Author Topic: POSITIVE MEN (new category?) (Read 11459 times)

Gary85741 · « **on:** September 19, 2009, 09:34:13 am »

For some time we have had a "Positive Women" section/category. I have never read posts in that section as I am a man and thus such posts or messages would not apply to me.

For balance and equity, how about starting a "Positive Men" section/category. For example, perhaps some men would like to talk about personal sexual issues or questions and would like to target other men exclusively for discussion of their topic.

A useful analogy: some men prefer male physicians for much the same reason. Likewise, I'm sure some women prefer female physicians.

I've had a curiosity about this for some time so am finally inquiring. I can't imagine there would be any problem or controversy involved in or resulting from such a topic addition.

Thanks,
Gary

sensual1973 · « **Reply #1 on:** September 19, 2009, 09:37:16 am »

I agree Gary we need a mans section

Dale Parker · « **Reply #2 on:** September 19, 2009, 03:53:37 pm »

Hey Gary; I don't think that we need a separate group for either. Sure boys and girls have some differences between them but we are 97% the same. If you look at the posts in I Just Tested Positive, Living with HIV and the other categories most of the questions and answers apply to guys, girls, str8's, gay men, lesbians, bi's and transgendered across the board. Sorry if I missed anyone.
Having different categories may mean questions may get asked more than once as they are posted in other sections. It also may mean that someone may miss an important piece of information as they are only reading in "their" section and it's posted only in the another section which they have no interest in reading.

markaj · « **Reply #3 on:** September 19, 2009, 04:22:33 pm »

I agree with Dale, I don't think we really need a men's section, or a women's section for that matter. The categories as they are apply to everybody. I'd personally would find it a bit cumbersome trawling through a general men's section as well as the sections I regularly read.

anniebc · « **Reply #4 on:** September 19, 2009, 07:24:20 pm »

Quote from: markaj on September 19, 2009, 04:22:33 pm

I agree with Dale, I don't think we really need a men's section, or a women's section for that matter.

If you and the other guys are willing to listen or can give advise on, pregnancy, sore boobs, lactating, reproductive problems, periods, vaginal thrush, coping with difficult child birth, getting pregnant, marraige problems, babies who cry all night, husbands who don't help...etc, etc....then maybe you are right and we don't need a womens forum....but to be honest I don't see you guys helping us out much with those problems, do you?..although I'm sure some of you know a bit about it all..

.

Not only that we need a place where we can gossip, you know how we love to do that..

..so you can look but you can't touch...I don't think we are asking for much.

Hope you are having a good weekend.

Hugs
Jan

Ann · « **Reply #5 on:** September 20, 2009, 06:46:06 am »

Guys,

We started the Women's forum because it used to be that anytime a woman had a concern about periods (for example) and posted in Living about it, men would pile in with all the usual PMT type jokes. However, when you see a man posting about erectile problems (for example), you NEVER see a woman jump into the thread and make limp-dick jokes. We women needed a place where we could discuss things without the men coming in and making sexual innuendos etc.

Ann

Gary85741 · « **Reply #6 on:** September 20, 2009, 10:38:51 am »

Quote from: Ann on September 20, 2009, 06:46:06 am

[in part]
Guys,
...We women needed a place where we could discuss things without the men coming in and making sexual innuendos etc.
Ann

A follow-up to my original post: I understand your rationale for having a "Positive Women's" section and have no problem at all with it; not being a woman, I personally would have no reason to ever read it. However, as you point out, apparently some men do read posts in the section and have made silly or inappropriate comments (as are made in every section of this site by both genders.)

Again, since we have a women's section, I think we should have a men's section. As a moderator, would you please respond to my suggestion/request? We should, I believe, have both a women's and men's section. If for some reason that is not thought to be worthy of merit (and if that's the case I would surely like to know why,) then, therefore, we should eliminate the women's section.

Thank you,
Gary

GNYC09 · « **Reply #7 on:** September 20, 2009, 10:43:40 am »

I personally don't see a need for a men's section. As the previous posters said, I also wouldn't want to have to visit another board + agree that most of the issues raised are of value to both genders. Plus, I find that women oftentimes have more to contribute about men's issues than the reverse.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #8 on:** September 20, 2009, 10:56:36 am »

"balance and equity" by themselves are not sufficient grounds in the context of a message board about HIV/AIDS to do what the OP suggests.

markaj · « **Reply #9 on:** September 20, 2009, 11:00:06 am »

If men were coming into threads and making inappropriate comments then they should have been challenged/dealt with.

