SHAME

[SASA39]

RISKING TO BE BANNED FROM THIS SITE I HAVE TO ASK A QUESTION MORE :


...........but , what scares me the most  is a gossip....................by my mother in low who doesn`t know that I`m + , but know that I have lost a job........................
Gossip about my late mother , that she did not put me on the right way...............gossip from neighbours....................

And SHAME IF A TRUE BURST OUT.......SHAME SO BIG THAT IT BRING A MOST BLACK THOUGHTS .................

HARA-KIRI WAS A RITUAL SUICIDE OF JAPANESE PEOPLE WHO WOULD NOT TOLERATE SHAME ON THEM AND THEIR FAMILY`S
BETTER TO DIE WITH DIGNITY ................

 AND IN SERBIA THE STIGMA IS ENOURMUS

HOW DO YOU FIGHT THAT ?

IF you guy`s and girls are mad about me for bringin` this up I`m sorry..................

btw : yes it is a form of a seboriic dermatitis on my face and chest that bleed easily...........it is 90 % more often with a +............................

THANKS FOR EVERY ADVICE , NO MATTER HOW IT SOUNDS..................
 









 

[Miss Philicia]

Glad to hear you figured out it was the dermatitis as I suggested.  Did you hear this from a doctor?  What did they give you for it?  Like I said, I believe Metrogel and Alclometasone ointment, which is a topical corticosteroi for general inflammatory skin conditions.

As for the other stuff which is a bit unclear, I'm assuming that your mother-in-law is being an asswipe about you losing a job and you're so pissed off that you decide to bring up ritual sepuku?  I'm not sure if this is an actual threat of suicide or a joke, but if it's the former you definitely need to seek quick professional help.  I'm hoping it was just a spur of the moment rant and wish you luck on the skin problem. 

And yes, EVERYONE here should be aware of dermatitis.  You are correct in that it pretty much effects everyone.  And I've gotten it during various phases in my HIV progression, with little regard to how good or bad my cd4 count is, though yet noticeably easier to have when they are low.  Basically you layer of skin is one giant body organ, and in fact the largest you have, so with a compromised immune system it can tend to get inflamed easily from the bacteria that naturally sits on every "normal" healthy individual with no ill effect.

[SASA39]

I live in Serbia . Overhere we even don`t have all HAART drugs , and others last-generation drugs are in 60% SF.............

[Ihavehope]

My friend
I share your pain. My family is involved in many social circles and have hundreds of cousins/nieces/uncles.

My case manager is a lovely lady who had a brother who died of AIDS in 1995. She said that I reminded her of her brother who was diagnosed in 1984. She told me he died of heart disease and not of AIDS and had to take about 40-50 pills a day. The reason I am telling you this is because she knows what it is to live with someone with AIDS and doesn't sugarcoat the reality like many people who i've talked to have.

She told me there will be MANY days where I would cry myself to sleep and many days where I will be severely depressed. How happy would my life be from now on depends on me taking control of the virus by not abusing my body with drugs, alcohol, unprotected sex, stress, depression, not exercising, hygiene and so forth. How well your body will do depends on genetics and how well I took care of myself. Taking medication is all the poison I need to take.

I also told her that in my family there seems to be alot of pride because we came from a family who was living in poverty to achieving many things. Many people in my parent's family circle look up to us. They even look up to me for not being in a gang and finishing college and a good job. So I know that if the people closest to us find out that I am positive it would bring much shame to my family especially if my appearance changes dramatically. When my case manager heard me said that she told me "well those people who will make you feel less worthy because you have this disease will simply need to be out of your life from now on". It is not as simple as my case manager made it seem, but she insisted that from now on "I" needed to worry about "Me" and no one else. Anyone or Anything that affects me in a bad way I need to walk away from it. If I can't take care of myself first then I won't be able to take care of anyone else's problems. It has to be about you and whoever doesn't like it, they can go elsewhere. What people say doesn't matter as much as you and your family. Move on with life and get the healthcare that is best in your coountry. Do research and find out if there is anything else available in your country.

[Christine]

SAS,
I have had a great deal of shame. For years actually. I was ashamed that I got sick, I was in fear that I ruined my family's life, that I would be a burden to them. I started going to a therapist, and started to understand that I should not feel shame. I also found out that my fear and shame was unfounded. I made myself feel so much worse than I needed to.

Hiv is a disease, it is not a moral judgment on a person's character. I know some people do judge hiv + people. But in my opinion, it is because it is easier to judge others, than to look at one's own life. Any human being who has unprotected sex is at risk. People don't want to accept that fact. Don't want to accept the fact that they themselves might be at risk.

I know the stigma is horrible is some places. You can fight it by focusing on yourself. Telling yourself that you are a good and decent person. You are worthy of everything good that life offers you.

I am sorry about your mother-in-law. Gossipy, mean spirited people are hard to deal with, and when they are part of your family it can be difficult. Have you ever heard the phrase 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me'. It is corny, but it has truth to it. Let what your mother-in-law says go in one ear and out the other.

Hang in there, and keep posting.
Christine