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Author Topic: Should I be this happy?  (Read 4706 times)

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Offline lonbjny

  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Should I be this happy?
« on: December 24, 2006, 01:22:24 pm »
Hi,

I thought I would ask for other people's experience on this matter. I was diagnosed about 16 months ago and I was scared, depressed, angry etc.

Now I have gone to a stage which is actually closer to euphoric. I am so happy, I feel relieved, like I am suddenly free. Partly it is that I was always pretty hard on my self and have finally given myself a break. Partly I suddenly feel free to live the life I want to live rather than the life I thought I should live. I feel like I could do anything right now. Please note that I am not currently on meds so I am not able to relate fully to some of the suffering that other people have experienced.

Can anybody relate to this? Is this just another cycle in the grieving process? Should I expect this to change?

I apologize in advance to those who have had a worse time with illness etc who cannot relate to this and might be consider my thoughts to be frivolous or trivialising the whole HIV experience
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Offline Boo Radley

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Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2006, 01:26:38 pm »
Whether the feeling is temporary or permanent enjoy it for what it is!!  Carpe diem!

You have no need to apologize to anyone for being happy!!  There is nothing trivial about it.

Boo
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Offline david25luvit

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Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2006, 01:28:57 pm »
YES.........Life should be enjoyed.  Treasure these moments....these days.  One never knows what will be around the corner. :)

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Offline Longislander

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Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2006, 01:47:48 pm »
hey Lon, welcome to Aidsmeds!

I'm pos for 1 year now.   In the past few weeks I have felt an upswing in my mood and attitude. I'm not on meds yet either.
I'm not saying I feel like Superman, but I'm glad you do! Enjoy it!

Paul
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infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Razorbill

  • Member
  • Posts: 622
Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2006, 01:52:22 pm »
When I was diagnosed, I felt immediately relieved.  A great burden of fear and denial was lifted from my life.  They say the truth shall set you free.  I believe that.
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Offline Andy Velez

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  • Member
  • Posts: 34,126
Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #5 on: December 24, 2006, 02:46:54 pm »
Should you be this happy?

In the immortal words of Woody Allen, "Take the money and run!"

Nothing but nothing lasts forever. All too soon grey clouds may come along. So enjoy the joy of today and deal with whatever comes next when it comes along.

Cheers for a happy day,
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Andy Velez

Offline marco23

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  • Posts: 392
Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #6 on: December 24, 2006, 03:24:03 pm »
"Should I be this happy"............yes!
Boo is right, you never have to apologize for being happy....Welcome!
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Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,132
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #7 on: December 24, 2006, 03:47:24 pm »
Quote
I am so happy, I feel relieved, like I am suddenly free. Partly it is that I was always pretty hard on my self and have finally given myself a break. Partly I suddenly feel free to live the life I want to live mather than the life I thought I should live

HIV has made you aware of your self and your life Lon. That is the reason you are looking into what really matters in your life.

I think it is great to read you're going for it. Feel free to live the life you want to live....

I really enjoyed reading this post. Please, don't ever feel like you should not write about hapiness on here.

I am  a positive human being in many ways. After my diagnosis in 1987 I decided I would live the life I wanted to live. And to no longer use my body as change for love. BUt to find people I care for  and for heart-connections.

You go on the trail you're on now Lon. Don't look back and stay as you are.

hermie
« Last Edit: December 24, 2006, 04:50:56 pm by heartforyou »
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Offline poet

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Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #8 on: December 24, 2006, 04:58:23 pm »
Yes to: I am suddenly free. Partly it is that I was always pretty hard on my self and have finally given myself a break. Partly I suddenly feel free to live the life I want to live rather than the life I thought I should live. I feel like I could do anything right now.

We had a thread about this a bit ago, how being able to focus on what really matters, as opposed to what we perhaps thought or had been told matters, freed lot's of us to, as you said and as Hermie posted, 'live rather than the life I thought I should live.'  And you can 'do anything right now,' because you are finally freed to pursue your real dreams whatever they may be. 

A good post to for anyone starting a new year.  Best, Win
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Offline blondbeauty

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  • Posts: 1,787
Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #9 on: December 24, 2006, 06:01:42 pm »
I am very happy for you. Now you feel in control of your own life. I had to start meds to feel happy again. I asked my Dr. if other people felt the same as I did after starting meds. He gave me a very short but wise answer: "human beings are made to make decisions and the feeling of uncertainty is the worst of all feelings".
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Offline Eldon

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Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2006, 10:44:32 pm »
Yes, I AM Supporting You!

Hey Lonbjny...

You are filled up with the Spirit of Joy and happiness, enjoy, savor your times in this life. YES, you should be happy!


Don't You Dare Give Up, Don't You Dare Give In...Because It Is ALL Within YOU to WIN!


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Offline lonbjny

  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #11 on: December 25, 2006, 02:37:58 am »
Thank you for all the lovely posts. I have only been reading this site for about 2 weeks and have been inspired (and occasionally tickled) by everything you all write.

I am having a wonderful Xmas, I hope you all are too. I have just spent the evening having good food with great friends.

Thank you all for being part of a memorable Xmas, love to you and all the people you care about at this time of the year.

xxx.
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Offline Oceanbeach

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  • Posts: 3,564
Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #12 on: December 25, 2006, 02:59:10 am »
I have been living with HIV for 12 years and 10 of those have been with an AIDS diagnosis.  Some days are better than others.  I will take all the happiness I can get and hope you do the same.  Have the best day
Michael
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Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #13 on: December 25, 2006, 08:59:17 am »
I am so happy, I feel relieved, like I am suddenly free. Partly it is that I was always pretty hard on my self and have finally given myself a break. Partly I suddenly feel free to live the life I want to live rather than the life I thought I should live.

Onbjny,

Sounds more like you've reached a point of acceptance and the realisation that your life isn't completely finished yet. It’s just gonna be changed from now on is all.

Good wishes for your continued happiness now and in the coming new year,

Daniel
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MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

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Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #14 on: December 25, 2006, 02:08:07 pm »
What could ever be wrong with being happy? Not a thing, I agree with the others, enjoy it.
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Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
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01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

Offline Alain

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Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #15 on: December 25, 2006, 03:35:51 pm »
You certainly should be and for as long as you want too!

I think that you have reached a turning point; there is life even with HIV.

Hiv is part of yourself but does not define who you are as a person.

Be happy, my friend.
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Offline red_Dragon888

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  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #16 on: December 25, 2006, 03:59:46 pm »
Hi,
I am not currently on meds and I feel great.  It maybe due the fact that I am really taking care of myself and that I loaded with vitamins.  I am pretty sure the vitamins and the exercising is playing a great role in my mental state.  You know, it maybe that this time of year you are naturally high on life.  Sometime for me a day comes and it as if "Life is Beautiful," and wonderful and all the great things are happening now with great results.  I hope you will always feel positive and happy.  Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
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Offline DanielMark

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  • Posts: 1,475
Re: Should I be this happy?
« Reply #17 on: December 26, 2006, 05:58:18 am »
“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” George Bernard Shaw

Oh, and never apologize for knowing happiness!

Daniel
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MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988
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