Very nervous and scared..

[jeezy1981]

Hello all and might I start off by saying this is an amazing site and very informative and helpful.. Hope my question can be answered.

Well a Little about my background... I am a sexually active 32 yr old hetero male.. I had tested positive for Herpes around 9yrs ago now.. That was the last time of my last HIV test which came back negative. Ive made some dumb mistakes that i regret since that time and thank god i have not infected anyone with herpes to my knowledge but have also caught chlamydia in that time.. Ive been so scared to get an HIV test because I'm convinced i have it already... Fast forward to present day.. Ive been with my now GF for about a year.. Shes is the only one that I have been having unprotected sex with in the last year... Previous to her its been about 1.5 yrs since my last unprotected encounter... She was tested for all std's this past September and all came back negative.. well we broke up for a month and in that month i hooked up with some girls and had protected vaginal sex but unprotected oral.. after one of the occasions i had a discomfort in my urethra but had no discharge or pain while urinating.. so i went to a walk in clinic and they tested me for Gonorrhea   and chlamydia.. Both test came back negative and it was suggested that it was just some irritation... I have not had a Herpes OB in so many years so i dont think that was it... So i made an appointment with my family doc for a physical and she once again tested for both and they came back neg... She suggested I do an HIV test because its been so long since Ive had one and i cried all the way to the lab and forced myself to do it.

Sorry for the long post but here is my concern.. During the break up i did perform cullingas on two girls and I'm really scared as i have bad gums that do bleed and am worried that i could have contracted HIV this way.. Also the fact that i have herpes makes me 5x more capable then someone who doesn't has me extremely worried.. as well i noticed a small cut on my finger after i fingered one of the girls..

Sorry for the long post but am i just worrying about nothing or is there a legit concern.. its been one week since i took the test and have to wait another i guess and am scared out of my mind...

Thanks in advance 

[jkinatl2]

Your worries are unfounded, but understandable. There is an awful lot if misinformation out there regarding sex, especially oral sex and HIV.

Please understand that cunnilingus presents no danger for you as regards HIV infection. Saliva contains over a dozen identified elements which inhibit HIV and render it inert. In addition, the fluids in a female which can be infectious are located deep within the vagina in a thick cervical mucous.

Add to this three serodiscordant studies that lasted three, five, and ten years in which couples engaged in protected sex for penetrative intercourse yet used no barriers at all for any firm of oral sex. Not a single infection was traced to oral sex in any one of these studies.

Add to thus the nearly nonexistent appearance of HIV in the WSW (women who have Sex with Women) and the writings really on the wall on this issue.

You had no risk in the events described. Wear a condom for penetrative anal and vaginal sex and you will avoid HIV infection. It really is that simple.

[jeezy1981]

Thanks jikinatl... Means a lot that you took time to answer me... Just get scared that the odds are against me seeing is how I already got herpes and have had unprotected vaginal sex in the past that im very high risk.. Granted i dont know the status of those women hiv wise but i do think im unlucky... Guess i will just have to wait it out and see but i really do hope it will be a negative test and i can put all the last 8yrs or so of worrying behind me and move on.. again thanks for your reply

[jkinatl2]

Thanks jikinatl... Means a lot that you took time to answer me... Just get scared that the odds are against me seeing is how I already got herpes and have had unprotected vaginal sex in the past that im very high risk.. Granted i dont know the status of those women hiv wise but i do think im unlucky... Guess i will just have to wait it out and see but i really do hope it will be a negative test and i can put all the last 8yrs or so of worrying behind me and move on.. again thanks for your reply

If you have not had an STD panel or an HIV test in nine years, then it's absolutely imperative that you get one. Every sexually active person outside of a mutually monogamous relationship owes it to himself AND his partners to get these tests done at least twice a year. Being convinced that you have HIV and THEN having MORE unprotected vaginal sex is more than irresponsible, it shows a lack of empathy for your partners.

If you DO have HIV, and are not on medication that reduces/eliminates your viral load, then you present a great risk to the people you encounter sexually. If you have HIV and take meds that suppress your viral load, you present essentially no risk. See how important knowing your status becomes? Forget about dying from the thing - in developed countries, and if you have access to meds, that won't happen. Moreover, people with HIV often marry women (who are negative or positive) and have healthy, HIV negative babies and are likely to live long enough to no longer be sexually attractive to anyone but his spouse and that awful widow next door who keeps bringing pies when the wife is out playing bridge.

But the thing is, you probably don't have HIV at all. So there's your teapot, returned without the tempest.

[jeezy1981]

I hear you loud and clear and know that's irresponsible.. I have had a STD panel done a few times just have not had an hiv test done for fear of having it.. I forgot to mention I have OCD and that's one of my obsessions that I've been dealing with my whole adult life and finally got up the courage to do it this time so I can get it out of my life.. One more question for you if I may.. Does a partner testing negative usually give a decent indacation that the other is negative as well? Especially if its a hetrosexual couple? You have eased my mind a bit.. Didn't get the last part of your post about the teapot.. Lol forgive me... Thanks again for your time

[jkinatl2]

I hear you loud and clear and know that's irresponsible.. I have had a STD panel done a few times just have not had an hiv test done for fear of having it.. I forgot to mention I have OCD and that's one of my obsessions that I've been dealing with my whole adult life and finally got up the courage to do it this time so I can get it out of my life.. One more question for you if I may.. Does a partner testing negative usually give a decent indacation that the other is negative as well? Especially if its a hetrosexual couple? You have eased my mind a bit.. Didn't get the last part of your post about the teapot.. Lol forgive me... Thanks again for your time

I absolutely hope you are working with a therapist or counselor to overcome your far of HIV. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is extremely effective in overcoming this type of fear, and it can be done in very little time.

While knowing your partner's status might come in handy if you two are in a mutually monogamous relationship, knowing YOUR status is the key. There are no shortcuts.