Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
March 28, 2024, 02:43:56 am

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 37612
  • Latest: testABC
Stats
  • Total Posts: 772944
  • Total Topics: 66310
  • Online Today: 161
  • Online Ever: 5484
  • (June 18, 2021, 11:15:29 pm)
Users Online
Users: 3
Guests: 152
Total: 155

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Do I Have HIV?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Welcome to Do I Have HIV?

Welcome to the "Do I Have HIV?" POZ forum.

This special section of the POZ forum is for individuals who have concerns about whether or not they are HIV positive. Individuals are permitted to post up to three questions or responses in this forum.

Ongoing participation in the "Do I Have HIV?" forum (posting more than three questions or responses) requires a paid subscription, with secure payments made via PayPal.

A seven-day subscription is $9.99, a 30-day subscription is $14.99 and a 90-day subscription is $24.99.

Anyone who needs to post more than three messages in the "Do I Have HIV?" forum -- including past, present and future POZ Forums members -- will need to subscribe, with secure payments made via PayPal.

There is no charge to read threads in the "Do I Have HIV?" forum, nor will there be a charge for participating in any of the other POZ forums. In addition, the POZ Basics "HIV Transmission and Risks" and "HIV Testing" basics, will remain accessible to all.

NOTE: HIV testing questions will still need to be posted in the "Do I Have HIV?" forum; attempts to post HIV symptoms or testing questions in any other forums will be considered violations of our rules of membership and subject to time-outs and permanent bans.

To learn how to upgrade your Forums account to participate beyond three posts in the "Do I Have HIV?" Forum, please click here.

Thank you for your understanding and future support of the best online support service for people living with, affected by and at risk for HIV.

Author Topic: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me  (Read 7653 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline worryingtoomuch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« on: May 24, 2010, 10:34:39 pm »
Hi everyone,

First off thanks for providing a forum for dialogue.  This really goes a long way in education, prevention, outreach etc...

So I am a closeted bi guy, and in the last three years have had 10 casual sex partners i met online through a variety of sites.  for each one we used condoms for any anal sex activities.  unfortunately not for oral.   from what i can tell, oral is a low risk activity that should not raise my anxiety to any higher (i dont know if that is possible) levels.   

I recently went to a clinic for a test.  will be going back for the results June 8th.  I know I have not tested for three years.  i tested prior to it regularly every few months but have had a lot of blood work done and figured it was included.  now i know it was not and am terribly worried what I am going to find out. 

symptoms aside, bc i think they are too hard to gauge any possible infection i ve had a 24 bug here and there, my stomach has been wild since i was born, and in college ppl just get sick from being surrounded by a lot of ppl and staying up late etc....  This being said, I am legitimately losing my mind.  to the best of my knowledge no condom every broke in any of the intercourse acts.  However, one time I used vaseline when i was the receptive bottom since I didn't know that it could damage the condom.  it was really dark and i am not sure if the condom broke or not.  i think i saw it intact when we were done, but i am not 100% sure and have honestly been living in hell since realizing that i potentially allowed myself to be infected. the guy never said anything to suggest the condom broke, so i am hoping it didn't.  Would it have been obvious to him, or both of us.  Like torn completely off and dangling like a tissue?

If any of you could provide a frank assessment of my risk based on the details (or lack thereof) i have provided.  I am 23, and I unfortunately do not have anyone to discuss this matter with, which is making it all the harder on me. 

I know HIV is not a gay disease, but it is more prevalent within the gay community.  i dint know if its the intense guilt and disappointed that I yielded to lust over reason that I feel like i am surely infected.  i know one could get HIV from a saint as much as one could get one from a sinner, I just feel my online promiscuity has condemned me to a rather undesirable disease.

Thanks ahead of time for your input.  Praying very hard right now for a happy ending to this story ;-)

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2010, 11:26:45 pm »
I am glad that you have used condoms. If the scenarios are as you describe, then I see no reason why you should not expect a negative test.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline worryingtoomuch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #2 on: May 25, 2010, 12:29:52 am »
even with the very unfortunate vaseline incident?

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2010, 12:37:45 am »
A condom break is almost never a subtle incident. They are designed to fail catastrophically. You and/or your partner would have noticed.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline worryingtoomuch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #4 on: May 25, 2010, 10:57:32 am »
one more question.  with one person while dry humping, would there be an elevated risk if the head of the penis entered the anus a few time.  i think it would have been very obvious for both of us, don't think it went in, but assuming it did.  would my risk for potentially inserting the head of m penis with no condom be the same risk as full unprotected intercourse?

sorry for all the questions--you can imagine how everything is racing through my head right now!

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2010, 12:02:45 pm »
You would have known if you penetrated him. Sticik your finger up your ass and tell me that you didn't know it.

Offline worryingtoomuch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #6 on: May 25, 2010, 12:07:03 pm »
ok fair enough.   lets just say for arguments sake, tip did go in a few times.  what is the magnitude of risk?

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #7 on: May 25, 2010, 12:10:30 pm »
ok fair enough.   lets just say for arguments sake, tip did go in a few times.  what is the magnitude of risk?
We're not going to play games, did you have unprotected penetrative sex or not?

