POZ Community Forums
HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: Didacto2006 on October 23, 2006, 08:39:50 pm
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Hello everyone, first of all THANK YOU for existing. You guys have helped me through a little bit of anxiety I've been having towards my first "sexual" experience (I don't think it even qualifies as that) Anyway, I was kind of worried about my very first blowjob, which was given by a male escort. According to what I had known about VIH and AIDS I understood that getting a blowjob was not risky at all, but then I found out about the "theoretical" stuff and well, I was not too comfortable with it. I have read the transmission lesson and I understand it perfectly; however I want to make sure that for this action I will not get this very much feared and unwanted consequence. I am not going to test over it, and I just want to know if that is ok considering my situation. Getting this blowjob has been my ONLY "sexual" action in my whole life, and maybe that is why I'm making a big deal about it. Thanks VERY much again!
PD: This blowjob was tooootally normal, no cuts no blood no nothing. It wasn't even THAT long. I'm not going to go throgh the symptoms things cuz I know that that is totally irrelevant when it comes to HIV. I just want to know if I had any type of risk. Thanks!
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You're absolutely right. You were not at risk for HIV through getting a blowjob. Even IF you'd had any nicks or irriations on your penis that would not have made any difference. In the entire history of the epidemic there's never been a case of transmission in that manner -- receiving a blowjob -- and you are not going to be the first.
Becoming sexually active can be very exciting. It can also be stressful and anxiety provoking as you sort out what's right for you. Just remember that if you graduate to having intercourse, whether with men or with women, whomever is the insertive partner must always be wearing a condom. No exceptions.
This time out you have no further cause for concern about HIV.
Cheers,
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Thank you very much Andy, I congratulate you, Ann and the other moderators here for the excellent labor you are doing. You have the doors of heaven open to you for helping so many people, God bless you!
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Thanks. Glad you found our exchange to be helpful.
Cheers,
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Hello everybody... It's been a while since I wrote this post, but I need a little bit of reassurance. As this was my first and only "sexual" experience, there is a deal of anxiety left and I just need to clarify it. This guy gave me a blowjob for less than 5 minutes. I understand I'm not at risk... however, I get very nervous when I go to any medical office, or have to do any kind of blood test, so I want to reconfirm that I haven't had a risk... In any case, as minimal as it is, HE had the risk (it was his mouth) didn't he? Sorry for insisting, God bless!
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Fortunately feelings are not facts. You had absolutely no risk for HIV transmission in getting a blowjob. No matter what those niggling fears say to the contrary, the risk was zilch, nada, none. Period. End of story.
(Re) read the lesson on Transmission so you get the basics down pat. And if and when you get around to intercourse, make sure that whoever is the insertive partner is always, without exception, wearing a latex condom.
Cheers,
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(This is the repeated post) ;D
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Didacto,
Please keep all your additional thoughts, questions and comments in your original thread. (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=5043.0) This helps us to follow your story and give you the most accurate advice.
If you can't find you original thread click on the red link I've provided above. Alternatively you can click on the "show own posts" link in the left hand column of any forums page. Your questions will not be answered until you return to your original thread.
MtD
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Hello guys, first of all I'd like to thank all of you for the service you provide. The questions and doubts in the matter we deal with are many, and you manage to deal with them everyday: THANKS!
Now, to my question. It's not a new one, it's not special, but somehow I need your direct answer to keep my mind at ease. Yesterday, in the greatsest foolishness of my life, I went to an adult theatre and ended up having sex with a prostitute. She performed PROTECTED ORAL on me (gave me a blowjob) and we had a very brief PROTECTED VAGINAL (intercourse). The condom had no failure at all (I tossed it away and could see no damage, it was still holding my "fluid" on its tip when I disposed of it). But what concerns me are the things I didn't think about: the woman was a prostitute, she even told me she'd be there for 3 more hours. She probably uses drugs and God knows what else... so this is the reason I'm nervous, because this is the closest I've been to a "risk". The "thinking part of my brain" tells me: "Protected intercourse is just that, protected" (it sounds like Ann, by the way) but I have a great deal of anxiety and probably moral regret in my mind that's playing tricks on me. I just need confirmation that I did not have any risk, other than the sole fact of having sex in such a place with such a person, that's the only part I cannot seem to get over it and perhaps the very cause of this anxiety.
