POZ Community Forums

Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: Winiroo on June 05, 2008, 04:52:13 pm

Title: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on June 05, 2008, 04:52:13 pm
Got anything funny to share?

(http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/Winiroo/ymca.jpg)

P.S.
For those of you offended by the photo above please click the link below.

http://www.bluemountain.com/display.pd?prodnum=3132971&path=35075 (http://www.bluemountain.com/display.pd?prodnum=3132971&path=35075)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Matty the Damned on June 05, 2008, 05:23:41 pm
(http://imago.shagnasty.net/albums/userpics/1034.jpg)

MtD
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: BlueMoon on June 05, 2008, 08:50:59 pm
With friends like these. . . .

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Matty the Damned on June 05, 2008, 08:58:54 pm
(http://imago.shagnasty.net/albums/userpics/8bgfdyd.jpg)

MtD
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on June 05, 2008, 09:38:19 pm
LOL I see a theme here
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Matty the Damned on June 05, 2008, 09:41:54 pm
Here a theme, there a theme, everywhere a theme-theme.

(http://imago.shagnasty.net/albums/userpics/232-1.jpg)

MtD
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on June 06, 2008, 02:29:46 pm
Oh geez lol
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on June 06, 2008, 02:33:59 pm
(http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/Winiroo/atheistkz8.png)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: chm02 on June 06, 2008, 05:29:46 pm
(http://www.pyzamstuff.com/family_images/f/f0/1a0e984b733ebac1f449a47a853e7a.png)



http://www.pyzam.com/toys/view/familysticker
 (http://www.pyzam.com/toys/view/familysticker)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Matty the Damned on June 06, 2008, 05:37:12 pm
(http://imago.shagnasty.net/albums/userpics/2303.jpg)

MtD
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: richva on June 06, 2008, 05:55:24 pm
Confucius say:

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: richva on June 06, 2008, 06:01:41 pm
I thought so!

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Matty the Damned on June 06, 2008, 06:03:59 pm
(http://imago.shagnasty.net/albums/userpics/1256.jpg)

MtD
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: richva on June 06, 2008, 06:10:21 pm
Proud home of Enduring Freedom Patriotic Pads....

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on June 06, 2008, 06:19:46 pm
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3115/2556415089_a84db173e2.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Matty the Damned on June 06, 2008, 06:59:20 pm
(http://imago.shagnasty.net/albums/userpics/516.jpg)

MtD
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on June 06, 2008, 07:44:17 pm
LOL those are all funny

Love the boobs on miss innocent  ;D
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on June 06, 2008, 08:59:05 pm
Found a gem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8clmpbhXuY&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8clmpbhXuY&feature=related)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Matty the Damned on June 06, 2008, 09:23:44 pm
(http://imago.shagnasty.net/albums/userpics/117.jpg)

MtD
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: richva on June 07, 2008, 08:02:25 am
Another reason to love kids....

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on June 07, 2008, 08:29:16 am
ANOTHER ROAD HAZARD TO BE AWARE OF:

I'm driving along on the highway
at 65 miles an hour
(the speed limit), minding my own business,
when outta nowhere there's
this big crack in my windshield!!

I swerved right,

(http://img375.imageshack.us/img375/2828/625533464702158ls0.gif)

and then left,

(http://img412.imageshack.us/img412/8269/625533072546124vn2.gif)

and it was still right there!!




Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: richva on June 07, 2008, 11:15:04 am
Yesterday at work, I was the guy wearing the tie.  Long week....

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on June 07, 2008, 11:45:39 am
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3178/2557241902_4296b0ec6e.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: chm02 on June 07, 2008, 03:40:35 pm
(http://i190.photobucket.com/albums/z320/sprant/tablets-1.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: richva on June 08, 2008, 09:32:19 am
I'm quite certain there are a number of folks here who would agree....

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on June 08, 2008, 04:49:31 pm
I'm quite certain there are a number of folks here who would agree....

Ha!  I actually LOL'd

 ;D
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: richva on June 10, 2008, 07:47:01 pm
Uh, yeah.

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: richva on June 10, 2008, 07:48:56 pm
.

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: bear60 on June 13, 2008, 10:20:06 am
ITS ALL ABOUT THE BLING:

 

An older, white haired gay man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a handsome young stud at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his
boyfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler
said.
The young man's eyes sparkled and his whole body trembled with
excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "by
check.  I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it
now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick
the ring up Monday afternoo n," he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "Ther e's no money in
that account."
"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"
 
(http://)

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on June 13, 2008, 01:44:12 pm
This is late to the party, but still funny.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=rleUPHX8yfM&feature=related (http://youtube.com/watch?v=rleUPHX8yfM&feature=related)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Matty the Damned on June 13, 2008, 04:34:06 pm
(http://imago.shagnasty.net/albums/userpics/342-1.jpg)

MtD
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: tendai on June 19, 2008, 07:21:09 am
 :D

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on June 19, 2008, 11:10:57 am
This is late to the party, but still funny.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=rleUPHX8yfM&feature=related (http://youtube.com/watch?v=rleUPHX8yfM&feature=related)

LOL whoever edited that did a great job.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on June 19, 2008, 11:31:25 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMMfgWhm3g (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMMfgWhm3g)

labeled as extreme funny. I'd say it was cute funny.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: bear60 on June 20, 2008, 01:22:05 pm
Old Timer Sex


The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'

OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

 

 
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Iggy on June 20, 2008, 01:33:14 pm
Jeromy and I have been laughing at this commercial which has been playing on Charlotte cable.

The most sophisticated piece of technology that you will ever pee on... :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GXskZFXbNY&feature=related
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on June 20, 2008, 01:42:55 pm
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath.

One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on t he monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little "0ral sex" will do the trick & bring her out o f the coma.

"The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.

The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure; maybe she choked."
 

 ;D
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on June 21, 2008, 01:59:57 am
You're gonna turn into a Chicken:

My little sister and I  were watching my grandmother fix chicken, again. She was always cooking chicken as it was the only meat we would eat. We did not like red meat very well, and grandmother would fuss and fuss stating that we needed to eat a variety meats.

One day she stated that eating too much chicken was not good for you as you would start to become what you ate. Intrigued, we asked her what did she mean.

She stated that you could start to grow feathers and such.

We thought about this for awhile, as we really, really liked chicken.

One day my little sister came running up to me stating that it had happened and she was turning into a chicken. Look.

She pulled down the front of her panties exposing the beginnings of 'feathers' growing out of her.

OMG, I exclaimed, look and see if I'm turning into a chicken too.

Pulling down my pants, she looked and the started moving her head side to side and clucking in dismay.

"What is it?" I cried.

"It's too late for you" she said. "Not only have you started growing the feathers, but you're growing the neck and gizzards too"

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on June 21, 2008, 08:22:33 pm
LOL
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on June 22, 2008, 12:16:54 pm
I got everyone of these except the one for 'At the Electric Company'...I don't get it.... :-\



Sign over a Gynecologist' s Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
 
************ ********* *****
 
In a Podiatrist's office:
 
"Time wounds all heels."
 
************ ********* *****
 
On a Septic Tank Truck:
 
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
 
************ ********* *****
 
At a Proctologist' s door:
 
"To expedite your visit please back in."
 
************ ********* *****
 
On a Plumber's truck:
 
"We repair what your husband fixed."
 
************ ********* *****
 
On another Plumber's truck:
 
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
************ ********* *****
 
On a Church's Billboard:
 
"7 days without God makes one weak."
 
************ ********* *****
 
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee  :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
 
************ ********* *****
 
At a Towing company:
 
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
************ ********* *****
 
On an Electrician' s truck:
 
"Let us remove your shorts."
 
************ ********* *****
 
In a Nonsmoking Area:
 
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
************ ********* *****
 
On a Maternity Room door:
 
"Push. Push. Push."
 
************ ********* *****
 
At an Optometrist' s Office:
 
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
************ ********* *****
 
On a Taxidermist' s window:
 
"We really know our stuff."
 
************ ********* *****
 
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
************ ********* *****
 
At a Car Dealership:
 
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
************ ********* *****
 
Outside a Muffler Shop:
 
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
************ ********* *****
 
In a Veterinarian' s waiting room:
 
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
 
************ ********* *****
 
At the Electric Company
 
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
 
************ ********* *****
 
In a Restaurant window:
 
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
************ ********* *****
 
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
 
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
 

 
At a Propane Filling Station:
 
"Thank heaven for little grills."
 
************ ********* *****
 
 
And don't forget the sign at a
 
Chicago  Radiator Shop:
 
     "Best place in town to take a leak."
 
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Dachshund on June 22, 2008, 12:33:58 pm


                  delighted = cut off power
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on June 22, 2008, 12:50:51 pm

                  delighted = cut off power

pfftt...thanks, now I get it.  :D
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on June 22, 2008, 06:53:35 pm
Dont feel bad, I had to read it a couple of times.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on June 23, 2008, 01:32:11 pm
THE BIBLE AS TOLD BY A CHILD

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, "The Lord thy God is one," but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, "Give me a light!" and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a ham. Noah built a large boat and put his  family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights everyday with manicotti. Then He gave them His top Ten Commandments.

These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's bottom (the Bible uses a bad word for bottom that I'm not supposed to say. But my Dad uses it sometimes when he talks about the President). Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor they father
and they mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound
very wise to me.

 

 

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't know much about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, "Close the door! Were you born in a barn" It would be nice to be able to say, "Yes mom, don't you remember, I was."

