New Military

[newguy123]

Hello everybody

I was recently informed i was positive on June 11. Yes it was confirmed with a western blot. I can't believe this is happening to me. I didn't want to believe it so i bought one of the over the counter tests and came up negative. Because of this i ordered a more specific RNA test which came back positive. At this point I realize there not getting away from it. I have been severly depressed and stumbled upon this site by accident actually but thought it'd be a good idea. I am in the american military so my situation is somewhat different. I can't to anybody about this at all. I feel alone  in the world. I have been fastracking my career and been getting promoted ahead of schedule and now i fear I've lost my career and any hopes of getting promoted again. I've secretly had a bf for a little over a year now. He is HIV+ but is undetectable. I've only ever topped so i knew the chances were low especially with him on meds.  I'm sorry to rant......I just don't understand whats happening to me. I just started reading about HIV and meds and it all just seems so  overwhleming right now.  its like nothing makes sense. thank god for a place like this....i commend all of you for trying to help ppl like me. As you can tell i don't even know where to start or what to do. My hope is other american military members find my post and offer some experiences....

[vertigo]

Hi newguy.

Sorry about your diagnosis, but welcome to the forums.

Learning that you're HIV+ is a scary and disorienting feeling.  It's natural to feel like your life has been turned upside down, and that everything will change.  What you'll realize in time is that most things will not change, and you will adapt to this "new normal".  People are very resilient, yourself included.

You cannot be kicked out of the U.S. military for being poz.  You will also have access to very good healthcare.  The meds are excellent these days, and very soon after starting you can expect to have an undetectable viral load.  It's unlikely you will have any serious side effects.  So you can keep your job and your health will be fine.

The downside is this may change your career trajectory.  The general policy has been that HIV+ are not considered deployable, and must remain CONUS.  The Navy is starting to open up some shipboard and overseas billets to pozzies, however, at least on a limited basis.  I don't think the other services are doing that yet.  For combat arms this could be very limiting.  For support functions, maybe not.

Finally, fwiw, if your bf is truly undetectable I doubt you contracted it from him.  The military tests every two years and you say you've been together for a year.  Did you have any potential exposures prior to meeting him?  It's water under the bridge in some respects, but worth considering in the context of your relationship.

Thanks for sharing your story.  You're going to be OK!

[newguy123]

there was a short period between the end of feb and end of april where we were having problems and were seeing other ppl. I can only think of 2-3 ppl MAYBE. I've already informed one and he tells me he was tested in may and was neg. I kind of want to know who did this to me, but i agree with you in the sense that it doesn't really matter now. Is it common or likely from getting it from someone who is undetectable? i'm worried like crazy that i've given this to someone else. I took the CD4 test and the viral test and i'm awaiting the results. i should get them mid-july. my intent is to be put on meds asap. I am however worried about the side effets from them.  I hope i'll be a good candiate for the one pill a day one.

I'm in the american army. You right according to a AR i'm not allowed overseas at all.  I cannot be stationed overseas, deploy, or even go TDY (short time) overseas. Having this non-deployable status is what i'm really worried about as far as my carreer. If theres anybody else like this i'd really appreciate some experiences as far as how i can possibly advance my career. I've asked my career counselors and they straight up told me they don't know!

[newguy123]

One more thing......how does being hiv+ affect things like bodybuilding and gaining muscle. I know it sounds like a stupid question but everybody that i know that is poz is skinny.  Is this something that i'll be for the rest of my life?

[vertigo]

Hi again newguy.  There are actually three different single tablet regimens right now, with another likely to be approved soon.  Read up on the options under the Treatment tab on this site.  It pays to be knowledgeable, so that when your doc is discussing the meds you know the pros/cons of each.

I'm not aware of a single confirmed transmission from someone who is undetectable. But remaining consistently undetectable requires a high level of treatment adherence, and not everyone achieves that.  Also, the presence of any other STI's can make transmission more likely.  In any event, it sounds like you are doing the right thing and notifying other partners so they can get checked.

As for bodybuilding, HIV shouldn't make any difference at all.  There are as many body types for pozzies as for anyone else.  The days when the drugs had side effects that imposed a particular "look" are thankfully long gone.  Some of the supplements that bodybuilders take might not be recommended, though -- thinking about creatine particularly, which is hard on the kidneys.  I think there might be a few serious muscleheads :-) on this forum who can answer those questions better.

[mecch]

there was a short period between the end of feb and end of april where we were having problems and were seeing other ppl. I can only think of 2-3 ppl MAYBE. I've already informed one and he tells me he was tested in may and was neg. I kind of want to know who did this to me, but i agree with you in the sense that it doesn't really matter now. Is it common or likely from getting it from someone who is undetectable? i'm worried like crazy that i've given this to someone else. I took the CD4 test and the viral test and i'm awaiting the results. i should get them mid-july. my intent is to be put on meds asap. I am however worried about the side effets from them.  I hope i'll be a good candiate for the one pill a day one.

You have neglected to specify when condoms were used in these relations, or not.

I am almost wondering if you mistakingly believe(d?) that tops don't get HIV?

Certainly if you did not use condoms with one of these people, that would be the place to start looking for the transmission.  If you did not use condom with more than one, then it becomes a sherlock holmes case.
Usually an undetectable person is not going to be the source of the transmission, if the sex was ALL bareback.

Anyhow, if you used condoms with all, then nothing about your story makes much sense except of course the fact that you are now positive.   

Also, nobody "did this" to you.  I am guessing this was just clumsy wording on your part.

Sorry you had to get HIV.     It takes a lot of adjusting to, but as far as your health goes, you should be fine if you go to doctors and do whats required.

[zach]

rhetorical sort of question. lets say you did figure out without a doubt when you infected

how would that information benefit you? what would you do with the information? how would that affect where you go from here?

you seem to suggest that you were exposed to multiple partners

is it possible that you had unprotected sex after you were infected and that you then "did it to someone else"?

did you do wrong? or are we all equally responsible for our own protection?

criminalization is a bad thing. hurts all of us. blaming anyone else for our own choices loses sight of personal accountability

go down that road, you will quickly find yourself in a conflicted situation. harboring anger at someone else, and fear of yourself

[newguy123]

Certainly if you did not use condoms with one of these people, that would be the place to start looking for the transmission.  If you did not use condom with more than one, then it becomes a sherlock holmes case.
Usually an undetectable person is not going to be the source of the transmission, if the sex was ALL bareback.

Anyhow, if you used condoms with all, then nothing about your story makes much sense except of course the fact that you are now positive. 

Not mecch i didn't tops did get HIV but i thought it was very hard to.  During that time i used condoms a few times. Obviously my own mistake. I'm not exactly trying to blame someone because like zach says.......then what?  I'm just curious as to who it was. There was only person maybe 2 ppl that i could of infected.  I talked to the other one and told him to get checked and he said he did just recently and he was negative thank god. So i don't think i spread it, which of course i don't want to do that anyway