Please help me pry the asshole magnet from my forehead!

[Joe K]

Although I've been out of their lives for over a year and half, I still continue to receive hate mail such as the one below. Cowardly, they continue to send them under bogus emails and names. Allow me to add, these two individuals are alcoholics, ex-lovers joined at the ass, and at least one (my ex) can't keep his c*** to himself.

Now you tell me. Is this something I deserve or bring upon myself because I don't “smile enough” These two individuals are so psychotic and insecure that the only way they can feel better about themselves and justify their own actions is to attempt to make others feel as miserable, if not more, as they feel.

On a side note…notice how they critique my spelling and grammar. Yet, his use of punctuation, run-on sentences, and spelling leaves nothing but room for improvement. Of course, this is probably alcohol induced like the other 50 or so hate mail and text messages I've received in the past 2 years.

When I suggested that you smile more, it was meant as a compliment and I don't like my words turned around to imply something that was not intended, nor said. I learned long ago that the only opinions about me, that matter, are those that come from people who know me. I have an ex that sounds like your ex and I would never read, let alone publicize such hateful mail. Don't you see what you are doing? As long as you allow them to get under your skin, they will always be in control. This is not about them being assholes or whatever, it is about control. They poke you with a hateful email, you respond by lashing out which costs them nothing, but rips up your insides and they just laugh, because they control you. And every time they do this, you allow yourself to fall into the same trap and at some point, you need to learn when to say "enough".

Dennis, I had an abusive partner and I can barely describe all the damage he did to me and the damage I did to myself, all because I thought we were in love. I could never fathom that someone who professed to love me, could also abuse me. I still don't. It is beyond my comprehension, yet it happened and while I cannot change the past, I can change how I react to that past. You my friend, have been mortally wounded emotionally and you need some intensive care. There are many great books that outline the dynamics and reality of domestic violence and it was not until I had read one, that I realized that I was a victim of abuse.

You already know that abuse can rock you to your core and it strips you of all the skills you need, to see a realistic view of who you are. As frustrated as I might have been on your date, I would never assume that I personally had anything to do with what happened, because two other men acted like children. Those are their problems and I would never allow myself to make them mine. While I might lament my lack of decent dates, I would not denigrate myself over a situation that was not of my making. Yet you do and that is not healthy nor realistic. You have been deeply hurt and until you understand why you allowed yourself to be abused, these demons will forever haunt you.

Dennis, you did nothing to deserve any of the abuse you suffered. However, that abuse left you emotionally scarred to where you doubt your own abilities in affairs of the heart. Every time something goes wrong with your life emotionally, you automatically think that it must be something you are doing wrong. Please understand that it is your abusive past that clouds your judgment, because you have not allowed yourself to understand, heal and then move past the abuse. I fear that part of you actually believes these horrific emails and the cycle of abuse, while greatly diminished, continues to affect you, because you still allow it to happen.

Being a victim of abuse is nothing to be ashamed of, but I can assure you that if you do not conquer this now, it will permanently damage your ability to trust and love other people. You need some help to see your ex and his partner for who and what they are. He was never someone who cared for you, because he CHOSE TO ABUSE YOU. Just because you entered the relationship with honest intentions, does not mean that he did. Obviously he did not, so why do you care what he thinks or says? Until you can see him for who and what he is and what he chose to do to you, you will never completely heal. Until you start healing, you will never again have that self confidence that comes from knowing that you are a decent and worthy man, who has survived an abusive relationship.

Lastly, if you need proof that you have been deeply hurt, you need to look no further than this post and your unwarranted attack on some of us, but particularly Ann. Talk about classic passive-aggressive, when everyone is only trying to help. Misdirecting or projecting your anger onto others is very ugly and should be beneath you. Maybe the fact that it is not, is enough to help you realize how hurt you remain. Lashing out at, and blaming others are classic symptoms of abuse. Surely you don't like how this makes you feel, so do something to make it stop.

[BlueMoon]

On a side note…notice how they critique my spelling and grammar. Yet, his use of punctuation, run-on sentences, and spelling leaves nothing but room for improvement.

It wasn't that bad.  There was a typo, and the 'humorously'-misspelled 'Floriduh', and the triple-ripple question marks, but otherwise hard to fault.  

And your own writing bears only the mildest reproach, for 'laying' in the sand in your opening post.  Overall, not much ammo for a grammar war.

Edit -- Now I've noticed the misuse of 'they' as a singular personal pronoun.  It really helps to proofread before posting. 

[Dennis]

Joe, I hear you. However, with all due respect, the only person in this thread who I feel attacked me was the beloved moderator.

