POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: bryan21 on October 10, 2010, 03:53:03 am
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So I will putt it here..Seeing how it is 2 am.. :P
We letts see here..So So Very Much has happened sense May 2010!
Found out I had HIV..That was a hard pill to swallow..Seeing how I watched my stupid Hard headed mother die of AIDS In May of 2009.(She did all the wrong things..wouldn't take the meds popped pills everyday of her life..Some people can't and won't change I guess)..Not shitting you like one year and 6 days later I found out I had HIV..I thought I was going to end up just like her..DEAD! :-X The person who infected me my Ex boyfriend will NOT talk to me?..Have no idea why? I'm not even mad anymore It's just as much my fault as it is his.(It takes two) But that's what ever..I am completly open about the fact I have HIV I tell everyone I shouldn't have to hide this and I won't..Don't gett me wrong I don't go around telling every tomm dick and hairy I have HIV but I am openn about it..People are going around telling other's I have HIV but it's what ever really People will always talk I guess..As long as they are talking about me that's fine lol dont care if it s badd or good! Holler! 8)
I have got a jobb now thnk sweet baby Jesus !! I have been trying to gett a life and become something other then what I am now!..(wish me luck)
It took me almost 6 months to understand that HIV will not control my life and I can still do the things that every other 21 year old person can do! This will not limit me in any way! It can be very difficult at times very difficult but you know what that is just life I guess when life throws lemons at you make fucking lemon barrs! there great! ;D I am back to my old self I think and That makes me feel great there are still a lot of mental and emotional issues that I have and that I should discus with someone and I will once I am ready and there are alot of people that I can talk to I just haven't came to that point just yet I guess... Last weekend I went over to a friends house and meet them and his roommate also had HIV and It was THE FIRST TIME that I have talked to someone else in person who has HIV as well! ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT IT WAS FUCKING INTENSE!! I cried soo hard and so much and could not stop to save my life.. :'( but it feltl great to see that I was not alone..and I have A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT TRULY DO CARE FOR AND LOVE ME! ;) I am truly luck to be alive and I hope I keep growing and my life just getts better and better as the years go on and on!...I went to the CC center my levels are great still in the Normal range my v.l. was low doc said I shouldnt have to start meds for a while lets hope I have started drinking again but I have only done it twice so far on the weekends you know when I go out..I know I shouldn't drink but shit happens! I'm just ranting lol srry ::)
I am happy in a way I havent been happy in about a year and It's great I still havent had sex it has been a YEAR on OCTOBER 12th I think?? not sure I stopped counting... >:( But it is fine I know I am not ready to have sex and I am not going to rush when It comes to sex ever again I dont need sex to be happy you do! :P I dont have a boyfriend and I do gett so down and lonely sometimes and I do wish I had someone to hold at times but then again I'm just gladd I dont have to putt up with someone bull shit and all that comes with a relationship..I think I just need to take a few years off and worry about me me me me ME ! I havent done that in a long time I always putt the needs of others first so its about time I start working on me and getting to the place I want and should be for my age...I wont live forever and I want to be remembered when I am gone :D but yea anyways its like 3 am and I have to get up at like 7 fucking am to go to a bird fair with a ex boyfriend that is now just a random friend..( He is a bitch though) :P fucking hate him sometimes..but what ever...
Oh yea I have noticed how ANAL you people are no here...!
Chill out! and CALM DOWN!
:P :P :P :P ::) ;D
HOLLER!
BRYAN [last name removed]
8)
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You WERE doing good until you called us ALL ANAL >:(
How's about not insulting us ???
You sound like you are getting along well .
21 you got years to get some manners , don't take too long ::) LOL
Be well my friend , Remember WE may be ANAL ,BUT we never forget an insult !
Live well you got 70 more years to go :)
Carl
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Hello Bryann-- Lordd off the Double Consonantss
I'mm withh Carll. Ann apologyy is due. Beingg anal'ss whatt brungg you here iss itt nott?
Andd, evenn iff it'ss nott, partt off beingg anall, that'ss anall retentive to be more precise, iss thatt one mayy tendd to the detailss off life andd organicc materialss slightlyy more thann otherss.
So, onn yourr Apologiess to be Made Listt, please include uss.
Thankk you veryy muchh.
Emm
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Oh yea I have noticed how ANAL you people are no here...!
Chill out! and CALM DOWN!
:P :P :P :P ::) ;D
Bryan, do I need to remind you that you were very recently given not one, but two time outs for insulting members of this forum? If you insist on continuing with the insults, your next time out will be for three months. Do you really want to go down that road?
To be clear, I am warning you that if the insults continue, you will be given a third time out.
As Carl points out, you could do with learning some manners.
I'm glad to hear that you are starting to come to terms with your virus. I hope things continue to improve for you in that regard.