Offline worryingtoomuch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #8 on: May 25, 2010, 12:21:55 pm »
i dont think so.  i felt pressure on the head of my penis but can't say for certain.  worst case scenario is that there were several thrusts in which the head penetrated the anus.  forget everything i said before this.  head and head alone entered several times.  this is unprotected sex isnt it?  i feel like a dumb as*. 

Offline worryingtoomuch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #9 on: May 25, 2010, 12:22:32 pm »
would the depth of insertion and short duratinon change anything though?

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,134
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #10 on: May 25, 2010, 01:17:15 pm »
Worrying,

It sounds to me like you're over-analysing this. Just pushing your dick on his anus isn't a risk. Only you and this guy were there, so only you and he know whether or not you penetrated him at all. If you did just a tiny bit, it's such a slight risk I wouldn't even bother testing.

It's up to you. Test for peace of mind and collect your inevitable negative result or let it go and make sure you use condoms for intercourse.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline worryingtoomuch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #11 on: May 25, 2010, 01:33:07 pm »
ok, you guys have calmed me down to the point where I can live until I receive my test results June 8th.  One last question, in terms of condom breakage it is obvious from what everyone says.  but how bout leaking.  if there is not an obvious break, then there is no leaking? 

I am a product of poor sex ed in school aka (use a condom and you'll be fine--not how to use one, when to use one).  I am glad I am learning all of this now rather than later, but hope that its not too late.



Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,134
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #12 on: May 25, 2010, 02:14:06 pm »
Worrying,

If there's no obvious breaks, there's no leaking. The "tiny holes in condoms" thing is an urban myth spread by people (like the Catholic church) who don't want people to use or trust condoms.

Read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence. There is even a demonstration video on the website in the link Condoms are a girl's best friend. Watch it if you're not sure how to put one on.

Sadly, the demonstration only goes so far as to show how one puts one on and takes one off, but not what you do while it's on. ;)

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline worryingtoomuch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #13 on: May 26, 2010, 10:31:52 am »
OK, thanks for having the info on proper condom usage available to everyone! 

I am still worried that even though I used condoms every time (except the dry hump incident in question) I have been infected.  I hope its just paranoia, but I did have a five day flu illness in February that might have been a possible ARS symtpom.  Is this guilt from the sex or do I have reason to be concerned.  Are there any free phone counseling services you know of to deal with HIV related anxiety.   No matter how hard I try I cannot function in life right now!  (i even admit this sounds weak--but dont know what to do about it)

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,134
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #14 on: May 26, 2010, 11:03:30 am »
Worrying,

Gee, you had a "flu illness" in February?  Imagine that. You must be the only person to ever get the flu during cold and flu season. ::)

I don't know of any free phone lines for hiv anxiety and to be honest, you only get what you pay for and most free hiv advice hotlines do nothing but spread more disinformation because the people on the other end of the line don't know what the hell they're talking about in most cases.

You'd be far better off seeing a therapist face-to-face about this. Maybe try your local ASO. And be warned, we cannot help you with your anxiety here, we're not a substitute for therapy.

It's likely you're expecting to test positive because you see hiv as a punishment for having sex in a society that demonises sexual relations, especially sexual relations between two men. It's just a damned virus, it's not a punishment.

You've always done the right thing and used condoms. There's no reason, from a scientific standpoint, to believe you'll test positive.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 34,126
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #15 on: May 26, 2010, 11:04:52 am »
Fortunately fears are not facts. And symptoms mean zilch. And no, I don't know of any phone counseling couseling services for HIV anxiety. Try calling any AIDS service organization in your neighborhood and see if they can refer you for help.

And of course we expect you to test negative.
Andy Velez

Offline worryingtoomuch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #16 on: May 26, 2010, 05:43:51 pm »
gonna take a rapid test tomorrow.  this ends tomorrow at 8:30 am!  fingers crossed....

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 34,126
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #17 on: May 26, 2010, 05:51:10 pm »
Good luck for what I expect will be a happy result.
Andy Velez

Offline worryingtoomuch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #18 on: May 27, 2010, 09:33:42 am »
TEST TODAY WAS NEGATIVE--AFTER 16 WEEKS--CONCLUSIVE!

I wanted to share this with the forum as a way to tell people who are obsessing on this forum or online about potential symptoms or chances of infection to stop wasting your time.  I have not slept for a month, contacted the phone company, poured through records to find previous partners, and watched my hair grey (and fall out) as I worried over every single possible symptom of ARS. 

My one regret, was not driving to the center, taking the 20 minute test and nipping this in the bud.  Before spiraling down this self destructive path, please stop, get tested.  worrying will not make it any better.  Whatever has happened has happened. 

So get tested, it really is the smart thing to do for your sanity! 

Ann, I got an in person proper condom and lube usage lesson today.  Very happy I am now fully equipped to be responsible with my choices in life. 

Best of luck to everyone, and thank you for the input!!!

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 34,126
Re: Need your advice, my own anxiety is destroying me
« Reply #19 on: May 27, 2010, 11:53:47 am »
Congrats on your happy result. And your committment to consistently using condoms for intercourse in the future. Way to go!
Andy Velez

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2024 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.