Author Topic: New to site but not new to HIV (Read 4836 times)

TravPJ · « **on:** March 16, 2009, 05:30:36 pm »

I can't believe I am just now stumbling onto this site. I am glad I did!

I just want to say hello to everyone.
My name is Trav and I am sure you will hear much more from me in the future.

Texan38 · « **Reply #1 on:** March 16, 2009, 06:21:53 pm »

Hey there Trav!

WELCOME!

Assurbanipal · « **Reply #2 on:** March 16, 2009, 06:51:23 pm »

Hello Trav

Welcome to the forums

Assurbanipal

OzPaul · « **Reply #3 on:** March 16, 2009, 06:56:30 pm »

Hello Trav

Welcome to our global family !

Paul

TravPJ · « **Reply #4 on:** March 16, 2009, 07:28:21 pm »

Thank you all and thanks to Joel for your PM. I couldn't get the messaging to work though, What am I doing wrong? Anyway, I recieved your welcome in my email notification and will do as you suggest and tell a little about myself and my HIV.

   Thanks to a wasted youth and a self destructive bipolar disorder, I managed to get the gift that keeps on giving. It is what happens when your manic turns you into a daredevil and you feel invincible. But what goes up tends to fall down. In my case, I crashed and burned like I was Howard Hughes! Years of partying like a rock star, has given me the eyes of HIV. They have the same look a deer gives after it crashes through the windshield. It is what I get for sharing needles with all those pretty hookers.
   Damn, I had one hell of a good time!
   I look at it this way, I have early retirement, memories people only dream of, and it only cost me fifteen to twenty years of life expectancy.

   I have been told I had Depersonalization Disorder. Also been told I had Disassociative Disorder and Derealization. Even have been told I had Chronic Anhedonia. I think they forgot Paranoid Personality Disorder and Suicidal Ideation. In reality, they are all overlapping to a degree. I like to think I am smart enough to know my own mind but is anyone really that smart?
   I am what they call ‘a creative mind’ and my intelligence is supposed to be a side effect to the mania of Bipolar. So if I didn’t have Bipolar, would I be happier? I would then be dumb like everyone else.
   I don’t care how they call it. I am what I am, which is a crazy misanthrope. In the end, it is all mental illness and I like the word 'crazy'! Bonkers is OK too. Looney is too silly. It would be fun to be ‘out of my mind.’ Not quite insane but definitely ‘Not Right.’

   I can be self destructive but I know I am only testing the limits and am very aware of the risks. I have always been this way. I would say out of the many times I have been hospitalized, the majority weren’t really suicide attempts. I just let people think what they want. I never give explanations. They just assume since I won’t talk about it. I think it is funny when they commit me to the loony bin. I usually end up analyzing the doctors and they release me so I won’t make them feel stupid. It is so easy for me to bust over inflated egos and we all know that shrinks have the biggest of them all. Not a one has been able to challenge the speed of my mind and the bite of my wit.

   I am detail oriented and pay attention to everything. I am very observant, to the point of obsession. Nothing gets pass me. This is what I am. I can almost see into people. I notice every body movement, every twitch, even every breath, as they speak. When you pay that much attention, it leaves very little mystery. Try being a part of society like that.
   Pretend you are driving on a trip and you have a TV constantly showing you the scenery of the next ten miles. It kind of takes the fun out of the trip doesn’t it?
Granted, it is on TV. Not as grand as the real thing, but it does take out the wonderment. Now imagine that is how you view people.
   A pretty tree is still a pretty tree no matter how many times you see it, whether it be on TV or in person. Think how the tree would appear if every time you look at it, you only notice the missing branch or a spot of shedding bark. The beauty gets lost into the abyss of reality. Welcome to my world.

   My individuation has processed by transforming imagination into reality. It has brought me collective unconscious as it releases the shackles of consciousness. Almost holistically, I have healed from the effects of humanity’s bias. Few have achieved this. Besides being physically unhealthy, my visions are harmonious. The workings of human nature will never be clearer.

   I live to the context which is considered to be a brandished view. I am by definition a separate entity within myself.
   Achievement is a choice of identity and diffusion is underrated.

   The mundane of trivial matters are neither important nor ignorable. They are a composition of existence. One can never truly understand themselves or anyone else without an element of triviality. We as humans tread on a day by day fact that we all breathe, eat, and sleep. Friendship is moot if you can’t express and share the basic fundamentals of daily trials and tribulations. Of course, there is a fine line between needing a friend’s compassion and demanding their pity. That line can get obscure but it divides many things. It does not divide openness from curiosity though. If you desire a friendship with someone, you have to be willing to share yourself with them. If somebody doesn’t satisfy a reasonable amount of your curiosity then you know they don’t want to be your friend.