I also hope those improvements include you feeling less need to lash out at the people who want to be there for you - namely the members of this forum.
And one last small request - in future, could you please break your writing up into smaller paragraphs? When you don't, it creates a wall of text that is difficult to read. You'll get more responses and feedback if what you write is more readable. This is for your benefit.
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HI Bryan I am so glad you have a better attitude
If you need to chat PM me
hugs
Pete
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I don't think calling someone anal is an insult? ???
I am the way I am. I will say what I want to say. ;D
The fact that I had like 3 people say something about it just proves my point.
I hope that when I am your age I am not as "Anal" about things. :-X
And I don't apologize if I don't feel like I have done something wrong.
But thnk you all for your words of criticism?
Oh! B.t.w...I see on here how there are gatherings?...Like in L.A and shit!??
I was wondering how do I find out if there are any in my neck of the woods.?
I live in Nashville,TN 8)
I really would like to meet up with some of the people on this site!
Can never have to many friend's. ;)
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I don't think calling someone anal is an insult? ???
I am the way I am. I will say what I want to say. ;D
The fact that I had like 3 people say something about it just proves my point.
I hope that when I am your age I am not as "Anal" about things. :-X
And I don't apologize if I don't feel like I have done something wrong.
But thnk you all for your words of criticism?
Bryan, with all due respect, what you believe is not the question here, it is your behavior. You have already been told by a moderator that you did INSULT members and that it was forbidden. Rather than just admitting your error, you compound that insult by repeating it, with an extra dig on age. I've been poz longer than you have been alive and if anal means treating others with a modicum of respect, then I'm as anal as they come. I'd say more, but something tells me you won't be here much longer. That's really a shame because there are great people here, always willing to lend an ear and all they ask is a little respect.
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Better!!!!!!!!!! :-*
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Bryan, please read this thread: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=34704.0 (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=34704.0)
Enough said.
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we're not all anal, i like oral alot too
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we're not all anal, i like oral alot too
Oh thnk God someone with some humor!
LOL
;D ;D ;D ;D
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Hey Bryan,
I'm glad you have adopted a more positive outlook on life. You are very young and it sounds like you have been through a lot in your few short years. I think it's a great idea to slow down and focus on yourself for a few years. Take it from me you have all the time in the world to fall in love, but first take care of your own business and set yourself up for success with or without a partner. I'm curious are you in school? I think now more than ever you have to give yourself the tools to make it in today's economy.
Well thanks again for posting and I hope you find much success in continuing to grow and learn after all that has happened.
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Brian,
I'm glad to hear your dtarting to come terms with things, as has been said many times. We find a way to live witht his virus.
But please don't insult people which you have and then try to say it was only a joke.
We have a sense of humour, but it really is a good aidea , not just for thie forums, but for life in general to have resoect for others and use some manners somtimes.
We all have bad days and say something a bit off or offend someone without intending to. If that hapens just apologise.
John
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I don't ever remember saying it was a joke??
:(
No I am not in skool yet..I have no carr to get me from point A to point B.
SO I have been working saving up money to gett myself a carr so I can gett back and forth to skool.
After getting HIV I have meet some really cool people that I can talk to about what ever pops into my mind.
We may not see eye to eye but that Is normal.
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No I am not in skool yet..I have no carr to get me from point A to point B.
http://www.nashvillemta.org/ (http://www.nashvillemta.org/)
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Yea I think if I was able to do that I would have jumped on that band wagon ages ago...
I live in White House a small town about 30 mins. north of Nashville..I live in BFE!
:P
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Bryan
Glad to hear you have a more positive outlook. You might want to think twice about putting your full name in these forums. They are searchable by google which you may or may not care about but people can easily find you.
I started a new job recently and was surprised to find people googled my name before starting and stumbled onto an old friendster profile (that wasn't updated for 4 years).
Pete
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Bryan
Glad to hear you have a more positive outlook. You might want to think twice about putting your full name in these forums. They are searchable by google which you may or may not care about but people can easily find you.
I started a new job recently and was surprised to find people googled my name before starting and stumbled onto an old friendster profile (that wasn't updated for 4 years).
Pete
Agreed Pete my company searches online and will consider public information from websites like Facebook in the hiring process. Always a good idea to keep either a tidy online presence, or create an alias.
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I don't think they could see this on facebook?
that Is just my facebook URl on my page...
And to be honest I could care less!
8)
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Agreed Pete my company searches online and will consider public information from websites like Facebook in the hiring process. Always a good idea to keep either a tidy online presence, or create an alias.
ya think (http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000503884327)?
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You know what the opposite of anal is? Youth!!! Just kidding ya.
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ya think (http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000503884327)?
That is so cute ::). And that new avvy goes so well with your bubbly and innocent personality.
