Trials and Tribulations of an Old Poz Queen

[rondrond]

Mom's phone kept giving a busy signal, again. We waited it out all Sunday, and finally after dinner, I headed over there. Everything was fine with her....not with her phone. Reset the box and it started to work.

We visited for an hour and then I got a load of jackets and shirts of JW's that she had dry cleaned and then gave to me to do with as I saw fit.

Monday 9am. appointment with DrD. I already knew that I was in trouble as I was swollen everywhere. both feet, legs, hands, arms...not grossly swollen, just...puffy.

BP 145/94
wgt- 272

My belt is still on the 3rd hole...so she gave her medical opinion that all this water in my legs is causing the weight gain. My DVT was on the right leg. Varicose veins started showing on my left ankle/top of foot about 6 months ago.

Those varicose veins are no longer visible. I asked if I was now cured of varicose veins.  "NO"....she is ordering a referral to have a venous doppler on both left and right leg, for this Thursday. I also got another pill...water pill...HYDROCLORTH/25hg/1X  (recommended to take in the morning) 

Hopefully this will alleviate noted problems:
*weight
*BP
*PN...the pad under my left foot has suddenly become extremely sensitive, Bath mat is a nightmare, tile floor is ok, carpet is tolerable..except for the berber carpet in my bedroom. My right shin, feel like fire and ice, left big toe keeps making leg spasm because of shooting pain.

While having my blood drawn the phlebotomist couldn't find a vein..

"You're so swollen"..

I showed a good spot in my hand....

Then I got a Flu shot.

Edited to add:
Posting new numbers in sig.

Viramune and Truvada are doing right for me.

Now, If I could just get the veins in my legs to cooperate.

[denb45]

Mom and Bill were married for 5 years. Bill Jr. went to Houston to attend Rice University and I never heard from him again. His sister, my step sister, Nancy showed up about 7 years after the divorce. I was working at the University of Texas at Arlington, she was a student. We visited and she disclosed that he had been arrested for sex with a minor and died while in prison. She also disclosed that Bill Sr. had died of liver failure due to alcoholism.

edited to add:
It was while Mom and Bill were married that I was confronted with my sexual orientation. We were living in Mobile, Ala. at the time as General Dynamics/Lockheed had had a layoff in 1972. I had made 'gay' friends while attending the University of South Alabama. I was out the door to a gay party in Bioxi, when they sat me down and we had the talk. In the discussion, which was mostly moderated by Bill, he stated at one point that it was unnatural.

I stated that it had all just happened 'naturally' and did not get his point. He asked if I had ever had a c*** shoved up my a**. While I was defiantly saying "yes", Mom was protesting the line of conversation, and he ended the discussion with, "well that is not a natural act and hurts. I know, because it hurt me"..whereupon, Mom was up the stairs and thus ended my coming out party with my family.

WOW Ronnie................so, your MOM is/was a very head-strong woman, you're very lucky to have her as a mother, as I can see where all of this comes into play Today at present.......my Mom knew I was Gay early on in my life, but my Father could NEVER accept that, and didn't deal with it very well, he was a good father, but was very dumb-founded when it came to me liking Men, when i got older, he was really confused about all of it.............

I remember when I was a little boy, my father used to take me with him a lot, to play cards (poker) and gamble with his buddies, they used to smoke them nasty GREEN Cigars, and drink like it was no tomorrow, I always thought it was kinda a strange setting cause their were never any females around (all Men all the time) most of the time I made the drinks, lit the Cigars and provided the Ice, cleaned up the
mess they made, emptied ash-tarys, served the snacks, and took off other men's clothing (when they were-passed-out drunk, like the shoes and pants)  as my mother didn't allow this in her own house, I guess my father had to go else-where to do his thing, and he took me along with him.........

      One of his friends tried to touch me in a inappropriate way , and my father pulled a Gun and him throw him to the floor and said ("if you ever touch my son again I'll kill you, ..you NEVER put your hands on my son EVER")  but when all of the men went to sleep ( when they all passed-out) I would get to have my way with whoever I liked, but I don't think my father ever knew about any of this, and I didn't worry about him finding out as he would be passed-out too, but, in a way I think he may have had an idea of who I was messing with  ........

     Any way to make a long story short...........my father used to tell me, (don't tell your mother where we went) it was kinda cool, and our little secret, when he went on his little junkits, but I guees my Mom didn't worry too much about where he was taking me, she knew, but she never said a word to my father about it (only when she was upset with him).............but, my Mom would get VERY MAD at my DAD cuz ,I would always smell like Booze, Cigars, and many other Male scents    she used to say, "you 2 smell like you've been in a whore-house, where in the hell are you taking our son"

My Twin sister was always with my Mom, as she should have been. I LOVED being with my Daddy ( everywhere he would go) I felt SAFE being with him as a little boy  My Daddy worked for the USDA, as a Meat Inspector ( he would always smell like meat) and my mother was an RN, ( she would always smell like a hopstial)  I also use to sleep with my Daddy and cuddle him all night long, (when I was a little boy) he didn't seem to mind at all.........in 1988 when he Dad died of liver/Colon Cancer ( he was 75) he died in my arms at the hospital, when I was 31 or 32 yrs. old.......4 months later...my Mom died of BLACK LUNG in the hospital, she was 65...........

[rondrond]

denb

My father died when I was 4. Sounds like you were very close to your father. that is something I missed.

The boys would go hunting with their Daddy before he died. I am not a hunter and the only time I held a gun was in the drug house (I walked around with it dangling froma finger and everyone went running )

They took pictures of their 'first blood' ceremony from drinking the blood of this deer they were skiining or chopping up...I don't know...I never got past the blood drinking,...or if they were pulling my leg...like snipe hunting....

After Bobby died, and Daniel shot Dewayne (they were 14) and playing some Mario brothers game and Daniel got so good Dewayne never got 'a turn' and jimmied the lock on the gun cabinet and shot him with a bee bee gun.

