Author Topic: Friends' reactions (Read 7088 times)

lydgate · « **on:** January 20, 2007, 04:35:31 pm »

I'm "out" about my HIV status to probably 20 friends. (The only reason I'm not completely out is cuz I'm not a US citizen. Anyway.) My poz status is now, finally, just part of the background hum of my life; it's a part of me and doesn't seem to bother me much. (Touch wood.) And sometimes -- I amaze myself -- a day or two will go by when I haven't consciously thought of HIV at all.

My friends have been great, totally supportive. But most of them still tense up, ever so slightly, when I bring up an HIV-related topic. For example: "The guy didn't want to sleep with me cuz I'm poz" or "My lab results are in and my numbers are X, Y, Z" or "My virus and I are having a shitty day."

It's actually the kidding around that makes some of my friends tense up the most. I have a pretty whacky over-intellectualized over-ironicized sense of humor I suppose. But when I say things like "Are you sure I can sit on your toilet seat?" they don't laugh, which is what I'd like them to do. And I'd like them to tease me back.

Joking about my "pet virus" (thank you, Shawn Decker) is part of my coping mechanism (I hate that psychobabble phrase though). I just wish my friends would be on board with that and joke along with me.

Jay

Christine · « **Reply #1 on:** January 20, 2007, 04:45:38 pm »

Hi Jay,
I joke about being hiv+, it is a coping mechanism for me also. Have you told your friends that joking is how you cope? Maybe they don't know that. Talk to them about it. Maybe it makes them uncomfortable? Maybe it brings it to the forefront and they have to deal with the hiv? You just won't know until you ask them.

I know I have joked with my Mom, and she does not always find it funny. So, I have just learned who I can joke with, and who I can't.

Christine

aupointillimite · « **Reply #2 on:** January 20, 2007, 04:47:52 pm »

My friends and I all have senses of humor much like yours... so when I get up in a bar and scream, "HIV is like Rasputin!" they pretty much laugh.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #3 on:** January 20, 2007, 05:11:07 pm »

I used to make virus jokes ALL the time after my diagnosis and everyone cringed. Well, everyone except from one of my best friends who was also HIV+... we'd just cackle. We even invented a fictional trendy nightclub where we only go when our t-cells were under a certain number. But yeah, it's a coping mechanism. I'm beyond the coping phase after 14 years.

All of my close friends I told when diagnosed. One grew distant, but that may have been due to other drama and nothing to do with me. Still... pissed me off and made me limit "the informed" to my close circle, which was fine because there's not much reason to tell acquaintances though many I eventually did. Depended on MY needs, not theirs. Of course, after 14 years the circle has widened to a few old hight school and college friends that I don't even see that often. Maybe I should have just made a press release or sent out engraved Crane's "Thank You" stationery.

poet · « **Reply #4 on:** January 20, 2007, 06:02:45 pm »

Jay, my onetime NYC friend, Kevin M., a t.v. producer from Britain is blind. His condition is unavoidable. Does one guide him when spotted on the sidewalk? Yet he 'sees' and remembers what he has 'seen,' can tell you exactly which building follows which building. Being with him, one wants to pretend that he isn't blind, right? It isn't mentioned in front of him unless he brings it up, like you with hiv, in a joking way about, say, getting onto the wrong elevator and ending up in the basement of his building. I had a friend with m.s. Also something which one tried to work around. So in a way, I guess your friends are dealing with your being hiv positive in a way which they might deal with a friend who was deaf or blind or limped or spoke oddly because of an illness. Win

Eldon · « **Reply #5 on:** January 20, 2007, 06:04:41 pm »

Jay: It is a good thing that you do have your circle of friends to support you in your life. As you and I know it, therewill be ups and downs but for the most part they all balence themselves out. A wonderful attitude to continue to live your life as you see fit as you have taken care of the necessities that are required to be taken care of.

"What Can I do today to make a better Tomorrow?"

dtwpuck · « **Reply #6 on:** January 20, 2007, 06:11:03 pm »

What's really funny is when you make your friend ever so slightly uncomfortable with a joke about hiv, and then they talk about it when you're not around... "oh billy is amazing, he's coping so well..."

I think the level of comfort gay men have with talking about hiv varies greatly from city to city. SF is one end... pick a small city in the midwest for another.

Life · « **Reply #7 on:** January 20, 2007, 06:14:41 pm »

I want some of that shit...

