I know what the responses (if any) to this will be, but I suppose I need to hear it anyway.
Had a few hookups (yes, that) with this guy who, when we're together, seems really smitten with me. I'm flattered. It's going well, as far as getting together goes.
Oddly, he doesn't readily reply to messages; and I'm not talking about "right away." I know that some people aren't tethered to their phones. (My sounds are always off, unless I know there'll be a message/call coming.) Well, okay, that isn't my business.
But last night we were going to get together, and he had a party to attend. He went early (7pm), presumably so that we'd meet up around 10 or 11 or so. I waited. Sent a few texts around 10. Gave up. Went to bed around 1.
Just turned on my phone. Message from him at 2am. "Sorry, party is just ending. I'm at home now." And I'm thinking, huh, you are thinking that I'll come over at 2am? (He lives about a half hour away by car.) No.
But you know, he's right in his presumption, isn't he? I mean, we've established what this is. And it's evident that this isn't enough for me, though now I lack one iota of courage to simply call it a day and cut my losses. This is painful and I don't know why. I thought I was bigger than all this, but I guess not. I'm not into pity-parties, for certain. But I feel stupid now.
Jim Allen:
--- Quote ---Oddly, he doesn't readily reply to messages; and I'm not talking about "right away." I know that some people aren't tethered to their phones. (My sounds are always off, unless I know there'll be a message/call coming.) Well, okay, that isn't my business. --- End quote ---
So many possibilities jumps to mind..
* He's not that interested * He's busy and forgots to respond * Different expectation * He doesn't want to seem too eager * He doesn't understand how a delayed reply makes you feel * “out of sight, out of mind” phenomenon more common with certain mental health challenges like ADHD * He does see your messages but forgot to respond The list could go on and on... I normally don't reply to people who text, message or whatsapp me unless I must or have had time to think about things. This drives certain people nuts, but I secretly enjoy that.
--- Quote ---But last night we were going to get together, and he had a party to attend. He went early (7pm), presumably so that we'd meet up around 10 or 11 or so. I waited. Sent a few texts around 10. Gave up. Went to bed around 1.
Just turned on my phone. Message from him at 2am. "Sorry, party is just ending. I'm at home now." And I'm thinking, huh, you are thinking that I'll come over at 2am? (He lives about a half hour away by car.) No.
But you know, he's right in his presumption, isn't he? I mean, we've established what this is. And it's evident that this isn't enough for me, though now I lack one iota of courage to simply call it a day and cut my losses. --- End quote ---
You might be right and you might be wrong. Prehaps before cutting your losses, talk to him and let him know what is bothering you and what you want. See what he says.
numbersguy82:
Phew I certainly had a few flashbacks to my own dating life while reading your post. I’m sorry this situation has you questioning things. It certainly doesn’t feel nice to be the only one making an effort in a dating situation.
My question would be is it out of the question for you both to continue as you are, at least for now? Sometimes we get pulled in different directions, and who knows your other half might just need some bandwidth freed up to better make the effort with you. On the flip side, would your current arrangement suit you better than being alone or starting over again with someone new? My experience has been that if things are meant to be then they will be… perhaps just not in the timetable we expected.
All the best to you, and I truly hope you get the result that you want and makes you happiest. Life is far too short not to be happy :)
CalvinC:
Ah, yes, the possibilities; I had forgotten about those. Thanks for the reminder, Jim. I like "different expectations." That really says a good deal. As I reflect on what's happening, yeah, I see that now. But yes, too, the mature thing would be to have a talk, of sorts. It's kind of at that stage where you think: Does this have legs? .... But, well, different expectations, same planet but different worlds.
numbers, you say somewhat the same thing, with "different directions." I'm second guessing and I need to stop. I remember once someone telling me, in relation to my upset that someone had done or said something that I took exception to, that I didn't have to respond, that I could just do nothing. Responses aren't always required.
So, I thought I'd take a step back today and just do my own stuff. No calls or messages from him. And that's fine. I'm going away tomorrow to visit family, so there's a break.
numbersguy82:
Enjoy your family time! Have a great weekend!