This is probably the most strictly moderated forum in which I am a member so I'm surprised that the course of action was to just break away with a separate area for women to protect them from unhelpful posts.

Anyway the separate area is there, as Ann and Annie say it's obviously of benefit, so it shouldn't be taken away, I just feel a separate men's section is pointless. Seriously what would we be discussing that we couldn't discuss elsewhere? Why would we not want women to be able to contribute to our posts? Is it just because the women have their own area?

Cliff · « **Reply #10 on:** September 20, 2009, 11:05:39 am »

No point, if it's just to have it cause the women have it. I generally feel open to discuss 'male' issues in the forums. If someone wants only a male response, they could always ask for it.

The forums are fragmented enough. I wouldn't want to see if moving further down that road.

mecch · « **Reply #11 on:** September 20, 2009, 11:12:05 am »

I don't feel a need for a men only thread.

Dale Parker · « **Reply #12 on:** September 20, 2009, 12:37:56 pm »

Hey Ann I can semi see your point. If a guy is making rude or derogatory remarks he should be banned or thrown out of the forums. I think we all give each other a bit of ribbing in a light hearted way and it should be taken as that.
Would I as a gay male be interested in your heavy flow period day. Probably not. I do however know some women. If they ever had one of those days and confided in me (for some reason women LOVE to confide in gay males) it would be nice to say "One of the ladies on poz.com had the same problem maybe her post can help you out." Although I don't know didley squat about heavy flows I woud like to at least tell you I'm sorry your haveing a bad day and hopefully tomorrow you will feel better.
Also there are a lot of str8 guys on here. A lady might be complaining cuz her husband/partner doesn't understand why her mood is crappy on her PMS days. Maybe the ladies partner or some other ladies partner will read the post and have a bit more understanding of what she is going thru. You will have helped the partner see the errors of his or her ways.
The one great thing about this site is that we all care about each other and give our honest opinions. Sometimes the honesty is a bit hard to swallow. We don't always agree with each other and we all have a different way of seeing things. Some of the best advise is given by the apposite sex on a topic. They can see things clearer. Like the old saying goes "Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees" and it takes an impartial person to help see and solve the problem.
We are all here to help each other out and sometimes the help comes from the most unlikelyest of sources.
Also everyone on here has their owne "code name" Dale Parker is probably a guy but Dale Evens from Roy Rogers was a lady. Ann most likely a female but they could be opposit to what we think. GNYC09 or meecch who knows?? Unless you check their profile you don't know what they are. Hopefully you people don't mind me using you as examples. All have given great advise.

carousel · « **Reply #13 on:** September 20, 2009, 01:02:33 pm »

Are we talking about a Men's section or a Gay men's section?

Cos I'm not sure what male issues I'd want to post about, apart from the whole Gay stuff. And as there are so many Gay men here, I don't really see the point of having a special section.

I tend not to view posts in the women's section, as I can't respond. And if it's about periods and other such stuff, pass the smelling salts, because I'm rather sensitive about such concerns.

Gary85741 · « **Reply #14 on:** September 20, 2009, 01:58:28 pm »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on September 20, 2009, 10:56:36 am

"balance and equity" by themselves are not sufficient grounds in the context of a message board about HIV/AIDS to do what the OP suggests.

I say this in a light-hearted way...so no offense intended! I'm not at all surprised we disagree. Your statement sounds more like some affirmed judgment when all it is...is your opinion...one person's opinion, worth no more or no less than mine. You have disagreed with every post I have written (which have not been that many.) Seems we have totally different personalities, perceptions, and ways in which we live our lives from what I can deduce. If we were neighbors we'd probably elect not to even acknowledge each other. I think once you even took a "swipe" at me...something like "Well at least I don't lie in the sun all day" in reference to my red complexion. Just FYI...I am very light-skinned...I had bright red hair until I was about twenty. I avoid the sun (as much as one can here in Arizona) and have been likewise advised to stay out of it by my physician. Just want to set the record straight on that one if you don't mind.

