Our wonderful David (Miss P) has left us.

[Matty the Damned]

Miss P took his life on Sunday.

Sleep well, darling.

MtD

[Jody]

It is with a very heavy heart that I must inform you that our divine Miss P...David...has committed suicide this past Sunday.

Jeff, who is very brokenhearted over this news, just informed me and asked that I let all of you know on this great website.  David contributed so much to so many.  As you know he was smart and witty, a very clever and funny and terrific fellow.  We will all miss him.  Many of us last saw David in Memphis.  I got to do dinner with him one evening after the boat ride and we went to Graceland as well.

Jeff, who is just the most kindhearted southern gentlemen was in constant contact with David the past few weeks and tried desperately to help him to not make this tragic choice one cannot reverse.  He was about to contact the authorities in Philadelphia, David's adopted home, to intervene.  Alas to no avail as David apparently decided he was carrying too large a burden to go on.

We have lost many here, too numerous to mention...the latest being RAB (our darling Rocky) as well as Tim (Moffie), Ric, our beloved LLisa - sweetieweasel and other fine folks I just can't recall right now as I sadly have to inform you of this latest tragedy.  Phil just called and is broken up by the news.

Rest in peace David, thanks for your wisdom and friendship.  You were a true asset to these forums and all who got to know you.  You survived many years living with HIV and had much physical pain.  I cannot put myself in your shoes, your pain is gone, it is hard to make sense of this but we loved you man.

Jody

[Matty the Damned]

I have created a thread for him in the Memorial forum.

MtD
(Who is overwhelmed with grief)

[thunter34]

I somehow never thought about having to post in a thread like this for you.  You always exhibited so much life on here.  Hell, if there can be such a thing as a forums legend, then you certainly were one and will remain.

I treasure the brief hours in Memphis now more than ever.  You were a bright light, David.

I will miss you so.

[BT65]

David, my initial reaction was total denial and intense anger.  Now I just cry.  You were one of my first friends here, I will forever miss you.  RIP my sweet friend and comrade.

[Joe K]

I just can't do this anymore... words simply fail me.

Joe

[BT65]

My spirit is crushed, I just talked to David last week. So glad I was able to spend time with him in Memphis.  He touched many and I just can't believe I won't ever talk to him again. RIP David. I love you.

Betty

[eric48]

I had opened a thread in the off-Topic a while ago, out of concern, but he had replied somehow...

He once had mentionned several cases of suicide in his support group. We have lots of similar issues here,too

Same as matty, i am overwhelmed

Eric

[Wade]

I never had the pleasure of meeting David,
but always felt I knew him.
I don't think he realized how much of the forums he was and how
many he touched. I have missed his posts the past few months, and
Winter wont be the same without Miss Ps weather reports ...
Wade

[RobbyR]

So sorry to hear this. I didn't know him at all just interacted with him here some he'd always have good advice. Condolences to those who knew him.

[zach]

i've stared at nothing for an hour now, with no words

david, you are loved, and you are greatly missed

[Ptrk3]

I am shocked and deeply saddened to hear this news.  I'm relatively new to the forum, but always felt of David as a kindred spirit and always looked forward to reading his insightful, endearing, reflective, and witty forum entries.

May he now enjoy the peace that passes all understanding.

My thoughts are with all who share the burden of his irretrievable loss.

[aztecan]

I will always remember him standing with me at the top of the Pyramid of the Sun at Teotihuacan.

When I saw him in Memphis, I had no clue.

Safe journey to the Summerland, dear friend.

Save a spot in the sun for me.

Mark

[initforlife]

I'm so lost here to hear this.  my heart is broken. Please one life taken over this virus is one to many.  Please if anyone reads this and needs to talk please pm or if you need to vent please come to us here and  talk. I love you all and will be here for who needs me.  David you were a kind soul. it was a honor to meet you in Memphis and you will be missed Greatly Rip my dear friend!

[Dachshund]

Just one of a kind. So glad that I briefly got to meet him in Memphis. Tim is right, Miss P is legend.

[wolfter]

Accurate words escape me while I try to wrap my head around this horrific news.  So saddened.  RIP David

[Rev. Moon]

I just saw this on Facebook and I am in shock. This just can't be. I will miss him and love him forever. I can't, I just can't. RIP, David. You are and forever will be one of a kind.