The bee bee is still in him, next to his heart, it was too close to remove...he sets off the alarms at the airport...I took everyone of those guns and knives and they 'went missing' overnight. I buried them out back and the knives went down the dry well......

Robert was pissed considering those guns part of his inheritance....but I had caught him playing target practice off of the top of their heads...these, metal targets.....anyway, I never did tell him where I buried them because there was also a machine gun Papa had smuggled out when he left the army..which is a no-no....(his buddies did it too).....

I sure put up with a lot , for a 'sissy'....

Black Lung? From coal dust? Was your father a miner? Must have been awful losing both parents within 4 months.

[denb45]

No..my mother had the BACK LUNG and died form it form working in a lota hospitals she was an RN
but, I don't think it was called BLACK LUNG, I think it's called Asbestos-related diseases or conditions

I don't know why my Father had such a hard time with me being GAY? and I don't really think is was, he may have been Bi-sexual, cuz he knew a lot of men, (he had nothing but male friends) and he would get into a lota FIGHTS with them (could have been over Poker or Gambling) all I remember about my Dad was that I can re-call, if he was bi-sexual, he never touched my in an inappropriate way, but some of his friends (well thats kinda another story) I guess, as long as he didn't see-it-before-his-own-eyes (me playing with some of his buddies), and he wasn't aware of this, he thought nothing of it, in a way, I'm glad he never saw me doing any of that, cuz, he would have KILLED somebody, if he did see it...........

You may have missed your real daddy, but, at least you had some step-fathers, some good ,and some not so good, but you had (and still do) on helluva MOM, I would have loved to have been close to my Mother, but I wasn't.............and you're not a Sissy, you are a MAN, no matter what you like to do, you're still male  ....we all grew-up differently, and were all different, (that's why I like MEN and I'm Gay/Queer, Homo are what ever you wanna call it), Men are all different, not one of us is the same, Str8 or Gay, (to me, all men are the same) that is whats makes, and keeps (it interesting) ..........with men , you never know what you're gonna get, sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's not so good  ......... just sayin 

[rondrond]

Good Grief.

I took my first water pill 6am Tuesday. Peed all day. At Dr appointment my WGT was 272.
Tuesday evening, I weighed 267. Had lost 5 pounds in one day.

I got my neck back, the puffiness left my hands and my left leg had gone down considerably.

2nd water pill Wed 6am. peed. went to Dentist for a filling. BP was 120/74. On Monday at Dr it was 145/94. This lady shot me twice to get me numb., I had no tongue or lips. half of my face was paralyzed. Got a lovely white, filling. I couldn't even tell where the cavity had been.

I can tell where the shots went in at the back of my jaw. Now that whe numbenss has worn off, it is sore and I cannot open my jaw very wide.

Bought groceries on the way home. Walked half the store for cardio. Got home and passed out. Awoke @ 5pm and peed. Weighed and scales read 264. That's 8 pounds in two days. My clothes fit me again. My varicose veins are visible on left foot. The bags are gone from beneath my eyes,/

I have a venous doppler scheduled tomorrow. Am curious at just what it is going to show. Will it determine why my body is holding all this water?

We don't eat salt, there isn't any in the house. We use No Salt. We use Smart Balance.  I understand edema in my right leg from the DVT, but my whole body?

ronald
 (who is enjoying closing the button on his pants w/o the drama)

[denb45]

Ronnie, I hope things turn out a lot better for you health wise, it just isn't acceptable for anyone to have to put up with that kinda prolonged pain,    there has to be something your ID Doctor can do about this?
life is too dam short anyway to live that way......... you should be having the time of your life @ 55 and you should be happy, instead of suffering as much as you do  life isn't suppose to be lived that way, you know, God will only allow a person to suffer, only so much, and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger 

[rondrond]

Ronnie, I hope things turn out a lot better for you health wise, it just isn't acceptable for anyone to have to put up with that kinda prolonged pain,    there has to be something your ID Doctor can do about this?
life is too dam short anyway to live that way......... you should be having the time of your life @ 55 and you should be happy, instead of suffering as much as you do  life isn't suppose to be lived that way, you know, God will only allow a person to suffer, only so much, and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger 

Mom has her theory on the medical profession dealing with old timers. People are living longer and things are happening the body they can't explain. According to Mom, they don't know why my body is swollen, why It's holding water. She thinks they are guessing.

My poor ID doctor is doing great on my HIV. I'm now undetectable. It's my DVT that it is throwing a wrench in the works. I have an appointment in NOVEMBER with DRG. Which is what another thread is addressing about healthcare in the USA....the waiting.

So. it's official. I'm a senior citizen. I have an AARP card, which I haven't used yet, but they are always sending me notices of their different programs that one day I just might use. I had a coupon for IHOP dinner, buy one get one free. Called in for takee outee and found out it was for dine-in only. o.0

Saw the sign in the window for seniors, buy one get one free from 3pm - 8pm. Asked "how old do you have to be to get on the senior gravey wagon?" ..."55 up"..."I'm 55, give it to me."

 So i got two dinners for the price of one and it was cheaper than going to the store and cooking at home. IHOP is going to be seeing a lot more of me.... yeah buddy....

Talked with Binder/Binder and updated my latest medical info. She stated that my paperwork was in  "workup"..which meant that someone is putting my folder in order. I might be getting close to a hearing before a disability judge.

My next appointmetn with DrD is on the 27th. Hopefully I will get the results of the venous doppler.

This is my 4th day to be taking a water pill. My weight has gone from 272 to 264.

[denb45]

Mom has her theory on the medical profession dealing with old timers. People are living longer and things are happening the body they can't explain. According to Mom, they don't know why my body is swollen, why It's holding water. She thinks they are guessing.

My poor ID doctor is doing great on my HIV. I'm now undetectable. It's my DVT that it is throwing a wrench in the works. I have an appointment in NOVEMBER with DRG. Which is what another thread is addressing about healthcare in the USA....the waiting.

