not telling people

[CalvinC]

On Saturday, I had visits with two old friends. One was a former bf, the other, a (female) friend I knew from when we were  teenagers/young adults. Both I've reconnected with in the past few years. We see each other every other month or so.

Neither of these two know that I'm positive. And for some reason, I have zero desire to tell them. I don't think either of them would judge me, far from it. I just don't want people knowing.

Anyway, it was the oddest thing. With the female friend, we were talking about gay men she knew and hung out with (after I left the city where we grew up); and there was, at one point, a perfect opportunity for me to segue into me telling her than I'm poz. I let it pass. Later on that evening, when I met up with the old bf, the same thing happened. He said, at one point, "Isn't it a miracle that neither of us are positive?" And no, I don't think he was fishing. We've never discussed the subject, one way or another. i just said, "Yup, it's a miracle," and let it pass.

Perhaps the most odd thing about this is that when I did test poz, in 2006, I called both of them, a few days after, when I was feeling vulnerable and was looking, I guess, for a connection to the past. I didn't call anyone else from my past, like this. (At that time, I hadn't seen either in quite a few years.) Neither was home. (This is before cellphones.) I didn't follow up.

I don't believe in oh-this-sounds-like-the-spirits-are-trying-to-tell-you-something and stuff like that. It's just a (large) coincidence.

And so I'm wondering if some of y'all haven't told some people in your lives, and why.

cal

[Jim Allen]

Well, I would have preferred not to have shared my HIV with the world but years ago someone told everyone.

As for new people I meet, I only tell those that I'm having sex with or dating and outside of that I keep it to myself, as I do with my other health conditions. The reason is I don't get anything out of telling people, it's just a touch of AIDS and doesn't matter, so what would be the point? I know they don't tell me everything about their manageable health conditions either.

There is an exception, if someone is persistently crowding my space, which sometimes happens in supermarkets, I share my HIV status by coughing deeply, and then I apologize to them saying "Don't worry it's just AIDS" and they always feck off after that Its like my superpower

[CalvinC]

Haha, good one, Jim. *cough cough*

The (female) friend has actually told me a good deal about her mental health, since we've reconnected. (I have OCD, and I shared that, but only minimally.) She says she has ADHD and is being treated for it, and also insists that she is on the autism spectrum. I don't believe it -- I think that she is just looking for reasons as to why she had an unhappy childhood / teenage life and why this has coloured her adult life. But I say nothing and just nod.

[Jim Allen]

The (female) friend has actually told me a good deal about her mental health, since we've reconnected. (I have OCD, and I shared that, but only minimally.) She says she has ADHD and is being treated for it, and also insists that she is on the autism spectrum. I don't believe it -- I think that she is just looking for reasons as to why she had an unhappy childhood / teenage life and why this has coloured her adult life. But I say nothing and just nod.

Autism spectrum, well there is far better awareness and diagnosis nowadays, but as with any illness or issue the attention-seeking or excuse types are always around to latch on. Anyhow, let's presume her diagnosis is true, then it indicates that she trusts you, but there is a reason for sharing. People don't do or share things without a reason.

Getting back to HIV though and sharing medical information in general, she shared her ADHD diagnosis, but this doesn't mean she shares every medical condition she has. Nearly everyone had something but there is no need to tell the world. Herpes is quite common and if I believe the stats tons of the people I know and have met over the years must have it but nobody has ever told me about it and why should they?

[CalvinC]

I suppose you're right, Jim; but part of my thinking arises from the fact that she has done nothing about finding out if indeed this is the case. She has seen therapists (not for autism), and so she knows how the system works. And here in Canada, there's no cost to seeing a specialist (other than there might be a bit of a wait). So I wonder.