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I don't think they could see this on facebook?
that Is just my facebook URl on my page...
And to be honest I could care less!
8)
Just for my own curiosity, I followed the link to your FB account. There was no link from FB to Poz.com We can link from Poz to FB but not the other way around.
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Just for my own curiosity, I followed the link to your FB account. There was no link from FB to Poz.com We can link from Poz to FB but not the other way around.
Yea people on facebook can't get to this site...
but you can get to facebook from this site..
See I kinda know what I am doing!
::)
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facebook has ways to lock out google searches, but this site doesn't especially if you use your real name.
Bryan - I googled your name and hiv and this post was the second thing that popped up.
Again, you may not care but just putting it out there.
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Well I'll be a money's uncle! :-\
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You all have me freaking out now!
How do I get my last name off of here or there?
OMFG! :-[
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You all have me freaking out now!
How do I get my last name off of here or there?
OMFG! :-[
Bryan,
PM a moderator and they can reopen your post and remove your last name.
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Well, If you edit your original post and take out your name then it will be gone. It might take search engines a while to update because they tend to cache searches...or something. Someone more computer savy can probably explain the whole cache thing.
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I've already downloaded all of his pictars.
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Yea I think if I was able to do that I would have jumped on that band wagon ages ago...
I live in White House a small town about 30 mins. north of Nashville..I live in BFE!
:P
BFE, as in boy friend experience? An acronym I remember all to well from my days of dialing a date.
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Bryan,
PM a moderator and they can reopen your post and remove your last name.
Bryan, I took the liberty of taking care of this for you.
edited to add: Bryan, I've also gone through your older posts and have removed your last name.
Remember -- ANY identifying information posted to these pages can be searched for via Google and other engines.
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Hi Tim, there should really be a way around this issue. I'd like to thank you for doing the same thing for me a few days ago. My post was a couple weeks ago, it just took me that long to realize the implication. Despite the fact you deleted those posts, they still show up in a google search. Oh well.
Bryan, I took the liberty of taking care of this for you.
edited to add: Bryan, I've also gone through your older posts and have removed your last name.
Remember -- ANY identifying information posted to these pages can be searched for via Google and other engines.
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Hi Tim, there should really be a way around this issue. I'd like to thank you for doing the same thing for me a few days ago. My post was a couple weeks ago, it just took me that long to realize the implication. Despite the fact you deleted those posts, they still show up in a google search. Oh well.
zach-
I'm pretty sure there is a warning on the entry page to the forums that states that these forums are searchable by the general public so don't post anything private that you don't want people to find out about you i.e. your name (so people will know you have HIV). I've seen it every time I log on. The mods can't prevent people from ignoring this warning and shooting themselves in the foot, as it were. Not to criticize you or others who have made this mistake, but the warning IS there for a reason.
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As a follow up to what I said, here is the warning, copied from the top of the forums list:
Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.
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I read the warning, mea culpa. I didn't post my last name, I posted a link to a photo, and it included a string of prime numbers that I've used in my personal email address for years. I slipped, it'll be ok. I still think there is a way of making boards unsearchable.
I could have the few posts I put on this board deleted. I could delete the old email address many people know me by. I could create a whole new online identity. I'd still be Zach, I'd still have AIDS.
This board has been an incredible resource for me the past few months. I really appreciate everyone I've spoke to. I'm not going to crawl back into a hole just because there might be some someone out there who googles me.
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I read the warning, mea culpa. I didn't post my last name, I posted a link to a photo, and it included a string of prime numbers that I've used in my personal email address for years. I slipped, it'll be ok. I still think there is a way of making boards unsearchable.
I could have the few posts I put on this board deleted. I could delete the old email address many people know me by. I could create a whole new online identity. I'd still be Zach, I'd still have AIDS.
This board has been an incredible resource for me the past few months. I really appreciate everyone I've spoke to. I'm not going to crawl back into a hole just because there might be some someone out there who googles me.
That's right!
More Power to you man!
;D
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I'm amazed with this groups ability to see past some mean comments and still care about someone and forgive them. I'm impressed. Ya'll can teach me a few things. :)
Just for definitions sake. Psycotherapist Freud said anal retentive was a personality type where a person tends to hold on to their crap, to be constipated. It is by definition a person that has difficulty letting things go.
That said, it has been manipulated by our culture to be a person who is uptight. While that is the insult or statement that was made, I'd have to admit that none of ya'lls actions actually show that any of you are uptight but more loving and forgiving. Cheers! :D
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since we're dragging freud's corpse into the thread... i would say my id is anally expressive and orally obsessed, and my super-ego has been fighting a punishing inner war since the day i stopped feeding at the age of five (mom swears) ;)
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breast feeding, and what would freud say about me forgetting to include the word breast...
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To be honest...I don't even remember this shit..lol