P.W.O.I.O.I.S.O.H.

pretty whacky over-intellectualized over-ironicized sense of humor

I think thats why I am attracted to those who can come up with CLEVER SHIT about hiv...

aupointillimite · « **Reply #8 on:** January 20, 2007, 06:20:24 pm »

Quote from: Eric on January 20, 2007, 06:14:41 pm

I want some of that shit...

P.W.O.I.O.I.S.O.H.

pretty whacky over-intellectualized over-ironicized sense of humor

Start watching Todd Solondz movies and don't come out of your room until you finish!

Eldon · « **Reply #9 on:** January 20, 2007, 06:34:25 pm »

Hey ERIC!!!!

It IS on Special! Buy One, Get One Free! Ha!

"What Can I do today to make a better Tomorrow?"

allopathicholistic · « **Reply #10 on:** January 20, 2007, 06:41:40 pm »

aupointillimite · « **Reply #11 on:** January 20, 2007, 06:43:08 pm »

Quote from: allopathicholistic on January 20, 2007, 06:41:40 pm

what on earth is in that bottle or do we really want to know

Amyl Nitrite.

Nummy treat.

allopathicholistic · « **Reply #12 on:** January 20, 2007, 06:47:31 pm »

Quote from: aupointillimite on January 20, 2007, 06:43:08 pm

Amyl Nitrite.

Nummy treat.

aha, so all this talk of positive energy really means get your freak on

i only know about poppers from one of my ex-boyfriends and the poppers he used had no labels/brand names. just little brown glass bottles from what i remember

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #13 on:** January 20, 2007, 06:55:50 pm »

I told you Eldon's weird posts were because he was high all the time. I just got the substance incorrect.

allopathicholistic · « **Reply #14 on:** January 20, 2007, 06:58:24 pm »

Quote from: philly267 on January 20, 2007, 06:55:50 pm

I told you Eldon's weird posts were because he was high all the time. I just got the substance incorrect.

mystery solved!

aupointillimite · « **Reply #15 on:** January 20, 2007, 06:58:30 pm »

Quote from: allopathicholistic on January 20, 2007, 06:47:31 pm

aha, so all this talk of positive energy really means get your freak on

i only know about poppers from one of my ex-boyfriends and the poppers he used had no labels/brand names. just little brown glass bottles from what i remember

I'm completely unaware of any other positive energy that isn't based in sex. If there is one, I don't trust it.

I only know about poppers because of all those times that I did them. The little brown bottles of funktastic nastiness that make me feel really retro to use. It's like having disco buttsex.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #16 on:** January 20, 2007, 07:11:01 pm »

But do you know about ETHYL? Bring hankie for fun... makes the music go craaaaazy

http://www.jenraysales.com/index.php?cat=Cat2&aisle=1004

aupointillimite · « **Reply #17 on:** January 20, 2007, 07:12:37 pm »

Quote from: philly267 on January 20, 2007, 07:11:01 pm

But do you know about ETHYL? Bring hankie for fun... makes the music go craaaaazy

My grandmother's name is Ethel. Too close for comfort.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #18 on:** January 20, 2007, 07:14:01 pm »

ha... found something you haven't done

n00b!

aupointillimite · « **Reply #19 on:** January 20, 2007, 07:17:22 pm »

Quote from: philly267 on January 20, 2007, 07:14:01 pm

ha... found something you haven't done

n00b!

I know! A drug that has not, as of yet, sullied this bloodstream?

Who would have thought such a thing could be!

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #20 on:** January 20, 2007, 07:22:06 pm »

You said you wanted retro, and ethyl is ever so retro. And the hanky is called an "ethyl rag." Even when I was doing poppers and ethyl in the late 80's they were retro! You're like on the 2nd gen of the retro thing... probably 3rd, dunno. I didn't see anyone doing them in the 90's. A friend of mine pulled it all out again in South Beach a few years ago for another round of memories...

Eldon · « **Reply #21 on:** January 20, 2007, 07:43:05 pm »

Benj, Alex, Philly:

Alright! Let's Break This Up!

It IS not an inhalant. "Swig" Not Inhale there is a difference between the two.

It IS what it IS and that IS Positive Energy!

"What Can I do today to make a better Tomorrow?"

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #22 on:** January 20, 2007, 07:47:17 pm »

It's a bottle of amyl nitrate. Any fag should be able to pick that up. Color of the bottle. Plastic sealant. Need I go on?

Eldon · « **Reply #23 on:** January 20, 2007, 08:00:38 pm »

Philly: Should WE pick up where WE left off?

"What Can I do today to make a better Tomorrow?"

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Author Topic: Friends' reactions (Read 7088 times)