scared

[prettylips]

hi guys it's good to know there's someone i can talk to. i need advice as to how to tell my boyfriend that i am positive i am really scared that i will lose him he is the only thing that's keeping me alive right now i have no one else please help me

[Just John]

Hi Prettylips,

I don't think that I am in any sort of a position to advise you how to tell him, only you know your boyfriend. I do think though, that any relationship without honesty isn't any relationship at all and will probably not last for long anyhow, I also think that a boyfriend who is anything less than understanding and supportive isn't worth sharing your life with. I know it's going to be tough but if you try to hide it from him it'll come between you and cause a rift, I would expect him to freak at first, you would too if the roles were reversed; but hope for the best and if he really loves you you will both find a way to work through it.

I was in the same position as you three years ago, we had a rocky few months and even now it still causes friction from time to time but; we're still together.

Be strong for yourself and believe that whatever happens it'll be for the best.

John.

[Morton Salt]

When i found out, i called my wife about 5 minutes later after the panic slightly subsided.  Were still married and always will be. You have to do it on your own terms but i would imagine the longer you know without telling, the harder and more complicated and difficult it will be.  Good Luck to you.
~Mort

[kcmetroman]

Hi Pretty,

I guess the 64k question here is "how long" has he been your bf?  If he is new, then you need to tell him up front before you come even near a sexual encounter with him.  His response will be a pretty clear indication of how he feels about you.  (Not sure here if you are male or female) I would do some research and explain to him the chances of female to male transmission if you are female and so on if you are male.  I think he would appreciate your understanding of the virus, and would certainly have questions if he is troubled by it or cares in any way for you.

If he has been your bf for some time (even prior to infection), well then that is a bit more difficult.  Either way you will have to disclose.

Good luck to you either way

John

[Life]

Scared...  As everyone else has said, its not an easy road.  But I choose an honest and open one to any relationship or someone I care about...  Its an inevitable conclusion that you will HAVE to tell him/her at some point.   For me, sooner better than later.   Save the termoil and worry for someone else....

[prettylips]

thank you guys so much i did not tell him that i do have it but i told him that there is a possibility that i do so i asked him to go to the doctor with me so he can get tested and i will have someone there to help me explain ti him. he said he won't leave no matter what but i prefer to be with someone who can explain to him some more and again thank you guys so much for your help

[ChaplinGuy]

Glad to hear that he's taking it so well. I think that one of the most fascinating things about these boards are the collective stories about both diagnosis and telling loved ones - especially partners. I think that it's the brave ones that tackle this quickly and don't risk spreading it further. I remember that the nurse who shared my test results with me tried to tell me not to get angry and try to spread it to anyone - I looked at him and thought, "are you an idiot"? (He was only doing his job, I know.)

The main thing is this: GOOD FOR YOU for dealing with this and not covering it up! One of the best first steps forward.