Anyway...looks like I'm outnumbered

Maybe I date back too far...I'm 58 so see things in ways in which younger people don't. I am degreed in psychology and I only mention that because naturally I am trained in observing human behavior, including sociologically. Let me give you one trivial example if I may: It used to bother me (now it's just a curiosity) that when I have to go into a department store, for years now is seems women are some of the sales associates in the men's underwear department. That used to bother me because frankly I thought what kind of underwear I purchased wasn't a woman's business...it should be a man's. Yet when I have to pass by the women's foundation department, I've never seen a male sales associate. Why the difference?

This will be my last "contribution" on this subject, which I'm sure will be a relief to some...LOL. But I still would like a moderator to consider my suggestion. If it remains as it is...a women's section continues without a men's section...or the women's section is not discontinued...then I'll essentially cease reading this website.

I have other things to worry about...I had to hospitalize my mother against her will last week...and last Tuesday I had to have my beloved cat euthanized due to aggressive cancer which was killing her.

Thank you for your consideration,
Gary

the trebmeister · « **Reply #15 on:** September 20, 2009, 02:00:02 pm »

Quote from: carousel on September 20, 2009, 01:02:33 pm

Are we talking about a Men's section or a Gay men's section?

Cos I'm not sure what male issues I'd want to post about, apart from the whole Gay stuff. And as there are so many Gay men here, I don't really see the point of having a special section.
...

i share carousel's question and, honestly, understand separate gay & straight mens sections but don't really support the idea. from what i've seen nothing's broke.

a separate women's section fills a need for females to have "a room of one's own" -- when society changes sufficiently maybe it won't be necessary but, as john and yoko so brutally but eloquently phrased it years ago, "woman is the nigger of the world." (please excuse use of the "n" word) i realize the previous sentence seems to some to be a few non sequiturs strung together in a run-on sentence but... sue me, i'm a feminist. and egregiously long-winded. as well as inarticulate and foggy.

markaj · « **Reply #16 on:** September 20, 2009, 02:36:56 pm »

Quote from: Gary85741 on September 20, 2009, 01:58:28 pm

If it remains as it is...a women's section continues without a men's section...or the women's section is not discontinued...then I'll essentially cease reading this website.

Thank you for your consideration,
Gary

Gary, you've been a member of the forums for 3 years why has it become so important to have a men's section now? So much so to make such an ultimatum?

the trebmeister · « **Reply #17 on:** September 20, 2009, 02:45:04 pm »

Quote from: Gary85741 on September 20, 2009, 01:58:28 pm

I say this in a light-hearted way...so no offense intended! ...

... It used to bother me (now it's just a curiosity) that when I have to go into a department store, for years now is seems women are some of the sales associates in the men's underwear department. That used to bother me because frankly I thought what kind of underwear I purchased wasn't a woman's business...it should be a man's. Yet when I have to pass by the women's foundation department, I've never seen a male sales associate. Why the difference?

This will be my last "contribution" on this subject, which I'm sure will be a relief to some...LOL. But I still would like a moderator to consider my suggestion. If it remains as it is...a women's section continues without a men's section...or the women's section is not discontinued...then I'll essentially cease reading this website.

I have other things to worry about...I had to hospitalize my mother against her will last week...and last Tuesday I had to have my beloved cat euthanized due to aggressive cancer which was killing her.

gary,

disregarding possible personality/whatever conflicts i ask you to think about your use of the forums and if enough has been useful, interesting, etc. ignore the women's section as well as those clashes. i'm still trying to figure out what "OP" stands for... i know it's simple.

when shopping in most department stores, not men's clothing stores, have you noticed often more women work in them than men? i think that might partially explain the lack of men in the undergarments section. i gotta be honest here and admit i haven't worn underwear since high school except when riding a bicycle... so haven't noticed who's working where.

it's fine to stop posting in this thread but please don't stop participating in the forums or allow one person's possibly negative attitude to drive you away. if merely being a pariah was an impediment i would have slithered away ages ago. like i said before i can see sections for gay and straight men but i don't read enough as is because there are enough sections to occupy me for days.

i'm sorry you had to deal with hospitalizing your mother & offer my condolences on the death of your cat. i can't say much about the former situation other than i hope it improves.

i've lost too many cats before they should have gone but even when one has lived a long full life it's still hard to lose her/him.

