Author Topic: Is this normal when growing up? (Read 3072 times)

fabio · « **on:** January 21, 2019, 12:54:42 pm »

I haven't been an adult for long (mentally at least) and I am wondering if it's normal to not want friends/enjoy people's company while getting older.
I remember when I was younger I couldn't stand being alone and now it's something I enjoy a lot more than speaking with someone about random or not serious things. I feel as if my energy is drained or that it's a bother to spend time with people who aren't your family. I enjoy the company of my family more than just a stupid classmate or an old "friend" who calls every Christmas and Easter.
Am I normal or just a crazy loner that needs to live in the mountains....lol.

Jim Allen · « **Reply #1 on:** January 23, 2019, 10:50:11 am »

I think outgrowing friendships is perfectly "normal", some friendships last and others fizzle out as people go down different paths in life and interests, focus changes.

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if it's normal to not want friends/enjoy people's company while getting older.

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Am I normal or just a crazy loner that needs to live in the mountains....lol.

Personally even as a child I was a grumpy loner, simply never required much company. Somehow I don't see that changing much.

Jim

fabio · « **Reply #2 on:** January 23, 2019, 11:14:33 am »

As a child I had only 2 friends and had problems with them too. It seemed like a hard job taking in consideration other people when taking decisions. If I had followed my instinct I would probably be more successful. When I was alone I had the best years. Felt like doing whatever I want without caring about other people's feelings.
Some days ago someone told me "why don't you have any friends,do you have depression" and I was like "noooo". But I should also note that the person was 17 and hadn't experienced much in life.

em · « **Reply #3 on:** January 25, 2019, 11:56:06 am »

sorry to point out the obvious, I have noticed nothing happens in a vacuum

My own observation. as great as it is to enjoy your own company but to succeed in our world and our own lives you have have others with you in this endeavor. But like you I have the same conundrum. With me it seems to be a mutual feeling people do not seem to like me and I have returned the sentiment by not liking others.

For me it has been a lonely world for the most part without others in it

I wish I could tell you the secret of how to get along with and enjoy the company of others but I myself do not know how to do this. You are not alone in this

other people can be it seems only interested in getting one over on you and take what they can to increase their own selfish endeavors of feeling better then others by making you feel lower and not as important as they want themselves to feel . that seems to be the nature of our society and what people do in their own lives which is to bad because it lessens the opportunities for all of us to better our lives and a better world

I know this is not very helpful but enjoy what you can and make the best life you can for yourself. try not to overthink life . some advice I could use in my own life

just my thought on the subject maybe not anything filled with eye opining revelations and answers but just a blurb on what might help us all do better .

all the best
EM

fabio · « **Reply #4 on:** January 25, 2019, 01:11:16 pm »

I guess I use my loneliness as a defence mechanism. I don't want to get hurt like my older friends hurt me.
Sure,i would like to have friends in the future,but I want to set boundaries. I certainly don't want best friends.
I seem to be happy with my family and spend a lot more time with them. My brother goes out with me when he is here (which he never did). I take out my parents for dinner and am quite content.

em · « **Reply #5 on:** January 25, 2019, 03:03:48 pm »

someone very close to me and maybe the only person to tolerate me said to me you are the reason you have no friends. Because you suck the life right out of the room when you enter it. I maybe should have gotten mad at them for saying it, but I thought that it might be true.

I did not want to start an argument and maybe that was what they were trying to do

did not want to respond to such a mean statement.

I guess that is my bigger problem not standing up for myself

all the best

EM

MitchMiller · « **Reply #6 on:** January 26, 2019, 03:17:42 am »

I was a loner in high school for my own protection. Later in college, I was just the opposite and really enjoyed being a part of a large groups of friends.

But as I got older and started moving around the country for work, I became mostly a loner again given I worked really long hours. Over time, you get used to spending more time alone. I'm not sure how good that is though, but it's worse if you get stuck with a "friend" you realize you don't really like that much who has a possessive streak (has happened to me recently). I have a history of befriending all comers. One of my resolutions in retirement was not to get stuck with "friends" that are negative people who complain too much and get upset over meaningless trivia. Maybe it's me, but a lot of older retired people I've met seem to fit the stereotype of cranky old men and women. They all need to drop a hit of acid and do some self-reflection on their place in humanity!

I think most people would love to have friends they are very compatible with, but it's not so easy to find them.