So. it's official. I'm a senior citizen. I have an AARP card, which I haven't used yet, but they are always sending me notices of their different programs that one day I just might use. I had a coupon for IHOP dinner, buy one get one free. Called in for takee outee and found out it was for dine-in only. o.0

Saw the sign in the window for seniors, buy one get one free from 3pm - 8pm. Asked "how old do you have to be to get on the senior gravey wagon?" ..."55 up"..."I'm 55, give it to me."

 So i got two dinners for the price of one and it was cheaper than going to the store and cooking at home. IHOP is going to be seeing a lot more of me.... yeah buddy....

Talked with Binder/Binder and updated my latest medical info. She stated that my paperwork was in  "workup"..which meant that someone is putting my folder in order. I might be getting close to a hearing before a disability judge.

My next appointmetn with DrD is on the 27th. Hopefully I will get the results of the venous doppler.

This is my 4th day to be taking a water pill. My weight has gone from 272 to 264.

Ronnie you're not old, you as young as you feel, I've got a AARP card too, but I'm only 51, I turn 52 NOV 9th , 2008, so it looks like I'll have to survive another 2 more yrs. before I can get the seniors plate at DENNYS.................. ronnie did you know that the more weight you loose, the more your cock grows...............Tee He HA HA.............ROFLOL.....I bet, for, a big guy like you, I'm sure you don't have to worry about any of that  it just means you have a lotta love to give someone 

[rondrond]

denb

Nov 9th is coming up pretty fast. Do you celebrate BIG on your B'Day or is it just another day?

My best birthdays were when I worked AA. You would get a dollar safety pinned to your shirt signaling it was your birthday. Then throughout the day, if someone wanted to contribute, they would grab the stapler from my desk and staple their contribution. By the end of my shift, I had a lovely monetary corsage that would go to the floor.

If we're ever out and about and wind up at IHOP, I'll put your meal as my freebie. Then you wouldn't have to wait to get old. 

How about that? You're kind of going through a second childhood of when you were 6 but wanted to be 16. Now you're 51, fixing to be 52, but the Golden Snitch is to be 55 to get a discounted meal.

That's one milestone I've accomplished. Now,  if they would leave that retirement age alone.

[denb45]

denb

Nov 9th is coming up pretty fast. Do you celebrate BIG on your B'Day or is it just another day?

My best birthdays were when I worked AA. You would get a dollar safety pinned to your shirt signaling it was your birthday. Then throughout the day, if someone wanted to contribute, they would grab the stapler from my desk and staple their contribution. By the end of my shift, I had a lovely monetary corsage that would go to the floor.

If we're ever out and about and wind up at IHOP, I'll put your meal as my freebie. Then you wouldn't have to wait to get old. 

How about that? You're kind of going through a second childhood of when you were 6 but wanted to be 16. Now you're 51, fixing to be 52, but the Golden Snitch is to be 55 to get a discounted meal.

That's one milestone I've accomplished. Now,  if they would leave that retirement age alone.

Naw......Bob & I don't do anything for our B-days (He'll be 52 in about 2 weeks after me) we might go out to Dinner at the Texas Land & Cattle Restaurant but other than that, we just stay home and go to bed by 10PM........I know, I know, were boring in our old age 

[rondrond]

I love Texas Land & Cattle.

I cannot remember the last time I had a steak.

...but I like mine  med rare to well done. ...with a baked potato.

[denb45]

I love Texas Land & Cattle.

I cannot remember the last time I had a steak.

...but I like mine  med rare to well done. ...with a baked potato.

Yes, they Great Food there 

[bear60]

I wish I was 55 again....lol.   Seriously, AARP can kiss my ass.  They have very few (if any) programs that really benefit anybody.  I stopped sending them money.  Mostly its just some Hartford Insurance group that wants to sell supplemental hospital insurance.....oh really.... and they use the AARP mailing list.  I suspect AARP makes a bundle off selling their mailing list. Oh ok.  Thats enough about AARP.
I'm glad you are undectectable Ron.......yea!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rondrond]

I wish I was 55 again....lol.   Seriously, AARP can kiss my ass.  They have very few (if any) programs that really benefit anybody.  I stopped sending them money.  Mostly its just some Hartford Insurance group that wants to sell supplemental hospital insurance.....oh really.... and they use the AARP mailing list.  I suspect AARP makes a bundle off selling their mailing list. Oh ok.  Thats enough about AARP.
I'm glad you are undectectable Ron.......yea!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am coming to the same conclusion about AARP as you. I have yet to use any of their services and have not found any support for the gay 'retired' community. My money would be better spent at my local ASO.

Sorry to hear that Kurt is not feeling well, as are others stating that there is something going around. I either won't get it, or will be the last to get it. We're rarely sick at the same time,  to get it over with.

[rondrond]

Got a letter from Binder/Binder. My Disability Hearing before a judge is on 2dec08. ...1 year and 5 months after applying. I am so nervous. I almost can't think straight....clearly.

Received a phone call from Sleep Link, the place where I had my Sleep Study done last month.

They were ready do Part 2. ..o.o

I had an appt with DrD today at 1pm. I usually have AM appointments as I am 'awake' between 9am-Noon. I let Jesse, Katie's new aide in at 9am and sat down. Awoke at 1:15pm. Called and got a machine... left a message that I was on the way.

Got there and the lobby was FULL. Full, Full, full....So, I did not get in but was rescheduled for Nov3...at 130pm.. ....wasted my gas

 Sleep Link called to verify my appt and I said "Oh, yeah, I'll be there, and I am getting in LOT's of practice for you. (I have been complaining about being Rip Van Winkle for the past 3 month.)

I had had several 'events' (stopped breathing in my sleep) and now I was going to do a repeat performance, only,  added to all those sticky probes, I was going to be attached to a CPAP machine.

After gleefully..,carefully attaching all those probes to my body hair... ....I was taken to a room and there it was, a CPAP machine, the beginning of my nightmare.

I advised her that I had been put on water pills....."Oh great"....

 She got me all plugged into this box with a bazillion wires, and then had these velcro head straps and then had me lay my head in them and then came this black triangle....the mask.

