Movie and newly poz- this was a bad idea for me

[hwy11poz]

I have always loved the movie version of RENT - and decided to watch it one night recently. It was the first time I watched it since being diagnosed poz, and the AIDS portions of the movie really got to me. I have to admit - I cried (a lot).

I know that treatment for HIV/AIDS has progressed a lot since the time in which the movie was set. But it was the first thing I think that I looked at through the eyes of a poz person, rather than just a person. So I'm wondering what other things might trigger such a big emotional response in me now.

Has anyone else found something that provoked a different response now that you are poz?

[leatherman]

Ever see Brokeback Mountain? Having lost two partners, I cry damned near uncontrollably near the end. Now anytime I'm in the dumps and really want to have a good cry to get it all out, I pop that movie into the DVD player.

I haven't watched "Jeffery" in a long time, I'll have to pull it out and see what I think about it after all these years. 

[hwy11poz]

Ever see Brokeback Mountain? Having lost two partners, I cry damned near uncontrollably near the end. Now anytime I'm in the dumps and really want to have a good cry to get it all out, I pop that movie into the DVD player.

I haven't watched "Jeffery" in a long time, I'll have to pull it out and see what I think about it after all these years. 

Haven't seen Brokeback Mountain in a few years. Haven't seen "Jeffery" at all. I did tell one of my friends that someone is gonna be with me the next time I watch RENT. I could have used a good shoulder to cry on.

[mecch]

Well its a bit obscure, but the southpark creators did a really weird and wonderful movie called Team America. Its a musical with puppets about American Imperialism.  But the opening is huge broadway production number called "Everyone's Got Aids".  It's freaking hilarious.  Before I was infected.  I still think its funny but its not the same. 
For what it's worth, safe sex billboards make me sad now.  Got nothing against safesex, just the messages in the campaigns can be a bit heavy once you are positive.

[rmgjunk]

What a coincidence, just yesterday I had a similar experience watching a documentary here in Brazil, about a famous Brazilian singer, Cazuza, who died of aids on 1990:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cazuza

http://images.google.com.br/images?hl=pt-BR&source=hp&q=cazuza&btnG=Pesquisar+imagens&gbv=2&aq=f&oq=

I didn't cry, though... My reactions are different, I guess.  A mix of nostalgia, anxiety, the felling I should have lived more, that I must live more, that life is too short and I'm wasting it, that I should just go crazy and explode like a nova... I'm not new to these feelings, but they were more common when I was younger.  They came back after my diagnosis, maybe I feel young again :-)

This movie left me awake a whole night after I watched it, the "nova feeling" wouldn't wash out:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0227277/

My reaction to brokeback was a little different, I felt "claustrophobic", like there was no way out of that damn fate!

[]s
Roger

[hwy11poz]

Well its a bit obscure, but the southpark creators did a really weird and wonderful movie called Team America. Its a musical with puppets about American Imperialism.  But the opening is huge broadway production number called "Everyone's Got Aids".  It's freaking hilarious.  Before I was infected.  I still think its funny but its not the same. 
For what it's worth, safe sex billboards make me sad now.  Got nothing against safesex, just the messages in the campaigns can be a bit heavy once you are positive.

My list of things to watch is getting longer. This one, and for some reason, I just thought about the "I'm gay" parody of the "FAME" movie. That was hilarious as well.

[hwy11poz]

What a coincidence, just yesterday I had a similar experience watching a documentary here in Brazil, about a famous Brazilian singer, Cazuza, who died of aids on 1990:

I looked at the image link  you posted. He was a gorgeous man before the disease ravaged him.

On the emotional front, I have been experiencing a whole range of emotions. Fortunately, most of them have been good ones. The people I am finding here are also helping me to understand and have hope.

[rmgjunk]

Hi hwy,

I looked at the image link  you posted. He was a gorgeous man before the disease ravaged him.

He was a gorgeous man indeed, and a wonderful poet.  He was also the first high profile Brazilian (that I remember of) to come out about his HIV status.  He kept composing and singing while he could.  He was very brave and very brilliant, that's the message behind his life.

On the emotional front, I have been experiencing a whole range of emotions. Fortunately, most of them have been good ones. The people I am finding here are also helping me to understand and have hope.

Yeah, me too.  Some days I'm alright, some days I feel like shit.  I'm very glad I found this forum too.  I also found a support group in my area and went to my first meeting on Wednesday, can't wait for the next one.

I'm also waiting for my next VL, the first after I started meds... Should be ready on Monday (fingers crossed for us both!).  Although we aren't lucky we got HIV, we're lucky we got it now and not in the 80s...

[]s
Roger

[justaguy]

I have always loved the movie version of RENT - and decided to watch it one night recently. It was the first time I watched it since being diagnosed poz, and the AIDS portions of the movie really got to me. I have to admit - I cried (a lot).

I know that treatment for HIV/AIDS has progressed a lot since the time in which the movie was set. But it was the first thing I think that I looked at through the eyes of a poz person, rather than just a person. So I'm wondering what other things might trigger such a big emotional response in me now.