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

 

 

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stickup for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on June 24, 2008, 10:01:00 am
Someone out there is deadly at Scrabble.

DORMITORY: 
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN: 
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER: 
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:  When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:  ! 
When you rearrange the letters: 
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters: 
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE  :
When you rearrange the letters: 
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: 
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: 
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: 
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: 

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters: 
WOMAN HITLER
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on June 24, 2008, 10:31:47 pm
(http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/Winiroo/brief.jpg)

http://inventorspot.com/articles/not_analretentive_brief_safe_697 (http://inventorspot.com/articles/not_analretentive_brief_safe_697)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on July 07, 2008, 03:39:17 am
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we  would all be driving cars with the following characteristic:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would  crash........Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in  the road, you would have to buy a new car. 

3.  Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have  to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car,  restart it and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason  you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuvre  such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart,  in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh  would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast  and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 

6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all  be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning  light.

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying. 

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out  and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,  turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a  new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over  again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old  car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine  off. 

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on July 07, 2008, 10:05:41 am
My first act as president won't be to end the war in Iraq or reforming healthcare but...

free frosty chocolate milkshakes for everyone! Woohoo!

Ford

http://www.news3online.com/index.php?code=70QMK154dnW353PUu82f (http://www.news3online.com/index.php?code=70QMK154dnW353PUu82f)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Robert on July 07, 2008, 10:32:49 am

ford....I am so there.

Yesterday here in Red Bluff:  105'
Today:  106'

but...
free frosty chocolate milkshakes for everyone! Woohoo!
Ford
http://www.news3online.com/index.php?code=70QMK154dnW353PUu82f (http://www.news3online.com/index.php?code=70QMK154dnW353PUu82f)

 Tomorrow:  110'  <sigh`~`~>
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on July 11, 2008, 11:39:59 pm
 Tech Support:   

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all othe r system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Golfing 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....
_____________________________________
 
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by I ts Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 .. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application 'Yes Dear' to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high mainte nance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs .. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 .. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Tech Support
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on July 13, 2008, 09:29:46 am
 :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_25R-mjADE&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_25R-mjADE&feature=related)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on July 13, 2008, 10:17:46 am
:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_25R-mjADE&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_25R-mjADE&feature=related)

   ;D That was unexpected and Funny...
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on July 13, 2008, 10:19:14 am
A lawyer and a blond woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blond is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the blonde's attention; and, to keep him quiet, she agrees to play the game.  The lawyer asks the first question. "What' s the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blond doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the Air phone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.  After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the blond and hands her $500. The blond takes the $500 and goes back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" The blond reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on July 22, 2008, 01:09:43 am
One of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8PnRM-m7Dg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8PnRM-m7Dg)

I thought of this because my partner and I have been looking for a standard poodle. We contacted a breeder near where my partner's parents live and it turns out the white standard poodle from Best in Show is one of their dogs. We were excited about the prospect of purchasing one of their puppies this autumn until we heard the price: $2500. I really don't want to spend that much money on a dog that we are not going to show or breed.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on July 23, 2008, 11:35:16 am
We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.
LOL
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on July 24, 2008, 02:23:23 am
Ignore the Foreign language. Click Start. Then it will 3,2,1 and then give a sequence of numbers. Memorize from smallest to largest number..after 5-6 tests it will give your result. ...I was a 35 ..hit replay and was a 29....(it seems that life is easier when you know what to expect)...

All the colorful squares further down are other games...I like the one with the arrows..and the jigsaw....I've already done 5 of them...for some reason, I like hearing the jigsaw pieces 'click' together

unrolling the toilet paper game , I used my roller bar on the mouse.34seconds...the grab and drag was too strenuous.....
 

 
 
http://flashfabrica.com/f_learning/brain/brain.html


edited for typo..
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on July 24, 2008, 10:57:50 am
I got a 27. Had to read the directions twice though. LOL I should eat some breakfast NOW  ;D
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on August 03, 2008, 02:11:25 pm
Report: Obama’s Slim Build Could Turn Off America’s Portly Voters

http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/08/03/report-obamas-slim-build-could-turn-off-americas-portly-voters/ (http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/08/03/report-obamas-slim-build-could-turn-off-americas-portly-voters/)

At first I thought this must be The Onion but of course it is Fox News.  ::)

“He’s too new … and he needs to put some meat on his bones,” Diana Koenig, 42, a housewife
(and political expert) in Corpus Christi, Texas
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on August 14, 2008, 04:53:22 pm
I took a photo of this unfortunately named shopping center on my lunch break. Now I can say I ate at Cum Park Plaza.

(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2046/2762950863_c9cf6c8d9c.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on August 14, 2008, 06:44:26 pm
I took a photo of this unfortunately named shopping center on my lunch break. Now I can say I ate at Cum Park Plaza.

(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2046/2762950863_c9cf6c8d9c.jpg)

LMAO!
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on August 29, 2008, 03:41:37 am
Replacement windows....
 
    Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today,  I got a call from the contractor who installed them. 

He was  complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

      Hellloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

 So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year.  That 'in ONE YEAR these  windows would pay for themselves!'

    Helllooooo?  It's been a year! I told him.

  There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.  He never called back.

  Guess I won that stupid argument.

   I bet he felt like an idiot.

 
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on August 29, 2008, 12:36:10 pm
LOL


We really did just had new windows installed.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on August 29, 2008, 02:32:01 pm
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3122/2808510929_7d0d1531c9_o.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on August 29, 2008, 02:51:04 pm
LOL
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on August 30, 2008, 12:43:11 am
Charlie and the Banana King....
 
Put a banana in you ear...
once it's in,
your gloom will disappear..
the bad in the world is hard to hear...
 
http://www.youtube.com/v/QFCSXr6qnv4&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on August 30, 2008, 12:17:36 pm
I cant believe I watched the whole thing. LOL

There was a cool spider this morning in my front yard so I decided to take pictures and make a musical slideshow to amuse myself.

(http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/Winiroo/spider-1.jpg) (http://s22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/Winiroo/?action=view&current=spider.flv)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: MOONLIGHT1114 on August 30, 2008, 08:11:45 pm
Laughter IS the best medicine.

Get through the first minute and there's something for everyone!

Give it up for these two!  :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QujA8YYgTWU

This one was pretty good too, they didn't see it coming.........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT6InvLJUzA&feature=related

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on August 30, 2008, 08:42:06 pm
LOL I love those

I thought it was going to be this one when I clicked on it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImBaVm7K6Do&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImBaVm7K6Do&feature=related)
I didnt realise there where so many people who made their first dance funny.
I could spend hours watching these LOL
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Texan38 on August 30, 2008, 10:57:20 pm
I soooo love this thread!  It always gives me a laugh when I need one.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on August 30, 2008, 11:30:39 pm
Charlie goes to Candy Mountain...
 
http://www.youtube.com/v/CsGYh8AacgY&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param
 
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: MOONLIGHT1114 on August 31, 2008, 11:41:18 am
Had to add this one, too!  It was a little boring at first, but then they got some.....help!   :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XClUAPwE4Z0&feature=related

_______________________________________________________________
 :o   :o   :o  W..............T.....................F?

Evidently 17 million had clicked on this before I did.....   :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMnk7lh9M3o&feature=related
___________________________________________________________

This does NOT look like cruel and unusual punishment.  Talk about getting your exercise at recess!  They loosen up at 3:30 or so..... cha-cha at 5:30 (LMAO!).  I wanna play, too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKMTDYtFJl8&NR=1
_______________________________________________________________

O

M

G

 :o

"Jump!"  ....... and I was thinking Van Halen.  NOT!  ROTFLMAO!    :D   :D   :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXbfCQ6eV_I&feature=related

These guys need to take their show on the road once they get out!!!!   ;)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on August 31, 2008, 12:14:07 pm
One of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8PnRM-m7Dg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8PnRM-m7Dg)


Someone mentioned this is McCain/Palin 2008, which makes it even funnier!
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: MOONLIGHT1114 on August 31, 2008, 12:32:15 pm
OMG, I thought I had seen the best of the guys in red suits, but you are going to love this!!

Remember, I'm a METAL HEAD, and even I like this............

C'mon, at least look at the beginning.............   ;D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5N4aDnhfepI

Win, this one's for you!.................

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYp2Aloz-uE&feature=related

Do the Hustle!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-FhczpCZ84&feature=related
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on August 31, 2008, 02:23:28 pm
I liked the Hustle. Those boys can gyrate LOL
Plus I have an affinity for 70's music.
I wonder how they manage to choreograph that many people. Seems like it would be tough.
Especially since assumabley those men don't want to be there. They are in a prison...

Talented prisoners  ;D

I wonder if their reform measures work.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on August 31, 2008, 02:35:20 pm
Here is a gem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AN3m1hgRZjE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AN3m1hgRZjE)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on August 31, 2008, 04:35:32 pm
That was cute. :)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on August 31, 2008, 09:09:06 pm
Some funny commercials.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRiYkwtBK34&feature=rec-fresh (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRiYkwtBK34&feature=rec-fresh)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: MOONLIGHT1114 on September 01, 2008, 08:48:44 am
I liked those  :D
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on September 02, 2008, 12:43:11 pm
How to speak southern


Addled:  Confused, disoriented, as in the case of Northern sociologists who try to make sense out of the South, "What's wrong with that Yankee? He acts right addled."

Afar:  In a state of combustion. "Call the far department. That house is afar."

