POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => I Just Tested Poz => Topic started by: Bizmark33 on August 26, 2006, 03:42:43 pm
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Hello everyone. I am here becasue I just tested positive yesterday. I found out over the phone, as many do, I'm sure. It is almost unreal.
It was devastating an life changing news. I still have alot I have to go through. There is alot I have to tell everyone, and I am just not ready yet. I have one friend who I told, and she is very supportive, and wants me to live. Part of me does too, but another part.....well, another part is just not sure I can live with what I have yet to do.
I am 33 years old. I believe I am a decen person, who has done some indecent things. I am not sure what the future holds, or how I am going to deal with it, but.....here I am.
Brian
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Brian, I am sorry you tested positive for HIV. There is a lot of good news, you have many medications available and wonderful medical advancements that can make this diagnosis a bit more manageable than just a few years ago. I was diagnosed about 6 years ago when I was 29. I remember feeling like I was spinning out of control. Some advice might be to only tell people you feel like will be able to support you.
This forum seems to be a good place to reach out to others who are experiencing the same thing.
You will be fine!
Take a deep breath!
warmest regards,
kent
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Hi Brian, sorry to hear.
I was diagnosed 5 months ago. All I can tell is that things can only get better. I have been extremly unlucky but there is no point thinking about the past now. Don't be hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. It is going to take time and it took me more than couple of months to come out of the primary shock that I was experiencing. Now at last, things are getting better and I feel like there is still so much to my life (I am only 23 after all). So all I can say is take one step at a time. Dont tell the whole "nation" about your diagnosis. Just tell couple of your friends. The best way I dealt with it, I worked really hard at uni first couple of months and it has really helped.
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Hello Brian, it is Eldon. First of all WELCOME to the forums where you will find love, encouragement, support, fun, and many answers to your questions relating to HIV/AIDS. You have found the RIGHT website; there is a lot of information here and a very good listening group of individuals. Feel free to visit from time to add to your current support system.
I am sorry to hear that you have tested HIV positive. I'm sure it is a shock as it was for me when I found out. The good news is that you do know now rather than walking around with the virus left unattended.
Follow your ID Doctor's advice as well as his/her instructions. In turn, eat a healthy diet, get some exercise, drink plenty of fluids, and get your proper rest. When you have the time please take a moment to read through our Welcome thread.
I'm sure that there are a number of questions that are running through your mind. Don't try to decipher it all at one time. Just take it one step at a time.
Again, Welcome!
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Hello Brian,
I'm sorry for your diagnosis but glad you found your way here. I know your head is spinning and that's how it will be for at least a few weeks. Just go with it and take your time coming to grips with the news. I've been poz for 22 years and given current treatment you will lead a long and full life. I know you don't see it right now, but it will happen.
You also need to stop seeing yourself as damaged or that you somehow did something to warrent becoming infected. There is nothing indecent about sexual relations no matter who the partners and to be honest, I don't even care how you became poz, just that you are.
So take a deep breath, let it out slowly and repeat as often as necessary. For right now, just take it one day at a time, find support wherever you can and I would suggest that you limit the number of people you tell right now, until you fully understand the risks of disclosure. I don't want to scare you, but right now you are probably very confused, so just give it some more time.
Brian, you are a person worthy of a good life, who has done nothing wrong. Do not allow the stigma of HIV to taint your soul. You have a disease, as do we all. You are starting on a journey and while we can't tell you how it will proceed, we can certainly walk with you.
Use these forums to ask questions, make comments or just to let off some steam. We don't mind, we've all been there and we plan on being there for you.
Welcome to the forums.
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Hay Ya Brian....
Welcome..... Brian before you fall of the cliff remember.... Life is worth living.. Don't let all that information in your brain that you have been accumulating over the past 30 years cloud your thinking... Don't let the fears of this overwhelm you.. In stead turn about face it... Its an amazing journey of learning who you are and where you can take yourself.. New levels of awareness, love and caring are there for you to pluck..
Keep posting..
Love
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Hi Brian,
Well, this is really brand new for you. So you will need to give yourself some time to get accustomed to having HIV in your life. And even if it doesn't seem so at this moment, gradually you are going to see that your life is going to go on and that yes, it is still going to be a good life.
It's good that you have a friend you can trust with this news. Read the lesson on this site about disclosure issues as I think you will find some useful information there, as well as in the other lessons.
Your mind maybe telling you otherwise but you don't have to RUSH to do anything.
When some of the fog begins to lift it is important that you have a doctor who will check your numbers regularly and with whom you can form a good working partnership to keep you healthy. Gradually you will learn what you need to know to stay healthy, and yes, you can stay healthy.
You're always welcome here to ask questions and to discuss whatever is on your mind. There is even an offtopic section where you can bring up things that have nothing to do with HIV.
Cheers,
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Brian, I was in the exact same boat not even a year ago. Things do get better. Trust me. I was about as low as low could get, but I hung in there and things are much improved.
Find a talk therapist. It helps tremendously to talk things out with someone who has no prior link to you.
And before telling anyone, allow a few months to pass until you know exactly where you stand with your blood counts etc so you can more thoroughly explain your situation. It also gives you time to transist from thinking through your emotions to thinking through a more rational side of your brain.
