Help needed in Counceling 22 yr old

[erasfred]

Please help

I just had a 22 yr old sitting in my lounge. He has been diagnosed last year. He is also Bipolar and manic depressive. Started Arv's 2 months ago. Came out that he was infected by his drinks being spiked and then raped. BTW his adoptive mother was also here.  Alot of support from that side.

My question is was it right for me to tell him to let go of any hatred towards his rapist other wise he would be letting that person control his life from here on forward. Seems like there is still hate towards this person. although he says he doesn't hate him.

Help would really be appreciated.

Rassie

[Andy Velez]

Rassie, there's nothing wrong with your advice as such to this fellow. Rather it's a matter of timing.

In order to really "get" what you were saying he would have to be in a fairly advanced state in treatment. That hardly sounds like the circumstance you were describing. He sounds like longterm treatment would be helpful to him.

Is there any possibility of longterm treatment being available for him? A lot of groundwork would have to be done to get him to a point where he could begin to consider forgiving.

[BT65]

When I survived a 3-day long gang raping, I had to feel all the rage for as long as I needed to before I could even consider thinking about forgiving.  But I had to also be in intense therapy to make sure the rage wasn't taken out on myself or against someone who didn't deserve it.  I finally did, but only after a long war with drugs, prostitution etc.  The rape that happened to me didn't infect me, so I would think that with this young man, that might enter in also with the hating.  I wonder if there's a therapist in that area that kind of "specializes" in helping people heal after sexual assault.  I know in the town I live in they have something called an SOS (sexual offense services).  Maybe there's something like that there also.

[erasfred]

Thank you Andy & Betty for your answers.

The thing that was bothering me a bit afterwards on this whole situation was that although he said that he does not hate this person there is still a lot of anger and resentment towards this person. He is at present in a government treatment program being run by amongst others by one of my doctors. She contacted me to have a talk to him as I do have a bit of experience dealing with HIV.

I am also keeping the doctor up to date as to our discussions.

The reason i am saying there is anger and resentment is that he still has a lot of emotional outbursts. That is according to his mother and also him. It does not seem like there is any help in the sense of any phsychology treatment or any thing like that. He is at the moment on what I call happy tablets (anti depressants).

My question only is how do I help him to get it out of his system. I know that it will take time but in the meantime how do I support him from my side.

Thankyou. Rassie

[Peter6836]

Dance it off.
Body therapy, have him move, we hold so much of our emotion in our bodies. Sometimes we just need to move it out physically. Recognizing anger cognitively can be difficult especially for someone with limited experiences. I suggest more experiential treatment. Perhaps if he can get in touch with the feelings he is holding in his body. Then he will be able to verbalize them. Of course sometimes just the process of releasing the emotion from the body can be enough to help someone move to a different level.
Peter