Ahr:  What we breathe, also a unit of time made up of 60 minutes. "They should've been here about an ahr ago."

Ar:  Possessive pronoun. "That's AR dawg, not yours."

Ary:  Not any. "He hadn't got ary cent."

Awfullest:  The worst. "That's the awfullest lie you evr told me in your life."

Bad-mouth:  To disparage or derogate. "All these candidates have bad-mouthed each other so much I've about decided not to vote for any of 'em."

Baws:  Your employer. "The baws may not always be right, but he's always the baws."

Best:  Another baffling Southernism that is usually couched in the negative. "You best not speak to Bob about his car. He just had to spend $300 on it."

Braht:  Dazzing. "Venus is a braht planet."

Bud:  Small feathered crature that flies. "A robin sure is a pretty bud."

Cawse:  Cause, usually preceded in the South by the adjective "lawst" (lost). "The War Between the States was a lawst cawse."

Cayut:  A furry animal much beloved by little girls but detested by adults when it engages in mating rituals in the middle of the night. "Be sure to put the cayut out-side before you go to bed."

Chunk:  To throw. "Chunk it there, Leroy. Ole Leroy sure can chunk 'at ball, can't he? Best pitcher we ever had."

Clone:  A type of scent women put on themselves. "what's that clone you got on, honey?"

Contrary:  Obstinate, perverse. "Jim's a fine boy, but she won't have nothin' to do with him. She's just contrary, is all Ah can figure."

Daints:  A more or less formal event in which members of the opposite sex hold each other and move rhythmically to the sound of music. "You wanna go to the daints with me Saturday night, Bobbie Sue?"

Danjuh:  Imminent peril. What John Paul Jones meant when he said, "Give me a fast ship, for I intend to put her in harm's way."

Deah:  A term of endearment, except in the sense Rhett Butler used it when he said to Scarlett O'Hara, "Frankly, my deah, Ah don't give a damn."

Didn't go to:  Did not intend to. "Don't whip Billy for knockin' his little sister down. He didn't go to do it."

Dollin:  Another term of endearment. (darling) "Dollin, will you marry me?"

Dreckly:  Soon. "He'll be along dreckly."

Effuts:  Exertions. "Lee made great effuts to defeat Grant."

Everthang:  All-encompassing. "everthang's all messed up."

Everhoo:  Another baffling Southernism - a reverse contraction of whoever."Everhoo one of you kids wants to go to the movie better clean up their room."

Fahn:  Excellent. "That sure is a fahn-lookin' woman."

Farn:  Anything that is not domestic. "Ah don't drink no farn liquor, specially Rooshin vodka."

Fetchin':  Attractive. "That's a mighty fetchin' woman. Think I'll ask her to daints."

Fixin' to:  About to. "I'm fixin' to go to the store."

Foolin' around:  Can mean not doing anything in particular or sex, usually of the extramarital variety. "Sue caught her husband foolin' around, so she divorced him."

Fummeer:  A place other than one's present location. "Where do we go fummeer?"

Gawn:  Departed. "Bo's not here. He's gawn out with somebody else."

Gone:  Going to. "You boys just git out there and play football. We gone make mistakes, but they are, too."

Got a good notion:  A statement of intent. "Ah got a good notion to cut a switch and whale the dickens out of that boy."

Grain of sense:  An appraisal of intelligence, invariably expressed in negative terms. "That boy ain't got a grain of sense."

Gummut:  A large institution operating out of Washington that consumes taxes at a fearful rate. "Bill's got it made. He's got a gummut job."

Hahr:  That which grows on your head and requires cutting periodically. "You need a hahrcut."

Hod:  Not soft, but meaning stubborn or willful when used to describe a Southern child's head. "That boy's so hod-headed it's pitiful."

Hot:  A muscle that pumps blood through the body, but also regarded as the center of emotion. "That gull (girl) has just broke his hot."

Hush yo' mouth:  An expression of pleased embarrassment, as when a Southern female is paid an extravagant compliment. "Honey, you're 'bout the sweetest, best-lookin' woman in Tennessee. Now hush yo' mouth, Jim Bob."

Ignert:  Ignorant. "Ah've figgered out what's wrong with Congress. Most of 'em are just plain ignert."

Ill:  Angry, testy. "What's wrong with Molly today? She's ill as a hornet."

Innerduce:  To make one person acquainted with another. "Lemme innerduce you to my cousin.  She's a little on the heavy side, but she's got a great personality."

Iont:  I don't. "Iont know if Ah can eat another bobbycue (barbecue) or not."

Jack-leg:  Self taught, especially in reference to automobile mechanics and clergy-men. "He's just a jack-leg preacher, but he sure knows how to put out the hellfire and brimstone."

Jewant:  Do you want. "Jewant to go over to the Red Rooster and have a few beers?"

Ka-yun:  A sealed cylinder containing food. "If that woman didn't have a kay-un opener, her family would starve to death."

Kerosene cat in hell with gasoline drawers on:  A colorful Southern expression used as as evaluation of someone's ability to accomplish something. "He ain't got no more chance than a kerosene cat in hell with gasoline drawers on."

Kin:  Related to. An Elizabethan expression, one of many which survived in the South. "Are you kin to him?" "Yeah, He's my brother."

Klect:  To receive money to which one is entitled. "Ah don't think you'll ever klect that bill."

Laht:  A source of illumination. "This room's too doc (dark). We need more laht in here."

Lar:  One who tells untruths. "Not all fishermen are lars. It's just that a lot of lars fish."

Layin' up:  Resting or meditating. Or as Southern women usually put it, loafing. "Cecil didn't go to work today 'cause of a chronic case of laziness. He's been layin' up in the house all day, drivin' me crazy."

Let alone:  Much less. "He can't even hold a job and support himself, let alone support a family."

Let out:  Dismissed. "What time does school let out?"

Lick and a promise:  To do something in a hurried or perfunctory fashion. "We don't have time to clean this house so it's spotless. Just give it a lick and a promise."

Mahty raht:  Correct. "You mahty raht about that, Awficer. Guess Ah WAS speedin' a little bit."

Make out:  Yes, it means that in the South too, but it also means finish your meal. "You chirren (Children) hadn't had nearly enough to eat. Make out your supper."

Mind to:  To have the intention of doing something. "Ah got a mind to quit my job and just loaf for a while."

Nawth:  Any part of the country outside the South _Midwest, California or whatever.If it's not South, it's Nawth. "People from up Nawth sure do talk funny."

Nekkid:  To be unclothed. "Did you see her in that movie? She was nekkid as a jaybird."

Nemmine:  Never mind, but used in the sense of difference. "It don't make no nemmine to me."

Of a moanin:  Of a morning, meaning in the morning. "My daddy always liked his coffee of a moanin."

Ownliest:  The only one. "That's the ownliest one Ah've got left."

Parts:  Buccaneers who sailed under the dreaded skull and crossbones. "See that third baseman?  He just signed a big contrack with the Pittsburg Parts."

PEEcans:  Northerners call them peCONNS for some obscure reason. "Honey, go out in the yard and pick up a passel of PEEcans. Ah'm gonna make us a pie."

Pert:  Perky, full of energy. "You look mighty pert today."

Pick at:  To pester and annoy. "Jimmy, Ah told you not to pick at your little sister."

Purtiest:  The most pretty. "ain't she the purtiest thing you ever seen?"

Quar:  An organized choral group, usually connected with a church or school. "Did you hear the news? The preacher left his wife and run off with the quar director."

Raffle:  A long-barrelled firearm. "Dan'l Boone was a good shot with a raffle."

Rahtnaow:  At once. "Linda Sue, Ah want you to tell that boy it's time to go home and come in the house rahtnaow."

Ranch:  A tool used to lossen or tighten nuts and bolts. "Hand me that ranch, Homer."

Raut:  A method of getting from one place to another which Southerners pronounce to rhyme with "kraut". Yankees, for reasons that remain shrouded in mystery, pronounce "route" to rhyme with "root". Or worse still, "foot."

Restrunt:  A place to eat. "New Yorker's got a lot of good restrunts."

Retard:  No longer employed. "He's retard now."

Sass:  Another Elizabethan term derived from the word saucy, meaning to speak in an impertinent manner. "Don't sass me, young lady. You're not too old to get a whippin'."

Shainteer:  Indicates the absence of a female. "Is the lady of the house in?" "Nope. Shainteer."

Shudenoughta:  Should not. "You shudenoughta have another drink."

Spell:  An indetermined length of time. "Let's sit here and rest a spell."

Stain:  The opposite of leaving. "Ah hate this party, and Ah'm not stain much longer."

Supper:  The evening meal Southererners are having while Yankees are having dinner. "What's for supper, honey?

Take on:  To behave in a highly emotional manner. "Don't take on like that, Brenda Sue. He's not the only man in Lee County."

Tal:  What you dry off with after you take a share. "Would you bring me a tal, sweetheart?"

Tawt:  To instruct. "Don't pull that cat's tail. Ah tawt you better'n that."

Thank:  Think. "Ah thank Ah'll go to a movie tonight."

That ole dawg won't hunt no more:  That will not work. "You want to borrow $20 when you still owe me fifty? That ole dawg won't hunt no more."

Tore up:  Distraught, very upset. "His wife just left him, and he's all tore up about it."

Uhmewzin:  Funny, comical. "Few things are more uhmewzin than a Yankee tryin' to affect a Southern accent, since they invariably address one person as 'y'all when any Southern six-year-old knows 'y'all is always plural because it means 'all of you.'"

