Please help me, extremely worried

[andtonic]

Hi I'm new to the forum and would like to seek your help and advice.

I'm homosexual. 2 weeks ago, I met a guy, whose HIV status was unknown (although he told me he was clean but I could never be sure) and we had a sexual relationship. During sex we gave each other blow jobs and he didn't ejaculate. 5-10 mins after sex, however, I stupidly brushed my teeth and I bleeded my gum.

About 5 days later, I started to have a sore throat, and a mile headache and fagtigue followed. It last for a week and is getting better. Yesterday night I had a night sweat. During the time I also had two small swollen glands under my left ear. It really worries me because they could all be symptoms of primary infection. Both my GP and the Aids helpline worker told me the sex involved was not very risky. But the symptoms are too much to be coincident.

As I have just had the risky encounter 2 weeks ago, I will have to wait for until a bit later to have a test. But the last week has already been very torturing. I could hardly fall into sleep and I would wake up very early; I couldn't concentrate on work; I didn't want to talk to people; and I couldn't enjoy my times with friends. My mind is like a roller coaster, it rushes from one thought to another. I have been so worried and the stress is consuming my life.

Is there anyone here who is going through or who has gone through such stress? How do/did you stay sane under such pressure?

Please please share me your experience, give me some advice, or even just give me some words of encouragement. I really need it now.

Thanks

[RapidRod]

This forum is for risk assessments only. It's not for giving you comfort for your anxieties. If you are having anxiety issues, see your doctor or a mental health professional.

[andtonic]

This forum is for risk assessments only. It's not for giving you comfort for your anxieties. If you are having anxiety issues, see your doctor or a mental health professional.

Thanks RapidRod for your reply. I wonder then how dangerous the sexual encounter was? Is it very likely that I had caught HIV?

Thanks again.

[RapidRod]

Giving oral is at the bottom of the risk scale. You can't take anyones word for their status unless you have tested with them and you've personally seen there results. Symptoms or lack of symptoms is in know way of diagnosing someones status. Given that he did not ejaculate brings the risk even lower. If you are sexually active you should test at least once a year for STD and HIV. I myself would not test for this instance.

[andtonic]

thanks Rapidrod again,

The part I worry the most is the bleeding gum part. I heard that the virus is fragile but the thought of it being able to go in through the cut in my mouth scares me a big time.

He is the second guy I have ever had any sexual relationship with (and it was proofed to be a very wrong move). The first guy, my ex bf, had an HIV test and he was clean. So this guy and my bleeding gum are the main source of worry.

[Ann]

and,

You need to know that referring to people as "clean" when you mean hiv negative is very insulting to those of us who are hiv positive. When you say negative people are clean, you are calling us dirty. Don't. It's rude.

Please read through the Welcome Thread and follow the links to the Transmission Lesson.

It is very unlikely that you caught hiv from this. However, you may have become infected with some other sexually transmitted infection - and it could be the cause of your sore throat. I would suggest you have a doctor look at it.

But hiv? NO. Very unlikely. Saliva contains more than a dozen proteins and enzymes that destroy the outer envelope of hiv and it cannot infect when that happens. You brushed your teeth AFTER the blowjob - by which time any hiv present would not have been viable and able to infect. Your risk is very, very low. I wouldn't even recommend testing over this.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Ann

[andtonic]

and,

You need to know that referring to people as "clean" when you mean hiv negative is very insulting to those of us who are hiv positive. When you say negative people are clean, you are calling us dirty. Don't. It's rude.

Please read through the Welcome Thread and follow the links to the Transmission Lesson.

It is very unlikely that you caught hiv from this. However, you may have become infected with some other sexually transmitted infection - and it could be the cause of your sore throat. I would suggest you have a doctor look at it.

But hiv? NO. Very unlikely. Saliva contains more than a dozen proteins and enzymes that destroy the outer envelope of hiv and it cannot infect when that happens. You brushed your teeth AFTER the blowjob - by which time any hiv present would not have been viable and able to infect. Your risk is very, very low. I wouldn't even recommend testing over this.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Ann

Thank you Ann,

First of all I'm very very sorry to have used the wrong term. Please accept my apologies. It has been very inconsiderate of me indeed.

Thank you very much for your advice. Hopefully the short time between giving him oral sex and bleeding my gum (5-10 mins) was enough to kill the virus.

Tomorrow I'll be seeing a specialist and I'll definately get the STD tested as well. I really hope it isn't HIV. I have been having hypocondria (and I saw thearepist for it), and having so many symptoms just got me totally worked up. Your opinions have been very encouraging, thank you for that.

