it just gets so frustrating.

[j^^]

just when you found the courage to tell your bestfriend about your situation, the next day, she tells you, "hey bud, i'm leaving in a few weeks time to go work in another country".

its been roughly a year since i got infected and it was really hard for me to cope with it. at least she gave me some glimmer of hope. she was the only reason why i was able to fight my depression and anxiety attacks. and now i'll be left to battle it out on my own again. i'm just so f*ck*n tired of crying every night. you know the feeling when you just want to end it all up?? that's how i really feel now.

Sorry i just need to let some steam out.

=(

[47DegreesNorth]

Don't let it get you down.
I know, I totally understand your frustration.  I feel this way a lot as well but you gotta keep moving forward. It's not the end of the world. Maintain a healthy lifestyle and things will be okay. Maybe one day soon a cure will even come out and this would be a thing of the past. If not though, there are lot's of treatments and we are in a time where it can be treated as a chronic condition.

I know there isn't much I can say to make you feel better... but I'm just gonna say there are lot's of people out there just like you feeling the same way. So you're not alone.

[Matty the Damned]

just when you found the courage to tell your bestfriend about your situation, the next day, she tells you, "hey bud, i'm leaving in a few weeks time to go work in another country".

its been roughly a year since i got infected and it was really hard for me to cope with it. at least she gave me some glimmer of hope. she was the only reason why i was able to fight my depression and anxiety attacks. and now i'll be left to battle it out on my own again. i'm just so f*ck*n tired of crying every night. you know the feeling when you just want to end it all up?? that's how i really feel now.

Sorry i just need to let some steam out.

=(

If you're crying all the time and feeling like you "just want to end it all" you should seek medical advice. Depression is very common amongst our kind and very treatable.

You don't have to feel this way.



MtD

[tednlou2]

I'm sorry you're dealing with all this.  Like Matty said, you should seek out care.  I've not been in the deep depression you describe yourself being in, but I do have depression issues and have had bad anxiety.  I was half-assing treating it.  I'm now seeing a good therapist regularly and getting back on a depression med.  I realize I have someone to be there for me, so I won't pretend to know what it is like to go it alone.   

I wish you all the best.  When you're feeling down or having bad anxiety, reach out to us here for support.  But, definitely seek out care from a professional to treat the depression and anxiety.     

[Torchwood]

First off, I am not going to trivialize this situation by making a joke here but I feel that this is utterly true.

Better living through chemistry.

All of us are on or going to be on meds for the rest of our lives. What is another pill to make you feel better mentally? At the least it should help you cope better to the point of being able to seek out a local support group.

[Buckeyerob75]

j- I'm just starting to deal with this issue but I'm finding better luck with other poz guys as far as an serious dating is concerned. Strangely there are plenty of negative guys who don't seem to care if it's sex but haven't met too many that want to date.

I'm with Torchwood on this one- I've taken Effexor for the last 5 years and even though I was just diagnosised January 2012 I'm going to stay on Effexor. I've tried so many other things and this just works so well it's dumb to change it now. I'd be a raving lunatic without my 'crazy pills' (as I call them myself) lol You have to laugh where you can or you'll be crying... that's my philospohy anyway.

I'm looking at all these pills wondering WTF I'm doing but it takes me aback a little less each day. 

[MommieDammit]

J - dealing with HIV and AIDS is hard under the best of circumstances, and after living with my uninvited guest for over 20 years I know that better than anybody. However, I would urge caution and common sense before you go adding yet another pill to your regimen. First of all, ask yourself a few questions: Were you prone to depression before HIV?, Did you face deep depression cycles before getting settled into your med-regimen?, Are there any - and I mean ANY - psychotic side-effects to your HIV meds (Sustiva is notorious). Next, discuss your depression with a good clinical psychiatrist - it may turn out that it is "behavioral" and not "chemical" in nature, in other words its based on the impact of your diagnosis and not a chemical imbalance.
Frustration with our circumstances as HIV+ people is perfectly natural. But being broken down beyond our ability to cope is not. Back in the Bronze Age, when I was first diagnosed, I had my own fight with my demons. It was ugly, and I didn't think I'd ever learn to take my life back. And then I made the decision just to do it. I own my life, I am not a victim, and I - not some damned disease - determine my fate.
OK, so I'm a hard-assed stubborn bitch who doesn't know when to shut up. Meh! I didn't get the moniker of "Mommie Dammit" for being a Faye Dunaway fan. I will also be the first to tell you that what worked for me may not, and probably won't, work for you. We are all unique individuals - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually - and we each have to discover the steps that lead us on the road of recovery.