Fingering w/oil based lube?

[CatFud]

So here's my situation: On Tuesday night, I met up with a guy and we played around with some massage oil. We wound up fingering each other, and he blew me. There was no intercourse and I did not perform oral on him. We both came outside each other's bodies.

On Friday, I came down with painful, swollen glands and achy muscles and joints. My tonsils and the glands in my neck are really huge, particularly on one side. I do not have a fever, at least not yet.

I've read about fingering and safer sex, and the consensus seems to be that fingering is safe. (Particularly when it occurs before anyone comes, as was the case with us.) In fact, I wasn't the least concerned about my behavior with this guy until I got these swollen glands, which are far worse than any I've ever had. (And I've had mono already.)

My question is: I know safer-sex guidelines say to use water-based lube, but I always thought that was because oil would harm condoms. In this case, since no condoms were warranted, I didn't think there was a problem with using oil-based lube for fingering. But I wonder - does oil-based lube increase infection risks in other ways? Does it make the virus stick to healthy tissues, for example?

I have no idea whether this guy was infected, and I know it's a bit soon for me to be showing any signs of infection. I'm just concerned. I plan to see my doctor this week.

[RapidRod]

This is not an HIV concern. See your doctor.

[anniebc]

If you haven't done so already then please read the lessons here on HIV transmissions.

Swollen glands can be caused by something as simple as the common cold, sore throat, ear infection or sinus infections, as Rod suggested go and talk to your doctor about this.

As far as HIV goes there was never a risk.

Jan

[Ann]

Cat,

Fingering, no matter what sort of lube you use, is NOT a risk for hiv infection.

The reason you must not use oil-based lube with condoms is because oil will degrade latex condoms and possibly cause them to break/rip. It does NOT cause microscopic holes, it causes them to break in a very noticeable way.

If condoms aren't in the picture, or you are using polyurethane condoms (such as Avanti) then oil is ok - BUT - it's better to stick with water-based lubes anyway, just so you never have to worry about accidentally using oil on latex. Oil-based lube will also degrade latex sex-toys.

Here's what you need to know in order to keep yourself safe from hiv:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

And as Jan suggested, please read the Welcome Thread and follow the link to the Transmission Lesson.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[CatFud]

Thanks for the reassurance. I did read the transmission lessons, so I was pretty sure there wasn't any risk. I'll see the doc anyway. Thanks, Rod, Ann and Jan, for taking the time to reply.

[CatFud]

Let me clarify one thing about my question: We were stroking ourselves throughout this encounter, both before and after the fingering. My concern is that he could have transferred some body fluid to me on his hand. Not sure I made that scenario clear.

Does that change anything in anyone's mind re. risk?

[Ann]

Cat,

It was perfectly clear what you were saying. You did NOT have a risk for hiv infection!

Make sure you read the Transmission Lesson we've asked you to, along with the rest of the Welcome thread and the three condom and lube links in my signature line. We're not here to spoon-feed you tidbits of information. Do the reading and get informed.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Ann

[CatFud]

Thanks, Ann. I'm cool with that. I appreciate your candor!