Author Topic: 22 /newly diagnosed lost in the universe..... (Read 13646 times)

Alexander1992 · « **on:** January 16, 2015, 05:27:39 pm »

Greetings world,members and guest at the forum this is the first forum post ever and I still don't know how this things work not even the basics.I am writing this because I feel kind of lost and alone right now,I just need someone to hear my story just in case something happen .... I have 22 years,boy,student and a blood donor(that is how I find out)I was diagnosed/confirmed 2 December 2014 by western blood test and exposed few weeks earlier.It was really hard the first couple of days and nights and I was thinking about ending my life but I found reason to fight this.I told my parents the first day I found out and they understand everything and accepted me as I am and that is the main reason I didn't do anything stupid then... I started therapy Combivir/Nevirapine on 18th December because my CD4 was 350 and my Vl unknown because for doing those tests It takes time(that's what the doctor said to me).it's been almost a month on therapy and I don't feel anything different about me,maybe because I don't know my viral load.I was having a lot of bad dreams every night and trouble sleeping but no other side effects.How ever I'm still afraid and I don't ever plan to disclose my status to anyone in the near future...

I fear the stigma,and how people will react.It can get really messy here cause its still a taboo.Its been my biggest fear in life ever to get infected and to die because of this but now after I spent all this time on this forum and reading how other people handle it and some live before even ARTS were available I know that there is nothing to fear.I hope that someday it will get better and there will be a cure or something that can put an end to this terrible condition once and for all. I am concerned about my combination because I was reading about a lot of side effects on the long run from Combivir. I was talking with my hiv doctor about this but he said he is the doctor not me,but I think that being a doctor in a public clinic but cant run viral load tests don't make you a good doctor... Anyway I probably talk nonsense and I don't know what to write anymore... I'm crying and laughing in the same time(is it the drugs or I'm getting crazy?) I hope to make new friends here soon

xx P.S. I am sorry If I have grammar and spelling mistakes

Tonny2 · « **Reply #1 on:** January 16, 2015, 06:14:59 pm »

Quote from: Alexander1992 on January 16, 2015, 05:27:39 pm

Greetings world,members and guest at the forum this is the first forum post ever and I still don't know how this things work not even the basics.I am writing this because I feel kind of lost and alone right now,I just need someone to hear my story just in case something happen .... I have 22 years,boy,student and a blood donor(that is how I find out)I was diagnosed/confirmed 2 December 2014 by western blood test and exposed few weeks earlier.It was really hard the first couple of days and nights and I was thinking about ending my life but I found reason to fight this.I told my parents the first day I found out and they understand everything and accepted me as I am and that is the main reason I didn't do anything stupid then... I started therapy Combivir/Nevirapine on 18th December because my CD4 was 350 and my Vl unknown because for doing those tests It takes time(that's what the doctor said to me).it's been almost a month on therapy and I don't feel anything different about me,maybe because I don't know my viral load.I was having a lot of bad dreams every night and trouble sleeping but no other side effects.How ever I'm still afraid and I don't ever plan to disclose my status to anyone in the near future... I fear the stigma,and how people will react.It can get really messy here cause its still a taboo.Its been my biggest fear in life ever to get infected and to die because of this but now after I spent all this time on this forum and reading how other people handle it and some live before even ARTS were available I know that there is nothing to fear.I hope that someday it will get better and there will be a cure or something that can put an end to this terrible condition once and for all. I am concerned about my combination because I was reading about a lot of side effects on the long run from Combivir. I was talking with my hiv doctor about this but he said he is the doctor not me,but I think that being a doctor in a public clinic but cant run viral load tests don't make you a good doctor... Anyway I probably talk nonsense and I don't know what to write anymore... I'm crying and laughing in the same time(is it the drugs or I'm getting crazy?) I hope to make new friends here soon xx P.S. I am sorry If I have grammar and spelling mistakes

