POZ Community Forums
Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: Mouse on December 16, 2008, 02:26:01 pm
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I feel like I'm a little young to be going through this, but I've been doing a MAJOR cleaning of my mom's place - throwing things out, old toys, old stuffed animals, gathering other things up that I want to keep and organizing them. Putting all of my books together and trying to get rid of some of those, too (but it's so hard to get rid of books).
But, I came across all of my old journals and writing from when I was in 2nd grade onwards and it's so disturbing to me for some reason. I'm tempted to destroy them because the fact that they exist makes me really uneasy. I'm not entirely sure why but I guess it's just the frankness and honesty that I wrote with that I can't seem to do anymore. I withhold information from MYSELF when I write in my journals nowadays because I'm too embarrassed to write about it. There was none of that when I was eight, nine, ten. Up until I was about thirteen or so.
Also, not to toot my own horn or anything, but shit, I was a really clear, concise writer for a eight/nine/ten/etc. year old. That's the part of it that I'd like to retain for later but the things I wrote about. Jeez.
Anyway, has anyone kept any of their old writing/drawings, etc from when they were younger? When was the last time you've dug them out? What did you write about? I'm curious.
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I have a journal that I wrote all through HS and into my first year of College. Talk about denial, it doesnt mention once that I had a crush on a boy or even acknowledge that I was gay. All it is about is how depressed I was but never the reasons for it.
I don't through it out because it reminds me of the innocence of youth.
I also keep all my old art projects, most are crap but they are my crap so I like to hold on to them.
Pete
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I have boxes of journals. I keep them all. Sometimes I feel embaressed by what I have writen. But I have begun to embrace them. I have even started to use them in my collage. I guess words have become more important to me.
I wrote about everything in my life coming out, sexual escapades, bipolar episodes. I have writen about my children, my family, my friends. I have also writen about AIDS and living with HIV.
Keep those journals you will be happy you have them. I have already decided who will have them when I die. Journals are wonderful tools. Many times I do not even read them again. Just the process of writing at the time is very cathartic and healing. Some day you may find those journals to be very healing and revealing to you. Put them in a box and keep them I guarantee someday you will find them to be treasures.
Peter
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Hey Jaser,
I never actually kept a journal, tried briefly but my life was simply too boring and project was dropped. When my mom died, my sister and our brother's wife showed up at the house with trucks, taking advantage of our fathers grief and took everything they could get in the trucks.
I saw for the last time, two paintings and a drawing I had done while trying to bluff my way through a high school art class:
1. An acrylic in total black called, "an example of the classic beauty of the night"
2. An acrylic in total blue called "seascape in blue"
3. A pencil drawing of bird feet in a circle called "the pacing goose"
Recently, I was in San Francisco at one of the galleries and saw some paintings done by Grace Slick, also done in the 60's and thought we may have been on the same drugs. ;D Have the best day
Michael
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When I was younger, I trusted that other people wouldn't read my journals-that's why I believe I was so honest then, yet I'm not now (because I think someone is bound to read my journal and I don't want to expose myself).
I don't have any of my writings from younger days, and wish I did. Keep your journals (of course if you want to). They're good to look back on.
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Jaser,
Please don't ditch them.
I did a huge cleanout in my mid 20's and got rid of so many things that I now wish I'd kept.
You may be disturbed by them now but just put them in a box for safe keeping.
Trust me, one day you will embrace them like Peter, or continue to be disturbed.
Imagine flicking back through them with your boyfriend of 30 years when you are 60!!!
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Hi Mouse
I kept a diary (journal) from about the age of 16 to 23. All those years of turmoil, breaking up with the girlfriend, finding out I like boys, moving cities etc etc etc......
I keep it as one of my most precious possessions. Those years helped define who I am and every now and then I open it up and look back.
On a slightly different tangent, but relating to history in a closet.... when my Mum passed away several years ago, I inherited a beautiful solid timber chest of drawers that had been her great grandfathers. When I was going through it I discovered a 'secret' drawer that I had never seen before and inside....
a packet of condoms from around 1960, still in their original packet. :o
I still have them, I am sure that they should be in a museum by now. ;D
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I've kept all my journals from around the age of ten onwards. When I moved from the States to the Rock, the case I keep them in was one thing that was coming across the ocean with us, non-negotiable. We got rid of a hell of a lot of our personal possessions, but no way would I part with my journals.
Keep yours. You'll thank yourself one day.
Ann
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I would not get rid of them if I was you. I also kept journals from the age of 12 to about 23. I cherished them and my year books from grade school to high school. My yearbooks became a victim of a Blanche and my journals were destroyed by one Cynthia. Yep, sadly I can attest to the old saying, nothing like a woman scorned!
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I went through a very bitter divorce and have been hesitant to write anything down since then. The simplest things look wretched once an attorney gets done:)
When I was in high school, I used to write everything in code since my mother was extra snoopy.
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I've never written journals and despise people who do so. However, I did used to draw maps as a child of imaginary countries and kept all of those, as well as architectural drawings of houses. I'm was a very visual person, not a "words" person.
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I've never written journals and despise people who do so. However, I did used to draw maps as a child of imaginary countries and kept all of those, as well as architectural drawings of houses. I'm was a very visual person, not a "words" person.
Jeez, I love you, too.
::)