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Main Forums => Someone I Care About Has HIV => Topic started by: Peachy21 on September 12, 2020, 11:21:44 pm

Title: Fiancť tested positive and I didnít know
Post by: Peachy21 on September 12, 2020, 11:21:44 pm
My fiancť tested positive. I thought we were monagomous. Iím trying to be supportive at the same time dealing with feelings of betrayal. Iím so lost
Title: Re: Fiancť tested positive and I didnít know
Post by: leatherman on September 13, 2020, 07:51:54 am
My fiancť tested positive. I thought we were monagomous. Iím trying to be supportive at the same time dealing with feelings of betrayal. Iím so lost
a couple things to consider:
Were you two tested together before you started your relationship? (it can take years to manifest enough symptoms for some people to consider testing.) Have you been tested since this positive result?
Title: Re: Fiancť tested positive and I didnít know
Post by: Jim Allen on September 13, 2020, 08:53:03 am
Hiya,

Sorry to hear that your fiancť has tested positive.
How is he doing and has he started treatment already?

As Leatherman mentioned could be he has been living with HIV for some time already, hard to tell from your post what the situation is.

If he did cheat then it's something you will have to think about, if you do decide to stay together perhaps some joint counselling sessions might help.

Anyhow do work with your own healthcare provider to test for HIV & STI's.

Title: Re: Fiancť tested positive and I didnít know
Post by: Peachy21 on September 13, 2020, 08:58:23 am
Hi. Yes when we got together I asked for a test before taking away protection. And he was recently tested in June of this year due to considering a life insurance policy. I also test every year for everything at my obgyn.  He goes to a doctor on Tuesday to get a referral to a different doctor to start. Heís very emotional and has been more attached to me lately and wanting me around more. Heís been having panic attacks so if Iím there I can calm him down. I hate seeing him upset but at the same time itís hard because I feel like I want rage one second or cry the next. And heís so overwhelmed I try not to say a lot to him about it. Counseling is definitely something we will be looking into. Unfortunately covid has made in person things hard to find
Title: Re: Fiancť tested positive and I didnít know
Post by: Jim Allen on September 13, 2020, 10:44:51 am
Hiya,

Well, hopefully, after the appointment, he will feel slightly less overwhelmed but these things do take time. It might be useful for him to write down any questions so he will remember to ask the doctor.

I suspect sex is not something on your mind right now, but if you do stay together it's important to know with HIV treatment once it's has been suppressed for 6+ months he sexually can no longer pass it onto you. https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71864.0

Finally, look after yourself, and take time for yourself as needed. Perhaps there is no face to face couples therapy sessions at the moment but there might be phone or facetime sessions, it's something you might want to ask your doctor about.


Title: Re: Fiancť tested positive and I didnít know
Post by: Peachy21 on September 13, 2020, 11:32:17 am
 Itís not on my mind but then is. Itís always been a source of comfort with him for me and I enjoy the closeness. But thatís not something that is plausible right now.  Iíve been looking into things. I was tested as well with the HIV RNA test but have heard nothing back yet. Iím worried But trying to not think about it. I think he will feel better with going to the doctor and gettting his medication regimen started
Title: Re: Fiancť tested positive and I didnít know
Post by: Jim Allen on September 13, 2020, 11:41:04 am
Well keep us posted how he gets on.

Best, Jim