[bocker3]

This news seems too surreal. 
I've interacted with David from my first days on here.  Sometimes we bickered, sometimes we snickered and commiserated. 
David - I am so very glad that I got to meet you in person in Memphis this summer.  I will miss you and your weather maps terribly every time a storm approaches.  At least you are now released from the pain that drove you to this.  As others have said, you are and will always be a legend on this forum.
Until we meet again -- rest well, my dear Miss P.   

Mike

[Jeff G]

Just so you know … Im going to live the best life I can live and i will do the best I can do because life is fucking precious and we owe it to the ones who have fallen.

Be kind and be loving … it wont cost you a fucking thing but it just might make the day a little more bearable for those who suffer in silence.

[leatherman]

this is the most shocking, distressing, sad news. While the world is a more diminished place without him here anymore, these forums are all the better for the time he was here with us.

Goodbye, David. 

[Almost2late]

RIP ... So sorry

[tednlou2]

I just can't believe this awful news.  With all the things he has dealt with, he always seems to just push forward.  I admired his intelligence and how he could remember just about everything... many things about our health and issues.  I remember joking with him and asking whether he kept note cards. 

I have been wondering why he's been absent from the forums.  I thought maybe he just had other things going on.  While I could be annoyed with him at times, I missed his knowledge and wit.  It seems obvious now it was so much more.  He had just come up on FB Friday, as someone I may know.  I had just sent him a friend request, thinking I should get to know him better-- more than just our interactions here.

[komnaes]

I am not the praying type, and I am sure you were not Miss P. But I am 'praying' tonight, hoping if there is one in a trillion chance that there's a spirit left of us when we depart, and you will hear me citing this Buddhist mantra for you:

"Don’t worry about anything. Even if you find your attention wandering, there is no particular ‘thing’ you have to hold onto. Just let go, and drift in the awareness of the blessing."

We know you were suffering and in angst of this disease; and less than two weeks ago, the last time you replied to me, you said it had destroyed your body less than two weeks ago, and even a cure was to be discovered now it wouldn't help you.

Now that you had taken things in your own hands, we have to understand. I just keep hoping again and again since I heard the news that you didn't feel much pain at the moment that you left this body so tortured by this god forsaken virus behind.

Many of us have loved you as a comrade, a soulmate, a brother, .. and I will miss you like one for the rest of my life.

[Matty the Damned]

Such eloquence from all of you, brothers and sisters. You do David proud.

I'm not quite there yet. But I do have a pictar with which I think our beloved Miss P. would identify.

MtD

[Andy Velez]

...Having to accept the unacceptable...  Possessed of a wickedly sharp sense of humor and no less a capacity for instantly available kindness, a true appreciator of life, Miss P/David leaves an enormous void.  Won't forget he passed this way. 

Words fail me because I don't want it to be true.

Hold hands and stand together, mates.  Until we meet again , David.

[Dachshund]

I hope they send David off in his favorite Alexander McQueen. You were fierce forever my friend.

[weasel]

      It was such a pleasure to meet David in Memphis this summer .
 
      I found him to be warm  and friendly , We've know each other from the forums and facebook for years . When I needed an answer with out unnessary babble I went to David .

      He smiled when I told him he was a hunk . 

     It's a morning I wish I could call my Mother , the only person that truley
 listened to my words . 

    I am so very sad ,  Knowing so many were in constant contact with David
 makes me feel better .    have no daubt David knew he was loved by many .

    Crying my eye balls out ,   I KNOW David will be in the great afterworld .

          R.I.P. my dear David

                                                         Carl   

[WillyWump]

Just utterly overwhelmed at this... No words at the moment

[Peter Staley]

Devastating news. We lose far too many this way. David was a real mentch. So glad I got the chance to meet him in Philly back in 2008. He took me to one of his favorite local diners for lunch. Wish I had that picture from his camera that day.

[hope_for_a_cure]

God rest your soul David.  I wish there was something I could have done.  We never know what others are truly dealing with.

[mitch777]

I cried last night with a heavy heart. I will miss him dearly.

That is all I can say right now. 

[Tonny2]

       ojo       OMG!!!....what was wrong with him?...last I knew, he told me he was trying the sensor thing for his pain...REST IN  PEACE buddy                         -j-

[phildinftlaudy]

Not sure what to say. It just keeps becoming more and more real.... And the more real it becomes, the more painful it is....