Has anyone else found something that provoked a different response now that you are poz?

Oddly enough, "Boys on the Side" was the first movie I saw post-diagnosis that had an HIV + character.  It had never even occurred to me before, but when I saw it a few months ago, I couldn't believe it.  So strange.  In the end, they fast forward into the future, and her character is gone - made me really kind of sad, and I'm not usually one to get sad over TV or movies.

Also, I was watching an old episode of QAF the other night - where Michael and his BF are trying to save the teenage hustler.  It was the episode where they find out he's HIV positive, and they go tell him.  I swear, they said "YOu're gonna be ok, your viral load is undetectable!"  I wondered how they could possibly know that since the boy himself was just finding out his status and obviously hadn't started meds??  LOL 

[hwy11poz]

Oddly enough, "Boys on the Side" was the first movie I saw post-diagnosis that had an HIV + character.  It had never even occurred to me before, but when I saw it a few months ago, I couldn't believe it.  So strange.  In the end, they fast forward into the future, and her character is gone - made me really kind of sad, and I'm not usually one to get sad over TV or movies.

I think so much depends on the eyes we look through - and our eyes are changed forever once we are diagnosed.

[hotpuppy]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longtime_Companion

Longtime Companion was one of the first HIV movies I watched.  I didn't cry but it was certainly an eye opener. 

I think one of the impacts of being HIV+ is that it has made me more aware of how precious each day is.

[Dale Parker]

The movie that does it for me is the documentary on Freddie Mercury of rock band Queen fame.  I've always loved Queen's music. Towards the end of the documentary Freddie's lover says "at the end Freddie was in a lot of pain".  That phrase not only sends a shiver down my spine it actually haunts me.  I can be doing something totally unrelated and that phrase will pop into my head and creep me out. At least 10 times a week that phrase will interupt my thoughts.

[nixsmail]

for me there are two movies that i have seen both before and after dx. It's My Party and Philadelphia, the first with Eric Roberts and the second with Tom Hanks. Cried through both, both before and after. Before dx because i've lost several friends, some close and some not so close, to this disease. After because i can relate to their situation AND because of my losses. just my 2 cents.

[skeebo1969]

The movie that does it for me is the documentary on Freddie Mercury of rock band Queen fame.  I've always loved Queen's music. Towards the end of the documentary Freddie's lover says "at the end Freddie was in a lot of pain".  That phrase not only sends a shiver down my spine it actually haunts me.  I can be doing something totally unrelated and that phrase will pop into my head and creep me out. At least 10 times a week that phrase will interupt my thoughts.

Dale I know exactly what you mean.  That documentary does the same for me as does any youtube link I've watched telling of Freddie's strength and courage there at the end.  I saw Philadelphia when it first came out in the theaters and then saw it for a second time with my wife when we first started talking to each other.  It definitely affected me differently that second time around.

[megasept]

Well its a bit obscure, but the southpark creators did a really weird and wonderful movie called Team America. Its a musical with puppets about American Imperialism.  But the opening is huge broadway production number called "Everyone's Got Aids".  It's freaking hilarious.  Before I was infected.  I still think its funny but its not the same....

I also love "Team America" (based on the TV puppet show "Thunderbirds"). Equally hard on Hollywood liberals and Great Leader Kim Il Sung. I will Netflix it again. David Lynch's "Elephant Man" is all about stigma, oppression, and danger, integrity and redemption. "Cujo" and "Swamp Thing" are about racism. "Frankenstein" is about being gay with a strong reminder that "It takes a Transylvanian village" to roast a non-conformist. "Donny Darko" is about...OK, I am not sure.

I generally don't like "disease of the week movies" including "Philiadelphia." I did like "Mask" (NOT "The Mask"). I prefer movies where analogies provide the connection, whether satire or dead serious.

Happy Holidaze with the Cranberries!
Steven  (aka    megasept)

[mecch]

You know I studied film history and theory and somehow I missed the gay subtext in Frankenstein, but you're right. 
I remember when I was just coming out of the closet and very very young and went to SF around 84 it must have been and there were guys coveredwith kaposi lesions, and walking skeletons, and it was all very sad (and frightening for me) and very Elephant Man.

[leatherman]

"Donny Darko" is about...OK, I am not sure.

ah good. I just recently watched this movie (because I have such a crush on Jake)
and I really didn't know what the hell that movie was about either. 
I liked Harvey the invisible rabbit much better than Donny's scary as hell rabbit, that's for sure

[WildcatCC]

I recently Netflixed Passengers. The movie is about 7 or 8 passengers that survive a horrific plane crash that kills everyone else on board. The movie centers around the psychologist hired by the airline to help the survivors deal with the "why me" syndrome and all the other horrors of living this awful experience. Does anyone else draw any parallels? 

Half way into the movie they throw an unbelievable plot curve that left me sobbing all the way through the remaining part of the film. Thank God I did not see this in theaters. 

I won't spoil this magnificent film    but I will say never in my life since being diagnosed has anything moved me so much. In fact, I am tearing up thinking of the beauty of this film and the subtle message.

It was a good cry. A powerful message. A great film.

