Serodiscordant Couple

[pnw]

Hi,

New member here, hoping I am posting this in the correct forum.  Gay couple here, my partner has been + for 19 years, we have been together 21.  I am negative.  I am joining here since we feel very alone.  Not many are aware of our situation.  We are wondering about how to meet others that might be in our situation or +/+ couples.  In searching online it doesn't appear there is much out there for support.  Any here have any suggestions?

[tednlou2]

Hello, pnw.  I'm in your situation, but reversed.  My partner and I just celebrated 20 years together.  I place my infection back 14 years, but diagnosed for 7.  He is neg.  Luckily, he has been great from day one.  I've read several stories of partners leaving. 

Besides a site like this, I'm not sure where one would discuss magnetic relationships.  There are a number of members here, where one is positive and one is negative.  I'm sure you would get conversation that way.  I am happy to talk about it.  As for the right forum, your post will likely be moved to "Someone I Care About Has HIV," since you are not positive.  Well, unless your partner joins and starts a thread.  But, you'll get responses in that forum, too. 

Keep in touch,

Ted

[Jeff G]

Welcome to the forums . Ted is correct, I moved your thread into the someone I care about forum where you should post all of your topics. As a HIV negative member you are only allowed to post or reply in the some one I care about forum and the off topic forums where we discuss any thing other than HIV .

[AusShep]

Where are you located?  Seems like finding other poz couples would be easy anywhere I've lived; serodiscordant couples are always in the mix.  Do you go out to bars or gay events at all?  You probably need to be pretty open about your status in order to more easily find others.

I'm not sure what sort of support you're looking for after so many years.  I've been poz since 94 and been with my neg husband since 92.  We don't use condoms anymore which sometimes freaks me out if I think about the old days, but that freak out isn't really rational since I've been UD for so long given the various study results. 

[chrisnc1980]

Hey pnw,

Like tednlou2, I'm in your position, but reversed.  I am newly diagnosed, but my bf has tested negative twice since my status changed.  I too have searched the internet to find a support group or a way to meet folks in our situation.

I have never been a club/bar person - I go occasionally, but it's rather infrequent for me, which complicates things even further. 

I don't know the answer to your question, but I'll keep looking.

Good luck.

chris

[ChrisnTX]

Howdy pnw, 

Like several others I'm in your situation but reversed.  My partner and I have been together 13 years and I was infected this year.  My prior two relationships were the opposite where I was the negative partner in a serodiscordant relationship. One where I knew going into the relationship and the other where my partner got it while we were together.   So I've experienced this from several different angles.   

I know the local HIV/AIDS service organization near me does a weekly support group for couples.  You might call the organization closest to you and see if they have anything or check out their website. 

[Gruff]

I think one of the keys is that you wrote "not many are aware of our situation."  I am in a serodiscordant relationship (I'm poz, my partner neg.) As soon as i went public (as in VERY public - public speaking, facebook posts, getting involved in HIV and anti-stigma activism), people came out of the woodwork to say, "Us too!"  I was amazed how many of our friends were also in serodiscordant relationships, but like you (and us previously), "not many were aware."  The stigma is very real, and many people hold their cards close to their chests.  I found that as soon as we were 'proud and loud,' *many* people felt more comfortable revealing themselves to us.

[harleymc]

You could consider joining one of the studies on serodiscordant  couples, bound to meet others that way.