Re: Am I Mental? - questions for LTS members

[SASA39]

Quote some of you :

Tim:

1.I don't know how to start this thread, because it is an issue that touches us all, but at the same time, seems to separate us at times.
 Many of us have had depression from one time or another in our pasts, and many of us have shunned the Therapist with great care and purpose for the better part of our adult lives; attending our own depression and mental health is usually far too much of a challenge for even the strongest of our peers.
 Last night, one of our longer term members was facing the wall of suicide and called out for help, and to my astonishment, help was provided with a quickness and a caring that was so astounding that it is shocking.  Even with all the checks and balances that are in place on this site, people went to no end to help a person who was in dire need of help and did so with an unselfishness that isn't always common anymore.
 
Me : If I’ve learned something from this site it is the fact that here maybe more then everywhere is a group of people united in a same cause- to help each other instantly.
But it is a sad fact that we cannot do more sometime , just a little , a real hug or talking person to person.

2.  Also, the rouse of multiple names in use has confounded the operators of the site and caused them to scratch their heads to try and figure out if they are on the right track or once again being used for someone’s crisis, or drama, and nobody really has the answer.

Me : I do not even do not know how they manage to this huge kind of work at once
( Oh it just got me : It was a movie with M.Keaton where he was multiplied –cloned)

3.  Only thing is, remember that mental health is a tenuous thing, and anyone of us from time to time can do and say things that seem mental in the extreme.

Me: Yes we all have such a minutes , but what is important ? The fact that a person perceive his/her mistake and apologize for it and furthermore really try not to repeat that same mistake again

 
4.How do you all deal with the times that come over us that make us feel so diminished that we feel like cutting to the chase and just stop taking the meds and let nature take it's course

Me : I do not know honestly. For me it is a kind of “Twilight zone-Twin peaks” mix and I’m trying just to stumble out of the woods at that moment ,not being seen by anyone , keep telling to myself :” It is not over yet>is has got to be a reason why are you are still here”

6.I have dealt with the Therapist and he has told me that I was more sane than he was, therefore I also draw the conclusion that I needed to have someone else to talk to, and immediately thought of you guys.  Then I think of the woman who is HIV+ and raising four kids without the husband that infected her and then died.
   
Me: That has happened to the most patients over here in Serbia


7.Mental health is not guaranteed, and since many of us are borderline psychotic, we are all in the same boat, so to speak.  We live our lives to the best of our ability, and those of us who are in relationships, kiss our partners good bye in the morning, only to sit in the chair, eating that protein rich breakfast to sustain our bodies and keep us healthy physically; meanwhile the pain from the legs, stomach, head and other places in our bodies comes in waves of "a reality" that won't let us even dream of a pain free life.  Is it any wonder that suicide is part and parcel of the HIV experience?

Me : Yes indeed it is a part. From some huge , but with little intensity of action . For some just a little ( just like an idea) but with huge intensity of action. And both cases need immediate helping.

 

8. I filled my life with projects that were not terribly physical and kept me busy.  I renovated three boats, and one Airstream trailer and really had fun doing this kind of work because above all, it kept my hands and mind busy with "fixing" stuff.

Me : yes , maybe this is the key. Create yourself a group of recreational-work-watch-listen cell works and just  juggle them through a day .But what if :
 
 10.  Just how many times can you clean the house before you go screaming into the fog with frustration and defeat.  Is this all that is left to do? 



 
Killfoile :


1.When I start to feel apprehensive or begin to worry about something, I must stop myself and ask the question: “Is it true?”  Simple as that seems you would be amazed at how skewed my thinking can be and often I must literally stop what I am doing and answer that question.  More often than not, I find my answer to be no (the thought is NOT true), I am not thinking factually and that causes me to go back and restart the evaluation process again.  It may sound like second nature, or even common sense to ask such a basic question, yet somehow my mind can skim right over facts and grab onto the most arcane things.  However, while this works for weeding out the factual vs. imagined issues, there still comes the issue when my answer is yes, what I am thinking is true.
Me : A very thoughtful piece of advice .Thanks

2. I used to absolutely fear death and when the answer of the worst was death, it would send me right up the wall.  It was if the Grim Reaper had become my shadow

Me : Yes . That’s the monkey on my back from whom I do not know how to escape .It is like he is breathing all the time on my back and standing still on the same time…….just waiting

 

3. To be honest, I have contemplated suicide often, but deep down I could never do something so horrific to those whom I love and fortunately I possess enough skills to generally recover from my darkest moments.  However I have discovered the difference between taking your own life, as opposed to letting go of your life.