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Thank you for returning to your original thread.
You've answered your own question. Protected sex is just that, protected and as such you were not at risk of contracting HIV.
If you are experiencing anxiety then you need to see a doctor, we cannot help you with that. Moral regret is also something we can't help you with, might I suggest you seek the services of a rabbi for that. What I can tell you is that you don't need to be worried about HIV.
Please take the time to read our Welcome Thread (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=220.0) and follow the links to our Lessons to learn more about how HIV is and is not transmitted. It also contains our posting guidelines which you should review.
One other thing, please do not contact myself or other AM members and experts via PM seeking answers to your questions. We are aware that you've posted and will respond to you when we are able and/or ready. A moderator will deal with your illegal second thread presently.
MtD
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Thank you Matt for this prompt response... sorry that I contacted you through PM but it was only to clear up the thread misunderstanding so you (or somebody else) could erase the extra one. Regarding this incident, the things that concern me are that even though I checked the condom briefly to see if the tip was not broken, I didn't thoroughly examine it, just briefly. Also, the sole nature of having sex with a person of that nature that could also be using drugs and such, makes me nervous... but then again, protected sex is PROTECTED, right? And thinking about it, she was the one that put the condom on me, so perhaps she takes care of herself!
You must forgive me, since this is my first "full service" sex encounter, and the experience has turned out to be more traumatic than enjoyable... I should've thought about it before, if I had such a worry with insertive oral about a year ago, that I would be like this over this incident. It scares me and makes me sad the fact that when one's libido is up, one can do such irresponsible stuff, but at the same time, I had a tad of responsability by using a condom, didn't I? I am so scared of testing that I want to keep believing that I had no risk, and I need a bit of confirmation from the side of the experts! Thanks again!
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I've merged your threads. Please follow our rule and keep all of your comments and questions in this same thread.
As for your concern, who you do sexual things with is less important than how you do them. Whether with a professional or a civilian, as long as you have a condom on during intercourse you are well and effectively protected against HIV transmission. They do the job.
If a condom breaks it's not a subtle event and you'd know it because it ends up looking like a fringed hula hoop on your johnson. Getting a blowjob is not a risk for HIV transmission to you. In the entire epidemic there's never been a documented case of transmission in this manner to t he guy.
This time out you have no cause for concern about HIV.
Cheers,
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Thanks a lot for the responses... so to sum it up, I am TOTALLY safe from this incident? Independently from the person, if a condom is used I will avoid HIV infection and STD's???? Final answer, please!
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I've already told you that you weren't at risk for HIV transmission in this incident. How much more clearly can I say that?
As far as the future is concerned a properly worn latex condom provides very effective protection against HIV. It can be helpful regarding some STDs as well. But some STDs can be transmitted by just skin to skin contact as well as other ways. That's why we recommend that anyone who's sexually active regularly have a full STD panel done at least annually. This is an HIV website so for further specific information about STDs you should talk with your doctor or look on the web for that subject.
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Thanks a lot Andy and Matt, you really help me with your replies... I want to leave these 2 incidents behind me and get on with my mind, but I don't seem to be able to, the fear is too great. I don't mean to bug or insist, but I want, for the LAST time ( I promise) to verify that my situation had NO RISK and that I don't need to test and can continue with my life. I don't intend to repeat this conduct ever again (looking for sex with unknown people) until I am in a secure, stable relationship, and it really would devastate me that yesterday's "slip" turned out to be for the worse. Again, all my activities yesterday were with the protection of a condom, and about a year ago I received a blowjob from a person, that is all my sex life so far and somehow it seems like a lot to me. Is it normal to feel this anxious? Thanks again for everything!
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As I have already mentioned, it's very common for someone who's becoming sexually active to be anxious about it for all sorts of reasons including HIV and other STDs.
Is it "normal"? It's certainly very common for those anxious feelings to come up. I actually don't like the word "normal." It's neither clear nor helpful to use most of the time.
Feelings need to be respected. But they are not a good guide sometimes in relation to scientific facts as in relation to HIV.