Unbeknownst:  Lacking knowledge of. "Unbeknownst to them, he had marked the cards."

Usta:  Used to. "Ah usta live in Savanah."

Vaymuch:  Not a whole lot, when expressed in the negative. "Ah don't like this ham vaymuch."

Wahn:  What Jesus turned the water into, unless you're Babdist who is persuaded it was only grape juice. "Could Ah have another glass of that wahn?"

Wars:  Slender strands of coated copper that carry power over long distances. "They're puttin' telephone wars underground now."

Wawk:  A method of non-polluting travel by foot. "Why don't we take an old-fashioned wawk?"

Wear out:  An expression used to describe a highly-effective method of behavior modification in children. "When Ah get ahold of that boy, Ah'm gonna wear him out."

Wender:  A glass-covered opening in a wawl. "Open that wender, It's too hot in here."

Yat:  A common greeting in the Irish Channel section of New Orleans. Instead of saying "hey" in lieu of "hello" the way most Southerners do, they say, "Where yat?"

Yew:  Not a tree, but a personal pronoun. "Yew wanna shoot some pool?"

Y'heah?:  A redundant expression tacked onto the end of sentences by Southerners. "Y'all come back soon, y'heah?"

Yontny:  Do you want any. "Yontny more cornbread?"

Yungins:  Also spelled younguns, meaning young ones. "Ah want all you yungins in bed in five minutes."

Zit:  Is it. "Zit already midnight, sugar? Tahm sure flies when you're having fun."

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on September 10, 2008, 11:43:01 am
I love this new PSA

Click on the picture
(http://img.youtube.com/vi/9A2Ap3DyvLg/2.jpg) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9A2Ap3DyvLg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: fearless on September 11, 2008, 02:25:18 am
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational outcome - which (once again) appealed to readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding or subtracting or changing just one letter, so as to supply a new definition…

 

 The winners are:

 

1.    Cashtration (n.): The act of buying (or building) a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2.    Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3.    Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.

4.    Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly .

5.    Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding politicians' brains that prevents logic from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6.    Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7.    Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8.    Sarchasm: The deep rift between the author of sarcastic wit and the target who doesn't get it.

9.    Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10.  Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11.  Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12.  Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it's a serious bummer, man.

13.  Decafalon: (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things which are good for you.

14.  Glibido: All talk and no action.

15.  Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16.  Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17.  Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18.  Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

 

While you may already have seen most of these, The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers were asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

 

And the winners are:

 

1. Coffee, (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-Nilly, (adj.) impotent.

6. Negligent, (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, (v.) to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, (n.) the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

 

 

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: fearless on September 11, 2008, 02:26:39 am
It's likley only Jan and Matty (and any other Kiwi or Aussie) will get this. You need to know the accent.

Q. What did the Maori say to the Jew?

A. Hey bro'
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: penguin on September 11, 2008, 04:11:43 am

Q. What did the Maori say to the Jew?

A. Hey bro'

Boom! Boom! as basil brush might have said...

hehe   :D  :D
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: MOONLIGHT1114 on September 11, 2008, 04:42:28 am
Fearless, those were good!  I like "decafalon" and "glibido!"   ;D    ;D
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on September 12, 2008, 10:24:59 pm
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?

A. About three inches.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 pounds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on September 12, 2008, 11:51:05 pm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm gonna remember that one! :D
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on September 13, 2008, 09:34:45 pm
Being a widow I always joke I never had to have a divorce I just kill my husbands.  ;D
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on September 13, 2008, 09:38:14 pm
 
 
 
  Working On The Fourth Husband   
 
     A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."

"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."

"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."

"He died of a broken neck."

"A broken neck?"

"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
 
 



P.S.
I've only been married once....
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on September 25, 2008, 05:33:37 pm
Speaking of mushrooms...

(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3092/2888655206_cbc89f552d.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Basquo on September 25, 2008, 10:53:19 pm
What did the Cholo say to the house?

"Wassup, homes?"

What does a girl from (insert hillbilly state) say?

"Get off me, Daddy, you're crushing my cigarettes!"
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on September 28, 2008, 12:20:13 am
   

BANNED FROM WAL-MART...


            This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.
            Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
 Wal-Mart:
 

Dear Mrs. Samsel,
 
            Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

 

1) June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2) July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3) July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4) July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5) August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6) August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7) August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8) August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9) September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10) September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11) October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12) October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13) October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14) October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

            And last, but not least,

15) October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
   
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on October 09, 2008, 12:05:47 pm
Gas: It's America's Crack!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHYU3u0pPOM (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHYU3u0pPOM)

WARNING: foul language.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: bear60 on October 19, 2008, 12:01:31 pm
Todays share of humor via email:
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers
so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2009:


1..) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R.
Grace Co. will merge and become:


Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

________________________________


2..) PolygramRecords, Warner Bros., and ZestaCrackers join forces and
become:

Poly, Warner Cracker.

________________________________


3..) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:

MMMGood.

________________________________


4.. ZippoManufacturing, AudiMotors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge
and become:

ZipAudiDoDa.

________________________________


5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:

FedUP..

________________________________


6.. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:

Fairwell Honeychild.

________________________________


7.. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:

PouponPants.

________________________________


8.. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:

Knott NOW!

________________________________


And finally....


9.. Victoria 's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name:

TittyTittyBangBang
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on October 19, 2008, 12:28:59 pm
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No! They eat the fingers separately!

What is a mummies favorite type of music?
Wrap.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on October 20, 2008, 11:25:15 am
Harry was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark and stormy Halloween night. The night was getting darker and the rain came harder, and no cars went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly Harry saw a car come toward him and stop.

Without thinking about it, Harry got in the car and closed the door. Just as he realized there was nobody behind the wheel, the car started to move. As his panic set in, he looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared beyond belief, he started to pray, begging for his life. Just when the car got to the curve, and Harry thought it was all over, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel.

Harry was paralyzed in terror as he watched the hand appear every time the car got to a curve.

Gathering strength, Harry jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he went to a bar and asked for two shots of rye. He started telling everyone about the horrible experience he went through. The crowd sat in an eerie silence when they realized that Harry was crying and wasn't intoxicated.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina. One said to the other, "Look Pete, there's the jerk that got in the car when we were pushing it."
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: AlanBama on October 20, 2008, 02:27:35 pm


A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nametag that her name is Patricia Whack.

'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation.'

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'

She holds up the tiny pink elephant.. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'

(you're gonna love this)

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

'It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'

(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on October 20, 2008, 10:12:34 pm
 :D that was a good one Alan.




What do you call the biggest baddest werewolf ever?

Mr. Werewolf
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on October 21, 2008, 09:50:08 pm
 Three really old women are best friends. They spend most of their time together, until they finally all die in a car accident. When they get to the Pearly Gates, St. Peter says, "Welcome to Heaven! There are no rules except you CANNOT step on the ducks!"

So the three old women spend the first few weeks enjoying heaven until the first woman accidentally steps on a duck. St Peter comes and says, "I told you not to step on the ducks! As punishment you must spend all eternity handcuffed to this gruesome looking man!" And so the first woman is handcuffed to an extremely ugly, old man.

A few months later, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck. St Peter comes and says, "I told you not to step on the ducks! As punishment you must spend all eternity handcuffed to this gruesome looking man!" And so the second woman is handcuffed to an extremely ugly, old man.

The last old woman spends the next few years being extremely careful not to step on the ducks. And so St. Peter comes with an extremely gorgeous young man and handcuffs him to the third woman. The woman asks, "Is this the reward I get for not stepping on the ducks?"

The handsome, young man replies, "I dont know, but I just stepped on a duck and here I am now."
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Mike89406 on October 21, 2008, 11:38:26 pm
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdaLCcPHZE0 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdaLCcPHZE0)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on October 22, 2008, 12:09:46 am
On Oct. 31st, A bus full of ugly goblins was on their way to the ghoul convention when the bus wrecks and everyone dies and goes to hell.

The Devil hears about what happened to the goblins and felt bad about it. "I feel bad so im going to grant them one wish" He said to his secretary.

The first goblin enters hell and the Devil said to him "I feel bad for what happened, im going to grant you one wish". The goblin says "Ahhhhh,...errrmm... I wants to be handsome". "wish granted" and the devil makes him handsome.

The next goblin was a girl. The devil says to her "i feel bad for what happened, im going to grant you one wish" The goblin says "errrr..I wish i was beautiful". "wish Granted" and the Devil makes her beautiful. the rest of the goblins wished for the same thing till he got to the last one.

The last goblin was laughing his butt off. The Devil asks "what are you laughing at?" The goblins keeps laughing. "Okay. I feel bad for what happened, Ill grant you one wish". Says the devil.

And the Goblin goes ..

"Make them all ugly again."
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on October 29, 2008, 02:29:28 am
I had expressed my concern to Mom that my IRA and Stock Portfolio might be wiped put pretty soon.

She sent me this:


FW: Stock Market
>   
>     Normally I avoid discussing any advice regarding buying or
> selling of stocks, but I felt this is important enough to share and warn
> you since this explosive situation might prove to be yet another ENRON.
> Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks:
> American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Company, Northern Tissue
> Company.
>   
>     Due to uncertain market conditions, I advise you to sit tight
> on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may
> be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today,
> and millions were wiped clean.
>   
>     It's a tough market out there. Be careful!
>   
>     A government big enough to give you everything you want,
>     is strong enough to take everything you have.
>                           ......Thomas Jefferson
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on November 19, 2008, 01:57:24 am
A bear and a rabbit are walking through the wood when they come across a golden frog.

