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Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: what a life on June 07, 2008, 10:25:39 pm

Title: SEX
Post by: what a life on June 07, 2008, 10:25:39 pm
I got HIV from my last girlfriend. We broke up and about a year later I found out. During that year I found a new girlfriend that I have been with we were aways careful and she is fine she has been tested two times both neg. We are very lucky. We love each other very much and planned to marry before we found out I was HIV+. I gave her every chance to back out. I even planned to tell her to get lost. She was not having it. She has been my rock during this tough time. For six months I could not  have sex I felt dirty and guilty. She has pushed the issues to have sex under very protect ways. I feel like I am playing Russian roulette with the person I love the most in this world. It scares the hell out of me. everytime we make love. I enjoy it but I don't enjoy it if you know what I mean. It is not getting easier in fact it is getting harder and I am feeling more and more guilty. I know she is an adult and she knows all the facts and dangers. Others have told me that is is a grown up who has a brain and the people who know her have nothing but great things to say about her. She is no dummy and I'm not some rich guy shes working. She loves me. All being said I love her "I would jump in front of a moving bus for her". So that is what makes this so hard. The pain and depression I feel for myself has me just holding on. What if? Is all I can think about. I have told her all this and we have seen some "professionals" about this. But in my heart I feel it is wrong.
So my question, How do all of you deal with this? How do I endanger the one I love?
Thank you for your time
Title: Re: SEX
Post by: megasept on June 08, 2008, 03:29:38 am
Hi. You sound lucky to have her. Don't push her away. Get help for your depression and maybe a different sort of counseling for both of you. If you two are having unprotected intercourse then stop, even though consensual. If you're using a condom and the right lube, you are on the right track. Get the facts (read the Lessons here) on safe sexual activity for the both of you. My last partner is still negative, and I was positive more than 10 years before we met. Infection between serodiscordant partners is preventable, not inevitable.
 
8)  -megasept

Title: Re: SEX
Post by: Ann on June 08, 2008, 05:27:52 am
Hi WAL,

I see from another post that your VL is undetectable and that's good news in relation to what you're talkiing about. You have very little chance of passing your virus on to her when you're undetectable, so that combined with condoms makes for ... good sex!

Poz/neg couples wanting to have children are even doing it naturally these days - when the poz partner is on meds and undetectable for at least six months - with success all round. In other words, they're getting pregnant while the neg partner remains neg. Do a forum search on "Swiss study", as well as a site search, and you'll find more information.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them with confidence. There is also a female condom (http://www.aidsmap.com/en/docs/6B8B1AB3-6C46-4EE2-9C34-9D53DF3ECE3E.asp) you might want to look into and try out.

How's your ITP issue going? Did you and your doctor get it resolved?

Good to hear from you again.

Ann
Title: Re: SEX
Post by: next2u on June 08, 2008, 01:05:41 pm
condoms, sexplay, toys, foreplay, fun and lots of imagination -- ya know, the stuff dreams are made of.

but the guilt takes therapy and introspection. you are still capable of a healthy sexual relationship, just get yourself to a healthier happier spot. involve her in your progress. also, my aso has a magnetic couples/serodiscordant support group. maybe you could find one in your area.

best,
d
Title: Re: SEX
Post by: what a life on June 13, 2008, 10:42:33 am
Thanks to all
Title: Re: SEX
Post by: Prestige on June 15, 2008, 05:55:32 am
Well ''what a life'' I am saying the same thing, I found out in a Hospital for birth help! Married for 4 years couldnot have a kid and when we tried a specialist klinik find out HIV, my wife neg GOD BLESS, after that EVERYTHING is different, condoms, stress, no oral sex, meds etch, etch
I dont have any good advice other than stick to your girl, without my wifes love and support I dont know where I would have been know.
take care
Title: Re: SEX
Post by: anniebc on June 15, 2008, 06:23:11 am
Hi Prestige

Welcome to the forum..maybe you could introduce yourself so we can get to know you better, just start a thread of your own, if you have any questions or need support of any kind the guy here are willing to help you.

Again welcome to the forum.

Hugs
Jan
Title: Re: SEX
Post by: Prestige on June 15, 2008, 06:47:33 am
U are wright
so male 36 possitive   CD4 150, VL 120,000 and on meds, married no kids, feel well
Title: Re: SEX
Post by: anniebc on June 15, 2008, 06:56:54 am
Hi Prestige

I have sent you a PM..if you look under your name on the left hand side you should see "New 1" in bold letters..just click on it.

Hugs
Jan
Title: Re: SEX
Post by: Peter Staley on June 15, 2008, 08:12:47 am
Prestige -- welcome to our forums!  I'm glad you found us, and look forward to getting to know you here.

Peter Staley
Founder
AIDSmeds.com
Title: Re: SEX
Post by: what a life on June 24, 2008, 08:57:24 pm
My Itp is getting better. Still have some issues with it but it is getting better. Thanks for asking. Life is still hard but as most of you all have said I can make it better. I am seeing some professionals about this other then my ID doctor and it is helping. You find there is a whole person to work on and not a disease that defines me. Easier typed then done. It is getting better even as I write this and look back to a few months ago I can see how much I have grown. I wish I had more time to spend on this forum but I find work, doctors, girlfriend, and only using my home computer makes it tough. I will do my best to stay part of the group and not just jump in when I need something. I owe it to myself and to all. Thanks again WAL
Title: Re: SEX
Post by: BT65 on June 25, 2008, 09:12:18 am
WAL, glad to hear things are improving for you!
Title: Re: SEX
Post by: Bryon on July 01, 2008, 06:02:10 am
I am negative and my partner was positive. We were together for 13 years and it was the best years of our lives.
He died January 2008 of CANCER NOT OF AIDS.  Love her and allow her to love you just play it safe.
Title: Re: SEX
Post by: justakuntrygul on July 01, 2008, 04:26:52 pm
Keep her by your side, but if you do feel guilty then you should stop. It's obvious that this girl knows what the risk are, but she is protecting you and herself from anything else right? Have fun.  You only have one life to live...Live it wisely. Don't give up on everything as far as love and sex go.  Seems to me that you have a good thing going on here.  To find a person that is openminded and would give up their world just to be a part of yours is truly amazing...

take care!
Title: Re: SEX
Post by: BT65 on July 01, 2008, 07:00:44 pm
Bryon, welcome to the forums.  Sorry to hear about the loss of your partner. 

I've had plenty of sex since becoming HIV+.  That shouldn't hinder one's sex life.