You have no cause for further concern. Whether that will help you with your feelings or not I cannot say. I can only tell you what I know in relation to HIV.
Cheers,
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To everyone of you, and specially to Andy: God Bless you! You have been my only and best support during this anxiety, it has finally started to calm down as the logic wins over the feelings. Thanks again for everything!
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A little question... is there a difference between a lambskin condom and a latex one? I know the 1st are more expensive and less common, and more importantly, less effective against STD's. But I mean in the feeling of the condom... that's one thing that concerns me, because the sex worker provided the condom, although it seemed plastic-like so it should've been latex or polyurethane right?? By the way, I'm much more calmer now and see the things very objectively: I had protected sex, briefly and once. That's it, finito... once the doubt about lambskin is cleared I can finally let go of this issue... thanks again!
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Some find lambskin more comfortable. They are definitely more expensive. It's extremely unlikely a sex worker would be using anything other than latex. Latex is cheaper and it provides better than lambskin. Being "natural," the latter can permit some passage through which latex does not.
Both for safety and cost a professional is going to be using latex.
Give it up and get on with your life. Really.
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Thanks a lot Andy! Now, just for education purposes... is it true that a Lambskin condom does not have a reservoir end as the latex and polyurethane do?? Also I read that they, being natural, are not colored... this could be a good way to help people know which one was used and eliminate any anxiety they might feel over the issue... I await answers! Thanks a LOT again!
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Colored or not is not the way to distinguish between latex and lambskin. Latex are definitely not always colored.
Stop making a production of this issue. Your sex worker used latex as I expect all of them do.
If you're concerned about it in the future then bring your own because then you won't have any doubts and you can also make sure you are using fresh ones which fit you properly.
Time to get on with your life, fella. Really.
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Thanks andy, a lot actually... I know that latex is not always colored, but since mine was Pink yesterday and it had a tip or "reservoir", then I am relieved because I saw that the lambskin one does not come in colors nor it has the tip (it has a rounded tip). Time to go on, I still have a bit of anxiety but it's not coming from my mind anymore, perhaps the remnants in the body due to all this stress. You have been, as always, a GREAT help and I can't thank you enough.
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I'm glad you found the exchanges to be helpful. Just don't confuse anxious feelings with the realities of HIV science.
You're good to go.
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Didacto,
Please click on the three condom and lube links in my signature line and read the information found there.
And just in case you need the extra reassurance, you didn't have a risk.
Ann
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Thanks Ann! It really means a lot to me, I actually needed that little last simple sentence... God bless you!
Now, a small question, and this would also be confirming something you said: as long as I use condoms for vaginal sex (I don't like nor plan to do anal) I will be OK as far as HIV is concerned?? THanks!
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Didacto,
Yes, that's correct. As long as you use condoms correctly and consistently for intercourse, you won't have to worry about hiv. My hiv negative partner and I have been together for over eight years and he remains hiv negative because we ALWAYS use condoms for intercourse. No condoms are necessary for oral.
Ann
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Yes, that's correct. As long as you use condoms correctly and consistently for intercourse, you won't have to worry about hiv.
And that's a little part of what makes me doubt, but CORRECTLY means that it doesn't break right? I mean, I don't want to start reviewing in my head every single aspect of the condom that time, I just know that it was a plastic pink condom with a tip at the end that did not slip or break during intercourse at all. And consistently, well, this is the only time I've had penetration so yeah, that's a 1/1 consistency rate... Even for oral I used it! I understand that some part of this is anxiety for the sole fact of engaging in sex with a hooker, a matter of guilt and values, but it's very hard to differenciate it. Again, thanks for everyting!
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Didacto,
I take it you haven't clicked on and read the three condom and lube links in my signature line. They're not just there because the colours are pretty, you know!
If you'd clicked and read like I asked you to earlier today, you'd know what correct condom usage is all about. The first link even has a video you can watch. Amazing stuff!
Get clicking, get reading.
Ann
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Thanks Anne, and I did do the reading... but I made the mistake of calling a Health Center here in Tampa and they tell me I should test over this incident, "it's better knowing than not" she said, but it really makes me nervous... on this incident, should I test?
