IVF, PGD, ICSI plans now an unhappy uterus? baby advice, support, opinions plz

[akcol]

the facts, so you have all the info:
My 27 years HIV + (undetectable), 32 years HCV+ (low load) husband (the most amazing person I have ever met) born with severe hemophilia, 39 years old.
Me: warrior for him. left my soaring music career and alternative healing practice to care for him 24/7, which has been necessary many times in the past 13 years total, and 8 years recent: peak. he is permanently disabled, I now honor and curse the resource limits we live with to maintain his health insurance, which tops $100,000 monthly (clotting facto, HIV meds, pain relief.)
BTW, he contracted HIV and Hep C through tainted blood product for his hemophilia through a knowing govt and big pharma evil profit move in the early 1980's.
I am 43, patience of a saint (my husband does not stop, it's part of the attitude that has given him health) and now, coming out of a very stressful set of surgeries for him, recovery well underway, we're ready to embrace our long term plan: a bio baby boy, (gender selection removes hemophilia), then adopt our daughter.
we're a team. we've worked our butts off to improve his joints/life to be ready for a child, for 13 years now.
science can now remove hemophilia (his main concern that a child never know that kind of pain) and IVF treatments can offer what every parent wants: health for their child, remove what we all know is too difficult a life: HIV, HCV, for me Celia Disease Brac 1 and 2, and because I am 43, possibly Down's Syndrome.

hitch in the plan:
NOW my uterus is red flagging. 2 fibroid tumors in the muscle wall, endometriosis obvious, which expanded to adenomyosis, so a uterus that may not support sustaining our child?
two day old news. I am both grieving and revving up my warrior engines.

my amazing gyno doc, married, gay, hugged me and gently began to talk of adoption. he's worried my uterus won't support fertility, carrying a child. he is referring me by personal phone call and letter to a local fertility specialist who is as no nonsense and straight forward as is he. I/we are in full agreement re: adoption. somewhere our child is waiting for his parents.

the conflict: perhaps it is because my husband is so extraordinary, because I am parentless (at a young age), because my earliest wish I told everyone (adamantly) was to be a mom, because we want to break the chain of genetic pain manifested in our bloodlines/families, and have worked hard to change things for the better in our community  -  my husband and I really want to to have a bio first born.

I've been reading everyone's considered opinion, and with posts past to my community, I am both encouraged and discouraged. I feel overwhelmed (more than the usual OMG of everyday life with such challenges we all navigate) and I know I'll receive amazing support, insight, suggestions, points of view to be considered, including what might be harsh and painful to hear or consider from everyone here.

surrogacy post IVF and testing a good idea? just go natural, with faith and med prep?
successes, heartbreak you'd consider sharing on all or any of this anyone?
any and all related experiences on IVF, where you went, the costs of it all, the health of your uterus (women), the health of your sperm (men), did IVF work? how many rounds? where did you go for your IVF? are you in much debt and childless, or debt and blessed with baby? did you decide to just forget all the complexities, find your child already in the world and you've moving on? how did you let go of the bloodline idea of seeing your amazing mate manifested in your child? I believe we travel in families, and that a reincarnated child may be our child, just not bio in this life. I consider how much stress we can take on with failed IVF, adoptions routes, surrogacy failure...

with the exception of a few here who do know hemophilia as an incredible challenge - we all share same issues with baby making/wanting/honoring.

my husband and I are not rich, (unfortunate that to be responsible it costs) but I am a big believer that we manifest that which we intend as important. so we consider  this: IVF costs. I think out of country clinics are a great idea.
is mother nature stepping in? is this yet another challenge to find the "I do" when every expert says "not possible" and I've proven with tenacity and stubbornness, and often solo, that all things medical have been possible and successful so far?

our daughter will be adopted. whole slew of challenges there too. HIV status disclosure, full viewing of our lives, huge costs, heartache, stress ...there's nothing easy about trying to be responsible with what was handed us all as challenges on the road to parenthood. adoption, natural, surrogacy, IVF....

thank you in advance. this is one of the few places we get to be our amazing selves, and I appreciate all the amazing selves connecting with their (your amazing lives and wisdom.

sigh.

Col.

[Ann]

Hi Col,

As you are not hiv positive yourself, I've moved your thread from Living to Someone, as that is the more appropriate place for your post.

I think I would get the endometriosis and fibroids sorted out first, and then find out how healthy your womb is after the recooperation period. In the meantime, I would be looking into surrogacy, just in case.

Good luck and let us know what you do.

Ann

PS - as the hiv aspect of this problem doesn't have all that much to do with the overall picture, I would suggest finding an online forum for women with gyno problems, as there are many. You wouldn't have to bring hiv into the picture there, just that because of a genetic condition, IVF will be involved. You'd probably find more women who have faced this problem of having womb issues when wanting to undergo IVF or just pregnancy in general. I'm not saying this for any reason other than I want you to get all the support and real-life stories you can, and I can't see you getting many real-life stories here that would pertain directly to this issue. Good luck!