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Author Topic: How to cope?  (Read 4584 times)

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Offline loveable redhead

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How to cope?
« on: January 27, 2015, 06:12:24 pm »
I am new to this forum, some background on my situation, my father has been living with HIV for over twenty years, I found out by mistake when he was having open heart surgery, since that time my dad was able to open up with me about his condition.Over the last six months he has gone from bad to worse, he recently decided that he no longer wanted to fight.  How am I suppose to cope, while watching my father die?
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Offline wolfter

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Re: How to cope?
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2015, 06:27:54 pm »
Been sitting here pondering your post and trying to arrive at an adequate respone.  When people are dealing with a host of health issues, it sometimes is necesary to accept the inevitable consquences. 

As far as the HIV factor, I'm assuming he came to grips with that aspect a long time ago so the other medical issues are probably more problematic for him. 

Watching a parent's demise if horrific.  I along with many others here have witnessed it.  Your pain and heartache is real and it's ok to be wondering what your role should be. 

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Being honest is not wronging others, continuing the dishonesty is.

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: How to cope?
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2015, 11:45:20 pm »
Who else will be in the circle when he is ill? family. friends...  Does he have plans how he wants to manage dying? hospice? if he goes with hospice, the hospice or his current physicians and the hospital he has been recently in will have social workers and or refer you to social workers.
Each time I have done this witnessing and assisting it has been different. It really depends on the people involved, what they want and need, and that all of course depends on the dying person.
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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Rachael_1

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Re: How to cope?
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2015, 12:41:28 pm »
I so understand how it hurts to be in your position.
I am 33 and I lost my dad 12 months ago, I saw him suffer, loose weight, loose his sanity and I saw him slowly slip away. Nothing can prepare you for loosing him but the one piece of advice I can give is to spend time with him, talk with him, tell him you love him, be there for him whatever his choice. You will help him and yourself so much if you try to be there as much as possible, dont let this time slip away.
I can understand why someone would decide they have had enough, when there3 is no hope only suffering. I and my mom had decided to stop chemo on my dad when we saw he was suffering way too much, he died a shortly after from pneumonia.
Try to get your dad help (physical/emotional) but be prepared that there may be nothing that can be done and maybe he has dealt with all he can.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
BIG HUG X X X
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Offline loveable redhead

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Re: How to cope?
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2015, 01:52:23 pm »
I would like to say thanks to everyone on this sight, I found a place that I found solace and peace with my dad's condition.  I have lost him since my last post, and I now take peace that he is no longer suffering and that I was able to be by his side.
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Offline Jeff G

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Re: How to cope?
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2015, 02:57:14 pm »
Quote from: loveable redhead on February 13, 2015, 01:52:23 pm
I would like to say thanks to everyone on this sight, I found a place that I found solace and peace with my dad's condition.  I have lost him since my last post, and I now take peace that he is no longer suffering and that I was able to be by his side.

My condolences on your loss .
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Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: How to cope?
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2015, 05:22:25 pm »
I am very sorry for your loss.
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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx
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