GSOgymrat · « **Reply #18 on:** September 20, 2009, 03:10:39 pm »

Quote from: Gary85741 on September 20, 2009, 01:58:28 pm

I have other things to worry about...I had to hospitalize my mother against her will last week...and last Tuesday I had to have my beloved cat euthanized due to aggressive cancer which was killing her.

Very sorry about your mom and your cat.

Ford

J.R.E. · « **Reply #19 on:** September 20, 2009, 08:07:01 pm »

Quote from: the trebmeister on September 20, 2009, 02:45:04 pm

i'm still trying to figure out what "OP" stands for... i know it's simple.

"Original poster" OP . Originator of the thread.

J.R.E. · « **Reply #20 on:** September 20, 2009, 08:08:49 pm »

Gary,

I don't think a moderator has a choice in this. If you feel strongly on it , it should probably be brought up with Tim Horn.

However, I don't feel we really need it either.

Ray

Basquo · « **Reply #21 on:** September 20, 2009, 08:53:27 pm »

For anyone who's never read the Women's Forum, let me just say that I think it serves its purpose. For me, not being a woman, it reminds me that people can be unconditionally supportive, caring and loving to their friends no matter what. I get that feeling in the other forums, especially when I have really needed it, but the arguments, digs and backbiting (of which I myself am guilty) are not present in the Women's Forum. If you're ever down, log out and lurk there for an hour. Keep your insulin handy!

Like Cliff, I don't have a problem posting about men's issues in the Living or Off Topic forums. In fact, you never know when a woman might have something to add should they choose to respond. I'm sure many women here have cared/are caring for a man and taken on his problems as their own. Maybe they can't comiserate about your enlarged prostate, but they might tell you what their man did about it. Or how they used a skillet to help lull their partner into a deep sleep.

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #22 on:** September 20, 2009, 09:15:33 pm »

Quote from: Basquo on September 20, 2009, 08:53:27 pm

For anyone who's never read the Women's Forum, let me just say that I think it serves its purpose. For me, not being a woman, it reminds me that people can be unconditionally supportive, caring and loving to their friends no matter what. I get that feeling in the other forums, especially when I have really needed it, but the arguments, digs and backbiting (of which I myself am guilty) are not present in the Women's Forum. If you're ever down, log out and lurk there for an hour. Keep your insulin handy!

Like Cliff, I don't have a problem posting about men's issues in the Living or Off Topic forums. In fact, you never know when a woman might have something to add should they choose to respond. I'm sure many women here have cared/are caring for a man and taken on his problems as their own. Maybe they can't comiserate about your enlarged prostate, but they might tell you what their man did about it. Or how they used a skillet to help lull their partner into a deep sleep.

Fully agree... I miss some of the women who use to participate more in the regular forums. Not a gripe, just miss them is all.... I have at times mentioned to a particular member here that maybe we might need a straight men's forum, but that was only due to some stuff in the forums that was going on and I was partly responsible for it, so needless to say it was a selfish want at the time that was not needed.

I do, however think we should have a grower's section... Like home and gardening.... and what about a Rasta section, that would be so innovative! We could even do some forums by eye color! I've always heard blue eyed people are the smartest, can you imagine the conversations in that forum? Quantum physics and shit..... and rocket science thinga ma jingers... WOW

anniebc · « **Reply #23 on:** September 20, 2009, 10:05:54 pm »

Quote from: Basquo on September 20, 2009, 08:53:27 pm

Or how they used a skillet to help lull their partner into a deep sleep.

Thank you dalin' I just knew there had to be another way...

Hugs
Jan

the trebmeister · « **Reply #24 on:** September 20, 2009, 10:14:34 pm »

Quote from: Basquo

Or how they used a skillet to help lull their partner into a deep sleep.

