Author Topic: Your Best Israel /Southern Lebanon Overreaction Analogies... (Read 6984 times)

Cliff · « **on:** August 15, 2006, 01:33:55 pm »

Analogy Armageddon

In order to stop a terrorist cell in southern Lebanon, Israel has proceeded to flatten the country with bombs, killing and injuring, in the process, hundreds of innocent women and children. We asked our panel of experts to think up analogies to equal this staggering overreaction...

"A teenager steals my car. I immediately steal a car and try to crash into as many cars that look like mine until I get my car back, or it is too damaged to drive. Huzzah!"

"I am wet-shaving and the razor slips and I have a nasty nick. It is bleeding. I go to the supermarket where I bought the razor and give similar nicks to all of the people entering and exiting the building for at least the next 7 days."

"Uhm. Hic. I think I have one... I am playing kinky games with my partner and I agree to be tied up and gagged and have acts performed on me with a banana. Unfortunately, my partner exceeds her remit and proceeds to perform acts on me with a banana, an orange and a lemon. As I am gagged I am powerless to direct her otherwise until I am released from the restraint. Once released from my restraint, I retaliate by bombing the fresh fruit section of the local supermarket, hoping that she is there at the time."

"I am applying lipstick to my kisser whilst riding on the bus on the way to work. The driver intentionally swerves and my lipstick continues on to my ear. I go to the front of the bus and punch him in the face whilst the bus is still going along the highway, I keep punching until he is unable to drive the bus any longer. Then, I presume, the bus will have to crash a little. Once that is done, I would then draw a similar lipstick line on his face to show him what's what. My apologies to anyone else on the bus who got injured or killed, but that's just the risk you run when you take a bus these days."

"My neighbor kicks a football over into my garden. I retaliate by shooting the captain of the local football team."

"A man with red hair punches me in the face whilst I am walking down the street and then steals my wallet. I get retribution by punching as many red haired men, women and children as I can find until I get my wallet back."

jack · « **Reply #1 on:** August 15, 2006, 02:53:28 pm »

A terrorist cell that controls Lebanon, that is supplied with soldiers,weapons,and money from Syria and Iran kidnaps two of your soldiers. What should you do? Should you negotiate with them? Or should you destroy them?
All of these arms and soldiers from Syria and Iran were moved into the area Israel had just given back and was under UN control. Many of the weapons are buried under schools and homes.
Europe and the UN were against Israel building a wall to keep the madmen from sending their children as bomb delivery systems. The wall went up and the suicide bombings stopped.
The forces that restarted this war will use the ceasefire to rearm. Those forces are Syria and Iran, their goal is to destroy the state of Israel. Should Israel negotiate with someone whose stated goal is to destroy you?
If someone has promised to kill you and has attempted to kill you on several occasions,but you are smarter than them and have managed to stay alive, should you negotiate with them? Or should you promise to kill that persons whole family if they ever fuck with you again?
The appeasers and mollycoddlers still own the day, you negotiate and bribe him not to kill you.
Its 1935 all over again.

RapidRod · « **Reply #2 on:** August 15, 2006, 03:29:27 pm »

An Analogy? No comparison, that's nothing but bull.

Now who's fault is it for killing hundreds of innocent women and children? Don't go blaming Israel for wanting to protect their innocent women and children and doing so. What the hell was Lebanon doing? Not a damn thing. Why weren't they fighting the terrorists that were putting their children and women in harms way?

jack · « **Reply #3 on:** August 15, 2006, 03:38:47 pm »

Someone has been raping your wife and children for 40 years and everytime you try to defend yourself you are put in Jail. Finally you say fuck it.
I hate the fact that the UN or whoever it was gave Israel it's own state in an area that previously was jews and muslims living together in peace but whats done is done. We should have given them North Dakota or some of the land we stole from Mexico.

ACinKC · « **Reply #4 on:** August 15, 2006, 03:44:43 pm »

This is the perfect example of religion gone wrong. ALL religion! I would say that if God and Allah are up there they are looking down at all this saying can you believe these fucking waterheads?!?!?!?