She strapped it on ...good and tight...    The bottom was under my nose and trying to cut off my top lip, while numbing my top teeth.

Motioned for her to unplug me....had to go pee.

Plugged back in, and I was telling her that it hurt, must be too tight. She tightened it again, exactly as before ..    and turned on the air. WTF??....I felt like an astronaut in training with my mouth full of air and cheeks puffed out.

She said, "breathe out of your nose"....which would have been a good idea, except my sinuses had closed up with the blast of hair and my eardrums felt like I had a severe head cold and had blown my nose....real hard.

Unable to talk, I'm lying there shaking my head and she undoes the mask so I can speak...."GASP"...my sinuses are stopped up.....if there is an air control, 1-10, put it on 1....she turned it down to 6..

Turns out the light and I'm lying there with air bursting out any place it can find to whistle out of...which stopped if I closed my mouth, but my nose was stopped up....

Finally, I felt the pressure go down (she had a control from her observation desk) and my sinuses drained enough to open and I could breath through my nose. But, I couldn't go to sleep because of the PAIN. The pressure on my top lip became unbearable, and the pressure from the triangle around my nose appeared to be increasing by the nanosecond.....

I felt like Scorpius on 'Far Scape'



3 hours later she came in just as I was about to scream and rip it off, and removed it and had a FACE mask....o.0   

Had to go pee again.

The Face mask was a little better, except for the pressure on my lower jaw. .(I got over it)

I lay there in the dark, with my eyes closed, trying to empty my mind, while trying to focus on breathing out of my nose. Too much air. I could get it up my nose, but the pressure made it pfffhhwww out my lips.

She must have turned it down as suddenly I could breath. After about 3 hours, she came in and gave the remote to the TV.

I had to go pee again....I did tell her that I had lost 12 pounds in the last 7 days.

 I lay there, on my back with two flat pillows, and all this plastic over the front of my face. All I could see was the ceiling.... so I listened to TV.

MUST have got to sleep as suddenly I was jerking awake and my nose was stopped up, my eardrums were trying to come out of my ears and this thing on my face was whistling and air was escaping like a pressure cooker, and I was ..wet??...

She came running in and unhooked it and apparently I had finally reached REM and had an Apnea episode and woke up......she had turned up the air when the apnea occurred to ..correct it?...

Instead it had blocked my sinuses..the wetness was from the humidifier....I only had 45 minutes before release.

Went pee again.

She hooked me back up.

I lay there for 45 minutes with my sinuses blocked and air filling my mouth and puffing out my cheeks.

"Did you get any rest?"....."

"Are you kidding?....not only are my dreams trying to kill me, now there's a machine to help"

I stopped at 'Happy Donuts' and bought 3 maple donuts and a sausage/egg burrito and ATE it ALL before I got home.

[bear60]

Good lord Ron. I thought this device, machine, was designed to HELP you sleep well.  Whats next?

[denb45]

I had a much better experience sucking a mans cock and choking on it (the part where you couldn't breath)  then what you went thur, my goodness

[rondrond]

I had a much better experience sucking a mans cock and choking on it (the part where you couldn't breath)  then what you went thur, my goodness

   

[rondrond]

The weather is changing. Grass and trees are still green, but the oak trees are dropping acorns like mad and there are these 'oak leaf corsages' all over the place.

It's enough to keep me busy sweeping and working up a sweat. While at the end of the driveway, I noticed a lot of white at the end of the porch by the fence.

Thinking it was some trash the wind had blown into the yard, I went to pick it up and found:






I have no idea what they are called. All summer they have just 'been there' and now the warm days and cool nights....we've had frost for the past three mornings.....and now flowers?


I was so tired from my sleep study, that my body was trembling. I let Myra (I've been saying Jessie, and now have come to realize that Katie has another new aide who has appeared in between my states of sleeping and wakefulness....her name is Myra) I crashed on the couch and slept all day.

My left foot has started being visited by a very tiny invisible entity with a hammer and a nail and is trying to hammer the nail right between the toes on top of my left foot. Goes away for awhile and then tries again. My dislike of PN is magnified.

edited for typos

[rondrond]

Doctors appointment today.

BP 120/83  Good
Weight 265 from 272   Good

They haven't received the final results of the Sleep Study, but I let them know my version.

Results of the Venous Doppler......ugh.....This makes me so mad to even think about it......
I have a new Blood Clot behind my left knee. So I now have 2 DVT's. ??.....

There is nothing new to be done about this as the recommended treatment for a DVT is Warfarin, which I am already taking. ....and come to find out, even though one is on Warfarin, there are NO guarantees that one will not get another DVT....

I started to cry, then stopped and stuffed it...for later. I just cannot believe this. I can only remember the sharp stabbing pain in my knee and DrG getting an XRay and saying that it was nothing but a little bit of arthiritis.....right.....can't wait to see her on the 14th.....

I have thought all this out and i goes round and round and all I can come up with is.....there is no one to blame. DVT's have not had much study. Many go undiagnosed. But I just can't help thinking....I have a history of DVT's......XRays only show so much...Should have had a doppler....

There is a drug they can inject that will break up a blood clot, but it is time limited to within like 48 hours of onset, then it won't work.

Then I kick myself for not being more aggressive. I did keep pestering, letting them know that something was wrong....and pestering....I should have been acting like an ignorant fool.....

But there were so many things going on at once, teeth cleaning, poison oak/ivy...Katie's cellulitis....Mom...life...

Well....at least I have matching legs now...   as long as they keep working...

[bear60]

Hi Ron
I know it seems difficult, but you seem like you are keeping on top of your health issues. Thats a good thing.
Next up: Thanksgiving.

Joel

[denb45]

Och    them DVT's sound painful, do you think you got them when you used to work for AA? I knew someone that died form them before, when they thur a blood clot and it went to the lungs & heart 
they coded in the ER, I'm not sure if they were on any Meds for DVT's, or even knew they had DVT's.... they were dead in about 2 hours, what a way go  but the good news is, you know you have them, and your on meds for it, so, I don't see this happing to you at all.......