Quote from: anniebc on September 20, 2009, 10:05:54 pm

Thank you dalin' I just knew there had to be another way...
Hugs
Jan

lordie, i haven't used any of my cast iron skillets for cooking in years. they are very handy in controlling scofflaws and other miscreants who refuse to acknowledge my ultimate authority over all matters corporeal and non-corporeal.

anniebc · « **Reply #25 on:** September 20, 2009, 10:22:27 pm »

Quote from: the trebmeister on September 20, 2009, 10:14:34 pm

lordie, i haven't used any of my cast iron skillets for cooking in years. they are very handy in controlling scofflaws and other miscreants who refuse to acknowledge my ultimate authority over all matters corporeal and non-corporeal.

I like you style Mr.T..

Hugs
Jan

antibody · « **Reply #26 on:** September 20, 2009, 11:06:25 pm »

I am all for a Men's section. all that I say after that is blah blah blah. It wont change your opinion either way.

the trebmeister · « **Reply #27 on:** September 21, 2009, 01:46:07 am »

Quote from: antibody on September 20, 2009, 11:06:25 pm

I am all for a Men's section. all that I say after that is blah blah blah. It wont change your opinion either way.

sweetie-darling, all we say is blah blah, blah... givenchy, gaultier, vogue, aby-bloody-ssynian vogue darling. every rich bitch from new york, a whole row of skeletons with jackie-o hairdos,

i don't have convictions. i have strongly held beliefs.

with apologies to the non abfab crowd... and the sane. and interesting. and the living... well, everyone except christopher biggens and maura punmpkinton farr-farr. and anyone named freud -- just because their grandfather invented penis envy doesn't mean i have to lick their boots.

Ann · « **Reply #28 on:** September 21, 2009, 08:33:45 am »

Quote from: Gary85741 on September 20, 2009, 10:38:51 am

Again, since we have a women's section, I think we should have a men's section. As a moderator, would you please respond to my suggestion/request?

Hi Gary. I can ask Tim Horn to look at your thread, but I can't guarantee he'll agree with you. And I'm sorry to hear about your mother and your cat.

Quote from: Basquo on September 20, 2009, 08:53:27 pm

Or how they used a skillet to help lull their partner into a deep sleep.

I find a rubber mallet works much better and leaves less mess. And we all know who ends up cleaning up the mess!

Ann

WillyWump · « **Reply #29 on:** September 21, 2009, 01:11:56 pm »

I love lurking around in the Women's Category, It gives me the feeling of being in a forbidden place where I shouldn't be. It get's me all tingly and excited....but then again I'm easily excitable.

As far as a men's only category....no. I like it as it is.

-Will

sdguyloveslife · « **Reply #30 on:** September 21, 2009, 01:16:15 pm »

Quote from: Gary85741 on September 20, 2009, 01:58:28 pm

If it remains as it is...a women's section continues without a men's section...or the women's section is not discontinued...then I'll essentially cease reading this website.

I have other things to worry about...I had to hospitalize my mother against her will last week...and last Tuesday I had to have my beloved cat euthanized due to aggressive cancer which was killing her.

Hi Gary,

I'm really very sorry to hear about your mom and your cat. It sounds like you have a lot weighing on your heart and mind and I'm sure you could use a big hug right about now ... <<HUG>>

Even though there's not a "Men's Section," I hope you'll agree that there's plenty of info you can get here and better care for yourself regarding HIV. I hope you don't leave because of this. That would be like walking out of the "Souplantation" because the "3-bean salad" is mixed together instead of having 3 separate 1-bean ingredients. You can post men's issues in most of the forum sections, even though there may not be a specific folder for men. Just the mere fact of establishing it will not keep women out anyway...although I've not read the women's postings, I'm sure there are men here that do.

I hope things get better for you soon and that you'll consider staying. If you decide to leave, take good care and please accept my best wishes.

Cheers,
Richard

bear60 · « **Reply #31 on:** September 21, 2009, 01:55:27 pm »

I really do not want to get involved in a discussion over whether to have a group for gay men and a group for straight men, so I vote for leaving it as is.

Joe K · « **Reply #32 on:** September 21, 2009, 02:27:13 pm »

I have been with these forums for seven years and to suggest that we penalize women, simply because they made a strong case for their own forum, would go against everything this site stands for, so let me share some history. A few years ago, strangely enough, Ann, Thunter and myself all proposed the formation of a long-time poz forum, which is now called the Long-Term Survivors forum. A couple of threads were started that merged into one and those of us who wanted the forum, made our case to both the forums and the moderators.

