So stressed....oral sex

[Anxiousguy40]

Hi,

I have been so scared and anxious over the last 2 months. I am a 23 year old guy.  Here is my story:

Around the end of April/beginning of may I met a guy (50 years old)I found online. We both gave each other blow jobs. He barely got hard when I gave him one. I didn't taste any precum.  I came inside his mouth and he swallowed.

Then two weeks later I met him again. We both blew each other. He did not ejaculate at all. I did twice in his mouth. We french kissed right after I did the second time (with my sperm in his mouth).

After that I got scared and cut off ties with him. About a week later (three weeks after first incident) I got sick with aches, chills (maybe a fever), sore throat, and swollen glands. I went to the doctor and they gave me antibiotics and steroids. It knocked it right out of me. Does this mean it wasn't ARS?

About 6 weeks ago I met a new guy and performed oral sex on him. There could have been precum. He also performed on me. He then fingered me and rubbed his penis on my anus. We did not have sex. I was not comfortable with it.  He told me he had been tested a couple weeks before and he was negative. We both released on his stomach.

My anxiety was so high after that incident. I think reading the Internet did it to me. I was self diagnosing all the time. I never really got sick during those 6 weeks. I believe I was having panic attacks. But what if I wasn't? What if I just didn't show ARS symptoms?

Both men have told me several times they are negative. I just keep freaking out. I have a girlfriend (she is a Virgin). I am feeling horrible for what I have done.

Do I have any reason to worry?

Should I eat tested for HIV? Or should I just move on?

[jkinatl2]

Hello!

You really don't have any reason to worry. Insertive fellatio (getting blown) has never even been mplicated in HIV transmission, and  reports of transmission through receptive fellatio (blowing someone) have not been borne out in any of the extensive serodiscordant couple studies done over seventeen years.

Not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen identified elements which render HIV inert and incapable of infecting. Also, the cells that are receptive to HIV (CD4 cells and certain dendritic cells) are not found in abundance in the mouth/oral cavity.

The only caveat I can think of (and for ethical reasons it's never been/can't be studied) would be chronic long-term use of methamphetamine, causing "meth mouth" (Google an image). That situation might change things, as it inhibits saliva production to the point of rotten teeth and gums (and horrific breath) and might make the oral cavity more vulnerable.

If you wear a condom for penetrative anal and vaginal sex you will avoid HIV. It really is that simple!

Other STDs, not so much. I recommend that every sexually active person who is not in a mutually monogamous relationship get a full STD panel done every six months. Remember, syphilis is often transmitted through skin contact, and has very few if any identifiable symptoms - and if untreated, is deadly. Luckily, it's also easily treated if you catch it in time. If you and your girlfriend are intimate at ALL (vaginal virginity notwithstanding) you should BOTH get checkups regularly until such time as you are mutually monogamous.

This is absolutely not an HIV concern.

[Anxiousguy40]

Thank you for your fast and thoughtful reply. I just so anxious about it. You don't think I should get an HIV test?

The timing that I got sick matches up perfectly to ARS. The only thing I can think of is it is about the time of year I usually get sick. And it was all the same symptoms I usually have.

[jkinatl2]

Thank you for your fast and thoughtful reply. I just so anxious about it. You don't think I should get an HIV test?

The timing that I got sick matches up perfectly to ARS. The only thing I can think of is it is about the time of year I usually get sick. And it was all the same symptoms I usually have.

I think that every sexually active person who is not in a mutually monogamous relationship ought to get a full STD panel (including, of course, an HIV test) twice a year.

 But I wouldn't think to recommend a test over the incident as you described it.

Since you get sick at this time of year, and ARE sick at this time of year, well, Occum's razor applies I wager.

One thing, though. It's pretty useless to ask someone his HIV status, and make sexual/dating determination based on his reply. People don't get tested nearly often enough. People can get infected and not know it. People can lie. It's really in your best interest to just assume that everyone you encounter is HIV positive until proven otherwise by testing together three months into a mutually monogamous relationship.

Because that's the only way to really know.

What you need to do to protect yourself from HIV is to wear a condom for penetrative anal sex. That's it. Ridiculously simple.

[Anxiousguy40]

Thank you. I am just so worried because I did get sick at about 3 weeks.

[Andy Velez]

Doubts and fears aren't facts. And as JK has told you, nothing you have reported of your activities has put you at risk for HIV.

Just take a breath, let it go and get on with your life.