They think this is an amazing discovery and they are even more amazed when it talks to them.

The golden frog admits that he is a magical frog, and doesn't meet other residents of the forest, but, when he does, he grants them three wishes each.

The bear immediately asks that all the other bears in the forest be female.


The frog grants this wish.

The rabbit, after thinking for a while, asks for a crash helmet and one appears, which he places on his head.

The bears is amazed at this, but carries on with his next wish. He asks that all the bears in the neighboring forests be female as well.

The wish is fulfilled.

The rabbit then wishes that he could have a motorcycle. It appears before him and climbs on board and starts revving the engine.

The bear cannot believe it. He remarks to the rabbit that he has wasted two wishes. Then, shaking his head, he makes his final wish, "I wish that all the other bears in the world be female as well."

The frog replies that it has been done and they both turn to the rabbit for his last wish.

The rabbit thinks for a second, then revs up the engine and says, "I wish for the bear to be gay!" and promptly drives off as fast as he can.


Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on November 20, 2008, 01:00:35 am
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.
The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking.
He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm, but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then trows the other end of the rope to the horse, and, driving the car forward, saves him from sinking.

a few days later...

The chicken and the horse are playing on the meadow again. This time, it's the chicken that falls into the mud hole.

The chicken yells to the horse to go get some help from the farmer.

The horse says, "I think I can stand over the hole."

He stands over the hole, stretches out, and says,
"Grab my thingie. Then pull yourself up to safety."

The chicken does just that, and is rescued.

The moral of the story:

If you are hung like a horse,
you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.



Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on November 21, 2008, 12:20:08 am
The grizzled old sea captain was quizzing a young naval student.

"What steps would you take if a sudden storm came up on the starboard?"

"I'd throw out an anchor, sir."

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"I'd throw out another anchor, sir."

"But what if a third storm sprang up forward?"

"I'd throw out another anchor, captain."

Just a minute, son. Where in the world are you getting all these anchors?"

"From the same place you're getting all your storms, sir."

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on November 22, 2008, 11:25:09 pm
A legal question:

(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3135/3051260777_910ac38a6b.jpg)
     
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3032/3052099658_d8e9df4e7d.jpg)

(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3068/3051262011_d3833a8656.jpg)


Is this statutory rape???   

Or is it just a moosedemeanor.....


Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on November 23, 2008, 02:09:19 am
 :D A statue as a sex toy. ROFL Who woulda ever thunk it?  ;D
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on November 23, 2008, 02:17:00 am
Q: Why did the gay guy out a nicotene patch on his penis?

A: So it would limit him to 2 butts a day.


A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd, as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular attririon of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operated as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

This is why I always feel smarter after a few beers!

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on November 23, 2008, 09:25:26 pm
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years,
Reunited at a party.  After several drinks, one of the men had to use the
Restroom. Those who  remained talked about their kids.
 
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He studied Economics and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now
he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best
Friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'
 
The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and
Joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to
Become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company. He's so rich
 that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'
 
The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
Universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction
Company and is now a multimillionaire.  He also gave away something very
Nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot
Mansion.'
 
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from
The restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'
 
One of the three said:  'We were talking about the pride we feel for the
Successes of our sons. ....What about your son?' The fourth man replied:

 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'
 
The three friends said: 'What a shame...what a disappointment.'
 
The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he
Received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand  new jet and a top
Of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends!!!!!!!!

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: fearless on November 23, 2008, 11:33:44 pm
A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first
year schoolchildren, using a bowl of Fruit Loops, the cereal with the
hole in it.

He gave all the children the same kind of loop, one at a time, and
asked them to identify them by colour and flavour. The children began
to say:
'Red............cherry,' '

Yellow.........lemon,'

Green..........lime,

Orange ........orange.'

Finally the professor gave them all 'honey' loops.
 
 After eating them for a few moments none of the children could
identify the taste.

'Well,' he said 'I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may
sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spat hers out and yelled:
'
 Oh My God!!!! They're ar$e-holes !!'
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on November 24, 2008, 03:14:26 am
Three girls worked in the same office with the same female boss.
Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.

One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was horrified to see her husband in bed with her boss!

Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.

"No way," the blonde exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!"
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: skeebo1969 on November 24, 2008, 02:59:57 pm
(http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/L/j/bush_popesanta.jpg)
Title: Blind man
Post by: hivsweden on November 24, 2008, 05:29:56 pm
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a
while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice,

"-Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a deep, husky voice, the woman
next to him says,

"-Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are
blind, that you should know five things;

* One: The bartender is a blonde woman.

* Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.

* Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.

* Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. *
Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in
karate, and a very bad attitude.

Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says,

"-Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Rural_oz on November 24, 2008, 06:40:08 pm
I would like to share with you one of the funniest and most wonderful clips I have seen in many years.

These guys have become something of "local heroes" here in Oz as they take tradition Indigenous dance to a whole new level!

please enjoy.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3RI7ET5m4w
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on November 25, 2008, 12:41:12 am
Redneck Birth Control

After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a double-wide trailer.

So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him he and his wife didn't want any more kids. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.

The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

So he decided to get a second opinion, and sure enough, he was given the same instructions for a vasectomy as before.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5....", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Joe K on November 25, 2008, 11:39:46 am
One afternoon in Jerusalem, a group of towns people were chasing a murderer and they finally cornered him in a dead-end alley.  They all began to pick up rocks, as stoning was a fitting punishment for murder, when Jesus, suddenly appeared in their midst.  He said "Let he is without sin, cast the first stone".  Upon hearing this, one by one, the towns people dropped their stones.

When all of a sudden, a small woman makes her way, from the back of the crowd, picks up a large rock and hits the murderer in the head, killing him instantly.  At this, Jesus turns to the woman and says "You know mom, sometimes you really piss me off".
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on November 26, 2008, 12:37:32 am
A young guy from Texas moves to California and ges to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back home in Texas."

Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the day was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many sales did you make today?', Kid says "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
"How much was the sale for?"
Kid says, "$101,237.64."
The boss says, " 101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?"
Kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium fish hook.
Then, i sold him a larger fish hook.

Then, I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast.....
so I told him he was going to need a boat.

So we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Blazer.

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said,
"Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on November 27, 2008, 02:48:21 am
Good Lessons to Learn

Lesson No.1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

Crow said "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson No.2

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but, I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull, "They're packed with nutrients"
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch.

He continued to eat more dung daily until after a week, he finally was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson No. 3

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the Boss. the brain said, "I should be the Boss because I control the body;s responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss because we carry the brain about and get him where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss.

So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss.....so the motion was passed.  ::)
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit.

Lesson:
You don't need to be a brain to be the Boss....just an asshole.

Lesson No. 4

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out.
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Lessons:
A) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy
B) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
C) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!




Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on November 30, 2008, 04:26:56 pm
True story.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She
came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building
materials for his home. She read . 'and so the pig went up to the man with the
wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
straw to build my house?'
 
The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'
 
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ...'I think the
Man would have said - 'Well, I'll be damned!! A talking pig!'
 
The teacher had to leave the room
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GregoryD on November 30, 2008, 05:16:37 pm
thanks for the laughs everyone!  :D
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on December 02, 2008, 04:17:28 am
(http://img368.imageshack.us/img368/1952/193795224346620000uk7.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on December 03, 2008, 09:47:27 am
I saw this commercial when I turned out the lights to go to sleep last night and fell asleep chuckling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_aLHel3w20 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_aLHel3w20)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on December 03, 2008, 02:45:00 pm
I got an email simular to this video. Pretty cool stuff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szLmAPW39uE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szLmAPW39uE)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on December 04, 2008, 10:19:38 am
A handsome dude named Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58PM.

 He   sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10:00 PM news was coming on.

The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll  jump?'

Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'

The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.'

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did

a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob,  saying,

'Fair's fair. Here 's your money.

Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM

news and so I knew he would jump.'

The blonde replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.' 

Bob took the money.

 
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on December 11, 2008, 10:36:45 am
Super Bowl XXXVIII Commercial

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDaQSJd641k (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDaQSJd641k)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: red_Dragon888 on December 11, 2008, 04:19:16 pm
wowwww...  and for the holidays



[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on December 12, 2008, 11:40:41 am

(http://img241.imageshack.us/img241/3180/193802080748908228iv0.jpg)
     

    It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

    Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

    Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

    "But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

    Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

    Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

    Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

    "Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

    MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

     

     
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: allopathicholistic on December 13, 2008, 12:05:46 pm
Rofl Rond :D

Here's "light at the end of the tunnel"

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on December 13, 2008, 01:34:22 pm
OMG Allo, I couldn't stop laughing....I've got tears in my eyes...

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on December 13, 2008, 01:38:37 pm
(http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/6891/193802084773147571xa1.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on December 14, 2008, 11:08:00 pm
Name That Christmas Carol!


