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Author Topic: Romance.... and experience ?  (Read 49174 times)

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Offline DanielMark

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #50 on: February 04, 2008, 06:14:16 am »
It's not what kills us that matters. It's what makes us live and what we do with our lives that counts. I'd say it depends on your outlook and what you want to focus on. If you focus on dying, you'll lead a pretty miserable existence and probably waste a lot of great opportunities.

I couldn't have said that any better, Steve.

I also believe that the best we can do is live our lives the best we can (despite any limitations) and keep aware of any potential for love. Unlike sex, falling in love, being in love, or growing together in love can't be made to order. Love decides that, not us. It’s out of our hands.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Buckmark

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #51 on: February 04, 2008, 09:06:18 am »
I found love after diagnosis. We have been together for 3 years now. We have a great life and we met online. Never give up hope. Love may not turn out to be exactly what you thought it would be in the clouded dreams of youth, but love finds us in many unexpected places at different times. Always keep faith you will find someone to love you and you can love in return. It will find you when you least expect it. Trust me. If I can find a cowboy in the middle of nowhere who accepts me for who I am, anyone can!

I know that CowboyPoz's response above was totally well-intentioned, and that my response here is colored by my own recent experiences.  But how does anyone really know for certain that they will find someone to love and who will love them in return?  Life has very few guarantees, except that one will eventually die.

I agree that one has to remain hopeful if they expect to meet someone.  But I also think that one should learn to be happy even if they don't find that special someone.  Unfortunately for me, I don't think I've achieved either of these yet.

Regards,

Henry

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline hartiepie

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #52 on: February 04, 2008, 09:30:45 am »
If you decide you will not love anyone, you won't. If you decide that you can, then you might.

I can be sure not to win the lottery by not buying a ticket.

Offline Joe K

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #53 on: February 04, 2008, 10:07:44 am »
To answer your query Queen, I have lived in both Michigan and Florida and they both have laws, that cover everyone, that makes it illegal for you to disclose the HIV status of another person.  I have never heard of anyone being prosecuted under the law, but I have made reference to it a few times, just to shut other people up about disclosing my status.  I will try and get copies of both and post them in another thread.

Offline dingowarrior

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #54 on: February 04, 2008, 10:34:07 am »
I wish I never looked at this thread  ::)

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #55 on: February 04, 2008, 10:54:19 am »
All effort to explain this topic in Dr. Philism's aside, most folks get their definition about romance by watching some Stepford looking couple hawking for eharmony.com and believing that their "soulmate" (whatever the hell that means) is just $49.99 and a click a way. If a couple of tubbies from Boise can find it, why can't I? The scripted answer is always you can't find love until you learn to love yourself. You're still are a dick, but if you find someone to put up with you, you somehow turned that magic corner and found self-love. What's probably closer to the truth is you stopped acting like a dick (for the time being) in order to snag someone. I think the statistics on the success rates of marriage alone bears that out.

You see we don't know what we're talking about. Our perception of romance is based on an illusion. If we were having this discussion a short two hundred years ago you would be negotiating with farmer Brown for the amount of cows needed to snag his daughter and that would suffice for romance.

Offline imjustagirl

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #56 on: February 04, 2008, 11:19:33 am »
Matty the Damned has learned that, AIDS or no AIDS, romance is dead. He has resigned himself to a life of crushing loneliness and bitter isolation.

You can draw from that what you will.

MtD

While that may be the "realist" version of the situation, its kind of a bleak view of the world, dontcha think?

It may be new age-y, and maybe I'm not the one to be dispensing advice, but I think we get back what we put out into the world.  If we believe there is someone out there for us who will love us on our terms and accept us, flaws and all, that person will find us.  But if we stick to the belief that its hopeless,that no one will ever be able to see past a status or a habit or an illness, thats exaactly what Karma sends our way.  Thats true no matter WHAT your situation in life is. 

You may not even realize that you're thinking that way, but the proof is in the results.

