Getting On With Life

[tednlou2]

Hey Everybody,

I'm suppose to take a trip to Florida the day after Christmas.  I haven't been that far from home since learning I was poz one year ago.  I've had depression and anxiety issues, like many, this year.  It has gotten a lot better since learning to deal with being poz and taking blood pressure med and anxiety med.  Thinking about this trip is giving me a lot of anxiety.  I don't know what I'm worried about really--I guess I think I'll just drop dead or something.  I think it is being away from home in the event something does happen that worries me.   

Rationally, I know that most major illnesses only happen when CD-4 is below 200--like PCP.  From talking to people on here who've had PCP, they all describe having a cough for several weeks.  So, rationally I know something like that shouldn't happen just out of the blue with no notice.  And, my numbers are CD-4 811, %=21 (bounces back and forth from 27% to 21% back to 27% all this year.  Vl was 27,000 last checked.  That is the highest it has been. 

I'm always amazed at people I've met on here with CD-4 of like 81 who deal with it and not let it control their lives.  I guess my question is about your experiences with the really bad illnesses.  Has anyone gotten any with good numbers?  Were there warning signs--feeling ill or had a cold/flu before?  I've talked about being paranoid about illness on here before.  I really thought I was getting over most of those fears.  This trip has brought them back.  Again, I've talked to or read posts from so many who've been poz for over 20 years who travel around the world.  I've actually talked to people with CD-4's below 200 who were planning trips over-seas.  I say that, because I realize I probably have nothing to worry about. 

Hope all is well with you guys.  Happy Holidays! 

Ted 

[tommy246]

Hi ted you answered the question yourself your paranoid about being ill. Anybody can become ill hiv pos or hiv neg theres no reason for you to be at any more risk than someone hiv neg with your excellent numbers. I read on here about 9 months ago 3 months after i became pos and still worrying everyday ,a thread that said they had decided to take control of there hiv and not let it control them and thats what i did and you must do as well. Many threads also stated it gets better in time i didnt believe it as i thought hiv 24-7 well they were right it gets better with time when you realise we are going to be ok , your fears are irrational. Take your trip and relax it will do you good i know you said your in the process of changing doctors thats when you will feel better when you know your in good hands but also remember every health issue we have is not hiv related , everyone has health issues, good luck .

[BT65]

Ted, I've been poz for 20 years, and last year I flew to Phoenix for Christmas.  I just have the attitude that things are going to just happen, no matter where I'm at, so I might as well try to enjoy life when chances to do so come up.  I could get sick just as easily if I stay home, instead of going somewhere.  And I'd rather go somewhere and enjoy that time, rather than stay home worrying myself to death.  So, take that trip and quit obsessing over illness that probably isn't going to happen.  And make a resolve to enjoy yourself.

[leatherman]

leaving my doctor of nearly a decade and the Ohio healthcare system to move to South Carolina with an unknown doctor now that was a scary decision. And it was very well I should have been worried, as it took 3 months to get into the SC medicaid program

However, going to Myrtle Beach for Christmas and the weekend (the first trip back to the beach in 25 yrs!) is a no-brainer.  The only part I'm dreading is having to get up so early to meet up with a friend at 630 in the morning. (I hate mornings!) My bags are packed and I'm ready to take a pix of me on the beach - no matter how cold it is (supposed to be 65) - so I can brag about the trip to my poor old friends left back up in 30 degrees snowy Ohio. ROFLMAO

Have a safe and wonderful Christmas trip to Florida and enjoy yourself! 

Happy Holidaze!
mikie

[CapeCodder]

Tednlou,

I felt the same way for a long time. For some reason, home just felt safer. Let me tell you, it's not any safer than the 75 degree weather you will have in Florida. I actually moved from New England to Florida without a job, a doctor or any friends, just because I thought the change would be good for me. Also I was following my elderly Mom down and my sister was already there. Well, I stayed there for four years (never again) at least not in Whorelando! Fort Lauderdale is a different story, very accepting of Gay populations Poz & Neg and not age phobic either. I based out of Lauderdale for many years as a professional mega yacht captain.

I had taken a few trips down there before I made the move and felt the same anxiety that you are feeling now. It's natural!! 99% of the time, we worry for the sake of worry and nothing ever happens. Bring your anxiety meds, you bathing suit, your shorts and your suntan lotion and have a great time there!!

As an aside, been Poz for 13 years (diagnosed) and probably a lot longer than that. I've had viral things that cause fever and flu but besides that, been healthy as a horse. (Hmm, why do you suppose horses are always healthy?) I've traveled many times since diagnosis and never once had even a cold when on the trip. You will do find yourself in the same boat, healthy, happy and glad you went 

[megasept]

Hey Everybody,

I'm suppose to take a trip to Florida the day after Christmas...
Rationally, I know that most major illnesses only happen when CD-4 is below 200--like PCP...
I'm always amazed at people I've met on here with CD-4 of like 81 who deal with it and not let it control their lives.  I guess my question is about your experiences with the really bad illnesses.  Has anyone gotten any with good numbers? I've actually talked to people with CD-4's below 200 who were planning trips over-seas...
Ted  

Ted: I wouldn't worry about PCP or any other illness until I have it (prevention aside). If I ever get PCP I'll become expert on it. Make sense?