 1. Bleached Yule
 2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration
 3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors
 4. Righteous Darkness
 5. Arrival Time2400 hrs - WeatherCloudless
 6. Loyal Followers Advance
 7. Far Off in a Feeder
 8. Array the Corridor
 9. Bantam Male Percussionist
10. Monarchial Triad
11. Nocturnal Noiselessness
12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers
13. Red Man En Route to Borough
14. Frozen Precipitation Commence
15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle
16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis
17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant
18. Delight for this Planet
19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings
20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals




Answers:
1.  White Christmas
2.  Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
3.  All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
4.  O Holy Night
5.  It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
6.  O Come, All Ye Faithful
7.  Away in a Manger
8.  Deck the Hall
9.  Little Drummer Boy
10. We Three Kings
11. Silent Night
12. God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen
13. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
14. Let it Snow
15. Go, Tell It on the Mountain
16. Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer
17. What Child is This?
18. Joy to the World
19. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
20. The Twelve Days of Christmas


Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: kajnjewel on December 16, 2008, 12:07:26 am
WHEN I'M 100, IF I LEAN A LITTLE - LET ME!

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...

"They won't let me fart."
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: kajnjewel on December 16, 2008, 12:10:09 am
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
 
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because . WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING !

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computer! s, no Internet or chat rooms....... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them . . . CONGRATULATIONS

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on December 16, 2008, 01:17:36 pm
(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r269/dearaewi/DogSnow.png)

   (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y148/flipper0828/Christmas%20funnies/ATT00278.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Denver Toad on December 17, 2008, 02:22:44 pm
Unknown Reindeer

The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and about to answer the final question - worth 500 points! "To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The contestant, a man in his early thirties, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that he had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" he said confidently, "and, ...Olive!" The studio audience started to applaud (like the little sign above their heads said to do,) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!?'" "You know," the man circled his hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on December 18, 2008, 12:27:22 pm
(http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/3234/193806081081915903af5.jpg)



(http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/8076/193806072941169676gn2.gif)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on December 19, 2008, 07:44:38 pm
While suturing the cut on the hand of a 75-year-old Texas rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation. Eventually the topic of Sarah Palin and her bid to be a heartbeat away from the presidency came up. The old rancher said, “Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle.” Not familiar with the term the doctor asked what a post turtle was. The old rancher said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post turtle.” The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued: “You know she didn’t get up there by herself, she doesn’t belong up there, and you wonder what kind of dumbass put her up there to begin with.”
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on December 20, 2008, 12:07:35 am
(http://img399.imageshack.us/img399/5133/19380715276174576ud4.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on December 20, 2008, 12:25:12 pm
 Mexican Oysters

 

 A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming

 around in Mexico ..

 

 While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious

 looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look

 good, the smell was wonderful.

 

 He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

 

 The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are

 called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this

 morning. A delicacy!'

 

 The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'

 

 The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving

 per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you

 come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this

 delicacy.'

 

 The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that

 evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

 After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter

 and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than

 the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'

 

 The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor...

 

 Sometimes the bull wins.'
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on December 21, 2008, 11:57:41 am
Flay him with your ear buds! Flay him I say!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZGIn9bpALo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZGIn9bpALo)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: MOONLIGHT1114 on December 21, 2008, 07:37:55 pm
Beat this!  That's my dog, Cheech, btw!  ;)    Take a look at this and have a good chuckle.  I almost peed myself the first time I used this website!  LMAO! 

COUNTRY ELVES:
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/cOnkXdVxWUNCw4xD8U6d

CHARLESTON ELVES:
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/shaUEEqO6hGoCEQLywGn

DISCO ELVES:
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/zTuw1V5YSbDCOu69sUm5

CLASSIC CHRISTMAS IN THE SNOW:
http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/view/p6QaxureDCXSMtLnu05N
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on December 22, 2008, 11:47:25 pm


http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=XE13117730
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on December 23, 2008, 11:05:59 pm
Is Mom Santa?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmQDt7jVdXQ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmQDt7jVdXQ)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on December 24, 2008, 12:44:34 pm
Holy night....

(http://img339.imageshack.us/img339/2467/193810524497619113yr5.png)


Holy Crap....

(http://us.mg201.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f8057%5fALFWv9EAAEZWSVENegyRa3P3Fss&pid=2.4&fid=Sent&inline=1)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on December 25, 2008, 09:33:48 pm
Merry Christmas everyone!

(http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/Winiroo/chdeadbody.jpg)

Crank That Santa Claus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNk5jfmaDoI&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNk5jfmaDoI&feature=related)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: kajnjewel on December 26, 2008, 09:43:01 pm
After getting tired of meeting someone via the bar scene, a woman placed an ad in the local newspaper saying "Wanted: A Unigue Lover".  A few days went by and her doorbell rang.  When she opened her door and was a man with no arms and no legs. 

She said, "May I help you?"  He replied, "I am here in response to your ad for a unique lover."  She replied, "But Sir, you have no arms!"  He replied, "  It just means that I will never hit you."

She then said, But Sir, you have no legs!"  He replied, It just means that I will never walk out on you!"  She then asked, "Ok, what makes you think you ARE indeed a unique lover?"

His response was "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: kajnjewel on December 26, 2008, 09:45:11 pm
                               WHEN I'M 100, IF I LEAN A LITTLE - LET ME!

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...

"They won't let me fart."
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Grasshopper on December 29, 2008, 09:42:27 am
George Carlin:  http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSSwKffj9o&feature=related
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on January 01, 2009, 03:06:02 pm
Two Large Plastic Garbage Bags

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large
Plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once
In a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, there are $20
Bills falling out of your bag."

"Oh, really? Darn!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and
See if I can find them. Thanks for telling me."

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that
Money? "You didn't steal it, di d you?"

"Oh, no", said the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right
Next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans
Come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand
Behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his
Thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes'.

"Well, that seems only fair" laughs the cop. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the
Way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", "not everybody pays".
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Roie on January 06, 2009, 02:41:15 pm
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.                                             
Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her

private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor

whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough,

there was definite movement.

 

They went to her husband and explained what happened,

telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'Oral sex'

will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.' The husband was skeptical,

but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.

 

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no

heart rate . The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?'

they cried.

 

The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'

 

NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.

 

 
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Roie on January 06, 2009, 02:42:19 pm
And while we're on the subject of men.......

Dear Ted,

 I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my
 husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a
mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a
 halt.
>>
>> I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't
>> believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad
>> passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been
>> married
>> for twelve years.
>>
>> When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back
>> yard
>> and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her
>> unconscious.
>> He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR.
>> When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he
>> was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why
>> neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd
>> been  having an affair for the past six months.
>>
>> I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six
>> months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and
>> worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum
>> he
>> has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him
>> anymore.
>>
>> Can you please help?
>>
>> Sincerely,
>> Susie Fox
>>
>>
>> Dear Susie,
>> A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
>> variety of faults. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel
>> line. If it is clear, check the clips holding the vacuum lines onto the
>> inlet manifold for air leaks. If none of these approaches solves the
>> problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low
>> delivery pressure to the carburettor.
>>
>>
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on January 11, 2009, 09:07:24 am
This may not be super dooper funny but I about fell out when I saw my favorite singer songwriter appear in this clip.

http://www.236.com/video/2008/the_forgotten_heroes_of_airpor_1_10787.php (http://www.236.com/video/2008/the_forgotten_heroes_of_airpor_1_10787.php)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: MaxPep on January 11, 2009, 02:43:18 pm
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up"? God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
 Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement, boob job, liposuction, and a tummy tuck.   
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance.
 Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years?
Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the ambulance?"
 God replied, "Girrrlllllll, I didn't even recognize you!"

*******************************************************************
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on January 14, 2009, 03:38:45 am
Is It Serious?


    A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

    "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

    "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

    As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

    "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already!"


Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: MaxPep on January 14, 2009, 09:59:02 pm
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome.  She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians.  You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
   
"Continental," was the reply. "I got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed! the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline.  Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"I'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River."

"Don't go any further." I know that place. Everybody thinks it's going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced.  So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

"Going to go to see the Vatican and I hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser! "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," exclaimed the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped me up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.  And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave me their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, I was quite lucky, because as I was touring the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and would I be so kind as to step into his  private room and wait, for the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said, "Where'd you get the shitty hairdo?"
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on January 16, 2009, 03:23:34 am
                                                 A Dog's Diary


        * 5:30am: Started the day as a hero! When the sound of the newspaper hitting the driveway roused me from my deep slumber -- the impact indicating the paper was much heavier than normal -- I realized that no one in the house was yet awake! I roused my master by licking him in the face. He appeared very angry with himself for having overslept, shouting and waving his arms. His ill temper even seemed directed at me a bit, which is silly since it is I who saved him from being fired. Funny thing though: He didn't go into work, but spent the morning leafing through the large newspaper and drinking coffee. He seems to do this once a week, and I don't know why.

        * 7:30am: Invaders! The people who live next door came out into their yard, obviously getting ready to lay siege to our house. Snarling and barking, I let them know in no uncertain terms that I was prepared to tear them from limb to limb it they came any closer, and was able to repel the invasion. This is an almost daily occurrence; you'd think they'd learn. My master added his voice to the fray as well, yelling angrily. I am sure the people couldn't hear him, but it was nice of him to lend his support.

        * 10:00am: I was forced to move, as the patch of sun in which I was lying had, for some reason, slid over a few feet. It's not easy being a dog.

        * 1:00pm: I have the most thoughtful master in the world! While it's true he left me alone in the house for several hours, he did set out a treat for me on the kitchen counter. It was even gift-wrapped, a courtesy I wish he'd skipped, since it led to me having a lot of plastic in my teeth. The roast was delicious, though frozen in the center. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but crunching through two inches of rock-hard beef is hardly my idea of a delicacy.