I dunno, Matty.  I could let the "realities" of my life get me down, or I can pick myself up, dust myself off and CHOOSE to live the life I have.  Am I perfect at it? - of course not!  But at least I try and my life has been MILES better when I take the time to change my frame of mind.  Even if I fall down again, its better to look up than to look back down at the ground.

What do you have to lose except your crushing lonliness and bitter isolation?

Offline John2038

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #57 on: February 04, 2008, 11:30:31 am »
If you decide you will not love anyone, you won't. If you decide that you can, then you might.

I can be sure not to win the lottery by not buying a ticket.

I fully agree  :)

Love exists, and it is the most beautiful thing that life can give us.
Without love, life is useless.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #58 on: February 04, 2008, 11:49:24 am »
After reading this entire thread I'm still not sure what the purpose of it is.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #59 on: February 04, 2008, 11:52:55 am »
To answer your query Queen, I have lived in both Michigan and Florida and they both have laws, that cover everyone, that makes it illegal for you to disclose the HIV status of another person.  I have never heard of anyone being prosecuted under the law, but I have made reference to it a few times, just to shut other people up about disclosing my status.  I will try and get copies of both and post them in another thread.

Killfoile, Thanks because they sure don't make it know that it is illegal for anyone to disclose another's status. I think I definitely have a case.

After reading some of the posts, I will say there sure are some jaded mofos here... ;D I think I am worth more than some stinking ass cow. But I see the points that are being made. I know love don't pay the bills but I would like to know that my potential partner sees me as more than just a piece of ass.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #60 on: February 04, 2008, 11:57:26 am »
I fully agree  :)

Love exists, and it is the most beautiful thing that life can give us.
Without love, life is useless.

Paging Dr. Phil. ;D

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #61 on: February 04, 2008, 12:00:22 pm »
Killfoile, Thanks because they sure don't make it know that it is illegal for anyone to disclose another's status. I think I definitely have a case.

After reading some of the posts, I will say there sure are some jaded mofos here... ;D I think I am worth more than some stinking ass cow. But I see the points that are being made. I know love don't pay the bills but I would like to know that my potential partner sees me as more than just a piece of ass.

Yes girl, you're worth way more than a cow. ;D I'm just sayin' the times dictate our perception of love and romance.

Offline John2038

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #62 on: February 04, 2008, 01:19:14 pm »
After reading this entire thread I'm still not sure what the purpose of it is.

In a thread about dating, instead of the words
eternity, health, hopes, wedding, ..

We find (for some)
Deaths, illness, doubts, disclosure, ..

It's a good summary isn't it ?

Offline leatherman

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #63 on: February 04, 2008, 01:23:40 pm »
After reading this entire thread I'm still not sure what the purpose of it is.

It's an appropriate thread since Valentine's Day is coming up.  ;)

see John started a thread about how even though he has HIV, his life isn't over but he realized that finding love might be complicated by having HIV. MtD basically told him to give it up because aids was going to kill him so love was out of the question and betty said love wasn't worth looking for because she was old and tired of the jerks.

obviously MtD and Betty have had some previous run-in with John and gave some rather harsh answers. I thought it was pretty crappy of them to reply in someone else's thread this way. (IMHO If you don't like a thread, don't reply. Go start your own thread.) Rather than bitch back at MtD or cry foul to a mod, I stepped in with my own personal love story of losing one partner and gaining another - a story about how even though I'm older and sicker and wasn't even looking, love still found me. (For all the times that I've said depressive things and been slammed, I find it all amusing that it would be me spreading optimism this time.) John seemed to think that many pozzies had given up on love for the most part and I tried to explain that some have and with very valid reasons; but just having HIV is not a valid reason by itself.

then many more chimed in on their thots about love, while Dachshund kept bringing up Dr. Phil and you asked what's it all about. I would say that's it'a a potpourri of thoughts about love.  :-*

Happy Valentine's Day to you all!
mikie
leatherman (aka Michael)

We were standing all alone
You were leaning in to speak to me
Acting like a mover shaker
Dancing to Madonna then you kissed me
And I think about it all the time
- Darren Hayes, "Chained to You"

Offline SteveA

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #64 on: February 04, 2008, 01:26:31 pm »
After reading this entire thread I'm still not sure what the purpose of it is.

