Disclosure at work!!!

[bt1313]

So I went on a job interview last Thursday. The Store Manager was gay and 29 same as me and the assistant was his "FH". We chatted for about 30 minutes about my qualifications and work history and how my personality would fit right in. Then the air changed to "gay stuff". This bantering went on for a good 15 minutes. I approached the subject of the drug test I had submitted to as to coming back for traces of THC....because of a script I was on. When asked which one I told them. Atripla...and why I took it. They were totally comfortable and responsive to me. It was a nice lift. So we went on with more "gay stuff" and my partner and kids. Friday I worked my first shift of five hours. I thought it went well. So as I returned to work on Monday I was let go. I  believe in my heart that it was because of reasons other than my status. But with it being so quick how after one five hour shift one could judge my personality...I am starting to rethink it. Though here in Northern New Hampshire it would hard to prove.....am I wrong to think that may have been part of my dismissal? Or what was told to me by the assistant manager and "FH" that the store manager was threaten by me because I am such a hard worker. I did more work in 5hrs than all 9 other people combined. Mind you we had 40 customers all day and all I saw were associates wandering around doing nothing. And be it know I took the job...just to have a job. Nothing more...the pay was way to low. I have decided going forward not to disclose my status unless absolutely necessary.

[woodshere]

I have decided going forward not to disclose my status unless absolutely necessary.

Not sure about the rest of your post, but I think this is a very good idea.  Last fall I thought I was going to have to tell my employer due to the way our health care re-enrollment was being done.  AIDS legal service advised never tell unless absolutely necessary.  Think that is best.

Woods

[mjmel]

I feel for you.......the disappointment you must have felt! Hopefully, you will be able to look back someday and see it all worked out for the best.........and feel lucky you don't work for them. I have experienced something similar and it panned out to be a blessing in disguise.
Keep Chin Up,
Mike

[Moffie65]

Personally, I would disagree with Woods on this one, but only because I will not sacrafice my comfort on a job and career, simply because someone doesn't feel comfortable with my HIV status.  Secondly, I don't have an HIV closet anymore, because it brings too much negative energy to my life.  I don't like living secretly, however, I am also very private on many issues.

I also feel like it is super important that more and more people know about all the people in the population that are living and working full lives who are also HIV+, so one way for that to happen is to disclose and not let it become a big thing in the first place.  Think about how easy your life would be if nobody cared if you were HIV+ or not, but the only way for that to happen is for people to not allow anyone to create negative energy around the subject.  Being open and public gives us a load of leeway for behavior, because then there is no place for secrets. 

The last thought is, if you continue to keep this very personal part of you a secret, then it is virtually hopeless for you to claim all your power over the bug, because you are giving your power to someone else to decide what your destiny at work is going to be in the future.  If you hide your status, eventually the probability that it will come out is high, and then you will have to deal with the anxiety of whether or not they are going to let you go from then on.  So, I still think being open to the employer is only fair to you and to them.

Just my personal feelings about the OUT life I have lived so far with HIV. 

Love,

[woodshere]

While I agree 100% with what Tim just said and am making progress to getting there, I think one must look at their own situation and where they are on their journey when deciding the answer to the scenario.  I will never deny my status, but at the same time I am not wearing an "I am HIV+" button.  I prefer people get to know all of me, including my HIV.

I don't like living secretly, however, I am also very private on many issues.

And so important to know the difference.

[J.R.E.]

I won't disclose in the workplace ! it's none of their damn business. When the time is appropriate, and I can no longer work, then, and only then will I bring it to their attention, because more then likely I will be taking the insurance with me and converting it to cobra. FMLA, will probably also be discussed, when the time is right. When I am no longer able to perform my job, that will be the time, to sit down and discuss what is next...



It didn't sound like a very professional job interview, that you were involved in.