Most important...don't just disappear. Maintain your doctor appointments and listen to and do what they tell you. Research online what you can and try to maintain a positive attitude. No pun intended. :-)
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You have so much support right here. Those that truelylove you will be supportive.
I agree with all the thing that others have said and will add a few:
Listen to your body. You know it better than anyone.
Don't panic about test results. They will go up and down. Obsessing will make it worse.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO GET FUCKING ANGRY AND FIND A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY TO GET PASS IT
and mourn the loss of the life you had and feel you loss.
Then the healing will begin. ;)
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You have so much support right here. Those that truelylove you will be supportive.
I agree with all the thing that others have said and will add a few:
Listen to your body. You know it better than anyone.
Don't panic about test results. They will go up and down. Obsessing will make it worse.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO GET FUCKING ANGRY AND FIND A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY TO GET PASS IT
and mourn the loss of the life you had and feel you loss.
Then the healing will begin. ;)
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sorry about the double post
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when you test positive be positive. there are already enough negative people in the world. we are special. stay positive. always, paul
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I am 33 years old. I believe I am a decen person, who has done some indecent things. I am not sure what the future holds, or how I am going to deal with it, but.....here I am.
Brian
Hello Brian,
Welcome to the forums. I just have to ask you, did you know what the future held for you, before you became HIV positive. See what I am trying to say here. None of us know what the future holds for us, whether we are HIV positive or not ! :-\
Your about the same age I was, when I was diagnosed positive in 1985. I know things are tough right now, but you will have to allow yourself some time to absorb this newfound information. It won't be easy, but you can do it.
I would suggest that when you are ready, to read the Lessons portion of the site. When you have questions ,don't hesitate to ask !!!
http://www.aidsmeds.com/lessons/StartHere1.htm
Brian, I know theres a lot going on right now, but try to take a deep breath, and relax a little. I also know that may seem to be impossible right now, but do give it a try, and understand that we know what you are going through, we have all been there.
Take care of yourself/ Stay in touch with us-------------Ray
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Hey
Well all I can say is go to your doctor and seek soem support this seems to be a cool forum wish I had this when I tested positive 9 years ago I was 17 then now 25 and went through a lot but hey I'm alive and feeling good.
You will be fine as long as you do what you doctor says and also educate yourself about HIV and also one question where are you from?
I'm from NYC and I never heard of getting and HIV result over the phone, unless it was a take home test and even then I'm not sure.
Stay cool
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Hello,
I tested positive on August 10, 2006. I received the news over the phone while at work from my Gastroenterologist who suggested that I be tested in the first place. Prior to getting my positive results - I had already started to prepare myself by reading as much information as possible. When I received the news, I closed my office door and I cried a little and then something told me, You will be just fine. Although receiving such a positive diagnosis is devastating - You can get through it. Lets all encourage one another and stay prayerful.
PositivelyYours
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To all the newly diagnosed friends here, I know it's very hard to deal with you are going through lots of emotion right now, give yourself time to grieve and get use to your life changes and as i always say one day at a time.
When I got my results after waiting for two weeks i had lots of thoughts, thinking negative things but i told myself that i wasn't the first and sure as hell won't be the last.
If you've just found out that you are HIV positive and are feeling overwhelmed and scared, it's normal to be feeling this way. It's also normal to be feeling numb or in shock. People deal with testing positive in many different ways. The most important things to remember are:
You are not alone.
There are others out there just like you.
And there is help.
Read on and maybe you can follow the steps that I took to make my life easier: If you've just found out that you are HIV positive and are feeling overwhelmed and scared, it's normal to be feeling this way. It's also normal to be feeling numb or in shock. People deal with testing positive in many different ways. The most important things to remember are:
Do not stress.
Most importantly, you have to keep in mind that you are not alone. If you don’t know anything about the virus go to a library and find some information - or read more about the virus on this website - but just remember that you don't have to read everything right now, you don't have to understand everything right away, and again, it will take some time to process this new information.
Going through this, I learned that the fear subsided and my feelings about being positive did change. I know that it is not a death sentence, even if it may feel like one at first.
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Well.....I'd like to thank all those that have given thier support. I really appreciate it. It makes you feel not as alone in all this.
I did go to an infectious disease Dr last thursday and had my blood drawn and got things started. I go back on the 19 th get the results of my Viral load, CD4 count, and he drew some other labs too, to check on things overall, and my liver and such, and said that we would discuss the need for meds at that time. He spent about 45 mins with me, which was good, and he seemed to listen to what I had to say. He did not seem in a rush at all. I wasn't real thrilled with the fact that I got there early to fill out paperwork, and wasn't seen for an hour after my appoinment time, but when I realized that he might have been spending alot of time with each patient, I can forigive that and look forward to our next visit, because he seemed interested in helping me to live a long life.
This has been difficult. I have found one mentor on here. He lives about 80 miles away from me, so if anyone lives in the Kansas City area, please messege me, I'd love to hear from you, and I'd love to get to know others that know what it is like living with this. I sent messeges to 4 mentors in my area, and only one wrote back.
Anyhow, I just thought I'd keep you all updated.
Thanks again,
Brian