David was one of the first people I talked to when my dad got ill and passed, when my brother got ill and passed, and when my mother took ill. He was that person I always called when I wanted to hear an empathetic voice. He was that voice of reason. He listened - not always without judgement - but the important thing was "he listened."

I thought about calling him last week. I wanted to share with him the news about my new fiance from the Dominican Republic. I knew he would have some jabs to make. He would have some abrasive words. Some words of concern. Some joking and sly remarks. But, more importantly, he would show interest, concern, and love.

As disguised as he might have tried to have kept it, David was about concern and love. He engaged people whether with wit, attitude, or intelligence out of a genuine concern and love for his fellow man (and women).

Always the storyteller...
The experienced traveler....
The seasoned veteran...

And, yes a legend to these forums...

David - continue telling your stories, continue your travels - you will remain a legend... and a friend to me.

You are and will continue to be missed - but, I'm still counting on you to be only a phone call away.

-Phil

[Jmarksto]

...with tears, my heart breaks for David, my heart breaks for all of you, and my heart breaks for his family.  May the warm memories bring some comfort...

[Rev. Moon]

I woke up this morning alone in a hotel room. In that haze that clouds the mind after six hours of unconsciousness I thought for a moment that I had just had a most awful nightmare. And then it hit me. It was real and there was no going back.

In between conferences and meetings I kept thinking of the one person who has had the greatest influence in my life as a seropositive individual.

It was the little things about life that made us pozzie sisters. We shared an excessive passion for late eighties and early nineties house music. We could spend hours going back and forth on who, between Tenaglia or Vasquez, was the greatest DJ/remixer. He always corrected me for misspelling Junior's last name as "Vazquez".

We loved fashion, and no one knew the labels, designers, and styles better than he did.  We loved ethnic food, exotic places, and beautiful men (especially Dominicans and Brazilians). We shared a passion for independent artsy-fartsy films and everything that Terrence Malick directed. We could go on about how beautiful and under-rated The New World was, even if it wasn't historically accurate.

We were both fascinated and could quote lines by memory from 'Paris is Burning'. I was Angie and he was Venus, sisters from the House of Xtravaganza. He always had history lessons for me about the fabulous world that was gay, Black, and Latino NYC in the late 80s.

Last, even though we were removed by circumstances from the city, we shared a tremendous love for the beauty in its madness. He was Brooklyn and I was Queens. And we both appreciated and defended the trashiest, campiest, and silliest aspects of what makes that overwhelming urban space a place where gay men feel truly at home.

A couple of years ago we talked about doing a weekend in the city and hanging out with Queen Michelle. Now they're both gone. Now all I have is the feeling that maybe we should have made actual plans instead of just talking about it.

I'm sorry about this lengthy post. I need to exorcise this sadness in some way. We have experienced so much loss in the past few years. I wish everyone strength and I send every person in this forum my love, especially those whose life was made better by David's often witty, some times snarky, but always very loving presence.

He will always be loved. He will never be forgotten.

[Jeff G]

Here is a link to Davids Memorial Service .


http://www.loudounfuneralchapel.com/obituaries/David-Sowards-2/

[weasel]

    Thank you Jeff

[Grasshopper]

Such sad news to read.
My sincere condolences to all who knew and were friends with David.

[Lou-ah-vull]

Like many of you, but especially our dear group that met in Memphis this August, I am simply shocked and saddened to hear this news.  I had the blessing to get to know David at the Mexico City AMG and then on these forums afterward.  This year when he came to Memphis I had the rare opportunity to take a private walk with him and have a very spiritual conversation.  David asked most of the questions and guided most of the discussion.  I had the distinct impression while the conversation was going on that I was to remember how he had revealed himself to me in those moments. 

I have come to learn in my work that many people become so burdened with the pain--physical, emotional, mental, spiritual--that they just want it to stop.  David did not harbor the impression that his death would render him forgotten.  He knew there would be those of us that would remember and would come to emphasize his loving soul and his courageous struggle with this insidious disease.  I have watched over the years as he reached out to help some of the most marginalized and most troubled on here and offered encouragement.  I certainly also saw much of his biting satirical wit but never let myself be troubled by it.  This really was a loving soul. 

The best thing we can do is remember him and continue our work to help others who cross our paths and are in need of empathy, friendship, encouragement and support.  This is the great work that this forum offers.  As I am fond of quoting from Angels in America when I lead the AMG Memorial Service.... "the great work continues."