Well as usual the thread has been hijacked off topic. I'm pretty sure the original poster wanted to hear a few success stories from people who've found love only to be buried by posts that love doesn't exist. To those people all I can say is love is what you make of it. If you can't show love to others, you'll never see it yourself. Love isn't dead but if you blind yourself to the possibilities, you'll never see it yourself. ::)

Offline Iggy

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #65 on: February 04, 2008, 01:36:08 pm »

So I'm not a kid, so I won't ask you "how to meet someone" cause anyway, I know.
But just about your experience in this field. How did you meet your partners. Experience and maybe recommendations.


Call me crazy but aren't those the two the same thing?   

Anyway, my answers of four major relationship from first to current

1. College
2. Work
3. Manhunt or Craigslist (don't remember which...I was a little *ahem* preoccupied.)
4. Aidsmeds.

I've had tons of dates (not sex hook-ups - that would fall under the scientific calculator quantifier) and I've met them in everything from bars, volunteering, school, work, on the street and through friends.

Not sure how that helps you or what your question as it is phrased has to do with HIV, but there you go.


Offline Dachshund

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #66 on: February 04, 2008, 01:51:03 pm »
while Dachshund kept bringing up Dr. Phil

No mikie you did, but you miss the point completely.

As for responses, fortunately Steve A and Leatherman and John2038 don't get to make that decision for us. If that's how we want it we should either not start a post or list all the people we don't want responding or what preconceived answers we would like to hear. Sometimes a differing opinion may even make you think. Buy and large threads like this are all anecdotes anyway, none more valid than the other.

Offline hartiepie

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #67 on: February 04, 2008, 02:08:47 pm »
I agree with Mikie on this: if you don't like a thread, don't post.

Sniping and name calling are really a waste. (Yep, I just scroll on past some of you guys who can't seem to resist dragging everyone down at nearly every turn.)

I like reading that relationships are possible; Counteracts a lot of negativity in dealing with HIV/AIDS.

As to the purpose of the thread, I admit I actually could use some fresh pick-up lines................ ;D

Offline BT65

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #68 on: February 04, 2008, 02:10:59 pm »
obviously MtD and Betty have had some previous run-in with John and gave some rather harsh answers. I thought it was pretty crappy of them to reply in someone else's thread this way. (IMHO If you don't like a thread, don't reply. Go start your own thread.)
Happy Valentine's Day to you all!
mikie

Mikie, if you have a problem with me, pm me 'cause I have no problem responding if you do.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

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Offline Iggy

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #69 on: February 04, 2008, 02:11:45 pm »

As to the purpose of the thread, I admit I actually could use some fresh pick-up lines................ ;D

Hey, is that Fuzeon in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #70 on: February 04, 2008, 02:16:07 pm »


Sniping and name calling are really a waste. (Yep, I just scroll on past some of you guys who can't seem to resist dragging everyone down at nearly every turn.)


Give me a break. The passive aggressive brigade loves it. It gives them every opportunity to lecture while supposedly remaining above the fray. If you scroll past then how in the hell do you know if people are sniping and name calling? If you really didn't care you wouldn't take the time to respond at all.

Offline hartiepie

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #71 on: February 04, 2008, 02:26:53 pm »
Quote
supposedly remaining above the fray.

got it Hal, .................scrolling again

Offline BT65

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #72 on: February 04, 2008, 02:28:33 pm »
got it Hal, .................scrolling again

Ah, you may be scrolling, but apparently you do stop and read.

Edited to add: which means you're only scrolling from one post to the next.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

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Offline hartiepie

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #73 on: February 04, 2008, 02:32:04 pm »
Well yes I stop to read most posts, but after a few pointless exchanges I now know who I will scroll past in the future (sorry i wasn't clearer about that).

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #74 on: February 04, 2008, 02:33:50 pm »
::grabs scroll wheel on mouse most furiously::
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #75 on: February 04, 2008, 02:38:19 pm »
Well yes I stop to read most posts, but after a few pointless exchanges I now know who I will scroll past in the future (sorry i wasn't clearer about that).