ojo Hola Alexander, don't worry about your English, mine is worse...sorry to hear about your dx, but glad you found us..I'm happy for you for telling your parents, now you will not be alone during the hardest time, knowing your dx..no need to tell anybody else, at least, no yet...I suppose you live somewhere else out of the USA, your combo is ok, the problems is the AZT, but just check your hemoglobin and you will be fine, I know people taking Combivir for a while and they like you, don't feel anything, they don't feel their legs, hands, anything, lol (just a little joke), what I mean, they are doing fine...it's normal you can sleep, you are still in shock, but let me tell you that I felt the same way as you are feeling now, twenty years ago, so, you will be fine as long as you take your meds the right way...about the public health, it is what it is, try to make the best of it, we can not do anything about it, but smile and be thankful that there is help...do not feel alone, you can count on us, at least, I'm here for you, for sure...so, ANIMO, cheer up!! that t is not the end of the world, you just have to make small changes in your life and voila!! you will be fine, just a thought, I hope and you understand me, English is my second language...lots of hugs, cause it is what you need the most right now, and keep in touch ojo

Alexander1992 · « **Reply #2 on:** January 16, 2015, 06:25:27 pm »

Hello Tonny2 thanks for responding and reading my post.I feel better now knowing that there is someone who read my story... Yes I live in Eastern Europe and English is my second language too.I already started to make some changes in my life.I stop drinking alcohol and I'm trying to stop smoking but its kind of hard. I am taking my pills every time and never miss a dose,still reading about what food to eat and things like that. I am happy that there are people who can talk to if help is needed. We will stay in contact I hope and lots of hugs also

zach · « **Reply #3 on:** January 16, 2015, 07:28:27 pm »

Your English is fine, don't give it a second thought.

Listen, you're going to experience a million emotions, most of them all at once. Let it wash over you. The whirlwind you're in, is normal, it's just a part of the process. In time, you'll work through it, and things will get better. Give it that time, let things breathe. There is no rush for this, take things slow and steady.

It is great you're in treatment, stick with that and you'll go far in life.

Welcome, stay awhile.

mecch · « **Reply #4 on:** January 16, 2015, 07:33:41 pm »

Sorry you got HIV.
You don't need to tell anyone - just wait until you are ready.
Sorry that your clinic isn't top notch but you have to deal with whats available. You might want to sniff around your city or country, discretely, so see who is positive and out there giving support and suggestions about negotiating all the access in your country. Yeah, that combo isn't exactly new. You'll want to discover if there are hush hush access to labs, meds, etc, that nobody is going to offer you but might be there for an assertive person. Who knows.
You do NOT have to make radical changes to your lifestyle to live healthy with HIV. Its the antivirals, my friend. You can drink in moderation. You do NOT have to quit drinking because you got HIV. Its good to eat well, for anyone, HIV+ or HIV-. Yes, quit smoking, thats a no no, if at all possible, quit.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #5 on:** January 16, 2015, 07:55:12 pm »

Quote from: Alexander1992 on January 16, 2015, 06:25:27 pm

Hello Tonny2 thanks for responding and reading my post.I feel better now knowing that there is someone who read my story... Yes I live in Eastern Europe and English is my second language too.I already started to make some changes in my life.I stop drinking alcohol and I'm trying to stop smoking but its kind of hard. I am taking my pills every time and never miss a dose,still reading about what food to eat and things like that. I am happy that there are people who can talk to if help is needed. We will stay in contact I hope and lots of hugs also

ojo Alexander, I{m glad you are feeling better..you can drink in moderation, I would rather you stop smoking tan drinking, I know is difficult to quit smoking, but, try it...you can eat whatever you want, when I said to you that have to make some adjustments, I was talñking, mainly, about your sex life, you got to practice safer sex...you will see a lot of people in here, giving you support and trying to make you feel better, it takes timme to digest the awful news of a HIV diagnosis, but, it will get better with time...like Mecch mentioned, your combo isn{t a new one, maybe if you ask questions, you will be able to get a different combo...I took Combivir ages ago, the only problema I got from it was anemia, just keep an eye in your hemoglobine and you will be fine...best of luck and more hugs for you ojo

initforlife · « **Reply #6 on:** January 16, 2015, 09:24:57 pm »

Hi Alexander,Sorry about you dx. don't worry about your English is fine. LOL if they can understand my redneck they can understand anything. You are not alone this board will be here for you. lean on us all. The people here truly care and they have and continue to help me with being poz. and don't worry about telling anyone that is your choice to do if and when you are ready. no hurry take your time get used to your dx first. anyway welcome!