Just my thoughts------Ray

[bt1313]

On a better note...I spent the afternoon in the car(my partner have only one) and just thought. I applied where he is working.....and was granted an interview. That went well and I have a second on thursday. This job will pay more money an hour and have way less responsibility. And I will be working with my partner....on very different ends of the store. I even get to wear jeans and shorts...he does not. I guess folding shirts is no longer my calling...I did it for 10 years and learned there are a variety of retailers out there.

[J.R.E.]

On a better note...I spent the afternoon in the car(my partner have only one) and just thought. I applied where he is working.....and was granted an interview. That went well and I have a second on thursday. This job will pay more money an hour and have way less responsibility.

Much better luck to you on the second interview this coming Thursday !!!

Click on the link below. It deals with interview questions and responses. Maybe some of thiis will help you out a little :

http://www.quintcareers.com/interview_question_database/interview_questions_database.html


Ray

[StrongGuy]

I've never disclosed straight out of the gate.

I felt out the culture and the people - and then when I developed trusted relationships I shared with a few - always knowing once I broke the gate there were no guarantees even those most trusted people I shared in confidence with could very likely tell one person and the next and the next.

At this point it doesn't bother me who knows at work, but it's all based on comfort level and how you think it will impact your work status.

Feel it out and best of lkuck in the next interview...

[sweetasmeli]

Personally, I would disagree with Woods on this one, but only because I will not sacrafice my comfort on a job and career, simply because someone doesn't feel comfortable with my HIV status.  Secondly, I don't have an HIV closet anymore, because it brings too much negative energy to my life.  I don't like living secretly, however, I am also very private on many issues.

I also feel like it is super important that more and more people know about all the people in the population that are living and working full lives who are also HIV+, so one way for that to happen is to disclose and not let it become a big thing in the first place.  Think about how easy your life would be if nobody cared if you were HIV+ or not, but the only way for that to happen is for people to not allow anyone to create negative energy around the subject.  Being open and public gives us a load of leeway for behavior, because then there is no place for secrets. 

The last thought is, if you continue to keep this very personal part of you a secret, then it is virtually hopeless for you to claim all your power over the bug, because you are giving your power to someone else to decide what your destiny at work is going to be in the future.  If you hide your status, eventually the probability that it will come out is high, and then you will have to deal with the anxiety of whether or not they are going to let you go from then on.  So, I still think being open to the employer is only fair to you and to them.

Just my personal feelings about the OUT life I have lived so far with HIV. 

Love,

My thoughts exactly.

I find secrets asphyxiating. I find honesty liberating.

For me, disclosure totally removes the anxiety of being ‘found out' or 'outed'. And being open about my status has helped me accept and, in some ways, embrace my status. For me, that was a crucial part of the learning curve.

I also find disclosure helps separate the people I want in my life from the people I don't. Work life included. I do not associate with or work for/with anyone who won't accept me for who I am, hiv cooties and all. As a private tutor living in a small community where my hiv status was leaked, I now disclose to the parents of prospective students and leave the ball in their court. If they still want me to tutor their kids, great. If not f**k ‘em, their loss!

I refuse to let fear rule me. Been there, done that, got the tshirt. Don't need another.

Also, hiv is a big part of my life that needs acknowledging; I don’t want to have to start telling lies to folk when I need time off for a hospital visit or if I get sick etc.

As long as hiv+ people live a life of secrecy because of the virus, we help to perpetuate the very stigma and ignorance that we all find abhorrent.

I’m a firm believer in people being the change they want to see in life.

Good luck with your second interview Thursday!

Melia

[IzPoz]

Everyone has their own way of dealing with their personal situations.  I, personally, wouldn't disclose at work, or a new job I just started.  My reasons are for the very same situation as what happened to BT, because I was let go shortly after I disclosed.  And because we didn't have a contract, I couldn't sue on the grounds of discrimination.

From that point forward, I chose not to say anything to my employers.  It's none of their business.

[J.R.E.]

Some more, from the lessons :


http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/Disclosure_4950.shtml


Ray