Rest peacefully David.  You will always be fondly remembered.
Gary

[smapdi]

Hello everyone,

I wanted to send my sincerest condolences on the loss of David. 

He was also an avid Apple device devotee and found forums for like-minded souls, and that is how I and a large group of Macintosh users knew him.  The way you describe Miss Philicia (we knew him as bedstuy, or beddie as we affectionately called him) is true to our experiences with him.  I thought I would share some of the wonderful ways he delighted us with his presence.

Often he would share his stories of New York days, his love of Dominicans, and of course how there was no county superior than Loudoun County.  It didn't matter that he lived in Philadelphia.  He was a staunch Loudoun supporter.  If a piece of technology failed, it was deemed a LEMON.

Oh did you get a new chair? Is it an Eames? Oh then forget it.  He played himself as a label whore but not in a gross Paris Hilton kind of way, but more of a "educate you plebes about the finer things in life" kind of way.

We created some playlists called Smaplers, and each one had a theme.  The first Smapler theme was Songs That Go To 11.  He submitted Loleatta Holloway's Greatest Performance of My Life.  On topic, fitting, and true bedstuy.

He would antagonize the closed-minded by changing his avatar to something fetish based. Truly hilarious. 

He thought I was too good for my husband, and told me so - not maliciously but more like in a sinister with a smile kind of way. The two of them (and others) would have these great back and forth conversations about anything.... politics, Dyson vacuum cleaners, and the proper ingredients for a greek tomato salad. 

Once I met up with him while traveling for work and we had dinner together.  It was May 12, 2011, we went to the Oyster House.  We were of course fabulous. I took a selfie of us with what was probably my old BlackBerry and my husband is currently trying to find it.  During those years I organized an annual holiday gift exchange.  It was a tight knit community.  We watched people grow up, and grow out of the forums. For a while we exchanged holiday cards.  Then the forum we shared had to close, and I didn't see him often at our splinter forum.  He last posted in June of this year. I joined twitter and followed him there, where he more frequently posted his vivid photographs.  I, like others, patiently awaited for him to write his inevitable biography, Legendary Behaviour.

I knew he had an alter ego over here since many of his photos posted on our forum shared space with photos posted over here.  I did not let on that I knew, but I was glad that he was so active and supportive to so many people.  It's wonderful that so many of you got to spend time with him online and in person.

It's not easy, losing a friend from the internet.  You can't explain it to your family or friends, so where does that sadness go?  I wish it had a place; I wish a lot of things. My intention in posting was to give you a glimpse into another slice of his life, and let you know that he was a joy, but you probably knew that already.  I hope he's looking down on me, judging me on how gauche it is to register over here for this.  That would make me smile.

[wolfter]

Thanks Gary.  You always make me cry and I appreciate it.  Once again, your words are so precise and heartfelt. 

[RobbyR]

I didn't know him but after I heard the news went to his Facebook & he seemed like a really vibrant, stylish, fun guy! Loved his photos, he was obviously very full of life, fun, & I totally loved his sense of style from what I saw. And quite handsome. So sorry for his family & friends that are missing him. Hope he is at peace now. I am sorry he felt there was no other way out. Thinking of all of you who knew him & again my condolences. Xoxo

[britchick]

I'm just reading this very sad news now.I can't quite believe it
Miss P you will be missed so much.
You were one of a kind and thank you for being you.Thank you for all your posts....your humour,your  photos ,your winter weather reports and for all the people that you supported and helped here on poz.

britchickxxx

[OneTampa]

My heart is broken with the news that David has left us.

I told David several years ago that he reminded me so much of my cousin who passed over 15 years ago.  I felt a spiritual connection.

Other Board Members have listed superlatives to describe David all of which I agree.

Condolences to all families (biological and friends) of the one and only David (Miss P.)

I am crying now....no more words.... 

[Ptrk3]

I've spent several hours over the past few days scrolling through David's 400-plus pages of forum entries to get full measure of his loss.  Though I did not have the good fortune to meet him in person, in perusing his entries, I developed a better sense of his wit and style:  urbane, elevated, lewd, charming, and never, ever boring.  He was a fully "realized" human being, a wise soul.  His entries read like "found" literature.