   I retired due to my health. The side effects from the medications finally became too much to maintain outside work. My physical condition has no relevance toward my unusual persona. The mind and the body are two totally different beings. My opinion of society is solely a result of basking in the ignorance of mankind. Some say my intelligence is to blame for my peculiar disposition. I would like to think that if everyone had half as much common sense as I do, I wouldn’t be crazy.

I better stop here or we might have to find a publisher for this dribble. LOL

This is only a glimpse at the surface of Planet Trav. Too much?

I will see how many rotten tomatoes I will have to wipe off my face later. Haha

J.R.E. · « **Reply #5 on:** March 16, 2009, 08:05:31 pm »

Hello There Trav !! Welcome !!

Ray

BT65 · « **Reply #6 on:** March 16, 2009, 09:48:28 pm »

Trav, welcome to the forums.

(from one of the "pretty hookers"

)

TravPJ · « **Reply #7 on:** March 16, 2009, 09:59:55 pm »

A little nonsense now and then, is treasured by the wisest men.-Willy Wonka

Very nice BT

Something tells me that the two of us might be spun in similar directions

komnaes · « **Reply #8 on:** March 16, 2009, 10:20:48 pm »

Quote

I better stop here or we might have to find a publisher for this dribble.

Why not?! I hear there's a good living to be made from writing..

While I am not able to contribute much it's good to see more worth reading pieces here again.

Shaun

tendai · « **Reply #9 on:** March 17, 2009, 06:17:21 am »

hie Travis!

Ldn+ · « **Reply #10 on:** March 17, 2009, 07:53:39 am »

Welcome Trav

BT65 · « **Reply #11 on:** March 17, 2009, 09:19:03 am »

Quote from: TravPJ on March 16, 2009, 09:59:55 pm

Something tells me that the two of us might be spun in similar directions

I'm sure there's much in common.

BTW, the people I know who display above-average intelligence are all eccentric, so I wouldn't fret over the diagnoses you've been given.

bear60 · « **Reply #12 on:** March 17, 2009, 10:45:32 am »

Hi Trav
If you are still wondering why you couldnt answer my PM, its because (I think) there is a delay for you in being able to send out PM's. After you have posted for awhile the PM function kicks in for you.
Welcome...again.

Joel

TravPJ · « **Reply #13 on:** March 17, 2009, 05:16:17 pm »

Quote from: BT65 on March 17, 2009, 09:19:03 am

I'm sure there's much in common.

BTW, the people I know who display above-average intelligence are all eccentric, so I wouldn't fret over the diagnoses you've been given.

BT

LOL

Isn't eccentric just a politically correct word for peculiar?

I quit fretting over anything back in high school. As far as diagnosis, I only believe what can be proved. Everything else I tend to determine for myself.

I have been POZ for what feels like forever. Going on a couple of decades.

Physically speaking, my vampire(my doctor) says that a well informed patient usually knows what's best for themselves.
Mentally speaking, Trav says a well informed patient should know when their muse(shrink) is just trying to keep up.

Joel, I realized that, ten seconds after I posted my confusion.

decayingsinner · « **Reply #14 on:** March 17, 2009, 10:45:42 pm »

Trav, I just recently stumbled across this website after being diagnosed for a year. now on meds. While this is a haven for my self worth, I still would love to be in a support group. Not much exist from what I know in the Philly suburbs.

I do welcome you!

TravPJ · « **Reply #15 on:** March 18, 2009, 12:07:30 am »

I suppose this could be kind of like a support group. The feedback is a bit in slow motion but it gives you time to think before speaking. Although in my case it may be considered more of a speech.

The good things about forums outweigh the bad to me.

I have never been one to enjoy sitting in a room and listening to people cry. As an atheist I shutter when people feel the need to pray. Why anyone needs twelve steps is beyond me. And on a forum, if I have something to say, I don’t have to wait my turn to say it.
Plus, people want to get more personal than they should in groups. They are always wanting to give hugs and asking to go out for coffee or something afterwards. Only makes me seem stand offish to be put in those circumstances.

AndyArrow · « **Reply #16 on:** March 19, 2009, 11:56:51 am »

Welcome to the forums Trav, (I say sipping my coffee)

Hugs,
AA

TravPJ · « **Reply #17 on:** March 19, 2009, 05:34:05 pm »

Can coffee be an addiction?

I bet there is a group out there asking themselves the very same question.

Highlyfaveured · « **Reply #18 on:** March 23, 2009, 01:10:33 pm »

I to am new to the site. Looking forward to meeting everyone.

Peter Staley · « **Reply #19 on:** March 24, 2009, 08:47:20 am »

Welcome, Highlyfaveured! Glad you found us.

WillyWump · « **Reply #20 on:** March 24, 2009, 09:50:22 pm »

Welcome Trav and HighlyFaveured!! Come on in the water's fine...

Will

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Author Topic: New to site but not new to HIV (Read 4836 times)

tendai