Jim Allen · « **Reply #7 on:** February 15, 2019, 11:46:28 pm »

Quote

Maybe it's me, but a lot of older retired people I've met seem to fit the stereotype of cranky old men and women. They all need to drop a hit of acid and do some self-reflection on their place in humanity!

Reading that made me laugh. Thank you.

em · « **Reply #8 on:** February 16, 2019, 02:04:22 am »

Being a cranky grey haired old man myself who spent his college years thirty years ago knowing about his HIV status and spending a good part of that time feeling isolated thinking about maybe dying now rather then waiting for the illness to take my life would be acceptable alternative after seeing some people I knew die from it. after spending a couple of years around twenty five years ago very sick with barely alive from AIDS .

A hit of acid ? the only result would be a reflected night mare close to ( have a bad trip man ) of twisted version of dying . someone gave me a hit of mescalin in high school they told me to have bad trip man and they laughed . I spent two days holding on for dear life to the bed post thinking I was falling. two days in never ending free fall waiting for the splat that never came ?

good times school days and acid ? college and HIV . Give and old man a brake.

while at the VA hospital after my service ( on the topic of mental health ) For some reason they kept committing me ? do not know why ? I seemed to be placed in the Alzheimer ward many times. I could tell stories about those places? The people I met ?

old people, looking back now were not very old, now that I am older. rows of adult high chairs with adult men in them.

I think just maybe I have earned the right to be cranky. at college i wanted friends . it seemed most of them noticed my depression and they thought that I must have been depressed because I was a closeted GAY man ? I was a closeted HIV positive MAN not wanting to die ?

friends .

sorry to through some reality at you . and give myself a chuckle. just wait until the road of life puts some bumpy miles behind you and see how happy you will be about it ?

your road may not be as bumpy. you may not even notice or just notice to give your self a chuckle over others suffering ?

I could tell you of the glorious accomplishments these old people had that they told me during moments of clarity . then spent days just rocking back and forth saying not a word ? old age and Alzheimer card they were dealt .they were cranky about ?

I think they were some friends of mine that I got to watch slowly die from in the mind from the inside out. the people I new from HIV got to die from the outside in from their bodies ?

people die a fact of life .

em · « **Reply #9 on:** February 16, 2019, 03:36:42 am »

is this normal when growing up?

what others think ?

When I was young growing up in sixth grade the teacher asked the class what they thought of homosexuality?

I had said it was pretty much guarantied birth control.

you should have seen the class eyes bugged slacked jawed . I had thought it funny joke ?

i should write this in the third person like it happened to a friend of mine while growing up

friends when I was ten this fourteen year old boy had expressed interest in teaching me what I had thought teenagers do for fun . not wanting him to think me a child I went along with his suggestions. after some time in his bedroom. we went into the living room where he jumped me through me to the floor held me down grabbed my hands above my head and started rubbing his crotch in my face? then His parents who were on the couch watching TV ? so much for our little secret. trouble making friends growing up

My mom after some thought decided to get me a gay big brother to help me deal with my issues I was 12 at that point. it did not go well . could have been the source of HIV. so please excuse me for being bit off kilter and just plain nuts ?

I had gone to adults that were molested as children website to tell this story and all they wanted do was complain about life and being angry about it ?

could give more detail because trauma like that you never forget

I am sure others have had life experience similar and even worse to these but do not talk about it or even want to think about it or tell anyone. just thought it might be worth sharing here to see if anyone else had a childhood like this? sorry if this is considered high jacking this thread ?

is this normal growing up ?

think what ever you want about me that was my forty year old secret
EM

Jim Allen · « **Reply #10 on:** February 16, 2019, 04:29:44 am »

Chill out already.

My chuckle & laugh and the comments from others in this thread are not aimed at you personally and its not about (aimed at) other peoples suffering.

Nobody is dismissing your story or anyone's story for that matter, but just because your older or a group of people are older does not mean you have concerned the market on bad shit in life, or have had or have the worst suffering going around. Equally older does not mean wiser, that's the reality i'm seeing.

Now be cranky if you wish, yes it's your right to be so and, its totally up to you. Shit plenty of young people are cranky, end of the day however don't inflict your crankiness onto others

Hugs to you EM.

Quote from: em on February 16, 2019, 02:04:22 am

Being a cranky grey haired old man myself who spent his college years thirty years ago knowing about his HIV status and spending a good part of that time feeling isolated thinking about maybe dying now rather then waiting for the illness to take my life would be acceptable alternative after seeing some people I knew die from it. after spending a couple of years around twenty five years ago very sick with barely alive from AIDS .