There are people here with a lot fewer than CD4 81. I have a friend who probably hasn't seen 20-30 CD4 anytime in the last two decades. I had a beer with a guy who had 7 CD4 (we toasted them).

Like you, I have anxiety (my blood pressure is fine) concerning any trip home. Everything to do with Family issues, not medical issues. When I travel, I am careful not to have 1) slip and falls, 2) car accidents. That's pretty much it.

When is the right time to take an overseas trip? I'd like to do it while I am relatively well. I don't need to be perfect to visit Paris or Barcelona. If I get very sick they have good hospitals (I learned the French government sent out an MD to an American's hotel room in one hour!) in scores of countries. Plus the bill would be much less than if I get sick here WITH insurance.  

It's not wishful thinking to say let's not let HIV stomp on all our plans. Wherever we go, we take our insecurities with us, right? And our strengths, too.

Sure, you could get illnesses when your numbers are high, say pneumonia. Well people get ill sometimes. A stronger immune system means better, quicker recoveries. Did I get N1H1 a month ago because I have HIV? Probably not. I got well, fast, in spite of being LTP. Live!

Happy Holidays,
Steven (aka    megasept)

[tednlou2]

I want to thank you guys for responding.  I forced myself to make the trip and not let HIV control my life.  I'm currently in a hotel in Valdosta, GA.  We will be heading for southern FL in the morning.  I do feel a little run-down, but I think it is just from traveling by car (I wanted to fly) and some anxiety.

I hope everyone had a good holiday.

[leatherman]

Hey Ted!

Glad to hear that you're on your way to Florida.  You know sometimes the best thing to do when you're worried/nervous/anxious is to press on through and as Nike and Tiger have always advised us, "Just do it!" 

I've been at Myrtle Beach all weekend and will be heading back to Charlotte tomorrow. Boy I am glad that I went on my trip. It's been 15-20 warmer over here at the coast and I've had a great time. Been in the heated pool, walking on the beach, in some of the gifts shop, polished off a 5th of tequila drinking margaritas all weekend (I even washed my meds down with tequila this weekend ROFLMAO ), spent a lot of time in the hot tubs (my old achey joints sure loved that), and been sucking up hotel internet bandwidth watching movies and porn.

I will say though, that I am glad I'm here now and not in the summertime. I don't know if the economy or the time of year; but there's hardly anyone else around. It's been very quite this Christmas weekend, so I haven't been tripping about any germ-o-phobia from all the "unwashed masses". LOL

I hope you have a great time on your trip. How long are you going to be on vaca? Hope the weather cooperates for you too!

[emeraldize]

Hi Ted!

Have a good time and get your face into that wonderful sunshine and soak up some Vitamin D. Let your muscles completely relax on warm sand. Let the ocean breezes clear your mind. Take a big 'ole lazy day at the beach nap (without the sunburn).

Report back to us, will ya?

Happy New Year!


Em

[Ann]

(I even washed my meds down with tequila this weekend ROFLMAO )

~shudder~

I might be able to wash meds down with whiskey, but tequila? Never! I over-indulged one time when I was 19 and to this day (nearly 30 years later) just a whiff of the stuff sends me dry-heaving. Just thought I'd share that with the group.

Ted, I'm glad you put your fears to the side and went on your trip. Have a great time! I've always loved the saying "feel the fear and do it anyway". That attitude led me to being a commercial fisherman for several years - an experience I'm glad I had and wouldn't trade for anything. Hope you took a camera with you - we want photos!

Ann

[Miss Philicia]

Last time I drank tequila I woke up in some strange neighborhood in Mexico City and had no idea how I got there, or why I had bruises all over my body.

[leatherman]

during my "sick years" I never drank anything, and owing to my Baptist upbringing, I've never been that much of a drinker anyway. However, that being said, Leatherman loves Bloody Marys, Margaritas, and Corona beer (with a wedge of lime, of course).  Too be honest, normally I would have never considered chugging down any liquor with my meds; but I've read about so many people here doing it on occasions that I figured I could do it one weekend myself and not croak. And so far, no bad side effects. WooHoo! Hmmm, if the norvir likes tequila, maybe I should drink it more often to keep the med appeased. ROFLMAO

Hey Ted! you never told us where you were going in FL. I used to live and go to college in Pensacola which, though filled with more rednecks than even up here in SC, was a beautiful spot on the Gulf. I also lived for a while just outside of Sarasota. If I had my choice I'd trade this Mrytle Beach-Atlantic trip for anywhere on the Gulf. Wherever you went, hope you're having a good time!

[max123]

hey ted,

glad to hear you decided on the trip...the weather here is nice today. where in s.fla are you heading?

max

[Hellraiser]

I've had a CD4 count of about 16 for at least 3 months now and I haven't gotten seriously ill yet.  I attribute this to a "don't worry" attitude.  I feel that stress has a lot to do with it.  I know it's hard to do, but try to focus on all the good things in your life, because really if you do get sick you'll just have to deal with it then.  If you let the virus control your outlook on life and make you constantly worry it's already won.  Have a Happy New Year, and best of luck on your trip.  I'm about to go hang out with the guy I used to date who is one of the few folks who knows I'm positive.  First time I've really left the house in a while, because I'm finally feeling up to it.

