Need Some Advice ASAP!!

[Fessup]

I need some advice!! A family friend disclosed their HIV+ status to me a few years ago! I know that 1 previous partner was aware and another knew but not sure they actually really believed it. Anyways I am well aware that people are responsible for protecting themselves and with rumors that this person is hiv positive, you would want to believe proctection would be priority. So here's the dilemma ... A family member recently informed me that rumors were going around again and that this person not only was denying the rumors to a person obliviously worried but furthermore was going to somehow prove it untrue with a false test results! Since again we're not talking about the most responsible group of people I'm having a hard time turning my head! I guess because I know the the rumor isnt a rumor at all! So what is the right thing to do? Do I do nothing and continue to watch the circle of people exposed grow? Or do I put the person on blast and start saving lives? I feel torn!! I don't want this persons life in danger but at the same time this person is putting so many others in danger!! And the list just keeps growing!! Please any advice or insight to help me be at peace as I'm struggling morally with this one!! Thank you!!

[leatherman]

A family member recently informed me that rumors were going around again and that this person not only was denying the rumors to a person obliviously worried but furthermore was going to somehow prove it untrue with a false test results!

sounds like quite a group of gossipy people who are harboring quite a lot of stigma about HIV and those living with it. No wonder this person may be denying it to people like that.

I don't want this persons life in danger but at the same time this person is putting so many others in danger!!

just so you know, people who are taking HIV meds and have an undetectable viral load (that means the meds have knocked the HIV down to a level that can't be measured) do not transmit HIV ("undetectable = untransmittable"). If this person has been living with HIV for a number of years, it's more than likely that he is "undetectable" and is not putting any one at risk for HIV.

Your best bet is to talk to ALL your friends about safe sex practices like condoms, PrEP (a medication that can prevent HIV infection), and TasP (treatment as prevention). Remember, it takes two to tango, and the responsibility falls onto BOTH partners. Any one who is having unprotected sex is putting themselves at risk for a number of sexually transmitted diseases.

[Jim Allen]

OP: this sounds like dribble and at best drama over nothing.
Saving lives WTH? Give them condoms for Xmas.

You know someone who is living with HIV.  What they do, who they disclosure to and who they do it with is none of your buisness.  That is between the adults involved.

Your friends are adults and you don't know what conversations they truly had and if they are having intercourse they should be grown up enough to use a condom, take PrEP, both control ect ect and look after themselves.

This post has nothing to do with supporting someone you know with HIV and it is entirely a drama own made and easily avoided.

 Don't engage in gossip and as it's none of your business, simply don't get involved. Problem solved.

Jim

[Wade]

I read and re-read your post trying to figure out what your dilemma was before I replied, I couldn't find one

I agree with leatherman and Jim, quit your gossiping, and mind your own fucking business and let him mind his.

Wade

[Fessup]

Look I'm not here to offend anyone! For the record I have nothing to do with any of the drama or gossip. What I know is either from the the person who is positive or a mutual family member. To be clear I have offered to help this person many times however you can't help a person who doesn't want it. Blocking it out and creating fake test results knowing you potentially may have infected someone seems wrong! If I didn't truly care about this person I wouldn't even be here asking for advice or caring to be open minded about the topic and others point of view.

[Wade]

How do you know what this person is or in not doing or saying in the privacy of their own bedroom ?

[Jim Allen]

Hi

You don't know what they are presenting or if that is true - its hearsay.
Also you don't know what was said and it simply is none of your business.

potentially may have infected someone seems wrong

!

  Your HIV positive friends disclosure is his business and for all we know he uses condoms, or prehaps he is on treatment and UD meaning he is not infecting anyone. So cut the drama & shit, there is no drama needed. People have sex, HIV positive people have sex, its normal and healthy.

Just because they do or do not disclose and sleep with someone does not mean they are infecting anyone. Your friends are adults and should be looking after themselves and using condoms., PrEP, birth control regardless of who they are fucking.

You HIV friends disclosure or not is purely up to him, its none of your fucking business and as educational part, dating a person living with HIV is the same as dating someone who is HIV negative for the most part. HIV is simply not a game changer in life to be honest.

As for the topic of sex well, HIV does not transmit through an intact condom and as long as you are using them you should be fine and what other people do is their business.  So use condoms and consider PrEP as additional layer of HIV protection.

As educational piece TaSP - Treatment as prevention  is pretty excellent when it comes down to reducing HIV transmission risks. Treatment-as-prevention is the use of antiretroviral (ARV) medication to decrease the risk of HIV transmission. Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP)
HIV TasP

This has been studied at length and to mention 1 of the studies as an example the "Partner" study is a major study looking at the chances of transmitting HIV with an undetectable viral load, there have been no transmissions between either gay or heterosexual serodiscordant partners.

Partner study
transmission-zero

More recent: Zero, No Linked HIV Transmissions in PARTNER Study After Couples Had Sex 58,000 Times Without Condoms: Click here for more information

Finally the consensus statement http://www.preventionaccess.org/consensus

People living with HIV on ART with an undetectable viral load in their blood have a negligible risk of sexual transmission of HIV.  Depending on the drugs employed it may take as long as six months for the viral load to become undetectable. Continued and reliable HIV suppression requires selection of appropriate agents and excellent adherence to treatment. HIV viral suppression should be monitored to assure both personal health and public health benefits.
​
NOTE:   An undetectable HIV viral load only prevents HIV transmission to sexual partners. Condoms also help prevent HIV transmission as well as other STIs and pregnancy. The choice of HIV prevention method may be different depending upon a person’s sexual practices, circumstances and relationships. For instance, if someone is having sex with multiple partners or in a non-monogamous relationship, they might consider using condoms to prevent other STIs.

Jim

[leatherman]

Blocking it out and creating fake test results

sounds like with all the gossip going around, this person is trying to NOT disclose to the whole world - and that's their right.

I have offered to help this person many times

help them do what? take their meds everyday? get to their doctor appointments? spread education about safe sex practices? told others to mind their own business and to take care of their own business?

knowing you potentially may have infected someone seems wrong!

and that's simply a wrong assumption on your part, probably based on not knowing enough. A majority of people living with HIV are being treated, and as mentioned earlier, people who are properly treated simply don't transmit HIV. The problem of transmitting HIV actually comes from people who haven't even been tested and don't know that they are HIV positive. Friends and family like yours that spread rumors/gossip are actually a HUGE block to many of those people who actually need to be tested.

the simplest answer to all of this is for you and others to become knowledgeable and focus on safe sex practices (condoms, PrEP, TasP) that will prevent the spread of HIV and other communicable sexually transmitted diseases.