Horribly sad...any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Ann Franklin]

This last Saturday after most our guests had left my sons birthday party, the god parents stuck around as we just played with and adored baby. At one point, I noticed my sons godfather (who is hiv positive), had a little something on his face around the crevasse of his nose. Without even thinking twice about it (as I don't live my days thinking of my friend as a walking disease), I reached out and swiped his face with my thumb (call it an innocent motherly instinct). The second I swiped him, I realized it was blood and that blood was now sitting in the semi deep and sore cut I received only hours earlier due to a ridged edge to a can I had opened.

We panicked. I immediately turned to my birdbath in my garden and swished my hand around, ran inside, continued washing my thumb with water and natural dish soap. I then plunged my thumb into a bottle of peroxide. My poor best friend was starting to loose his mind (as this is his greatest fear). He wanted me to "milk" my wound, so I started to do so and by this I encouraged my thumb to bleed. By this time I'm almost certain his blood had been washed away.

We rushed to the hospital where a wonderful doctor heard my story, assured me my chances were 1 in 1,000 (to low for me). So, she prescribed me PEP and nausea medication. $1600 and five days later I am feeling sick and more than that horribly sad.

You see, the thing is, is that I breastfeed. My baby was in the process of self weaning and now everything has been thrown off. It's been traumatic for him as he cannot understand my cold turkey not feeding him. The tears and frustration are deep, my family unit has been devastated and I feel as though he feels abandoned.

I pride myself on my attentiveness as a mother, my ability to respond to my baby on demand, and the joys of breastfeeding and the closeness it brings is something words cannot describe. He's wailing in a manor I have never heard, he's hitting me in frustration and will not allow me to comfort him. I'm firmly against allowing a baby to "cry it our" as I find it incredibly abusive to our human nature.

My question is this, I know that I have done and takin all the right steps in lowering my risk, but most importantly my baby's risk to exposure. Understand though, while I'm searching for any justification to return to nursing, I know that continuing is the best way. Is there something I missed? Have I takin all the necessary precautions? Is this even considered a route in which I should take, as in, is there any risk of exposure at all.

My best friend and godfather to my son has a high viral count, is not currently on meds, is in his first year of infection and is horrified along side us.

We both have no clue as to how long his blood was outside his face and the amount that entered my cut was enough to fill the 1cm long area.

...any advice is appreciated as the thought of our last mother to son nursing experience was a quick one. As a mother, leaving the ending of our beautiful story on nurturing by breastfeeding to this ending and with these feelings and tears...hits hard.

Peace, Love, and Light...

[Jeff G]

Hi Ann . I would expect you to come out of this HIV negative and here is why . HIV is a fragile hard to transmit virus that is instantly damaged and unable to infect when it comes in contact with oxygen . For this reason you didn't have a risk .

I'm somewhat surprised your doctor gave you PEP for this incident , but then again many doctors still rely on old data when it comes to HIV . If your friend had a gush of arterial blood and you a gaping wound and it went in the wound maybe . When HIV is transmitted via blood its useally from mother to child during child birth or through IV drug injecting equipment . IV drug users are at risk because Fresh blood is in a syringe that's essentially sitting in a vacuum with little oxygen , thus allowing HIV to remain viable for a short time . In all my many years in dealing with HIV Ive not heard of a single case where HIV was transmitted in a casual way such as this . 

Ultimately its up to you to choose to stay on PEP or not . I personally think its extreme for the circumstance .

[Andy Velez]

Hi Ann,

Ultimately of course the decision to do PEP or not has to be yours. But I do agree with Jeff that it is really not warranted in the situation you are concerned about. HIV is a fragile virus and I have never known it to be transmitted in the kind of situation you have described. Once exposed to the air it quickly becomes non-viable due to small changes in body temperature and pH and moisture levels.

Also, what to your eye appeared like a still open fresh wound would in actuality have begun the closing process as a wound heals. So while it would appear to be completely open, a transparent protective covering would have begun to develop right after the can cut incident.   

Essentially just for your peace of mind I suggest you get tested at 6 weeks post-the-incident. A negative at that point is virtually an all clear but you might re-test at 3 months for a conclusive result to put any lingering doubts to rest.

With or without PEP I expect you to come out of this ok.

[Ann Franklin]

Thank you kindly for both of you quick responses. I'm going to send this link to my parents/in-laws so they may also read your replies. Right now I need my village as this is such a delicate decision to weigh.

If I may ask one more question, are any of you aware of how long the medication takes to leave the body once stopped? I fear I may be losing my supply due to the strength of this medicine. I'm pumping to try and keep it...but I fear I'm losing this battle.

Thank in advance.

[Jeff G]

I am not sure as to the correct answer as to how long the meds will remain in breast milk . I bet if you call the pharmacy that you obtained the meds from they could tell you .

One of the other moderators may have more experience in this area than I do , so check back later .