[Jeff G]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this , I know first hand how painfull it can be .

I once sat on the runway for 4 hours for a 12 hour flight and ended up with numerous clots in both legs . I found myself in Austria with no insurance and in pain . At the time I had no idea how serious it was so I drank lots of beer and powered through trying to enjoy my vacation . Sorry for the hijack .

[rondrond]

Hi Ron
I know it seems difficult, but you seem like you are keeping on top of your health issues. Thats a good thing.
Next up: Thanksgiving.

Joel

I'm getting concerned about Thanksgiving. I was buying a few things on Halloween Day, and Walmart had already thrown all the Halloween candy to the main aisle with $2.00 sale and were already replacing with Christmas candy and christmas music was in the air. ....

They must be trying to snatch the dollars being 'saved' at the pump. I filled up today for $23.00. (was peaking at $50.00+ there for awhile)

[rondrond]

Och    them DVT's sound painful, do you think you got them when you used to work for AA? I knew someone that died form them before, when they thur a blood clot and it went to the lungs & heart 
they coded in the ER, I'm not sure if they were on any Meds for DVT's, or even knew they had DVT's.... they were dead in about 2 hours, what a way go  but the good news is, you know you have them, and your on meds for it, so, I don't see this happing to you at all.......

My blood clot in july 07  was from hip to foot and did break up and went through my heart and filled both lungs, while I was in the hospital, on Heparin and coumadin... I have Bi-Lateral Pulmonary Emboli. I 'died' when they started going through my heart and they brought me back.

They say there was no damage to my heart. There has never been a test done to see if any went to my brain, but, they think not as I am not exhibiting any symptoms of a stroke. (They say)

I am working this out in my head as I WANT to be angry at DrG for only doing an XRay and calling it arthritis. But then I see Sally Field on TV advertising that she was taking calcium and whatever, and still got osteoporosis.....I looked at Katie and I said, "I need to call Sally and we need to have dinner and swap war stories as I was taking warfarin and still got another blood clot. .. 

[rondrond]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this , I know first hand how painfull it can be .

I once sat on the runway for 4 hours for a 12 hour flight and ended up with numerous clots in both legs . I found myself in Austria with no insurance and in pain . At the time I had no idea how serious it was so I drank lots of beer and powered through trying to enjoy my vacation . Sorry for the hijack .

I had never heard of men getting blood clots before I got one. I had heard about Women getting them from birth control pills or when pregnant.

They kept asking me if I had been on any long air flights, trying to find a cause, as my last flight was from Fort Worth to Miami on that fateful day 9/11/01. ...and that was 6 years ago...

Austria? What did you do there? How awful to be on vacation in such a beautiful place and not feeling up to par. Do you even remember any of it?

[Jeff G]

I had never heard of men getting blood clots before I got one. I had heard about Women getting them from birth control pills or when pregnant.

They kept asking me if I had been on any long air flights, trying to find a cause, as my last flight was from Fort Worth to Miami on that fateful day 9/11/01. ...and that was 6 years ago...

Austria? What did you do there? How awful to be on vacation in such a beautiful place and not feeling up to par. Do you even remember any of it?

I was in Austria as a tourist . The problems with my legs began after I was there for over a week or so .
The pain was really bad and I stayed in bed for three days , after that I did manage to see more of Vienna . 

[Winiroo]

I was picking up a prescription today from Walmart and they where playing Christmas music in the store.
Bugs the hell out of me that they start so early. Am I a scrooge or what?

[denb45]

My blood clot in july 07  was from hip to foot and did break up and went through my heart and filled both lungs, while I was in the hospital, on Heparin and coumadin... I have Bi-Lateral Pulmonary Emboli. I 'died' when they started going through my heart and they brought me back.

They say there was no damage to my heart. There has never been a test done to see if any went to my brain, but, they think not as I am not exhibiting any symptoms of a stroke. (They say)

I am working this out in my head as I WANT to be angry at DrG for only doing an XRay and calling it arthritis. But then I see Sally Field on TV advertising that she was taking calcium and whatever, and still got osteoporosis.....I looked at Katie and I said, "I need to call Sally and we need to have dinner and swap war stories as I was taking warfarin and still got another blood clot. .. 

No.........you can't die........I haven't met you yet 

[rondrond]

I was picking up a prescription today from Walmart and they where playing Christmas music in the store.
Bugs the hell out of me that they start so early. Am I a scrooge or what?

You're not a Scrooge. You're just not ready, yet.

I'm old enough to remember when Christmas started the day after Thanksgiving.
Sure, you would be shopping and have lists....which I no longer have.

When I was a child, Christmas came in one night. Mom would tuck us in on Christmas Eve and then got busy. She would decorate the tree, make gingerbread houses, bake goodies, stuff stockings, wrap presents and in the morning, we would be in wide eyed wonder at what Santa brought.

 One year, Mom was feeling a little tired and went into the girls bedroom and woke up Katie, who was instantly promoted to Santa's Chief Elf, and for several years she became KEEPER OF THE SECRETS...giving Mom much needed help.

 After opening all of our gifts at our TREE, we would get dressed and go to MOTHERS TREE and open gifts and go to AUNT SUES TREE and open gifts and...I loved Christmas....

we continued the tradition of everyone buying gifts for everyone until  little sister Terry, remarried this man named Doug, who was APPALLED at all the money spent on our Christmases, and HE was the one who started our new tradition of drawing names...

 (remember, change is good, stay calm..)

[rondrond]

No.........you can't die........I haven't met you yet 

You are so sweet...

[rondrond]

I was in Austria as a tourist . The problems with my legs began after I was there for over a week or so .
The pain was really bad and I stayed in bed for three days , after that I did manage to see more of Vienna . 

We've said it before....boy we have a lot in common.

..if someone says.."walk a mile in my shoes"..I'd have to say..."he has".....

[rondrond]

Hi Ron
I know it seems difficult, but you seem like you are keeping on top of your health issues. Thats a good thing.
Next up: Thanksgiving.

