reflections

[wolfter]

Been doing a lot of introspect to try and figure out what’s suddenly wrong with me.  I’ve come to the conclusion there’s nothing terribly wrong and the pills didn’t work anyways.

I’ve been working at a place that’s not usually considered gay friendly.  Our post is no different.  I hate stereotypes; but I play a different role there.  They don’t tend to like the throw “gay in your face” legislation.  I’ve been experiencing  this for the past year or so.  Suddenly, a few members have felt the need to make an issue of it.

Some of the guys love that I hang with their wives and we do fun things.  We volunteer a lot of our free time helping our post.  There are a few vocal ones that don’t like their wives being around me.  They must have become aware of my status….or they’re not aware of homophobic comments.  I was cutting onions up for our nightly special and person who made a similar comment last week and said “make sure you don’t get blood on those onions”.

Suddenly, I’m hearing so much about me that I offered to resign.  Mainly because I love and adore my brother so much that I didn’t want to reflect on him negatively in any way. 
He has worked hard, retired from the Air Force, always been my best friend and I was thinking of him. 

And now the best.  Jeff went way and beyond and unknown to me.  He confronted several of them and did the basic family thing.  He offered to resign and showed them my resignation letter that I drafted asking for his input.  Jeff got total support from the true vets and  they all interacted with me tonight in a totally different manner.

I love what my brother said to my other night;   he has experienced war and he knows what it does to people.   :;He said I fought  a tougher war than many of these bitches have.  He is pushing me to stand up which I find ironic.  He’s getting the end of month and I and his bride are also celebrating our birthdays. 

I will post photos because I have so focused on my out and it will be fabulous per her permission.  And a gay guy can definitely organize an inexpensive awesome party.

[leatherman]

it's often a never-ending battle, and sometimes the fight come from even those that love us or claim to be our friends. sigh.

I'm very happy your brother has taken a stand FOR you!

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, Wolfie. Having met you in person, I know that you're one of the few of the nicest, smartest, most "normal" people I've ever met. And that says a lot about you considering, or maybe it's because of, the adversities you met head on in your life. Dealing with being gay and the stigma that brings, having AIDS, being sick, and especially losing a partner - you've come through the fire, my friend.

Stand tall, be proud! 

[Jeff G]

Your brother sounds like an awesome man . I think that confronting things head on like your brother chose to do goes far in helping fight stigma .

[tednlou2]

Yes, props to your brother for standing up for you.  That is great!  One of the worse things that can happen to anyone is when family and friends turn a blind eye to people doing and saying awful things. 

[wolfter]

thanks guys.  I finally slept a full night for the first time in ages.  Haven't slept 12 hours straight in I don't know how long.  I guess I'm just struggling to figure out where I belong in life.

I was estranged from my family for quite a while after I decided to live with Bill.  Most of my family were homophobes just like so much of society was in the 80's.  It wasn't until I was finally dying from AIDS in 91 that their attitudes changed.  My brother was serving in Turkey at the time and took leave to fly home. 

I think that fighting the chaos that disease produced in the early years has left me with a sort of PTSD.  It's like I have these deep battle scars that never heal.  There aren't many signs left of the physical scars I've endured, but I'm struggling to heal those internal ones.

Thanks for the nice comments and I super appreciate that I have a place to share these feelings.  This disease seemed more tolerable, even when treatments weren't available, because at least I had a large group of friends to support and receive support from.  I'm sure many remember reading the obits first in your local papers and see if another friend had passed that day.  After Bill died, I was suddenly the sole survivor and felt/feel so utterly alone.  Even when surrounded by large groups of people.

thanks again
Wolfie

[mecch]

Wolfter, didn't you post several months ago with another nasty story of bias at this workplace...
Keep your force up and kiss your brother from all of us!

[wolfter]

Yes, it has been a series of issues at this place.  It almost seems my brother is fighting the fight more than I am.  I've continually thought about eliminating that place from my life, but my brother refuses me allow me to do so.  He has given me the right to stand up and face these idiots off.

I've been very reluctant to cause any disrespect to my brother since he runs the place and I don't want to dishonor him.  But he has assured me that he won't be harmed in any way and would actually be proud if I put these idiots in their place.  If these events continue while on the clock, I have other options since it creates a hostile work environment.

If while off the clock, I can react just like any other member without it affecting me work wise.  I might get a "time out", but at least I can front off these bitches. 

I did schedule an appointment to see my doc Thursday since my regular appointment isn't for a couple of month yet.  I hate this feeling that something is affecting my brain and causing weird thought patterns.  I've been on the paxil he prescribed for well over a month and haven't noticed one bit of difference.  I thought I did at first, but I think I just was convincing myself it was working.

We'll see.  At least I'm looking forward to DC where I can interact with other :"like situation" people. 

Wolfie