We discussed the need for LTS to have some place to talk about our issues, as they were very different from the newly infected or those posting in Living With. The thread became rather long and there was a lot of concern from Peter, as to the need and how that forum would be moderated to provide a safe place for LTS. However, as a group we made a very solid argument for the forum and we made a commitment to insure that the LTS forum would be a safe place, that we would moderate it ourselves unofficially and the result of that effort is there for everyone to see.

It was the same with the Positive Women forum. The ladies here had identified a need, mainly the need for a safe and secure place, for women to post their fears and hopes, regarding HIV, without the possibility of interference from unwanted posts. At first there was real opposition to such a forum, because few, except for women, claimed to understand the need for such a forum. However, our women made a very strong case for this forum and as they say, the rest is history.

Gary, if you want a separate Men's forum, you need to make a solid argument on why such a forum is needed and how it would compliment what we already have. As I read your posts, you seem to be arguing that we need a Men's forum, simply because we have a Women's forum and I don't see any connection. Forums are created based on a need and desire by the posters here. The reason we don't have more forums is planned, not an accident, as we work very hard to maintain a coherent forum balance here, in an attempt to meet the needs of as many posters as possible.

As the face of HIV keeps changing, this site responds which is evident from the I Just Tested Poz, Living With HIV, Someone I Care About Has HIV, Long-Term Survivors, Positive Women and the newly added Vivir con el VIH for our Spanish-speaking posters. This evolution suggests to me a site that is moderated and populated by people who are very sensitive to the needs of the HIV community and we are always ready to adapt, when needed, as illustrated above If you truly see a need for a new forum, you must make a strong case on why it is needed and how the other forums can not be used to meet that need.

What I do not understand however, is any connection between these forums and the sex of the person who sells male underwear. Just because you believe one way, does not imply anything wrong with these forums as structured. I'm 55 and I don't care about the sex of my salesperson, nor the sex of someone who reachs out to me in support. I find it juvenile to suggest that if we don't have a Male forum, we ditch the womens. While I don't have a degree in psychology, I can sense manipulation when I read it and your ultimatum to leave, unless you get your way, seems simply childish.

BlueMoon · « **Reply #33 on:** September 21, 2009, 05:01:09 pm »

Isn't the entire forum pretty much a boys club as it is? I don't see the need for a separate men's forum, but won't oppose it if the administration decides to implement one. I would probably continue to participate mainly in Living With and Treatment And Side Effects. Those are the things that matter to me, regardless of anyone's gender or sexuality.

Gary, sorry to hear of your recent problems. Either would be a heavy blow to take separately, and together would probably send me into a crushing depression. I hope your mother improves, and you find a new feline friend when you're feeling better. Keep your chin up for Mom's sake.

Tim Horn · « **Reply #34 on:** September 22, 2009, 08:14:24 am »

Hi Gary:

The question of a men's forum has come up before and I'm afraid that I'm still not seeing the rationale for one. Fact is, the overwhelming majority of the AIDSmeds Forums membership -- around 90 percent -- is male. And as Ann suggests, the Women's Forum was created after a long line of complaints to the moderators from female members of the Forums regarding crass and obnoxious gender-based comments from male members in various discussion threads. To date, we've received few (if any) moderator reports from men who feel as if they are being harassed or their health or sexual issues are being made fun of by femal members of the Forums.

I hope that you'll start to feel comfortable posting issues that are sensitive to you as a man. If we see that female members are overstepping their bounds in threads dedicated to a male-specific issue -- especially if the OP indicates that he would only like to hear from men -- we'll certainly reconsider.

Tim Horn

MarcoPoz · « **Reply #35 on:** September 22, 2009, 10:11:21 am »

Quote from: Ann on September 20, 2009, 06:46:06 am

We women needed a place where we could discuss things without the men coming in and making sexual innuendos etc.

Ann

It would be nice to have a place for men and straight men that was similar to what the women have set up. A place to talk about relationships, health issues, sexual issues and even just a veiw from 'our side' without the hazing that seems to happen on the forums. It would be nice to have that place to where if necessary people could 'look but not touch' as been afforded to the women here.