Alexander1992 · « **Reply #7 on:** January 17, 2015, 03:07:57 am »

Thank to all of you guys for responding,I feel a lot better knowing that talking about this wont be a problem here.

Changing my life style and practice safe sex from now on its going to be always on my mind,cause I don't want anyone else to get it from me.. How ever there is a support group in my country for people living with our condition but Im not sure that I can trust them,I think I need more time to adapt.I know my combo is kind of bad and I will talk to my doctor again about it but after I get to undetectable viral load first. I hope I can learn all you know guys and help prevent from now on.

zach · « **Reply #8 on:** January 17, 2015, 04:55:26 am »

as far prevention, keep this written in stone on your soul

your virus stops with you. wear a condom for all vaginal and anal penetration. do not share needles.

that is all, that is it, there is nothing else to it.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #9 on:** January 17, 2015, 11:18:48 am »

Quote from: Alexander1992 on January 17, 2015, 03:07:57 am

Thank to all of you guys for responding,I feel a lot better knowing that talking about this wont be a problem here. Changing my life style and practice safe sex from now on its going to be always on my mind,cause I don't want anyone else to get it from me.. How ever there is a support group in my country for people living with our condition but Im not sure that I can trust them,I think I need more time to adapt.I know my combo is kind of bad and I will talk to my doctor again about it but after I get to undetectable viral load first. I hope I can learn all you know guys and help prevent from now on.

ojo Hi Alexander...I'm glad you understand and don't want to pass the virus around...take your time, if you don't feel comfortable going to a support group, don't do it, you never know who is going to be there, so take your time, digest the bad news, visit us if you feel down or want some information, there are lots of people who can help you with your questions about HIV....welcome and your combo, is old, but there are a lot of people taking it, so, good luck with your new life, which is still a good life =) ojo

theQborokid · « **Reply #10 on:** January 23, 2015, 08:35:00 pm »

Quote from: Alexander1992 on January 16, 2015, 05:27:39 pm

Greetings world,members and guest at the forum this is the first forum post ever and I still don't know how this things work not even the basics.I am writing this because I feel kind of lost and alone right now,I just need someone to hear my story just in case something happen .... I have 22 years,boy,student and a blood donor(that is how I find out)I was diagnosed/confirmed 2 December 2014 by western blood test and exposed few weeks earlier.It was really hard the first couple of days and nights and I was thinking about ending my life but I found reason to fight this.I told my parents the first day I found out and they understand everything and accepted me as I am and that is the main reason I didn't do anything stupid then... I started therapy Combivir/Nevirapine on 18th December because my CD4 was 350 and my Vl unknown because for doing those tests It takes time(that's what the doctor said to me).it's been almost a month on therapy and I don't feel anything different about me,maybe because I don't know my viral load.I was having a lot of bad dreams every night and trouble sleeping but no other side effects.How ever I'm still afraid and I don't ever plan to disclose my status to anyone in the near future... I fear the stigma,and how people will react.It can get really messy here cause its still a taboo.Its been my biggest fear in life ever to get infected and to die because of this but now after I spent all this time on this forum and reading how other people handle it and some live before even ARTS were available I know that there is nothing to fear.I hope that someday it will get better and there will be a cure or something that can put an end to this terrible condition once and for all. I am concerned about my combination because I was reading about a lot of side effects on the long run from Combivir. I was talking with my hiv doctor about this but he said he is the doctor not me,but I think that being a doctor in a public clinic but cant run viral load tests don't make you a good doctor... Anyway I probably talk nonsense and I don't know what to write anymore... I'm crying and laughing in the same time(is it the drugs or I'm getting crazy?) I hope to make new friends here soon xx P.S. I am sorry If I have grammar and spelling mistakes

Hey Alexander, i was diagnosed in late november, and i was extremely sick. i am 30 years old now, and from my great doctors information, apparently i've had the virus for maybe 8-10 years and did not know. so i was probably your age when it happened. However, with having it, I did great in school, social life was normal, traveled, partied, did everything someone your age is suppose to be doing. I am now an attorney and doing what i love professionally. i say all this to let you know its really not that bad, you found out right when it happened and you can maintain your health from this point and you will be totally fine.