[tednlou2]

I want to thank everyone for your thoughts and caring.  I just got home tonight Jan 3rd.  We went to several places in FL--Fort Myers, Sanibel Island, Port Charlotte, Englewood, Sarasota, Venice, Boca Grande.  I had never been anywhere warm during the winter.  I've only vacationed during the summer.  I can see why people love going in the winter.  It was so sunny and in the 70's and 80 degrees one day.  It was so strange to wear shorts with the top down on the car for New Year's.  It was also strange to see Christmas lights down there. 

I think the sun helped me a lot.  There were days that I felt great...feeling like, "How can I have HIV?  I feel so great."  As I've mentioned, I'm still in the process of determining when to start meds.  Anyway, I'm sure I was just high on the sun and it probably won't last...hopefully it will.  I know we stayed so busy--which was good.  It kept my mind of thinking about being poz.  I didn't watch TV or use the internet.  There were a couple times I felt run down, but nothing serious.  When I felt run down, I noticed my throat and tonsils were really red, but I never got a sore throat.  I've noticed when I'm run down I get that and I'll get 1 or 2 very small whitish/yellowish sores on my throat.  They look like zits kinda.  That's the best way I can describe them.  I get them when under stress or run down.  Knock on wood, I haven't gotten sick, so I'm not sure what that was.  I've heard other HIVers say they keep red throats that aren't sore and get those white sores on throat.   

I did take pix of trip.  Is there a way to post them on here?  Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for your kind remarks.  I can't promise I won't be posting some fear I have in the future.  It was a good step forward though.  I hope all of you had a good holiday and had good times with friends and family. 

[john33]

Ted
it's great to hear you got past your fears and went, and above all ahd a great time!!!

Not sure how i'd feel with high temperatures and sunshine, guess i'm to used to rain and cold.

congrats!!

[leatherman]

...Sarasota, ...It was so sunny and in the 70's and 80 degrees one day.  It was so strange to wear shorts with the top down on the car for New Year's.  It was also strange to see Christmas lights down there. 

I love the Sarasota area. It would be my second choice of where I would want to live.
My first partner and I got to take a Florida trip at Christmas (way back in 1993). It was the oddest thing, seeing all the Christmas lights and decorations in such heat. We even got to go swimming. That's a far cry from the white Christmases of Ohio.
It was partly cloudy and only got into the low 60s on my trip to Myrtle Beach. Allthough I had a good time just getting away, getting a little bit of sun and seeing the ocean again after 28 yrs, I'm jealous hearing about your trip 

I think the sun helped me a lot.  There were days that I felt great... Anyway, I'm sure I was just high on the sun and it probably won't last...hopefully it will.  I know we stayed so busy--which was good.

I'm glad to hear that you had such a good time! You're probably right about the sun too. A lot of people (more than realize) are affected by SAD (seasonal affective disorder). I know I'm always better in the Summer out doing yard work, or lying in the sun by the pool. Although all that extra sun, does cause the bactrim to make me itch, I'll take itching over depression any day. LOL

Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for your kind remarks.  I can't promise I won't be posting some fear I have in the future.  It was a good step forward though.

Sometimes it just takes a while to wrap your head around things and be able to take those steps foward; but all steps forward are good! You'll see as time goes by that it all gets easier to deal with. Just remember to think happy thoughts, don't dwell on the stuff you can't change and stay busy. When you have things to do you won't have time to worry about things that aren't happening.

I did take pix of trip.  Is there a way to post them on here?

when you write a post, below the text box is a link that says "additional options", click that and it'll display another section with an "attachment" file box and browse button, along with a link for "more attachments". The pictures are limited to 200 KB, so you might have to resize the ones you would like to post (MS Paint is a good option to resize a pix by 50%) and you're limited to 4 per post.

[Miss Philicia]

Be glad you're not in Florida this week because last night they had freezing temperatures down to the Everglades.

[redbull]

I do try to take care of myself but I also try to keep in mind what my bf tells me about his mother.  She has had a kidney transplant and the anti-rejection meds she has to take to not lose the kidney destroy her immune system.  She gets colds all the time and still is ok and fights them off. 

When I found out I was poz in may my cd4 was only 94,  in november after being on atripla for 2 months it shot up to 210 so I am hopefully getting better now,  but really have had no problems getting sick other than having thrush for a short time.

You can't live your life in a bubble man.  There are so many things that can kill any of us...should you not ride in a car because you might have a car wreck?  Live your life man...its the only one your gonna have...dont let fear or hiv stop you....LIVE with hiv,  dont let it take your quality of life from you.

[WildcatCC]

TednLou, I'm glad to hear you went on the trip. Good for you. Baby steps man, baby steps. Each step you take toward not letting HIV run your life is a good step indeed. Keep taking those steps.

I love living in south Florida - yes even this week where it won't get above 65 and the nights are down-right frigid in the 40s. Next time you come this way, let us Floridians know.