Joel

It's gets hard to get in the right mindset when it's October and the temperatures are still in the 80's. The trees still have leaves on them. It has only just started getting dark early in the last week. It did not get cold on Halloween like it usually does.

Everything changes. Thanksgiving used to be a major family event that started to dwindle as my grandparents started passing on. After the death of my mom's father..Daddy...everyone stopped going to Waco, and we haven't had a family gathering since..untll JW's passing.

I cook for THanksgiving, sometimes two turkeys, and all the trimmings. The 'boys' would come by and we would eat and visit, in the dining room, all together.

 In the past three years, as they got married and now had 'other ' family obligations, Thanksgiving got divided between different families and they would make a circuit, eating here, eating there, until, by the time thye got to the last place....usually Katie, and me...they were stuffed and only ate like birds.

I had so many leftovers last year, that I have made a declaration to Katie that I was not cooking for an army this year. Of course, everytime I make such a declaration, it turns into ''Christmas with the Kranks' and I wind up doing a lot of last minute preparations. 

[Jeff G]

I used to love the whole decorating the house for Christmas thing until I worked at the Chicago Merchandise Mart in a wholesale showroom .

The time to show and sell Christmas is during the July gift market . I would wrap lights on trees until my fingers bled and get on the train to go home every afternoon covered in glitter from the ornaments I had handled . That was many years ago and I cant bring myself to put up a tree now to this day .  

[rondrond]

I used to love the whole decorating the house for Christmas thing until I worked at the Chicago Merchandise Mart in a wholesale showroom .

The time to show and sell Christmas is during the July gift market . I would wrap lights on trees until my fingers bled and get on the train to go home every afternoon covered in glitter from the ornaments I had handled . That was many years ago and I cant bring myself to put up a tree now to this day .  

My first lover, worked for 'the Original Christmas Store'' in Dallas as seasonal help. I used to put lights on a tree, by winding around the outside, top to bottom. He taught me how to wrap from the inside out of every branch. My current tree is a seven footer (I'm 6'3" and it just doesn't seem like a good tree unless it's taller than me  )

 It must have about 5 strings of lights, that I would faithfully take off the tree every year and rewind the next year. After my DVT I, I found I did not have the energy required for @3hours of wrapping lights, so now I leave them on the tree.

Heck, I leave the tree assembled and standing, wrapped up like a big ol burrito and standing in a corner of the garage.

[Winiroo]

I'm still accustomed to Christmas stuff beginning the day after Thanksgiving. Our family Thanksgivings have changed significantly also in the last several years. When my boys where little everyone would come to my house and eat. After my husband passed I stopped cooking everything and asked people to bring a dish with them. Now its a game of wait until the last possible moment until someone finally caves and volunteers to host.

[rondrond]

I'm still accustomed to Christmas stuff beginning the day after Thanksgiving. Our family Thanksgivings have changed significantly also in the last several years. When my boys where little everyone would come to my house and eat. After my husband passed I stopped cooking everything and asked people to bring a dish with them. Now its a game of wait until the last possible moment until someone finally caves and volunteers to host.

When we stopped going to Waco, we would all meet at Mom's and Jw would shoot a deer (don't tell the boys that's venison) or quails (don't tell the boys that's not chicken). After his Cancer diagnosis, he nor Mom had the energy to deal with us and all the kids...

I started hosting, which was really wonderful, as I did not have to bundle Katie into the truck and her manual chair. No one's house was 'wheelchair friendly" and we would sometimes have to have her stand up at the front door so we could skinny up the chair to get it inside.

Our problem now is that the boys have now got 'careers' and are busy and we have to find a date that everyone can attend. Plus they have in-laws with 'their ways' and traditions. I never really thought about family traditions before.....I had always assumed that everybody celebrated the Holidays the same way we did.

Found out that wasn't so, and the only tradition we have is I cook, and sooner or later they show up. Katie, being a mom, wants to make sure that everyone's favorite dish is available when they show up, which means that I am basically handed a menu and asked to 'make it so.'

I've had no problem with that until I became unemployed and started a budget.

edited to add: Since becoming unemployed, and being at home all the time, I've also noticed that a lot went on around here when I was at work. Some days it's like Grand Central Station around here.

[bear60]

Hi Ron
Thanksgiving means a lot, if only in sentimental terms (memories), doesnt it. Kurt and I always heve Thanksgiving even if its just the two of us. But usually we have a few "orphans" around to take in.
Maybe your Mom would like to spend her Thanksgiving with you?

Joel

[AndyArrow]

My family tends to rotate who will host Thanksgiving but I enjoy cooking and having everyone over.  And since it is my house I can enjoy a nice football free Thanksgiving and watch the 1947 version of Miracle of 34th Street

AA (who never quite had the Normal Rockwell Thanksgiving but keeps trying)

[denb45]

Bob and I always have Thanksgiving even if its just the two of us, and most of the time it is only us, the same a Christmas , I cook everything with all of the trimmings, and we eat that for about a week, and FREEZE whatever else we can, we don't put-up any Christmas decorations, or buy each other any gifts
(we do that for each other year round), if there is something we really need (like a good SALE), so, were kinda pagen when it comes to the Holiday Season  both of us live no-where near our families  and were both 2 ole coots, that no-body really wants to be bothered with anyway,  so, we don't have many friends at all

[rondrond]

Well,

My oldest nephew just got married in Las Vegas back in June. Before the marriage, which was a complete surprise, we had only met his bride to be twice.

They have both been divorced and she has two children, who 'split' living between mummy and daddy. We have never met her children.

Tonight, I was looking through catalogs, and it occurred to me that there were two children to add to the Christmas list and I made Katie call to find out their names and ages.

The conversation went from "Hi" to asking the names//ages of the children and boom.....

Katie was not getting their names. They would make a list and send the info later. o.0

I thought this was mighty strange and pushed the issue. Next thing I know they were asking to be removed from the 'drawing of names' and would probably be on vacation/trip out of town....o.o

Katie let it go and will probably talk to him later, using the excuse that her new daughter in law rules the roost, her way or the highway.....blahblahblah.....