        * 2:00pm: Most unpleasant experience when my master returned home and was furious that I had not eaten the plastic wrap which had been covering my present. He kept pointing at the small pieces of Styrofoam and other debris and raving in a most irrational fashion. I'm sorry, but he should know that I can't eat that stuff; it makes my stomach upset. When he began rolling up a newspaper I realized he'd lost all reason and bolted for the front door, which was fortunately open just a crack.

        * 4:00pm: Spent the afternoon with the girls. A most productive day; I was able to mark territory for two blocks. "Drip 'til you drop" is our motto. We had a small snack at an outdoor cafe we like, with meat scraps and bread served out of circular containers with easily displaced lids. Ran into that rogue Sebastian, who lifted his leg with irritating nonchalance -- does he think I don't know about his obsession with Muffy, that snotty schnauzer from down the road? Last month there wasn't a male in the neighborhood who couldn't be found outside her fence, and Sebastian was at the head of the pack. I let him know I want nothing more to do with him.

        * 5:00pm: What a treat! On the way home a flock of ravens drew my attention to a squirrel that had been flattened by an automobile. After several days in the sun, the aroma was so delicious it made my nose quiver. I rolled in the wondrous fragrance for several minutes, and when I stood up I positively radiated eau de roadkill. Let Sebastian drool over Muffy -- he doesn't know what he's missing.

        * 6:00pm: Of all the times to get a bath! My master, still in a foul mood, made me stand outside in the chill air while he shampooed and rinsed me several times. Every time I shook the water from my fur he, too, became drenched, and in the end he was shivering. Why in the world does he do stuff like this?

        * 9:00pm: Time to sleep, though I am not allowed on the bed whenever anyone's home. Ah, the life of a dog.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on January 27, 2009, 12:37:09 pm
Cat Miracle Diet

    Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting, well, now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet!

    Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!

    DAY ONE

    Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
    Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
    Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die.
    Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can you opened this morning.

    DAY TWO

    Breakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.
    Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the middle of the loaf.
    Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to escape under the bed.
    Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food -- tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.

    DAY THREE

    Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest polished aluminum appliance you can find.
    Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with on top of your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal with.
    Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the bowl over on the floor.

    FINAL DAY

    Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs, wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow.
    Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the skin across the floor several times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.
    Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on January 28, 2009, 07:45:13 pm
(http://www.mudtrap.com/images/funny-winter-scene-graphic.jpg)



Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on January 29, 2009, 01:12:33 am
A Talking Frog


    A guy is taking a walk and sees a frog on the side of the road. As he comes closer, the frog starts to talk. "Kiss me and I will turn into a princess." The guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket.

    The frog starts shouting, "Hey! Didn't you hear me? I'm a Princess. Just kiss me and I will be yours." The guy takes the frog out of his pocket and smiles at it and puts it back.

    The frog is really frustrated. "I don't get it. Why won't you kiss me? I will turn into a beautiful princess and do anything you ask."

    The guy says, "Look, I'm Gay. I don't have time for girls... But a talking frog is cool!"
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on January 29, 2009, 01:24:38 pm
I could relate to this. It has happened to me.. :D

This is actually a Home Depot Ad:


http://"http://i225.photobucket.com/player.swf?file=http://vid225.photobucket.com/albums/dd244/rondron/Home_Depot_AD.flv">

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on January 29, 2009, 02:28:41 pm
I could relate to this. It has happened to me.. :D

This is actually a Home Depot Ad:


http://"http://i225.photobucket.com/player.swf?file=http://vid225.photobucket.com/albums/dd244/rondron/Home_Depot_AD.flv">



LMAO that was hilarious!
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on January 30, 2009, 01:26:30 pm
                                             BE STRONG HONEY
                           

A convict has escaped from prison, and while on the run he breaks into a house. He goes into the bedroom and discovers a young couple in bed. He orders the man out of bed and ties him to a chair.
 
He then goes over to the bed, leans over the woman and kisses her on the neck. Then he gets up and goes into the bathroom.

The husband whispers over to his wife "Honey, l'm so sorry, but do whatever he asks of you. He's obviously a dangerous criminal; look at his prison uniform. He probably hasn't been with a woman in ages. l saw him kiss your neck. Please, just give him what he wants, no matter how repulsed you are, so he doesn't kill us both.

Be strong Honey, l love you!"
 

The wife whispers back, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
 
He thinks your cute and wanted to know if we had any Vaseline. l told him it was in the bathroom.
 
Be strong, Honey. l love you"
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on February 01, 2009, 10:01:11 am


A mural on the ceiling of a smoking lounge:

(http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/7539/193837566420630948ob6.png)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on February 04, 2009, 01:24:28 am
(http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/2427/19383942942611088kj4.gif)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: poz1970 on February 04, 2009, 11:11:32 am
(http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/funny-pictures-this-is-the-real-reason-youre-late-for-work.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on February 06, 2009, 12:28:38 am
How to tell your newscaster is not a Texan:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHqfdMoHG8A
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: richva on February 06, 2009, 07:34:28 am
Q: How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: LET'S RIDE BIKES!
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on February 07, 2009, 02:36:38 pm
I learned something new,

CADILLAC ONE

There are cannisters of Obama's blood on board in case he needs a transfusion. Is it refrigerated? Does it need to be...refreshed...everytime he goes for a ride?

http://img150.imageshack.us/img150/8606/193841504280665677uk7.gif
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on February 10, 2009, 09:24:17 pm
(http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/Winiroo/eye_chart.gif)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: GSOgymrat on February 10, 2009, 11:14:05 pm
I think the dentist gave this kid a bit too much anesthesia.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DMqgp8VY8o (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DMqgp8VY8o)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: red_Dragon888 on February 11, 2009, 07:44:38 am
I think the dentist gave this kid a bit too much anesthesia.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DMqgp8VY8o (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DMqgp8VY8o)
What the freak!!!  Come on, and the father takes the time to do this to his own son?   ??? Dog...
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on February 14, 2009, 12:37:25 am

He finally did it.....

(http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/2106/193845603176239057lj5.png)



Count the Black Dots...

(http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/8301/193840143247103641ti2.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on February 17, 2009, 12:34:36 pm
CNN News has been showing a "Meteor"/"Piece of satellite from collision in space"/"Space Ship"......It was in Austin, Texas and nobody seems to be able to 'find' it.

I found it:

http://img410.imageshack.us/img410/384/193847920587670817tt1.png
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on February 18, 2009, 01:17:58 am

Hundreds of Global Warming Protestors:


(http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/7478/193847912854352652sh4.gif)



Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on February 19, 2009, 02:51:26 am
The "Not Raising Hogs" Business



TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
Washington, D.C.

Dear Sir;

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs.

If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.

Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?

Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that, too.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps. Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically Yours,

Morgan

P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on February 24, 2009, 11:55:08 am
John O'Hurley is currently the host on 'Family Feud'. . he has also hosted other shows on TV, one of them is the National Dog Show on NBC Thanksgiving Day.

He was surprised when he received the call offering him the 'gig/job' of hosting the event:

"I have never claimed to be a dog expert. Fortunately, I have the savvy database of my cohost, Mr Frei, to fill in the important content about each of the more that 150 breeds that are represented at the show.

It also gave me a chance to say some of the stupidest things I have ever said on television.

The old English Sheepdog and his handler stepped up to have their turn before the judge....If you are not familiar with the sheepdog breed, it's about two pounds of actual dog and seventy pounds of long, stringy hair that completely camoflauges the animal, including the face and eyes. It looks like a large cotton swab.

The judge promptly went about her work, busily picking up clumps of hair on the dog's back and running her hands through the thick coat.

Over at the broadcast booth, I was watching this exercise, with David and began my duties as host by asking all the intelligent questions.

'David, can you describe what she's doing?'  (a great beginning)

'she's putting her hands on the dog, john, to check the alignments of the shoulders and the hips and make sure they meet the AKC guidelines.....she has to get her hands under all that hair because you can hide a really bad dog under a good haircut.'

I said, 'you're telling me. I went to junior prom.'  (whoops)


then the judge walked around to the front of the dog and began picking up the hair on the dog's face and pulling it apart.


'What's she doing now, David?"  (I've hit my stride now, this question is riveting)

'She's checking the bone structure of the head and pulling back the hair to see the eyes and gauge the attentiveness of the dog' he said, barely having to think.

I said, 'Well, if she picks through all that hair and finds only one eye, she's got the wrong end of the dog"...O.O

(Oh, how had the dog show world survived without the benenfit of my insight?)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on February 27, 2009, 11:05:03 am


The GOOD Husband

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party.

Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at
All. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.

As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his e yes, and the first thing he sees is a
Couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to
Them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of
Him, all clean and pressed.

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly
Clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes
When he
Sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with
Little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast
Is on the stove, I left early to get
Groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!  Lov e,
Jillian'

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,
Steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son, what
Happened last night?'"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your
Mind you fell
Over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got
That black eye when you ran into the door.'Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why
Is everything in such perfect order
And so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for
Me??'
His son replies, 'Oh THAT. .... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried
To take
Your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone woman, I'm married!!'

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time: PRICELESS
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on February 27, 2009, 12:07:05 pm
yeh, sometimes, you just can't win....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcH08L8k3NU
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on March 01, 2009, 02:10:04 am
Removing a cork from a bottle.....who knew?

http://s225.photobucket.com/player.swf?file=http://vid225.photobucket.com/albums/dd244/rondron/cork_bottle11.flv&fs=1&os=1&ap=1
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on March 02, 2009, 02:50:36 am
Oh no!  Not another talk. I don't want to talk with you.
 Every time we had a 'talk' I lost:

The Tooth Fairy
The Easter Bunny
Santa Clause

(http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9524/193856202641392371.jpg)

Now you want to talk about the 'Birds and the Bees' ...