The problem as I see it is that how many times do you slice this pie? Where does the segregation end? Because of some of the issues above, I have chosen to pop in and out of the forums. Hopefully giving useful advice where I can and grabbing some up while I'm here--BUT I still think these forums are fairly tough on straight men, so I don't use these forums for support.

Gary85741 · « **Reply #36 on:** September 23, 2009, 10:12:36 am »

Quote from: killfoile on September 21, 2009, 02:27:13 pm

[/[in part]color]
...You seem to be arguing that we need a Men's forum, simply because we have a Women's forum and I don't see any connection...I find it juvenile to suggest that if we don't have a Male forum, we ditch the womens...I can sense manipulation when I read it and your ultimatum to leave, unless you get your way, seems simply childish.

Killfoile, you are right that I did not understand why one gender needed a separate form and yet the other is deemed to not. Each gender inherently has their separate issues. So yes, I guess I felt either have a forum for each or a forum for neither. It's just the way I view things and obviously I am in the minority, I accept that. My comments on who sells underwear in department stores was not meant as an analogy, more a curiosity that again there is a disparity. I'm not manipulating anybody, nor am I juvenile or childish in the way I conduct my life or my association with others.

I think our society and culture enjoys promoting gender differences. I can't recall the exact ratio, but I read that monies spent on mothers' day cards, candy, etc., is eight times greater than that spent for fathers' day cards and what...fishing rods or whatever the stereotype is for what gifts men want. There is another inequity.

Tim Horn: I didn't know the exact percentage of males and females on this site. I would have guessed perhaps thirty per cent female, so in that way, that's the closest I can come to trying to understand the need for a "women only" forum.

Anyway, I'm glad my post generated some thoughtful (for the most part) discussion and at least it gives us something to think about. I'm not going to stomp out of the website in protest, I'll still be around.

Last but not least, I want to say thank you to those who expressed sympathy for both my having the deal with a mother with moderate dementia, and the passing of my cat. Yesterday I picked up her remains subsequent to her cremation. I was given a shiny small plastic box. I can't articulate the strange feeling to know my cat is contained in a little box. But I have my Cobra (cat) back home now where she belongs, albeit some ashes in a little container.

Gary
Tucson AZ

Dachshund · « **Reply #37 on:** September 23, 2009, 10:36:35 am »

Women make up over 50% of the population in the United States and are represented by a tiny minority in the halls of Congress. Women continue to make less money than men for doing the same job. More women live below the poverty level than men. Statistics prove that women are routinely passed over for promotion and continue to be hindered by a glass ceiling. I'm sure to many women receiving a Halmark Card in May makes it all better.

David_CA · « **Reply #38 on:** September 23, 2009, 11:55:56 am »

Quote from: Gary85741 on September 23, 2009, 10:12:36 am

Last but not least, I want to say thank you to those who expressed sympathy for both my having the deal with a mother with moderate dementia, and the passing of my cat. Yesterday I picked up her remains subsequent to her cremation. I was given a shiny small plastic box. I can't articulate the strange feeling to know my cat is contained in a little box. But I have my Cobra (cat) back home now where she belongs, albeit some ashes in a little container.

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Hi Gary,

I hate to hear about your cat and mother. We had to have one of ours put down last year around this time. It was very hard, as it always is. She's in a container as well. Maggie also had very aggressive cancer. The only good thing about it was that we could end her suffering; that's better than we do for people. Take care.

David

mecch · « **Reply #39 on:** September 23, 2009, 12:01:14 pm »

I suggest a forum for beautiful people only, who have very special needs, afterall.

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mecch · « **Reply #40 on:** September 23, 2009, 12:53:04 pm »

Anyhoo, no disrespect intended. Even if I personally don't feel a need for a men only forum, such a place seems to make sense, in principal.

However, then why not also a transgender. And then another, and another.

Perhaps it isn't politically correct to say, OK, yes, a "men" only forum, but draw a line for identity there - just the "basics" - women and men.

The question raises a Pandora's box of possibilities.

BlueMoon · « **Reply #41 on:** September 23, 2009, 01:35:25 pm »

Each of us could have his own personal forum!