[GNYC09]

This must be tragedy week because Bravo just finished showing "Philadelphia", which I watched for the first time (wiping away tears with a nearby sock) and now they're showing "Brokeback Mountain," which I also plan to watch (for the 80th time).  Somebody keep the sleeping pills and alcohol away from me

[tplmc1964]

With regard to RENT - Funny you bring that one up, I love it too and so many of the songs have been going through my head since recently being diagnosed. I won't watch it...yet, just not there. Keep something in mind, the script for the play was written in 1994 and opened in 1996. Thirteen years ago. The film does a very good job staying with the play, but keep in mind that although there are some poignant and rather hopeless parts of that script that leave us all thinking, "dear God, what if that become me?" Science has advanced leaps and bounds since that play opened. Also, those kids were artists, they were broke, the only one with any money was Maureen's partner the lawyer...and Benny.

Enjoy the message of the play, measure your life in love. And be thankful for all that research has done for us in such a short time.

For the record? I just watched A Charlie Brown Christmas - I've never missed it since nearly its original air date. Two things made me cry then and made me cry now. When Linus takes the stage and does his Christmas speech. And always, when he says, "It's not such a bad little tree, maybe it just needs a little love." Didn't matter, healthy or POZ....tears stream down my face. And don't get me going on Wonderful Life, when Clarence leaves his copy of Tom Sawyer to George at that end and the inscription reads, "He who has friends is never alone" ...I'll be skipping that one this year - Stick to comedies for a while. 

[tednlou2]

The movies "And The Band Played On" and "Philadelphia" are hard to watch now.  I also can't watch the part of a home video from a family trip to CA in 1992.  I was 16 at the time and we had dinner with a couple next door to our friend's house.  One of them was coughing so much and looked so bad.  After, I asked whether he had AIDS.  They told me he did.  He died about 2 months after that.  The image of him really sticks in my head.  I tell myself there are great drugs now and that won't happen to me.  However, I cannot get the image of him out of my head.  I can see it so clearly in my head.  After seeing him dying, I get mad at myself for not being more careful.   

Also, I love "Family Guy."  However, I do sometimes get upset with all the talk about AIDS on the show.  Peter does a song called, "You've got AIDS."  Part of me thinks it is a funny song, but the other part thinks it is not a good way to get a laugh.  After being diagnosed, I usually fast forward through it on TIVO.

Gosh, this is all so depressing.  We need to be thankful we have drugs and live in a country where they are available.  I realize, even in this country, many still have problems accessing HIV meds and care. 

[GNYC09]

The movies "And The Band Played On" and "Philadelphia" are hard to watch now.  I also can't watch the part of a home video from a family trip to CA in 1992.  I was 16 at the time and we had dinner with a couple next door to our friend's house.  One of them was coughing so much and looked so bad.  After, I asked whether he had AIDS.  They told me he did.  He died about 2 months after that.  The image of him really sticks in my head.  I tell myself there are great drugs now and that won't happen to me.  However, I cannot get the image of him out of my head.  I can see it so clearly in my head.  After seeing him dying, I get mad at myself for not being more careful.   

Also, I love "Family Guy."  However, I do sometimes get upset with all the talk about AIDS on the show.  Peter does a song called, "You've got AIDS."  Part of me thinks it is a funny song, but the other part thinks it is not a good way to get a laugh.  After being diagnosed, I usually fast forward through it on TIVO.

Gosh, this is all so depressing.  We need to be thankful we have drugs and live in a country where they are available.  I realize, even in this country, many still have problems accessing HIV meds and care. 

I hear you.  I wish there were a new movie about HIV/AIDS that was raw and powerful like "Angels in America" (the play) or "Brokeback Mountain."  Something that also reminded the general public about what went on during the early years of the AIDS crisis and how we really lost so many beautiful, smart, talented, shining people.  And how things still aren't "ok."  (Sorry, I'm reading "Breaking the Surface" by Greg Louganis and it's making me reminisce.  It feels like it all happened just yesterday although I did not go through through an iota of what many of the LTS here must have experienced.)

[OCboy84]

Hey hwy,
I know how you feel..the same thing happened to me watching Rent. It surprised me that I'd never had that response before, but i guess it just opened my eyes a little bit more. For me its music that does it. I've always been a huge fan of Queen. I was walking down Freemont Street in Las Vegas a few months after been diagnosed, and this huge video/light/musical Freddie tribute came on. Just seeing his images and hearing his music made me cry...in public....was pretty embarrassing actually and a good job i was on vacation. What happens in Vegas..right?

[ARMANDO]

if you really want a tear jerker,try watching LONGTIME COMPANION

[hwy11poz]

OCboy84 and tplmc1964,

Since you both also mention RENT [I feel a beautiful bonding moment here  ] - I have stuck to comedies and action movies for the most part since then. I'm waiting on a buddy to come home on leave for my next potential viewing of it.

The Devil Wears Prada and Confessions of a Shopaholic have proved very uplifting (although I have had this incredible urge for Dolce & Gabbana). Can't beat Seasons of Love for a beautiful song though.