Andrew
Who thinks God/Allah/Buddah/Who the hell ever is just a grown up version of an Imaginary Friend!!!

Cliff · « **Reply #5 on:** August 15, 2006, 04:05:49 pm »

...it's satire guys.

RapidRod · « **Reply #6 on:** August 15, 2006, 04:27:31 pm »

Okay Cliff that will be enough of that. I may be white, but I'm learnin' how to gang bang and not the way your dirty mind thinks either. I just have to get a gun.

jack · « **Reply #7 on:** August 15, 2006, 04:43:48 pm »

keep this type of post in the Satire Forum.

Cliff · « **Reply #8 on:** August 15, 2006, 04:47:19 pm »

Quote from: RapidRod on August 15, 2006, 04:27:31 pm

Okay Cliff that will be enough of that. I may be white, but I'm learnin' how to gang bang and not the way your dirty mind thinks either. I just have to get a gun.

I was wondering how long my picture would be up, before someone made an off-handed remark about me being black. Thanks for breaking the record Rod.

RapidRod · « **Reply #9 on:** August 15, 2006, 04:49:25 pm »

Rofl, I didn't even look at your pic cause you done told me. Hell I thought you just had a nice tan.

Oh satire again? Where have you been? Blacks aren't the only ones gang bangin.

allopathicholistic · « **Reply #10 on:** August 25, 2006, 10:59:33 am »

Quote from: ACinKC on August 15, 2006, 03:44:43 pm

This is the perfect example of religion gone wrong. ALL religion! I would say that if God and Allah are up there they are looking down at all this saying can you believe these fucking waterheads?!?!?!?

Andrew
Who thinks God/Allah/Buddah/Who the hell ever is just a grown up version of an Imaginary Friend!!!

Well I doubt an imaginary friend can magically place an ambulance smackdab where I needed it with perfect timing right before I keeled over and died. Nor could one increase my CD4 count ten-fold in nine months.

~Alex (who's a bit miffed at all the God-bashing on this site)

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #11 on:** August 25, 2006, 11:08:48 am »

Clifton,

It's got nothing to do with you being black. Most of us have forgotten that since you go to such lenghths to cover it up. Of course you're black when it's to your advantage and good on ya! Claim the benefits wherever they lie.

Praise dem food stamps!!!

MtD

ACinKC · « **Reply #12 on:** August 25, 2006, 11:13:00 am »

I'm sorry I thought we were talking about God and Terrorists.

What if God WAS a terrorist?

If you had just one questions what would you ask him?

What do terrorists do for the fourth of july?

Is a suicide vest considered a carry on?

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #13 on:** August 25, 2006, 11:13:26 am »

Alex (who's a bit miffed at all the God-bashing on this site)

Crap. Alex is a bit miffed. We better watch ourselves here. We don't wanna miff Alex, otherwise he'll never shut up.

Still God does suck and his followers as less than human. God is a fraud and a device invented by sex offenders to recruit their prey.

Wouldn't you agree Alex?

MtD

ACinKC · « **Reply #14 on:** August 25, 2006, 11:15:19 am »

Oh look... It's MATTY....

Teresa · « **Reply #15 on:** August 25, 2006, 11:36:13 am »

Matty,

I am not "less than human" for being a Christian.

Teresa

Andy Velez · « **Reply #16 on:** August 25, 2006, 01:09:52 pm »

Dear All,

This is a non-conversation that is only heating up and going nowhere good with increasing speed.

I suggest taking some breaths and giving it a rest before it gets even uglier.

What and how things are being spoken here will not lead to anything that is going to make the world a better place for all of us.

Please! Desist now.

allopathicholistic · « **Reply #17 on:** August 26, 2006, 01:49:35 pm »

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Author Topic: Your Best Israel /Southern Lebanon Overreaction Analogies... (Read 6984 times)