As far as the emails I receive...like I said...I have over 50 of them. I've learned to ignore them and do laugh when I receive one. I Only posted the last one here to give an example of the type person I'm talking about, and it was in reply to my original post. I realize the problems of others don't necessarily reflect on me. All I was doing in this thread was venting a bit. Something I do very rarely. I have kept myself contained to the AMG threads. Everyone else chose to turn it into something much larger than it actually is.

As far as Carolann making a reappearance...I wouldn't worry too much. Considering their lack of ball in contacting me privately with a valid email address or contact information, I doubt they would do it publicly here.

[Robert]

All I was doing in this thread was venting a bit. Something I do very rarely. I have kept myself contained to the AMG threads. Everyone else chose to turn it into something much larger than it actually is.

Boy you can say that again.  Dennis' posting was an innocent post, not unlike the thousands that have come and gone before, with some healthy self-deprication tossed in.

Somehow someone managed to turn it into a slam fest. 

So the guy has a 'asshole'magnet pasted on his forhead.  Doesn't that strick any of you as funny? I know I've had that problem and with a little common sense, help from friends and a sense of humor, I was able to get it off.

robert

[Texan38]

My comment might not matter (which is why I'm posting) so as a person with an opinion, I shall give it.  Ann, as a Moderator, admitting you no longer have any desire to attend an AMG and no intention of returning plus stating to someone you lose no sleep over someone ~ is simply and completely and totally uncalled for.  Being a moderator for AIDSMEDS, your responses absolutely shocked me.  If I "spoke" to someone at my job the way you have, I would've been fired on the spot. Anyone would have. I know you have your opinions but come on ~ negative comments (especially by a moderator) should be made professionally and in private.  What happened to your professionalism?  Your responses were heartbreaking and completely disappointing to say the least.  I never imagined you would be so flippant about someone.
 
Dennis, you were simply sharing a hilarious yet uncomfortable experience....and it's suddenly turned into something else.  I have not attended a AMG but from what I read, you've done an absolutely fabulous job.  One sarcastic comment shouldn't fluster you.  Don't take it personal. You're better than that and previous gatherings show it.  So my comment to you is "SNAP OUT OF IT!" and continue to do what you do best and that's getting people together to make this HIV/AIDS journey less lonely and frightening and continue making it more supportive, fun and memorable....plus helping people make new friends who otherwise would have never met before in their lives.

This is my opinion and I'm stickin to it!

Keep your 'asshole magnet' but don't let it overrule you!   

[Dennis]

"They" actually refers to both my ex as well as his ex partner. If you notice in a previous post you'll notice I state "they" are joined at the ass. They work as a joint venture when attempting to degrade me to their level.

Edit -- Now I've noticed the misuse of 'they' as a singular personal pronoun.  It really helps to proofread before posting. 

[BT65]

I really have no clue why people are attacking Ann.  She was just trying to prevent a very unbalanced individual from coming back here to wreak more havoc, which she stated.  Clearly Dennis has a problem with Ann.  Her remarks were controlled and elegantly stated.  Some people just show prejudice very, very clearly.

[BlueMoon]

"They" actually refers to both my ex as well as his ex partner. If you notice in a previous post you'll notice I state "they" are joined at the ass. They work as a joint venture when attempting to degrade me to their level.

Oh sorry, I thought that both 'they' and 'he' referred to the sender of the email.

Anyway the whole situation is unfortunate.  It sounds like the sort of thing that can go on forever, unless an 'accident' befalls the ass-joined couple.     

[Dennis]

LOL.  Elegantly stated?  Please advise how prematurely blaming me or implying that I enjoy the asshole magnet on my forehead is going to prevent a a former member from re-registering here? Notice the rolling eyes for dramatic effect (or is that elegance?).

And then...I'm threatened with being banned for passively aggressively calling her an a**hole. Mind you, not a timeout (which I've never received in the 5 years of being a member). To quote our beloved moderator..."anyone with half a brain" can see who has a problem with who.

Ann, clearly stepped outside of her role as moderator here. She is the one who let her personal feelings get in the way. If any other member here had posted the way she has replied to me they would have received a TO or the thread would have been locked.

Again, I just have to LOL that anyone would think the post below, or any post within this thread, was
"elegantly" written.

Dennis,

Rather than air your dirty laundry here and thereby possibly goading those two people to try to come back here, why don't you just report them to their ISP? Why don't you block their emails? Is it possible you secretly LIKE that asshole magnet on your forehead?
Thanks.

I know who to blame if they try to start their shit up here again.
Ann

[anniebc]

Just wanted to jump in and say thanks Tim for locking this thread...lets get back to being a support forum.

Jan