Still, I remain deeply shaken by his loss.  He is the first forum member I became familiar with who has passed on.  I know deep depression and know what it feels like to want to die, even before my HIV diagnosis.  It is painful for me to think of the depression David must have been in over the past few months, as he stopped contributing to the forum.

I also notice that his last "activity" on the forum (when he last logged on) was October 31, in the afternoon, so part of his last day was spent here among people with whom he felt comfortable.  How I wish we all could have known and reached out to him; "thank you" to those on this forum who knew more and did try to reach out.  Depression, though, can be a relentless demon:  death can seem the only way out. Nothing or no one can help.

But I do find some comfort in reading David's many entries, a true legacy to this forum.  His vibrant spirit will continue to live on through these entries and touch "oldsters" and "newbies" alike. David leaves us all a living legacy, so I do suggest that people take some time to look through his many entries as a way to help keep him alive and close to us all.

Lastly, though I do understand that people come and go to this forum, I do feel some concern when people who contribute frequently suddenly stop contributing.
I worry about them.  There are several I could name here but I don't want to raise unnecessary alarm; sometimes, people may just need to take a break.  Sometimes, they get sick. Some come back after an absence, and some seem to disappear.

But please, if you ever feel depressed, don't lose contact with this "virtual" family, this forum.  Reach out to people.  Feel free to "pm" those you with whom you may feel more comfortable.

As Peter Staley noted (and thank you, sir, for your hand in creating this forum and all your work over these many years to get us the drugs that keep us alive), far too many of us are lost through suicide.  In David's memory, let's renew our determination to live our lives fully and in so doing, let David live through us.

Rest in peace, Divine Miss P.

[WillyWump]

Letter to David,

When I got the call about your passing it was surreal, didn't even sink in for about 10 minutes. I kept thinking in what ways this could be a joke...but I had to eventually give in to the reality that you were gone. When an acquaintance dies it hurts but you can shake it off and post a "RIP, he will be missed" but this is not that situation. Your death hurts deep like the death of a family member, it's shocking, its haunting and its deeply hurtful.

So I cut ties with you totally in July, we both know why...and I know you understand my decision. But really you were on my mind alot during the past few months, and I almost texted you a pic a couple times...once when I had a fly stuck in my "very authentic" enchilada at your fave place El Maracumbe, and another when I had an especially bad case of diarrhea. Really there were countless moments/situations I know you would have got a kick out of, but I had to laugh at them alone. I always thought there would come a time when we would re establish communication (I should have been a better friend to you)...but It never came, and now it never will. So I will go on laughing alone, but thinking of you when I come across the crazy stuff we enjoyed.

Things I will miss...

-your detailed weather maps.
-Your FIERCE fashion pic selfies.
-The way you would hang up on me mid call.
-Your Instagram photos of Philly architecture (they were really good)
-Your 4:15 am txt pics of your toilet with a caption of "MORNIN!",
-Our heated debates over whose church was better (surely now you realize its Methodist),
-our heated debates over politics,over mexican cuisine, whose alma matter was superior... and many many more. You were a worthy sparring partner and a one of a kind friend. For the rest of my life whenever I see a press coffee maker I will think of you.

Although I simply cant do it now, one of these days I will go back over out texts so I can relive the wonderful craziness.

You pissed a lot of people off and had your enemies. But when someone was worthy of your friendship you really didnt disappoint. You were a great friend, and you were a caring friend. I am fortunate to have had you as my friend. You were one of my biggest sources of support when my mom died and I thank you for that.

I could go on and  post pages of memories and what not,  but I wont. I will save them for myself and perhaps share the really awesome ones here on the forums in the years to come.

David I wished you hadnt done this, I wished you were still here. But I wasnt in your body and at least you are out of pain now. Say hi to my mom for me.

Love you and miss you terribly,
Guilermina

Ps- you really hurt me with this one you bitch.

[karry]

Very sad. I will miss his wit and advice a lot.
Rest in peace, Miss P.
Karry

[Jody]

I was wondering if anyone would contact Mini and mom
..I know they would want to know...I didn't want to just send a PM.

[Jeff G]

I was wondering if anyone would contact Mini and mom
..I know they would want to know...I didn't want to just send a PM.

I sent her a PM … I could not find her number so I sent her mine and asked her to call me .

[smapdi]

Everyone, there have been some great photos posted on his tribute site.