I have been burning ever since 'the call' and it has been about 2 hours.....

I feel,(and it's only a feeling, nothing has been said) but I FEEL that she doesn't want to expose her children to a Homosexual with HIV. The nly thing I have to base this on is that they live like 5 blocks away, we never see them, they never call, and we have never met these children.

Katie is not stupid and is probably knowing what I am thinking as she has already told me several times to just calm down, that it's not Robert but Paulette.

I will calm down as I refuse to let her steal my joy, but at this moment, it hurts. It has been too many years that I have not dealt with stigma from family......and I think of her as family, and she had to have known I was gay while they were dating.

Then again, I could be wrong and misinterpreting what I consider to be 'odd' behavior, and should just give her time to adjust.

[bear60]

I dont know why, but its always families and holidays that have so much hurt and dissapointment associated with it.

[Snowangel]

Sorry, Rondrond.  Try to think of it as Paulettes loss.  Try not to mad at her but feel sorry for her kids. Unfortunately, she will probably do her kids more harm than she intends in the end.  I shake my head when I hear some of the conversations adults have infront of or with thier children.  It is almost like they are proud of thier ignorance and want to pass it on.

I hope you and Katie are feeling well.

Snow

[denb45]

You could always confront your oldest nephew about this, (if you want to go down that road) about her 'odd' behavior, this may have nothing to do with you or katie at all? but everything to do with paulette  she may feel that her kids stepfather's family just isn't that important to her and here 2 kids  this sounds like its all her doing tho, and not your oldest nephew, witch is very sad  on her part........

[rondrond]

I dont know why, but its always families and holidays that have so much hurt and dissapointment associated with it.

I think it's because they were there when I learned how to celebrate a Holiday and now they aren't with the program anymore.

Sorry, Rondrond.  Try to think of it as Paulettes loss.  Try not to mad at her but feel sorry for her kids. Unfortunately, she will probably do her kids more harm than she intends in the end.  I shake my head when I hear some of the conversations adults have infront of or with thier children.  It is almost like they are proud of thier ignorance and want to pass it on.

I hope you and Katie are feeling well.

Snow

Thanks Snow. I think that I have lived in my families security for so long that I might have over-reacted to what I perceived her thinking to be.....(when you assume you make an ass....) She has not had time to get to know me and let's face it, being Gay/HIV to someone who has not been 'exposed' to my essence....she could be freaking out.

I understand, there are some lifetsyles that I can tolerate, but when I get too uncomfortable,  make me run....(I do have a story about a leather, golden shower, muscle biting,  sex club in Houston that had me excusing myself to go to the bathroom and I RAN nonstop to my car and drove away, very fast, eyes glued to the rear view mirror, until I was at least a mile away.   (It was my first time)

I will have to go slow and first find out just what does she know about HIV and go from there...subtly

You could always confront your oldest nephew about this, (if you want to go down that road) about her 'odd' behavior, this may have nothing to do with you or katie at all? but everything to do with paulette  she may feel that her kids stepfather's family just isn't that important to her and here 2 kids  this sounds like its all her doing tho, and not your oldest nephew, witch is very sad  on her part........

You're right. It's not Robert. I brought him and the twins up since they were 14 and told them everything so there would be no secrets, so they and their friends have know that I was Gay/HIV and there has never been a problem...

.Robert IS in love though and is under a spell. She has him wrapped around her little finger, for now. And you're right, she may not consider us family...She does like Katie, which is a good thing, as Katie is Robert's mother and actively pursues , with good intentions, her boy's lives.

Once they moved out, I gave them $20.00 and stood in the door waving goodbye. I turned them loose, and sure, I'm glad when they visit, and the grandchildren are fun, but, when the sun goes down and they get cranky it's time to load em up and we'll see ya later

I feel better now. Katie is going to talk to Robert and see just what's what, as, though I CAN be subtle, I do carry a velvet hammer and as I am now coming up on my 16th Year of HIV and 2nd Year DVT, I tend to repel BS from my immediate vicinity...I don't have time for it.

[Winiroo]

I've had a couple of new family members avoid me, all but out right say don't touch the children, not want me to use their dishes, avoid me like the plague, stuff like that.

It must feel like a double whammy when someone treats you badly because you are positive and you are gay. You expect more from family members. Even the ones who are new to the mix.

It sucks that you've been made to feel unwelcomed and unwanted. I suppose it is possible that your nephew's new wife isn't a horrible person. I hope that she will come around to see the sweet loveable guy you are and if she doesn't then shame on her and she doesn't deserve to know someone as nice as you.

Maybe you could write Robert a letter expressing your feelings. It might help to get it off your chest.

<<Hugs>>

[rondrond]

Went to see DrG today.

I did a wonderful job of keeping my temper under control.

DrD is my HIV specialist and monitors my warfarin levels. DrG is my doctor who takes care of everything out of the realm of DrD.

DrG was where I went when I started having sharp knee pains and gave me an XRay and diagnosed onset of arthritis 'due to old age'.

DrD sent me to have the venous doppler where they discovered the new blood clot behind left knee.

The assistant took my vitals and my blood pressure is good. 121/82  However, I am having a concern because I can feel my heartbeat pulsing in my lips and if I stare at one spot for too long, it starts to tremble with my heartbeat....(cannot explain any better)

I attempted to explain it to DrG and she had no explanation, theory, ..nada.

I gave her my new numbers and new meds since my last visit 3 months ago. She wrote them down and then asked about my knee. ...   .....  .....I took a deep, calming breath and gave her the story of the results of the venous doppler...  ....and....not being able to help myself, ended with..."that you took an XRay of and sloughed off as arthritis"


She said that at that time I was on warfarin, and should not have had a blood clot.

I said, yes, I was on warfarin, and I did have a blood clot, and that there were no guarantees that you would not get another blood clot, even on warfarin.

She disagreed.

We agreed to disagree.

Told her the results of the Sleep Study. I have sleep apnea. She asked who told me that. I said it was the result of the sleep study done by JPS, where she worked.....it should be in my file.