[andtonic]

37 days after possible exposure I had a blood test, and fortunately it came back negative. I know it is by no means a confirmative results but I saw from the welcome threat that the average seroconverstion period is 22 days. Is it, if I may ask, a good indication that I'm negative?

I'd really like to thank the moderators and advicers of this forum. The information you provide has not only taught me a lot about this virus and safe sex, but also given me a peace of mind during this wait.

[Ann]

Tonic,

Considering that you really didn't need to test in the first place, I'd say you don't need further testing over this incident. If you had a real risk, which you have NOT, then I'd tell you that it was an excellent indication of your status. Since you did NOT have a real risk, I'm telling you you are hiv negative and you don't need further testing over this incident.

If you haven't already been getting regular, routine hiv tests, then please consider this the first of many and the start of a responsible habit. Anyone who is sexually active should be having a complete sexual health screening at least once a year, twice a year if you're very active and after anytime you slip up and have unprotected intercourse. (hopefully you'll always use condoms for intercourse!)

Use condoms for intercourse and you will remain hiv negative. It really is that simple!

Ann

[Matty the Damned]

but I saw from the welcome threat

How wonderfully Freudian!

MtD

[andtonic]

Oops! Please excuse my typo 

I found that this forum not only helped me by providing me with useful info about HIV to lessen my worry, it also relieved me mentally to a large extend. I found, in this forum, that I was not the only person who had hypochondria, there were actually people who were much worse than me. It might sound horrible, but knowing that I'm not the worst one actually made me feel better.

I really admire the patience of you guys here who manage to deal with people who post endless "what-if" follow-ups, eventhough you guys know clearly that it is just their OCD. I can perfectly understand how these people have such enormous worries in their minds, but seeing how they worry actully puts me into perspective. I realise how obssessive one can become when hypochondria does its job in people's brains.

I know few people who are worried would actually see this post, but I'd still like to tell them that, when the advisors here says the risk is extremely low or even non-existing, believe them. There would be infinite numbers of "what-ifs" (all the way from having extra cuts and the doctor lying to you) coming up. But then remind yourself of what they say. If, worse comes to the worst, you can't shake the fear away, go and see a thearepist. I seeked help and the thearepist helped me a lot.

And I'd like to thank the advisors here for your professionalism dealing with us worriers, your valuable advices to access our risks, and your patience in answering all the follow-ups. 

[Ann]

You're welcome Tonic.

Just remember to always use condoms for anal (or vaginal, hell, you never know!) intercourse and you will protect yourself from hiv infection. Don't forget the lube and maybe have a refresher read of the condom and lube links in my signature line.

Now... get outta here!

Ann

[andtonic]

Hi again,

((sorry for the graphic description  ))

Since the last time I mentioned in the thread, I've been extremely careful and tried to stay away from anything unsafe. Recently though, I have had an encounter in which the guy inserted a finger in my bottom. I saw from the lessons that fingering is no risk. But before he did that he was massaging his penis on my back side. So when he inserted his finger, he'd have brought some of his pre-cum into my bottom. I just wonder if it would cause any risk?

I've been searching on the forum for similar cases but couldn't find one, so hope you don't mind me asking this here.

Thanks again for your help.

[RapidRod]

No it's not a risk.

[andtonic]

Thanks loads RapidRod. I'm really glad to have such forum so that my hypochondria doesn't go further.

Thank you very very much 

[Ann]

tonic,

The reason this is not a risk is because hiv is such a fragile, difficult to transmit virus. When it finds itself outside the human body, it quickly becomes damaged and unable to infect. This guy's cum was outside both his and your body before it ever had a chance to find its way inside. You were not put at risk.

Keep using those condoms with plenty of lube and you'll be fine. Don't forget about regular, routine testing for ALL STIs, not just hiv. Routine sexual health care check-ups are what mature, responsible, sexually active adults do, not only to protect their own health, but also that of their sexual partners.

Ann

[andtonic]

I don't know how I should thank you, Ann. It's so nice to have an expert coming up and explaining to me that what I have done isn't risky, and that I need not to worry

You, and all the answerers, have been so patient to educate us about HIV. Thanks so so so much for the goodwork.

I'll indeed listen to you to have routine STI check while I'm sexually active. Please keep up with your good work

[Ann]

Tonic,

Yes, please do get into the habit of routine check-ups. So many of the easier to aquire STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, and they're MUCH easier to catch than hiv, every last one of them. Make sure you always get checked for syphilis too. It's on the rise in the gay community and as the lesions are painless, they can be easily overlooked. If you engage in giving oral, have your throat swabbed for gonorrhea too. Yes, it happens!


Make condoms your best friend and you'll be fine where hiv is concerned.

Glad the forum has been helpful for you.

Ann