Me : would you be so kind to be more specific please. It would help to a lot of us here .
( Because I do love my kids beyond imaginable. It is one of the unconditional things that we get )

 
4.I am just so damn tired, scared and so frustrated that I got myself into this mess.  I will never know what life would be like without HIV and to be honest, I'm not so sure I would want to know, yet the thought cannot help but to cross my mind on occasion. 
I am getting to the point where I no longer care and I often feel that I am much too young to feel this old.  Fortunately, with age comes a little wisdom and I have made peace with myself and I know that when my times come, it will be much easier than I have ever allowed myself to believe.  And to be honest, I like that feeling very much, because now I can just live my life out, rather than worrying about dying someday

Me : It seems to me that a lot of members ask themselves the same question:
“Where should I be , if I `m not a HIV+” ………
And what is the solution  to avoid that question ?

Thanks for reading my post
Any comment will do……………………….
And please you all “oldbees “ help us “newbees” with your advices.That`s the part of the story that we need the most.
                                                             Al

[Ann]

SASA,

The purpose of this LTS forum is NOT for "newbies" to use to ask LTS people for advice. Please ask them for advice in the Living forum. Thanks. Make sure you read the Welcome thread at the top of this forum, so you can be aware of the purpose of this forum.

Ann

[Ann]

SASA,

As requested in your PM to me, I've moved your post to the Living forum. As you quoted the portions of the thread you wanted to discuss, it will still make sense on its own.

Cheers,
Ann


PS - I also slightly altered the title of the thread to alert our LTS members that your questions are directed at them.

[Moffie65]

Al,

Interesting you should pick this one thread to ask questions in, as I see from many of your posts, you are having difficulty in accepting the HIV that is now living forever in your body. 

I felt when I created this thread that many of us LTS could benifit from the discussion, and at the same time, some of the issues we are dealing with are universal in "Living with any long term illness"..  I think the crux, ( or heart) of the issue is that now when I am advancing in age, and my body is becoming less and less capable of doing many of the things I used to do for dealing with HIV, I was looking for ways that will sustain me into the future.  I must now change my approach into a less physical one and more of an intellectual one.  That is not always easy when your mind is still in a physical mode. 

I hope this helps, but since you didn't really ask any questions of me, I really don't know what to say from here.

Look for that PM I promissed.

Love,

[Joe K]

Hey SASA,

I hope you realize that my response in the original thread was fairly all encompassing.  As you have noted in your post, there are some areas in which I fear you are looking for easy answers, when there rarely are true answers, let alone easy.  When I talk about the Grim Reaper and how I no longer fear him, it ties into my acceptance that I will die someday and my understanding that may come a time when I will just let my life go.  Not cause my own death, as in suicide, rather reaching a point when my quality of life becomes minimal and it's just time to die or let go of life.

Your other concerns are very normal, but again there are no pat answers.  What worked for me was to find a good therapist, support group and psychiatrist to re-balance the chemicals in my brain.  It is very important to know whether you have some physical basis for your feelings because if your brain chemicals are unbalanced, therapy will be very hard, as your brain is not as receptive as it could be.  Confusing?  Probably and that is why you need the help of professionals.  Once you are able to review your issues with trained professionals, it will be much easier for you to find treatment that works for you.

But don't overlook the fact that everything you have mentioned is perfectly normal, HIV or not.  We all worry about life, family and love and the key is to find a balance so you can really live and learn to just accept those things that cannot change.  Like I said, no easy answers, but each step brings you that much closer to addressing your issues, so do yourself a favor and talk with someone, just to get an unbiased opinion.