my little sister is HIV+

[Kris85]

My little sister was recently diagnosed with HIV and her b/f is a complete asshole!  I guess she feels like no one else will want her so she has chosen to stay with him and he treats her like crap.  How do I get her to see that she's not stuck!  He gave her the HIV and he has chosen not to get treatment or tested while she on the other hand has chosen to seek counseling and advice from other poz people. We know he was the one she got it from b/c her she reached out to her last partner and he has been tested and is negative, but her b/f now doesn't even wanna get tested.  Why wouldn't you wanna get tested?   I found a counselor for her because she told me she felt like it is something she needs.  I also did some research online to educate myself but I feel like I still don't know enough.  I love my little sister she's my world....any advice on how else I can help her or any additional information you all can give to me that I might not know?

[mecch]

Hello.

Why don't you tell you sister to join his forum.

Sounds like you are giving her good support.  It takes time to get used to an HIV diagnosis.

You are discussing some very complicated issues about her relationship, and what role outsiders can play.  For example self-esteem, and why people stay in relationships that may be kinda crappy.  Or how family can get involved in other family member's relationships. Mostly HIV doesn't add anything especially unique.  Its always a challenge no matter the situation.

One time my sister dated a married guy.  My other sister didn't approve and wouldn't welcome that couple into her home.  It wasn't pretty for anyone.

Also you chose to write to this forum about some HIV issues.

Note that you do NOT know for sure the bf is the agent of your sister's infection, until he tests HIV+, and honestly communicates the result, plus MORE, below.  I don't say this to defend him. 

MORE: Your sister might be pretty sure its him if she had HIV negative results before starting with him, and if she was 100% faithful since. 

Anyway, we in the forum can't possibly know anything about this and its possible that you might not know the full story. 

I say this because generally whats important in moments like these is to deal with now, and going forward. So yeah, he's got to test. And yeah, that couple has to figure out how they are going to go forward, or not....

People don't want to test for many many many reasons.  I am sure you can imagine some of them.  How often to you get tested?  I'm gay and came out early in the HIV epidemic, and once the test became available, I got tested pretty much every year.  But I knew plenty of people who had all sorts of reasons never to test...

Best way to help your sister in my opinion is just support her about the diagnosis and learn along the way, as she will, about the medical surveillance and any eventual treatment. 

You can tell her your opinion about her "stuck" situation, or her bf, but as you know, she's got to figure out herself her affairs of the heart.  How is call your sister's bf an "asshole" going to really help her, him, or the situation.  They have to deal a bit cooly now with some things that are too easy to get very emotional, hurt, or angered about.

Also, you said "I guess she feels like" she is stuck but maybe you are projecting?  Has she actually said that? Maybe its you wondering about that, and you can have a conversation about that topic...

[Kris85]

I understand where you're coming from...
She said she feels like no one else will accept her so therefore I assume she feels "stuck"
I haven't told her I don't like her b/f I just mentioned it on here. 
I haven't gotten involved (in my head yes) but out loud no.  I just let her be and I just tell her I'm here for her if she needs me.  I haven't even told her how much research I've done just b/c I don't want to constantly be talking about it if she doesn't bring it up, you know?  Hence why I haven't mentioned this site yet.  But I will.