A hit of acid ? the only result would be a reflected night mare close to ( have a bad trip man ) of twisted version of dying . someone gave me a hit of mescalin in high school they told me to have bad trip man and they laughed . I spent two days holding on for dear life to the bed post thinking I was falling. two days in never ending free fall waiting for the splat that never came ?

good times school days and acid ? college and HIV . Give and old man a brake.

while at the VA hospital after my service ( on the topic of mental health ) For some reason they kept committing me ? do not know why ? I seemed to be placed in the Alzheimer ward many times. I could tell stories about those places? The people I met ?

old people, looking back now were not very old, now that I am older. rows of adult high chairs with adult men in them.

I think just maybe I have earned the right to be cranky. at college i wanted friends . it seemed most of them noticed my depression and they thought that I must have been depressed because I was a closeted GAY man ? I was a closeted HIV positive MAN not wanting to die ?

friends .

sorry to through some reality at you . and give myself a chuckle. just wait until the road of life puts some bumpy miles behind you and see how happy you will be about it ?

your road may not be as bumpy. you may not even notice or just notice to give your self a chuckle over others suffering ?

I could tell you of the glorious accomplishments these old people had that they told me during moments of clarity . then spent days just rocking back and forth saying not a word ? old age and Alzheimer card they were dealt .they were cranky about ?

I think they were some friends of mine that I got to watch slowly die from in the mind from the inside out. the people I new from HIV got to die from the outside in from their bodies ?

people die a fact of life .

em · « **Reply #11 on:** February 16, 2019, 08:14:56 am »

concerned the market on bad shit in life

sorry in your haste to write do to an emotional response did you mean cornered ?

I know when I am writing I get excited and I make a lot of mistakes like that

" I am sure others have had life experience similar and even worse to these but do not talk about it or even want to think about it or tell anyone. just thought it might be worth sharing here to see if anyone else had a childhood like this? sorry if this is considered high jacking this thread ? " maybe they too should just suffer in silence voiceless and unnoticed ?

never thought i had ? others I am sure have had similar if not worse experiences

don't inflict your crankiness onto others

" crankiness on others is that how it read not my intention just a reason why I am cranky ?

please pardon my expression of life experiences, .

They all need to drop a hit of acid and do some self-reflection on their place in humanity!

the thought of doing acid as way to cheer up or help someone crankiness having them expanding their mind ? . could you image a bunch of seniors in nursing home screaming because the walls were melting

Chill out already.

does that mean the story inspired an emotional response ? Or you were offended by my pointing out laughter may be misinterpreted as laughing at others ?

sorry please pardon me if the subject brought back old memories for me

HUGS back at you

or Am I just digging a hole and making it worse not my intention

I submit my apology for voicing an unwelcome thought in my overly long responses

I mean it I am sorry to not chill. just a cranky old man view on the years wasted keeping quite and preying for a better day that never seemed to come. But was missed by the silent suffering trying to make sense of the tragedies of life.

so this post was unintentionally taken as a attack on you personally. not what I was trying to do just offering a rebuttal from the other side an opposing view. not to attack you personally.

thank you for responding all the best to you

fabio · « **Reply #12 on:** February 16, 2019, 09:01:17 am »

Oh no,I wasn't trying to offend anyone during this post.
I just get times when I really hate people (out of emotion) and can't think straight,but in the end I can't be mad at anyone. In the end I do want to be around people and their support.
I think I will always crave human connections,regardless of how I'm feeling that day.
Again sorry if my post was a bit weird,lol.

em · « **Reply #13 on:** February 16, 2019, 09:02:52 am »

it was only weird because I made it weird ?

My fault sorry

great topic thank you

Jim Allen · « **Reply #14 on:** February 16, 2019, 09:07:28 am »

Hiya

Quote

sorry in your haste to write do to an emotional response did you mean cornered ?

Sorry to disappoint but no emotion behind it.
Just autocorrect on my phone is not great and my parkinsonism got the better of my hands

Jim

em · « **Reply #15 on:** February 16, 2019, 09:14:28 am »

I get tremors and my hands shake my chin twitches embarrassing but I am an old man. I was seeing a doc about it. I see other older people with the same problem

wow you have it too

or are you just pulling my leg ?

Jim Allen · « **Reply #16 on:** February 16, 2019, 09:46:57 am »

I have parkinsonism. Not embarrassed by it, just never came up in conversation here.

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Author Topic: Is this normal when growing up? (Read 3072 times)