Serious problem for me with my doctor

[bravebuddharich]

I'm hoping people who respond will not be snarky - will try to understand where I am with all of this: I'm so in love with my doctor. When I saw him tonight, at the beginning of my yoga class, so many complex feelings came up for me. There is a part of me that wishes I could be stronger and give him up as my doctor - not that he would date me (or marry me, my real desire) - it's just so hard to have him as my doctor, feeling like I only get to talk to him when there is a problem, and don't get to see him if everything is going o.k. (other than at the beginning and end of the yoga class). But on the other hand, he's the best doctor I have ever had, and he knows HIV better than anyone I have ever met. I owe him so much for his help last year. But I get this weird jealousy feelings that brew up inside of me. I get all repressed and tongue-tied; can hardly say "hello" sometimes! This is just an ongoing "issue" for me, that comes up on Mondays, because of the yoga class.

Metta,
Rich

[koi1]

Well,

You can always say you have a strange swelling in your groin to have him take a look. Ah, the joys of unrequieted love. Are you sure it is not a mutual thing? Maybe you give him the vapors too. You can always tell him he's the man that good sustiva dreams are made of. Good luck my HIV brotha.

rob

[milker]

Well you have to figure out if there is a feeling because he's saving your life or because you are attracted to him despite him being your doctor, he's charming, witty, you love his smile, his voice, etc If this is the second case, then the next thing is to find out if he's available! Then you can offer him to meet for a drink next time you see him at the yoga class and see how he responds to that.

Seems so easy when you write it, I know..

[Matty the Damned]

Rich,

I would think that since this chap has been/is your doctor, a romantic relationship is not a possibility from his side of the equation. There are very strict rules about this sort of stuff for doctors. Even if you were to see another practitioner I have the sneaking suspicion it would be considered grossly unprofessional for him to start a relationship with you.

MtD

[milker]

Yeah I think MtD is right. After writing my post I thought "hmm but then he can't be his doctor anymore", but he's making a good point about his professional behavior towards you.

[Val]

All bullshit, Rich.  Of course you can have your cake and eat it too!  Remember Susan from  "Desperate Housewives"?  She fell in love with her doctor and...it didn't quite work out.
Jokes aside,  I know you are a smart guy and will find the solution to this delicate issue you're having.  Deep down in your heart you must also know that this is just impossible, right?

Val
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[egello]

just treat him as you would any other person you are interested in, and if things do work out, you can always switch your doctor

[Matty the Damned]

and if things do work out, you can always switch your doctor

Actually, I really don't think it works that way. I would be surprised if doctors are allowed to romance ex-patients.

MtD

[bravebuddharich]

Thanks for the responses. If it becomes something more, great, and if it doesn't, I'll just have to live with some discomfort over wanting more. I tend to get a 24 hour "love flu" when I see him. It passes; I certainly want to be dating, and I have my regular buds to cheer me up, too...

All I need is to know what the right thing to say if he brings this up at our next appointment - I'm going to play it by ear, but I've decided not to bring it up at all... something that says "yes I have strong feelings but I will do my best to live with these feelings the best I can"...

[Bucko]

Not for nothing, babe, but if you value him as a doctor I'd refrain from mentioning anything about your feelings for him. It's an ethical dead-end street that will leave you feeling worse.

Brent
(Who is not snarky but merely concerned for a member's welfare)

[bravebuddharich]

My doctor allready knows about my feelings towards him - we had left it that we would talk about it at our next appointment; which is coming up soon. I've decided to not bring it up, and just need to think clearly about what to say in case he brings it up.

Namaste,
Rich

[Moffie65]

Rich,

Interesting and unnerving subject for some of us, isn't it?

I have been dealing with this shit for the last 23.5 years, and in that time, I have been in your position three times.  All the doctors never knew my feelings, as I placed them in the Lust closet.  I realized that there were few and far between HIV specialists who really give a shit what happens to most of their clients.  When we find one, and then they end up being a bit heavy in our romantic parts, well then it is up to us to decide. 

On one hand, you have an HIV specialist who you can relate to and is very good with the disease and it's attendent problems.
On the other hand, you are in a position to start a relationship, but you find yourself questioning the obvious.

Like the others have said, pretty much it is up to you at this point, because the obvious would happen and you would have to leave him in your past. 

You are a good man, and you have the strength to make the right decision for you, so go ahead and do the right thing. 

Love,

[jkinatl2]

I went through eight doctors before I found one competant enough for me to trust, and with an ego not so large that he was p0ut off by my tendency to research and question.

It is my opinion that with HIV,  your relationship with your doctor is as important, if not more so, than any other relationship you will have. Despite what your heart might tell you, love will present itself again. A competant and understanding ID specialist? I'm cynical in that regard

By the way, have you socialized with your doctor a lot? He might know an awful lot about you, do you know him as well? Is this love, or infatuation combined with admiration for his work and your professional connection?

[milker]

/edited to remove "humorous" hijack after realizing what post it was. /