Anyone can use the ignore function and then they won't have to worry about posts upsetting their dainty sensibilities. Course it does make it harder to moralize. ;)

Offline thunter34

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #76 on: February 04, 2008, 02:47:57 pm »
This thread bored the hell out of me at first, but I'm kinda liking it now.

 :)
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline John2038

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #77 on: February 04, 2008, 03:14:08 pm »
Seems that the HIV kills also love..

Offline hartiepie

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #78 on: February 04, 2008, 03:15:37 pm »
Quote
Seems that the HIV kills also love..

and civility

Offline thunter34

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #79 on: February 04, 2008, 03:20:28 pm »
and civility


Still scrolling right on by, dear?


AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #80 on: February 04, 2008, 03:21:20 pm »
OK, I'm going to weigh in here with some Pearls of Wisdom and state that if you sucked chunks with romance before HIV you're still going to suck chunks after infection.  If you didn't then I see no reason not continue down the road of Romance Master afterwards.

I picked up trade in the subways before my infection and continued to do so afterwards.  Such is life.

And yeah, that's my idea of romance.  If you don't like it then I don't know what to say.  And yes, that's how I met my last boyfriend.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline hartiepie

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #81 on: February 04, 2008, 03:30:25 pm »
Quote
Still scrolling right on by, dear?

Well yes and no, honey. As I stated, I scroll by some and not others ---- but I am hardly alone in doing so.

I am reminded of Edith Bunker who was asked if the light worked in her refrigerator. "Well, yes and no. It's on when I open it and off when I close it."

Offline Iggy

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #82 on: February 04, 2008, 03:41:29 pm »
I'm utterly shocked that Godwin's Law hasn't yet been invoked.

Offline John2038

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #83 on: February 04, 2008, 03:47:25 pm »
Whatever is your way of loving someone..





The conclusions might still be..


Enjoy scrolling..
« Last Edit: February 04, 2008, 03:55:28 pm by John2038 »

Offline thunter34

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #84 on: February 04, 2008, 03:54:40 pm »
Whatever is your way of loving someone..






The conclusions might still be..


Enjoy scrolling..

I don't see any pics in that post...just a bunch of little squares with "x" in them. 
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #85 on: February 04, 2008, 04:00:37 pm »
I'm utterly shocked that Godwin's Law hasn't yet been invoked.

I'm kinda suprised that we did notsee that yet either.  There's been enough hollow, caustic posts that something sounding like that should come along soon enough, though.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Denver Toad

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #86 on: February 04, 2008, 04:01:01 pm »
Iggy - I'd vote for Benford's law being applicable here. On the cusp of Goodwin's though. Good call
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Offline thunter34

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #87 on: February 04, 2008, 04:03:04 pm »
OK, John - I now see your photo display.

Because of you, I kinda feel like maybe Ihavehope.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Iggy

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #88 on: February 04, 2008, 04:05:02 pm »
Iggy - I'd vote for Benford's law being applicable here. On the cusp of Goodwin's though. Good call
I never heard of that.  DO you mean this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benford%27s_law

If so, I'm the wrong party to make this suggestion to as I can't count to 23 while fully clothe.

Offline thunter34

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #89 on: February 04, 2008, 04:09:27 pm »
I never heard of that.  DO you mean this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benford%27s_law

If so, I'm the wrong party to make this suggestion to as I can't count to 23 while fully clothe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQ29scjP4lA
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline John2038

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #90 on: February 04, 2008, 04:15:03 pm »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #91 on: February 04, 2008, 04:18:27 pm »
egads... here come the youtube links
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #92 on: February 04, 2008, 05:30:28 pm »
Hmmm, maybe it is just me but I didn't see anything wrong with John starting this thread. Yes, some here are quite jaded and that includes myself to a point. I have often felt like giving up on love and for the moment, I am not looking even though I do have a date tonight... ;) Do I expect it to be love at first sight? Not really but it's getting me out of the house. I guess when it comes to love, the bottom line is nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I don't slam those who thinks love is for fools, it is their opinion and they are entitled to it. I just feel that circumstances has brought them to feel the way they do. I think some of the jaded comments are comical but then I do have a dry sense of humor. Some choose to remain alone, that's cool too. I am sure they are making love to their hand or like me their vibrators. ;D Thank the Goddess for batteries!!!
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
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Offline SteveA