She did not have my file in front of her.

 I then asked for the results of my Echocardiogram. She said that I had a slightly enlarged heart, from the hypertension, but that now that my blood pressure was under control, it shouldn't get any worse.

I just had to say it. "You mean just like being on warfarin, there should be no further blood clots, that on blood pressure meds, the heart won't get worse."

She just looked at me.

Then she wanted to look at my legs. My left leg is still swollen enough that the varicose veins are not visible.

She had done blood work, which showed that my triglycerides were 591 and cholesterol was 432. 
Started to get on about my diet when I butted in and gave her my menu, and then mentioned that a side effect of my meds was elevated triglycerides and cholesterol.

 Re-looking at the numbers, she saw that my HDL/LDL were normal, and agreed that it must be from the meds.

She was prescribing a triglyceride med of 'omni-something' and was talking about fish oil. I told her that I take Omega3 Fish Oil daily. She stated that I couldn't take the omni-thing then, and then prescribed, GEMFIBROZIL/600mgs/2X.

I asked, why don't I just take another fish oil pill?  "NO"......Then she asked what mg fish oil I was taking. I stated that it was in my chart, all my meds and supplements.

She did not have my chart in front of her.

I stated that I had lost 12 pounds from the water pill....she said "water Pill?"....

I snapped.

I just gave you the list of my meds and you wrote it down. She had not wrote that down.

Then I asked if the enlarged heart/hypertension could be from my Pulmonary Emboli....she said "you have pulmonary emboli?".....

@.@.....   ......   ...she asked, "when did you get pulmonary emboli?"....I said IT"S IN MY CHART".....

She excused herself to go get my medical records. I was beside myself. This appointment was made 3 months ago. It is not like I was a walk in. She had no idea what I was talking about,..IMHO...should have had my file....and reviewed it.

I had a headache. I was ready to cry. My lips were pulsing,

and not for a kiss.

At least my hair looked good.

Now, we were on the same page.  The sleep study was on top. She concurred that I had Sleep Apnea and wrote a prescription for a CPAP machine. (as JPS had already stated they wouldn't pay for one....it seemed a mute gesture, but at this point, I was taking anything I could get. )

She found the actual ECHO results, and diagnosed that since my blood pressure was under control, there was nothing else to be done about it as she insisted that is was "small enlargement of the heart"

My venous doppler showed a blood clot behind the left knee. Diagnosis is warfarin, which I am already on and there is nothing else to be done. I insisted that there was. There were genetic tests that could be done to show a tendency for one to be prone to blood clots, EVEN ON WARFARIN....

She is going to check into it and also about a filter to catch blood clots...I thought that was also a mute gesture...they've already happened.

I couldn't wait to get out of there. Went to the pharmacy. While waiting, called DrD and made an appointment for Monday to talk about my 'out of control'  triglycerides and cholesterol and if I should take the new pill, or consider changing HIV meds. (a second opinion)

[denb45]

Yeah, don't feel bad ronnie,  sometimes you get very good ID Doc's and sometimes you don't, my Doctor acts like that with me sometimes, but, she always has my health records in front of her and can look on the computer for any Labs; doctors can be very forgetful at times, but the good thing here is, you were very pro-active at your visit GOOD FOR YOU, never let a Doctor off the hook, (if you need something explained to you)  I sure don't  being assertive and stating your case to them, is always a good thing....
oh, and the high triglycerides  and cholesterol problem, I don't by the diet thing being the problem, I Blame the meds, we all know how to eat right, and most all of us do, so, I always go head to head with my Doctor on diet too, I tell her, don't preach to me about my poor diet, when you know dam well that's not the underline problem here, its the PI's that is causing THIS

[Dachshund]

If you really want something to cry about, try being 56 and living with HIV with no insurance. A forgetful ID doc (remember you're not their only patient) that must refer to their chart would be a luxury for me.

I'm sorry, I forgot this is your blog and not about me. Carry on.

[rondrond]

If you really want something to cry about, try being 56 and living with HIV with no insurance. A forgetful ID doc (remember you're not their only patient) that must refer to their chart would be a luxury for me.

I'm sorry, I forgot this is your blog and not about me. Carry on.

Hal,
You are more than welcome to let it all out here.

I will be 56 in March. I have HIV and living with no insurance. I can relate.

I know I am not their only patient but that's what the charts are for...(my life,  in between the cover of two pieces of cardboard, covered in vinyl with a binder)

Yeah, don't feel bad ronnie,  sometimes you get very good ID Doc's and sometimes you don't, my Doctor acts like that with me sometimes, but, she always has my health records in front of her and can look on the computer for any Labs; doctors can be very forgetful at times, but the good thing here is, you were very pro-active at your visit GOOD FOR YOU, never let a Doctor off the hook, (if you need something explained to you)  I sure don't  being assertive and stating your case to them, is always a good thing....
oh, and the high triglycerides  and cholesterol problem, I don't by the diet thing being the problem, I Blame the meds, we all know how to eat right, and most all of us do, so, I always go head to head with my Doctor on diet too, I tell her, don't preach to me about my poor diet, when you know dam well that's not the underline problem here, its the PI's that is causing THIS

Reading all the posts on diet, I have to agree. Everyone knows how to eat right. I've been taking notes on some pretty tasty menus from the Mediterranean. 

I spent my weekend, going through another closet. I have to make room for the paperwork that is on the kitchen table, to no longer be there.

For my Christmas present, I wanted a mural for the kitchen wall, and my little sister is going to paint it. However, she insists that I need to clear the clutter.

Now that I have a court date, I 'm guessing that they have all the paperwork from me they need, so I can do this.....oh my..

I'm going through these boxes of my life from years ago, and reliving them. And this time, after the memory stops, I am putting it in the recycle bin. I have kept it hidden away and now it's time to get rid of it.

So, I've done a lot of crying, and laughing, and the shredder has been busy.

...and dang it,

I cannot sit and bend over and reach for too long....why?....

.I pooped my britches...

.twice..