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Did,
You've been coming here long enough to know that we always advise sexually active adults to test at least once a year. When we say "sexually active", we mean regularly having oral sex and/or intercourse. When we say "test", we mean a full STI screen, not just hiv.
You do NOT need to test for over this specific incident. You said in a previous post this was the first time you had a "full service" - if by that you mean you never had intercourse before, then you don't need to test at all.
Ann
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I do not consider myself "sexually active" after a single exposure to PROTECTED VAGINAL SEX, which we have already been talking about, but the fact that she was a prostitute (and not a "high class" one either) is the reason I worry so much. The condom worked, we have determined it was a latex condom because I already saw the Naturalamb one, which is the only one in the market and it certainly was not it (naturalamb does not have a tip and it's not colored, and it's also very long and it has something to "tie" in the bottom... and the main point is that it makes you think you don't have anything on, which I certainly did not feel: I COULD FEEL MY CONDOM!). I don't need to test over this specific incident, and since this is my ONLY incident, I don't need to test at all because there was NO RISK involved...
... The whole purpose of this quick summary is to ask:
AM I RIGHT?
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"I don't need to test over this specific incident, and since this is my ONLY incident, I don't need to test at all because there was NO RISK involved...
... The whole purpose of this quick summary is to ask:
AM I RIGHT?"
Yes, that's right. There's no need for testing at this point. Get on with your life. Period.
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Hello again... I've been reading, perhaps too much, and I seem to read this phrase "When a condom fails, OR breaks..." and then this makes me wonder: when it fails, does it break?? can it FAIL without breaking? Please help me clear this question, it's very important for my non-risk exposure... thanks again!
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Did,
Yes, you've been reading too much. They are simply saying the same thing two different ways. They could just as easily say "fails AND breaks". Your condom didn't fail, break, or anything of that nature. You had no risk.
In all this reading you've been doing, did you by chance read our Welcome Thread (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=220.0) like you're supposed to? Because if you did, you will have read the following:
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.
Please consider yourself warned.
Ann
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Hello Ann and everyone... I'm sorry but I'm very worried... since yesterday I've been having a little discomfort in my penis, such as wanting to urinate, and today it's a week since that unfortunate incident which I regret more than anything in the world. I'm not dumb and I know it's not a symptom for HIV, but it could very well be Chlamydia.
I'm SURE THE CONDOM DID NOT EVER BREAK (I held it in my hand and my semen was still there, it did not slip during coitus...) but I am extremely nervous. Is it possible that the anxiety of the past few days has given me this urge to urinate?
If confirmed positive for Chlamydia, does that mean I was at risk for HIV?? I am at the verge of my nerves and I don't mean to insist of a non-risk encounter, just try to sort out what could have happened. I used a condom for my only vaginal sex, and even for oral (second time in my life!), I though I was protected! Please help me! :'(
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Apparently you didn't pay attention to Ann's reply to you. If you think she was joking, you'll be finding out shortly that she wasn't.
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Of course I paid attention to her warning, I am not insisting over no basis, I am asking if by any chance I've got Chlamydia could this mean I was exposed to HIV as well?? There is a logical question, not just a plea for calming my fears, behind my post! Again, condom did not ever break, it held my liquid and I've already determined it was latex. My question is about Chlamydia and its relation to HIV... Thanks SO much people!
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How many times does it take telling you that you weren't at risk? Ann will not give you the benefit of the doubt. Once she has warned you that's it.
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I know, and I'd like nothing better! But if this sensation in my penis turns out to be Chlamydia, could I be at risk for HIV???? My condom NEVER BROKE! That's why I'm freaking out! Only incident, used a condom for oral and vaginal, and then I have this discomfort in my penis that could be Chlamydia! It's not something I'm precisely happy to deal with... I was fine and I accepted that I had NO RISK, but I want to know if this could change ANYTHING! please help!
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Did,
Even if you managed to become infected with chlamydia, you were NOT at risk for hiv. The other STIs are all MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. As you used a condom, you were not at risk for hiv.
I'm giving you that time out I warned you about. Go see your doctor about the discomfort you're experiencing in your penis. We cannot help you with that here.
Do not create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned, no questions asked.
Ann