. I now live by my quote:
"Your world is what you make of it. Never what it is given to you."
I may have been given my health issue, but I won't let that get me down. Even in dating and relationships.
If you like, please post your answers or comments.
Thanks
MissC1976 ;D
i just wanted to let you know there are men out there that are not hiv postive that you some day might meet, i have lived with hiv for 12 years i have been in a relationship with a wonderful man that is not hiv postive good luck