GSOgymrat · « **Reply #42 on:** September 23, 2009, 01:39:34 pm »

Hey, I'll join!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBIC8JTQMMQ

darrellt · « **Reply #43 on:** September 23, 2009, 02:52:39 pm »

wow, i just joined this site an i felt right at home i never really had male or female that i felt comfortable with 2 talk at all.

PeteNYNJ · « **Reply #44 on:** September 24, 2009, 02:17:58 am »

The way I see it, every minority group deserves their own forum. Guys, we are by far the majority on here...if you want to splinter off, I think it should be straight men.

Honestly, I have gotten the most support from Women on here. My gals Ann, Jan, and BT65 have helped more then I could ever imagine.

Just my 2 cents

Pete

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #45 on:** September 24, 2009, 03:01:36 am »

Quote from: MarcoPoz on September 22, 2009, 10:11:21 am

The problem as I see it is that how many times do you slice this pie? Where does the segregation end? Because of some of the issues above, I have chosen to pop in and out of the forums. Hopefully giving useful advice where I can and grabbing some up while I'm here--BUT I still think these forums are fairly tough on straight men, so I don't use these forums for support.

You know I can feel where you are coming from, as I once thought like this too. I guess it was about 4 years ago when I befriended someone who no longer frequents the forums and the way he told it I represented THAT guy who harassed gay guys just because... well as he put it, merely because I was one of the few straight guys to frequent the board. Marco, I've been called everything under the sun here from a denialist to a bad father and I have to admit during those times my friend's words rang true to me... and well you kind of shut down with that kind of thinking and find reasons that really might not be there.

Are there some guys here that don't like me because I am straight? I don't know, however I do know some may not like me for my opinions expressed in the past. Then again to tell the truth Marco, those same people don't get along with hardly anyone here.

With all that said, I have received enough support from these forums to know that I am accepted solely for who I am regardless of my sexual preference. People are not always going to like you. Until someone comes out and tells me they don't like me simply for being straight I will not assume that is the reason any longer. It serves absolutely no purpose other than to make me bitter and I don't come here for that.

I once remember a female poster here on the boards made a comment that she did not believe a straight guy would post in a forum or why would they want to.... I thought at the time this was one of the most outright, blatant remarks by anyone regarding someones sexual orientation who simply came here for support. Other than that, I have not seen many comments regarding a persons sexual orientation being an issue here.

Ann · « **Reply #46 on:** September 24, 2009, 08:24:40 am »

Quote from: MarcoPoz on September 22, 2009, 10:11:21 am

It would be nice to have a place for men and straight men that was similar to what the women have set up. A place to talk about relationships, health issues, sexual issues and even just a veiw from 'our side' without the hazing that seems to happen on the forums. It would be nice to have that place to where if necessary people could 'look but not touch' as been afforded to the women here.

The problem as I see it is that how many times do you slice this pie? Where does the segregation end? Because of some of the issues above, I have chosen to pop in and out of the forums. Hopefully giving useful advice where I can and grabbing some up while I'm here--BUT I still think these forums are fairly tough on straight men, so I don't use these forums for support.

Hi Marco,

The only "hazing" towards straight men I've seen on these forums is the assumption many gay men seem to have that straight poz men could only have gotten the virus through sexual contact with another man. I know this isn't true, you know this isn't true, but it's an opinion held by many - straight (neg) folks included.

And that's all it is, an opinion, and a faulty one at that. It's also a dangerous opinion when held by a straight (allegedly) negative person. It's an opinion that leads to risky behaviour and a lack of testing... followed by late diagnosis. It's an opinion I hate.

If there's ever been any "hetro hazing" (for want of a better term) that violated our posting guidelines, it's either been taken care of or I haven't seen it. (I can't alway read every post) But I do realise that there's been plenty of insinuation in the past concerning straight guys' true sexual orientation. And yes, I think it sucks. But, I see this type of insinuation less and less these days. In fact, I can't remember the last time I saw it. If you or anyone else is ever subject to this type of treatment (insinuation) in the future, please don't hesitate to report it if it offends you, so we can have a word with the poster. We don't allow gay bashing here, as you are all aware, and we certainly don't allow straight bashing either.

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