POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Positive Women => Topic started by: zanele38 on August 11, 2008, 02:05:28 pm
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:)Hi to everyone.I been a member since march when i was told im hivpositive..I havent told anyone abt my status and im feeling so guilty abt it.I dont know who to tell cause i dont know hw pple wl react when i tell them...I have no close family here but i do have friends that i talk to ..i dont trust them that much to tell them abt my hiv status.Im african and my african fellow friends most of them bealive that when someone has hiv is aids and they like to talk bad abt pple who have hiv...I wish i can have someone whom i can share this wth but i know i wl bemore dipressed if i tell any of
my friends cause they wl go around spreading that ive got aids..I wish my mum was alive ..she s the only person i wouuld have told..
I thank this site cause i can talk to others who in the sme position as me..Thanx to u all.
Zanele
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Zanele38,
Welcome to the forums. I'm glad you found us, especially us ladies. We're a good bunch here. However you were trying to do the poll, it doesn't make sense, so I'm not sure what you wanted.
My mum died last year and I miss her so I share in your grief of wishing your mum were alive. Do you have any really close friends? I just came right out and told the people I wanted to tell. If it's really starting to bother you, I would suggest seeing a therapist to help walk you through this. You don't want to go it alone.
Please join us in the ladies thread. We talk about our daily lives in there; struggles, little victories etc. and support each other. Good luck and I hope to hear more from you.
Luv,
Betty
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Hi Zanele and welcome to the site. I am African too and liveng in the Uk. Regarding whom to tell, take your time, you are newly diagnosed. Once you tell someone you can't take it back. My suggestion is not to tell your friends with a bad attitude to Hiv. Do you have any other close family eg sister you could tell? or close friend. Telling someone does take a little of the weight you are carying. Other than that, depending on where you live I suggest calling an HiV support organisation and speaking to someone. If you are lucky, you'll find someone who might be helpful. I remember when I was newly diagnosed, I called a few and found some not that helpful but then there was one I called and I totally connected with the person speaking and we were able to talk for ages. Going to a support group is another option if you feel up to it but I know from past experience, it takes guts. It took me ages before I started visiting one.
You don't say where you are but I get the feeling you are not close to home. Wishing you all the best.
Victory
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Hie Zanele
Im also from Africa, Zimbabwe. Although HIV is so prevalent here there still is a lot of stigma. I think you should only tell the people you trust and know what their attitude is, reduce the chances of bad reactions. Support groups are also a good idea but like Victory said, it takes guts to go there. Try and find somewhere u can get counselling, maybe church?
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
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Hi Zanele I am south african married women I tested positive on the 5th May 2008. Out of frustration the monday that i was dignosed i told a very close friend of mine that I was picking up everymorning to to work , we shared everything I trusted her so much. we even working for the same university. Guess what after I have dropped her she went to one of her friend and told the friend. i had a meeting in the morning and the meeting was next to her friends office, I met her friend and friend just aks me how is your immune system? but you do not look sick. I was so chocked.
So my advice keep it to yourself for now, the best place to go is to see professional councellor . If you need to talk to anybody just log on and talk to the ladies they have been very supportive and for now I am fine. I have just disclosed to my husbad who is also positive.
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I have to agree with everyone else in that you must pick and choose carefully who you tell. I haven't told any family or friendsas I am not close to anyone just my spouse knows.
Think of 2 things 1st you have the forum here to talk to people whenever you want/need to
and 2nd - why do your friends need to know everything about your life? do you call them and inform them when you use the bathroom or sneeze?
You can't make someone un-know your status once you tell them just think long and hard about who you want to tell.
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The more we hide, the more we have to hide.
When we act like hiv is something shameful, is it any wonder why people who don't have the virus think it IS something shameful? It's not. It's just a damned virus. ANYONE can get it. Anyone who has unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse, that is. Let's face it, that's most of the adult population of the entire world. "There but for the grace... "
I think of this virus as something of a filter. The people who react badly to knowing my hiv status I'd rather not have in my life anyway.
And you might not like what I'm about to say now, but hell, it's Friday night and I'm going to say it anyway...
In my experience, the people who are the most secretive about their virus, for fear of what others might think, are usually the very same people who would have been prejudicial about people living with hiv - before they found out that they, themselves, were hiv positive.
Think about it!
The more we hide, the more we have to hide.
It's just a virus.
It's not a character judgement.
It's not a punishment handed down by some old man in a white gown living in the clouds.
The more we hide, the more we HAVE to hide. Don't hide your light under a bushel, let people know it could be them too!
Ann
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wise woman frm the isle of man speaks much truth :)
Don't hide your light under a bushel...
now you got me humming a rather tuneless "i love you a bushel and a peck..." ta, ann ;)
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The more we hide, the more we have to hide.
Ann
Amen, sister!
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Ann, after reading your reply, there is nothing else to say. I agree with you 100%. I remember Drag bringing up the fact that if we had cancer, we'd get simpathy, why is HIV any different? I've heard women talking about PAP smears and child birth in public, why shouldn't we be able to talk freely about HIV, the meds we're on, our doc's appointments, and testing? HIV/AIDS will not be a shameful disease when those affected stop being ashamed.
Mum
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m totally with Ann but i also think that u gotta disclose when u personally have come to terms with your diagnosis and can handle the criticism, scorn...thats u'll get. people can just be mean and i think if not ready for that u r not. the stigma is so bad esp here in Africa. we have pple being dismissed just because of their status and even tho they may take it to court they do not get enough compensation, so u just gotta be ready to handle to deal with all that. but thats not to say you wont get support, there might and will be people who'll just be amazing and offer you all the support
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Disclousure is a very personal choice. And I believe it depends on different factors for different people. Let us first look at what ,who, is truly a friend . True friend are far and few . if you have more than you have fingers on one hand then you may want to re-evaluate how close they each are. If you have only two fingers worth then you are truly blest. most folks are really just aquaintences. And unless your planning on having sex or getting high together then there is really no reason to tell your private business. Not everyone that I know knows my status. Why should they? What is gained by it? Thats when it blows up in your face. And truly true friends will care enough to still love you, hug you and even cry if thats what you want.