If I find out that there is really no SEX,
 I will have nothing left to live for!
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on March 02, 2009, 02:36:11 pm
(http://images.stupidvideos.com/images/2/00/20/49/79/204979_m730_____1.jpg)


And... Victory is mine!
She colors outside the lines and thinks outside the box!

(http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/Winiroo/victory.gif)

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: tendai on March 03, 2009, 07:57:05 am
Dear Diary

Tonight I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, Nothing.
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I love you , too. When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.

To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else, probably the woman at grocery store. She is such a tramp!

My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY:

My Harley wouldn't start today, I cannot figure out if it's the carb or fuel lines. But at least I got laid.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Ann on March 03, 2009, 09:17:05 am
These cracked me up so I thought I'd share. WARNING If you're religiously sensitive and easily offended by religion-based piss-taking, don't bother. :)

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2008/eddie-izzard-illustrated-noahs-ark-vol1-p1.php

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2008/eddie-izzard-illustrated-noahs-ark-vol2-p1.php

With thanks to Rondron for posting the Ellen D (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=26027.0) clip which led me to surfing around the boreme.com site, thereby wasting at least an hour of my day - but at least I laughed myself silly! ;D

Ann
(who should be cleaning her house instead of watching funny videos!)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on March 03, 2009, 11:11:37 pm
LOL I especially liked the talking dog and the vampires and cannibalism.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: gardner on March 04, 2009, 08:31:52 am
Two Men From Ireland


Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.  After awhile, one guy
 looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to
you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The first guy responds, "So am I!"

"Sure and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street
in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world. So did I! So did I!

And to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's, of course."

The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what
year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us!
I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight.

Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self!"

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters,

"It's going to be a long night tonight."

Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"

"The Murphy twins are drunk again."

Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on March 06, 2009, 01:43:45 pm
After going through a virus attack,
Losing a hard drive,
Fighting off hackers,
Upgrading all my software,
Installing fire-walls,
Being threatened with being cut-off by my email provider,
And a host of other problems...

I have fixed my computer.

NOW it works exactly the way I want it to!

(http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd244/rondron/harddrivekeg.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on March 07, 2009, 03:34:43 am
Understanding Gender Differences

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.
 
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on March 07, 2009, 08:49:17 am
...and I'm told this was found in an archaeological dig near Washington DC


(http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd244/rondron/washingtondcarchaelogicalfind.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on March 12, 2009, 02:10:20 am
                                          The Drunk

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand, and he is stumbling back
and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. "Can I help you sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssombody stole my car," the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was
your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasssh at the end of thissh key," the
man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener is hanging out
of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man "Sir, are you aware
that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and, without missing
a beat, blurts out ----

"SON OF A BITCH --- THEY GOT MY GIRLFRIEND, TOO!!!!
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: John2038 on March 12, 2009, 02:44:48 am

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.
 


Uhhh point 4 is definitely a man argument.
And the women won ??
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on March 13, 2009, 08:20:32 am
 
         A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks,
         "Bartender, got any specials today?"
       
         Bartender answers, "Yes, as a matter of
         fact we have a new drink, invented by
         a gynecologist patron of ours.
       
         It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff
         Vodka."
                   
         The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?"
           
         The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir."
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: gardner on March 13, 2009, 10:18:01 am
UPS “'Fix it” Requests

 

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet”, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.  The mechanics correct the problems and document their repairs on the form.  Then pilots review the “gripe sheet” repair comments before the next flight on the aircraft.  Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.  Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.  (By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.)

 

P:  Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S:  Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

P:  Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S:  Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P:  Something loose in cockpit.

S:  Something tightened in cockpit

 

P:  Dead bugs on windshield.

S:  Live bugs on back-order.

 

P:  Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S:  Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P:  Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S:  Evidence removed.

 

P:  DME volume unbelievably loud.

S:  DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P:  Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick.

S:  That's what friction locks are for.

 

P:  IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S:  IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P:  Suspected crack in windshield.

S:  Suspect you're right.

 

P:  Number 3 engine missing.

S:  Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P:  Aircraft handles funny.

S:  Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P:  Target radar hums.

S:  Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P:   Mouse in cockpit.

S:  Cat installed.

 

And the best one for last.................

 

P:  Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S:  Took hammer away from midget.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on March 16, 2009, 11:53:32 am
   

     The most dangerous cake recipe in the world -

         5 Minute Chocolate Mug Cake...

     

     5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

     4 tablespoons flour

     4 tablespoons sugar
     2 tablespoons cocoa

     1 egg

     3 tablespoons milk

     3 tablespoons oil

     3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)

     A small splash of vanilla extract

     1 large coffee mug

     Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well.  Add the egg and mix
 thoroughly.

     Pour in the milk and oil and mix well.

     Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix
 again.

     Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000
 watts.

     The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be
 alarmed!

     Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.

     EAT! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more
 virtuous).

   

     And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world ?

     Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake
     at any time of the day or night!
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on March 20, 2009, 07:36:05 am
(http://img207.imageshack.us/img207/1570/33226468.gif)


(http://img297.imageshack.us/img297/2610/193867156762192821.png)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: poz1970 on March 20, 2009, 06:10:43 pm
one of my favourites!

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on March 23, 2009, 12:25:31 pm

                                        Why I fired my Secretary.


Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning,
let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

I thought...

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids... They will remember.

My kids came bounding downstairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss, and by the way
Happy Birthday!' It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday.
What do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me?' I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do we?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?' She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, 'Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'  'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake. Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday' to me.


And I just sat there...


On the couch...

 

    Naked.     



Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on April 04, 2009, 04:36:20 pm
LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger.

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?

Oh, I don't know, said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

OK,  she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -  grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: dtwpuck on April 04, 2009, 06:52:05 pm
hehe

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on May 19, 2009, 10:57:00 pm
True Redneck Tube Top!!!!

This was taken in front of the Gardendale, Alabama, Walmart, where the young lady was shopping at the Flea market.

This is hysterical! Look at it closely.

Now I ask you...

Who stands and looks at a pair of men's briefs and says hummmm...I can make me a nice summer top from these!! On the other hand...$6 for a three pack is a good price!!

But what if they weren't bought new? That's redneck recycling at it's best. Don't throw out yer feller's drawers when the skidmarks don't wash out no more. Just cut the crotch out and wear 'em. How very Green!

(http://data5.blog.de/media/941/3034941_5cbfbfc89e_m.jpg)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on May 20, 2009, 05:27:33 am



 

I know you don't clean your computer screen very often and it is 2 hard to do the   inside, so click  to receive your cleaning, consider this my gift to you.   

......have a good day!


http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: poz1970 on May 20, 2009, 05:31:41 am

I know you don't clean your computer screen very often and it is 2 hard to do the   inside, so click   here   to receive your cleaning, consider this my gift to you.     

Click on "here" above.........have a good day!


No clickable bits in that message?

J
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on May 20, 2009, 05:34:09 am
Sometimes. I am computer illiterate   ::)

I fixed it.  ;)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: poz1970 on May 20, 2009, 10:25:09 am


 

I know you don't clean your computer screen very often and it is 2 hard to do the   inside, so click  to receive your cleaning, consider this my gift to you.   

......have a good day!


http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf



Lol, I've loved this animation for sooo long, its my 'home page' in firefox :-)

J
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on May 20, 2009, 03:50:17 pm
That is adorable! I wish I could use it as a screen saver.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on May 20, 2009, 10:04:26 pm
I uploaded a video of me and my grand daughter Haley playing with the knot holes in our cabinet door.
She would stick her finger in the hole and I would blow raspberries on it or growl at her.

http://s22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/Winiroo/?action=view&current=homemovies023.flv  (http://s22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/Winiroo/?action=view&current=homemovies023.flv)
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: poz1970 on May 21, 2009, 11:38:49 am
I uploaded a video of me and my grand daughter Haley playing with the knot holes in our cabinet door.
She would stick her finger in the hole and I would blow raspberries on it or growl at her.

http://s22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/Winiroo/?action=view&current=homemovies023.flv  (http://s22.photobucket.com/albums/b324/Winiroo/?action=view&current=homemovies023.flv)

This is magical to watch, its so beautiful watching the innocence of a small child :-)

J
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Robert on May 21, 2009, 05:12:01 pm

winiroo..

great video of you and your granddaughter.  I loved it.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: Winiroo on May 21, 2009, 05:20:09 pm
Glad you enjoyed it.
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: tendai on June 05, 2009, 04:22:02 am
kids.. :D

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on June 13, 2009, 11:09:59 am

                                              : JACOB AND REBECCA
 
 
 Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

 *Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

 The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

 *Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

 Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

 *Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

 Pharmacist: "All kinds "

 *Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

 Pharmacist: "Definitely."

 *Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

 Pharmacist: "You bet!"

 *Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?"

 Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

 *Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for
 Parkinson's disease?"

 Pharmacist: "Absolutely.."

 *Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

 Pharmacist: "We sure do."

 *Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

 Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

 *Jacob: "Adult diapers?"

 Pharmacist: "Sure."

 *Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry
Title: Re: The Super Dooper Funny Thread
Post by: rondrond on June 16, 2009, 12:08:04 pm


Are women born this way?



http://richards-creations.net/Videos/Are-women-born-like-this.html