Alexander1992 · « **Reply #11 on:** January 28, 2015, 02:12:08 pm »

Quote from: theQborokid on January 23, 2015, 08:35:00 pm

Hey Alexander, i was diagnosed in late november, and i was extremely sick. i am 30 years old now, and from my great doctors information, apparently i've had the virus for maybe 8-10 years and did not know. so i was probably your age when it happened. However, with having it, I did great in school, social life was normal, traveled, partied, did everything someone your age is suppose to be doing. I am now an attorney and doing what i love professionally. i say all this to let you know its really not that bad, you found out right when it happened and you can maintain your health from this point and you will be totally fine.

Hey thanks for sharing your story here,and I am really sorry that you found out so many years later. I learned a lot here on this forum and reading a lot of stories lately.. its really good that nowdays people like us can live longer and maintain their health,of course finding out on time is really great but prevention is the only thing that I should have had.I found out few days ago that the boys i had sex with gave the virus on purpose to me,so Im thinking a lot about what can i do about it now. Maintain the health and having normal life should be goals to every human beings. Take care

theQborokid · « **Reply #12 on:** February 04, 2015, 03:03:23 am »

Quote from: Alexander1992 on January 28, 2015, 02:12:08 pm

Hey thanks for sharing your story here,and I am really sorry that you found out so many years later. I learned a lot here on this forum and reading a lot of stories lately.. its really good that nowdays people like us can live longer and maintain their health,of course finding out on time is really great but prevention is the only thing that I should have had.I found out few days ago that the boys i had sex with gave the virus on purpose to me,so Im thinking a lot about what can i do about it now. Maintain the health and having normal life should be goals to every human beings. Take care

Hey anytime, it is after all a support group. I am an attorney by profession, and i did my fair share of legal research regarding disclosure and having sex with someone know of their diagnosis. Some states have laws against it, and some do not but interpret existing laws to prosecute. I am not sure if that is the route you wish to take but if they did it knowingly and if you want them to be held responsible because this is something you must deal with for the rest of your life it is an option. Also, i dont know your personally but there can also be a potential claim for a lawsuit for damages ($$$) i dont know if your that type of person or if the individuals are well off or not, but that can also be a potential claim there.

but beyond that, take your medicine, stay healthy and gotta live your life right?

areobe · « **Reply #13 on:** February 04, 2015, 07:18:14 am »

Hey Alexander,
Sorry about your diagnosis. It will get better! You dont need to tell anyone, I didn't and it has been the best thing for me. I wanted to badly though, mostly to get sympathy I think. Life moves on and so are you. Just keep your chin up and smile at least once each day. Thanks for telling your story!

JosephP · « **Reply #14 on:** February 25, 2015, 10:20:20 pm »

You will get better, Alexander! Take your meds and live your life fully. As for the guys that infected you, as theQborokid says, it's up to you if you want to hold them responsible. I haven't told anyone. I have been very close to do so, but I think it has been the best advice I received here so far!! Keep your chin up!

Reallove92 · « **Reply #15 on:** April 19, 2015, 09:33:15 pm »

Hey Im 22 also just found out on April 9th that Im + im still going dealing with horrible mental pain, Im devastated the person who gave it to me did so knowingly he was + , Im such a good person, I can't believe someone could do that me KNOWINGLY, I want to press charges scared of the outcomes of everyone finding out! I like one thing on Facebook and rumors started already!