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #93 on: February 04, 2008, 09:10:16 pm »
What I find humorous are the comments about passive aggressive behaviors, as if that sort of behavior is somehow worse than obvious aggressive behaviors!  To each their own.  ::)

Offline thunter34

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #94 on: February 04, 2008, 09:18:35 pm »
What I find humorous are the comments about passive aggressive behaviors, as if that sort of behavior is somehow worse than obvious aggressive behaviors!  To each their own.  ::)

I kinda think they are "worse"...cuz they're cloaked in such a way that they're sort of dishonest and chicken shit.  Like if I thought you were very often a real prick, for example, it would be better (IMO) to just come right out and say so than to try and find some round about, under-handed way of "saying it without saying it"...don'tcha think?
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline SteveA

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #95 on: February 04, 2008, 09:22:28 pm »
How did you meet your partners. Experience and maybe recommendations.

Hops none of you will be upset by this question. Just decided to make it happen. Well, we all have been there no ?

Just in case the "Love Bites Brigade" missed the original question. He asked how you met your partners. He didn't ask what you thought of love or the lack there of. That's what I meant by thread hijacking.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #96 on: February 05, 2008, 01:17:25 am »
Just in case the "Love Bites Brigade" missed the original question. He asked how you met your partners. He didn't ask what you thought of love or the lack there of. That's what I meant by thread hijacking.

Oh well, I am not part of the Love Bites Brigade...... And I'll be the first to say that I missed the original question. I guess I just got caught up in Leatherman's posts..... ;D My name is Akasha and I'm just a sucker for love.
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Cherish the simple things life has to offer

Offline John2038

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #97 on: February 05, 2008, 02:01:47 am »
Some personal thoughts in bulk (talking to myself - I won't take the risk to advise people):

Believe in love (life or just love) requires more strength than to let everything go.

Dying and say: I still have years to live when I had dropped everything .. No

But:
Eat balanced, do sport, free your spirit with music, movies, making acquaintances, just smile, dream.
Write a book, visit some places, whatever. ENJOY. Life IS beautiful.
Show our partner that you feel good, no matter what is the truth.
Be proud of each others. Avoid acting like a POZ with no powers, no dreams and no hopes. It's useless and won't help.

Love the life and just love, the one depend of the other.
Start where you feel you can. Everything might follow. Wear your shoes, run, you are alive. Don't read, do it.
« Last Edit: February 05, 2008, 02:05:29 am by John2038 »

Offline BT65

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #98 on: February 05, 2008, 02:56:31 am »
Steve, we are allowed to post our opinions on here.  It's not thread-hijacking; just honest viewpoints. 
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Offline SteveA

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Re: Romance.... and experience ?
« Reply #99 on: February 05, 2008, 03:08:22 am »
Steve, we are allowed to post our opinions on here.  It's not thread-hijacking; just honest viewpoints. 

When you take over a thread and take it down a tangent that the original poster didn't ask about, it's thread hijacking. I have no problems with people sharing opinions on the subject if they are actually answering the questions that were put forth. I'm not saying you personally set out to hijack it but the answers being posted had nothing to do with his actual question. He asked for anecdotes of how people met their partners. He didn't ask if love was real or if it was worth going for or any of the other tangents that people went off on.

As for what's allowed, I never said anyone shouldn't post their opinions. That was somebody else. Unfortunately I've had my share of people here targeting my posts with vitriol simply because they decided to not like me without ever taking half a chance to get to know me. Sorry if I feel like standing up for other people I see in the same position. We're all human and we're all fighting a difficult fight. It's sad to me that some people choose to fight each other instead of offer support.

 


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