Robert Allen Cafasso

[camille07]

I would like for people to remember Bob (aka Jack in my early posts).  He was a funny, really amazing guitarist, intelligent, and an always curious individual.  Bob was also an addict.  When he drank, he would drink til he blacked out.  One particular week, I was on pain meds for the first time for a dislocated knee.  I was completely out of my mind. During this week I remember him taking me in a drunken rage and having sex without a condom.   Not many people know this and never shared it, except for with one close friend.  I always said it was a condom issue.  The most important thing is that I forgave him  It's easy to forgive those who you love I suppose.   When he was diagnosed first with Hep C, I brought him to the doctors with a plan.  That's when we found out he was co-infected. 

9 years have since past and I have a different life, with a great husband.  Bob was in hospice for two years.  I went to see him as often as possible until September.  He was plannng on going to a group home, as his health was incredibly good.  He said he needed our address as a reference, but the husband said no way.   His sister said no, too as she didn't think he should leave hospice.   Bob was pissed and expletives were exchanged.  That was our last conversion.

At the end of November, I received a call from his sister saying he was dying.  He had fallen on a Saturday night, and the night crew did not call 911.  When I got up to see him, he was on morphine and ativan.  No food or anything.  His head was to the side and wide open with black goop in his mouth.  He eyes were squinted and they were shifting back and forth in a slow motion.  I was mad at his family for not doing more or looking into the people responsible for him.  He always said the night crew treated him horribly.  I was mad at myself for all the time we spent together and not reconciling the relationship.

When he passed that following Friday, his family did not even have a service for him.  They felt he had brought his problems onto himself.   His family came to see him and never touched him or hugged him.  The stigma in his family was horrible.

I know this is not a typical memorial, not particularly highlighting all the good traits of one's life.  Maybe this for me as a way to dealing with this loss.  I was in ny in the late 80s and experienced lots of loss.  But I never lost someone who I was intimate with and loved on a romantic level. 

So Bobby I say to you, see you on the other side my dear.  My dane and mazzy cat, also passed in 2014, I'm sure are keeping you busy!

love cammie

[Jeff G]

Thank you for sharing your story with us Camille . I am wishing you peace and happiness .

[ImisstheOldTimes]

Cammie,

I think your story is very heart felt. The stigma continues to surprise me with advancements that have been made.

Tomorrow, is my father's death anniversary, he died very similar to the way your man did, the hospital staff was grossly negligent to him, and he was riddled with OIs, he was out of his mind in the end...very tragic. I'll be writing on his wall when I'm done with this post.

Ultimately, I think writing is therapeutic to anyone, like a small release.

Sending you warm hugs,
Heidi