Im very depressed and ablosutly know no one who has it also! I feel so alone! How have things changed with you?

realitycheck · « **Reply #16 on:** April 19, 2015, 10:05:17 pm »

Hey Reallove,

Welcome to the forums. I'm obviously not the original poster in this thread but i was where you are now, i found out my status back in feb and I too am in my 20s. you are still a good person, HIV is a virus, it doesn't care what host it has. What i have learnt is it gets better. it definitely isn't an overnight transition, but I'm getting there. its getting a lot better.

All i will say for now is try not to focus on who "gave" you this. it will not help your wellbeing. frustration anger and depression i would say are perfectly understandable, along with every other emotion going. It took me a little while to realise that I made a decision , I put myself at risk. It really doesn't matter, all that matters is how we take care of ourselves from this point. anyway, hope to hear back from you, this forum is a good place to talk.

zach · « **Reply #17 on:** April 19, 2015, 10:13:12 pm »

Quote from: Reallove92 on April 19, 2015, 09:33:15 pm

I can't believe someone could do that me KNOWINGLY

You knowingly exposed yourself by failing to protect yourself. Criminalizing HIV is a touchy subject. Take responsibility for your own choice when looking to lay accountability. Forgive yourself for that, and take care of yourself.

That said. Welcome. Why don't you start your own thread and introduce yourself to us.

Alexander1992 · « **Reply #18 on:** April 22, 2015, 10:34:26 am »

Hey all,Its been a while since my last post(I had a lot of exams and other family things to deal)but I'm happy to tell that I don't fear from anything now.I didn't press charges against the person go passed it on me.It's nonsense to do it.I knew I should use prevention at anytime but that's life...

realitycheck and Reallove92 welcome to the forum,I'm sorry about your recent dx but I hope you get therapy asap and be in a close relationship with your doctors.
Feeling fear and pain its totally ok! Feeling guilty is okay! That is a proof that you are a human being and you have to learn to deal with this all. Remember it will get better and its better from the moment you know your status.Not knowing is worse. Taking once/twice a day some pills don't change your life! Imagine millions of people who are dying from hunger in third world countries and they don't even know their HIV status. There is no need to accuse anyone else for our own things like not taking care and not using condoms.It was our choice. Everything is risk. Imagine going to the club Friday night and a comet lands on your head... Life is risky game,you just have to learn how to love to play it.My life started getting great this last weeks because I found my selfconfidence again and I fell in love in a - guy. I told him and he accepted me as I am. Try finding a support group and someone to talk about when you feel sad or stressed.Start writing a diary about your emotions daily and read it the day after.You will see that some things are not scary and being HIV + or - means having few or less goals in life,Stay safe and hope to hear more from you.

Reallove92 · « **Reply #19 on:** April 29, 2015, 03:52:06 pm »

Hey everyone thanks for the kind words! It's been almost a month now since I've known my status, I'm feeling a little better about it. Yes in my above post, I didn't take the blame for putting myself at the risk of getting HIV, I know this, I just felt like the person gave it to me on purpose, if I knew I was + I would never want to give it to someone. But yeahhh I get it now it was my own fault for not using a condom; but know one deserves this! I cried for about 2 weeks straight, got drunk freaked out know one knew what was wrong with me. I opened up to a few friends that I trust and that's is what's making me feel better about it. I had my first specialist appointment in philly a week after I found out and it went pretty good. Made me feel a lot better. But I don't even know how to start my own thread! I also would love to make friends who are + I don't know anyone personally except for the person who gave it to me, which he doesn't even know sense he hooked up with me and never talked to me again, prob because he knew what he had. I'm glad I found a forum like this, I'm going to start logging on me and trying to learn how to use this website.

Tonny2 · « **Reply #20 on:** April 29, 2015, 05:19:39 pm »

ojo Hello @reallove 92...welcome...you are in the right place, here you will find friends and lots of good information...I'm glad you saw the specialist and you felt fine with him/her...you will find out how to start your own thread....hugs ojo

LightandLove · « **Reply #21 on:** June 02, 2015, 07:25:48 pm »

I am 22 as well and this just happened to me as well, I got my diagnosis one week ago.

It's hard, we are so young

I am just so scared

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Author Topic: 22 /newly diagnosed lost in the universe..... (Read 13646 times)