Worried Sick

[Sara555]

Hello,
   I am currently terrified I may have been exposed this past Saturday. My boyfriend of many years and I had an unprotected threesome with a female friend. I know her very well but do not know her status but i do kniwnshr has been with multuple people in the orevious weeks.This is the first time we have ever done anything like this and we were all intoxicated and in the heat of the moment. We both went down on each other and used a toy interchangeably. My boyfriend also had unprotected vaginal sex with her and then me. I understand there is of course a risk with any unprotected sex but how likely would it be for me to catch it from him being inside her and then switching to me? Or me going down on her and vice versa? This is not the worst part. I've been in tears all day over this next part. I have a toddler who I have been weaning off breastfeeding who sometimes will crawl into bed and try to nurse while I sleep. (this  did not take place at our home and we had an overnight sitter watching our child as we knew we would be home late. This is the first time we have gone out and done anything like this ever) But when I woke up the next morning my child had crawled into bed and was nursing. I immediatley stopped them and have not breastfed them since.I'm absolutely terrified and sick to my stomach that if she was positive and I was exposed my baby could have also been exposed through my breastmilk. How likely would this be if I had just been exposed a few hours earlier. I am a good mother and love my baby more than life itself and the fact this one out of character event I participated in could have endangered them makes me want to throwup. I live in a rural area so unfortunately I wasn't able to immediatley go to the doctor due to Sunday then presidents day and them being closed but am going first thing tomorrow. I feel so guilty and horrified that my child could be in danger and am hoping that this risk in reality is not as likely as my paranoid mind is thinking it is as I cannot find much information about a case like this online.I'm feeling like a terrible mother. I know a test will not be viable for weeks and  i really would appreciate some unjudgemental feedback. This is such a great resource and I Thank you for taking time to read.

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

I read your post three times, your HIV risk was simply from the condomless intercourse with your partner.

On a side note, from what you posted, your partner also had an HIV risk by engaging in condomless intercourse with you and with the friend. Your friend had an HIV risk from engaging in condomless intercourse with your partner.

I know her very well but do not know her status but i do kniwnshr has been with multuple people in the orevious weeks

Judgemental/misinformed. How would you know her status? I mean even if she tested today with you all it would mean is she was negative some 3 months ago for sure. Now she sounds like she has a healthy sex drive, good for her and not your concern. She could sleep with the entire town, and be HIV negative, you could also have condomless intercourse once and be living with HIV.

how likely would it be for me to catch it from him being inside her and then switching to me?

The concern is the unprotected intercourse with your partner, that your partner switched from her to you is not an increased HIV risk to you at that moment in time regardless of her HIV status.

me going down on her and vice versa?

Not an HIV risk.

I was exposed my baby could have also been exposed through my breastmilk. How likely would this be if I had just been exposed a few hours earlier.

Not, a few hours will not cut it. Takes the better part of a week for HIV to take hold, so a few hours is not going to be a concern.

All in all:

As the condomless intercourse was a risk you could test at 6 weeks post-incident with a blood-drawn HIV antibodies test and a negative result at that time will rarely ever change. If you wish for peace of mind you can confirm these result at 3 months post-encounter. 

Remember to also test for far easier to transmit STI's and going forward keep the below in mind.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid HIV infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions. 

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as safe in terms of HIV might still pose a risk for transmission of other far easier to acquire STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also, note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

Kind regards

Jim

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[Sara555]

Thank you for your reply. I did not mean to sound judgemental but I can see how that statement came off that way. I know she was just as much at risk being with us I've just been concerned and over thinking the situation. My main concern was the possibility of danger to my child so I truly appreciate the peace of mind in those regards.Thank you so incredibly much fo the information.

[Jim Allen]

You're welcome.