Feeling Alone

[jdmalawi]

 Hi
I am a single white female aged 41.  I work as a an elementary school teacher.  I do volunteer work in Africa with orphaned girls.  Last fall I tested positive.  I am sure I contracted it from a relationship I had in Malawi (Africa) as their testing tools are likely not as accurate as ours in Canada. 

I have been healthy and have not yet had to start meds. 

My search is for others like me.  Professional, straight women who have not used drugs or engaged in random sex acts. 

When I go to the clinic I am surrounded by gay men and I would like to find support from women.  I feel I am not a typical HIV case and yet I know that thinking is likely outdated.  I can't find any support group in my area that is not dedicated to lower income struggling to make ends meet kind of people.  I don't mean to sound judgmental though I know that I must.  I am judging myself as much if not more than anyone else.

I just want to know I'm not the only one. 

[jkinatl2]

Hi
I am a single white female aged 41.  I work as a an elementary school teacher.  I do volunteer work in Africa with orphaned girls.  Last fall I tested positive.  I am sure I contracted it from a relationship I had in Malawi (Africa) as their testing tools are likely not as accurate as ours in Canada. 

I have been healthy and have not yet had to start meds. 

My search is for others like me.  Professional, straight women who have not used drugs or engaged in random sex acts. 

When I go to the clinic I am surrounded by gay men and I would like to find support from women.  I feel I am not a typical HIV case and yet I know that thinking is likely outdated.  I can't find any support group in my area that is not dedicated to lower income struggling to make ends meet kind of people.  I don't mean to sound judgmental though I know that I must.  I am judging myself as much if not more than anyone else.

I just want to know I'm not the only one. 

Have you tried the Positive Women forum here? Perhaps one or two of the women there may meet your criteria.

[mecch]

Hi welcome to the forum.

Besides the "clinic", there may be additional support available, where you may be able to find the kind of support you need.  ASO - AIDS SERVICE ORGANISATION, or any such social service organisation in your region, should give you some ideas.

You wrote a nice paragraph already admitting that you might have some outdated concepts about who has HIV these days. 

Find whatever support you feel needed and comfortable with. But dare to try out something with a group who you don't think is the right "fit".  Might be helpful, you never know if you don't try.

A lot of people with HIV are very empathetic, since with any experience being HIV+, we quickly recognise that everyone has different lives, stories, and sometimes the only thing that we have in common is HIV+ and being human, and those two are enough for people to support each other, right?  A poor person can give you support and vice versa. A drug user or former drug user, same story.  Old, young, inbetween...  Gay, hetero, etc etc etc. 

[Jeff G]

Hi Jd , as a teacher you must have many organizational skills to draw from , so why not start your own group .

In the early days the GLBT community had to come together and create a place of support of our own , so if you feel there is a need then go for it .

I do volunteer work at a clinic and from what I can see your case is typical .We all got here the same way and that's by having unprotected sex . Forgive me for saying so but it sounds to me that perhaps you have some internalized shame or you may have succumbed to the stigma projected upon all of us that are living with HIV .

As for feeling that most support groups and services are geared towards lower income people , you may want to consider that many of us are not down and out with HIV , we are down and out because of HIV .

Welcome to the forum . hope to hear more from you .

[jdmalawi]

I do volunteer work at a clinic and from what I can see your case is typical .We all got here the same way and that's by having unprotected sex . Forgive me for saying so but it sounds to me that perhaps you have some internalized shame or you may have succumbed to the stigma projected upon all of us that are living with HIV

Thanks.  You are absolutely right that I feel stigma and shame.  I am angry at myself for trusting and for being careless.  I know I need to get past that shame in order to get the help I need.  Thanks for your reply.

[jdmalawi]

Have you tried the Positive Women forum here? Perhaps one or two of the women there may meet your criteria.

I will check it out for sure, thank you!

[buginme2]

Thanks.  You are absolutely right that I feel stigma and shame.  I am angry at myself for trusting and for being careless.  I know I need to get past that shame in order to get the help I need.  Thanks for your reply.

Feeling ashamed after you test positive is a common experience.  I felt the same way, as did many others.  You will be able to get beyond that but it does take some time.   Talking it out is a good first step so I commend you in looking for others you feel comfortable with. 

In addition, you may want to check for a therapist in your area that is familiar with HIV or treating people who are recently diagnosed with an illness (doesn't need to be hiv specific). 

Good luck